Kojaked caveman meditating Declares life is a fountain No ears received this pronunciation At the hole in the mountain Yulled madmen levitating In boxes across the skies Searching for any piece of wisdom To answer the many whys For fifty years the mystic Held his arm above his head Heard the echo from the cave And suddenly fell down dead The market stopped a breath Then continued walking about The circle of life and death Is all it’s ever been talking about
Today I’m feeling: Sick, headache, tired from lack of sleep because my eyes were sore and kept waking me up. Today I’m grateful for: The fact that I can take a day off work, go to the hospital, afford medicine and sit inside with the air purifier. I know these are getting repetitive but when I see labourers working outdoors in this pollution I must feel very grateful. The best thing about today was: Getting prescribed pseudoephedrine at the hospital for my nose being blocked and irritated and then lorazepam to help me sleep. My body is a medicine cabinet! The pseudoephedrine has put me off eating though. Not sure if I will go back to work tomorrow yet. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I felt like lots of things were out of my control today but just let it go. My health, the air, waiting at the hospital, the medicines provided and then the effects of taking the medicines. Amy was critical of me wanting to stay here but what can I do right now? I’m here and our cats are here. Yes, this situation sucks and we could change it if we wanted but that would involve us buying a place to live in South Thailand. Hopefully, this pollution problem goes soon, it’s already better today but I hope it gets fixed properly for the future. The last couple of years have been really good here. Wherever we go has its good and bad points. Something I learned today? Watching Tim Newton talking about Thai news today was interesting as it featured the pollution problem here in the north. Apparently, there were protests at the district office in CR yesterday and there are more people speaking out now about the issue. I’m still doubtful anything will get done quickly or anything substantial but who knows. What changes am I experiencing right now? The change from teaching to holiday is fucking me up. I’m getting lazy though other things factor into that too, such as the weather and pollution. I have to find some things to do during this time to keep my brain occupied and body moving.
I have a window to the world If you wish to bother me Ask me for a prayer And I’ll give it to you for free Otherwise, I’ll be here by myself Just my thoughts and me Freedom is in my mind I consider myself to be free
Today I’m feeling: Tired with headaches and irritated sinuses and eyes, sometimes short of breath. Today I’m grateful for: Having gone shopping a couple of days ago and having food to cook in the fridge. I’d thought about getting food outside but really didn’t want to go out again. The best thing about today was: When I got home from morning coffee I put on Blondie’s Plastic Letters and blasted it loud as I hung out washing, cleaned up all the cat spray around and then vacuumed everywhere. It’s a great album, my favourite era Blondie. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? With low visibility due to the smoke, I couldn’t help thinking poorly about the situation. I understand I have no control over it but it seems unfair to be subjected to it. However, I talked myself around by thinking about all the positives of being here, particularly after Amy sent me a picture of her small plate of pasta which looked like something I made (ie. not aesthetically pleasing) and cost her 27 dollars! Unbelievable! Whilst looking at AQI data I saw that Chiang Mai was the number 1 worst place in the world at over 300 and Sydney was about 98th worst with just 4! I’d pay 27 dollars for clear sky right now. Something I learned today? After deleting my poker app because it was just taking up too much time I still watch some videos of games and came across a cheating scandal yesterday and I’ve been hooked on the story since watching lots of videos of interviews and opinions. The poker world is a bit of a crazy place. What is something that I have been putting off and why? Yesterday I put off updating this journal because I was engrossed in watching a tv show and when I sat down to write it was past midnight and the question prompt had already, appropriately, changed to this one. Yesterday’s prompt was What experience do I need to write about and my answer, as detailed in this blog, is all of them. Am I reliving my life because I am no longer living? I like to set myself ridiculous challenges so here I am.
It’s all you have, there’s nothing else All you held are old dusty dreams It’s the time you are alive, this one thing The only possession that is what it seems
Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.
Today I’m feeling: Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes. Today I’m grateful for: The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry. The best thing about today was: Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain. Something I learned today? According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink. What are some of the challenges you face? My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.
The white man is a dying breed Losing out on culture and status Big balls are what we need It’s the testosterone that makes us Show your balls to sun and sky It’s sure to be the latest fad Anal bleaching, widening the eye It’s the best time to be had The sperm count is getting lower Perhaps from rubbing too many out No matter a shower or grower Your manliness is in doubt We’ll shoot up all the clinics Start to remove a woman’s right Protect each other from the cynics Rape our way out of this plight Best to arrange another war To kill exotics far away Our manhood is what we’re fighting for And, by God, we’ll make them pay
The person who says he knows what he thinks but cannot express it usually does not know what he thinks.
Your life won’t be complete For the girl you want to impress Get your mail order monkey Put it in a pretty dress Or how about a monkey skull Comes from the same supplier Stick it on your shelf For your new friends to admire Mail order monkies and skulls It’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard Is there a better way to impress Without something so absurd?
The very essence of my soul betrayed No knowledge may heal the wound I made In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days A madness of the impossible Derrida says The radical act of self-forgiveness so Absolve yourself, you must find the ways
Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter
Within this oppressive system The dividing line, it grows The wealthy control the time Whilst we’re living in the shadows Try to climb this shit ladder But the dividing line always grows A blind eye turned towards Those living in the shadows How did it get to be That the dividing line, it grows? And the ninety-nine percent Remains living in the shadows There is no vision of caring As the dividing line, it grows The underclass just eats itself Living in the shadows The one percent destroyed the world And the dividing line is gone No one left to remember the names Of the ones who claimed they’d won
Inspired by a classic late 80s Peter Milligan story ‘Shadows’ originally printed in 2000AD
Some revel in comforts Others itch for change Nest has been made Now time to rearrange Build a dream castle Atop a mountain high Next a beach paradise Under this big sky Settle down right here The sun shining bright Nothing lasts forever Thus day turns into night
We are dust under the dust of the feet of the king Now unsatisfied with the problems that you bring Rising up to challenge centuries-old traditions That led the country into these downtrodden conditions What made sense once no longer really applies The world has gotten smaller for information supplies The dust, the people are not prepared to let it be They are motivated to be the change they want to see
Give me my life to live all over again To make the same mistakes, to suffer pain To break my heart into a thousand pieces Or could I iron out all those nasty creases? Do things better this second time around See the wisdom quicker that I found Grow up or blow up, find the balance Realise sooner all my hidden talents Inevitably I would end up the same Wishing for another chance again Got to live now because this is all I get Walking towards something to discover yet