The Whys Men – 28th March 2023

Kojaked caveman meditating
Declares life is a fountain
No ears received this pronunciation
At the hole in the mountain
Yulled madmen levitating
In boxes across the skies
Searching for any piece of wisdom
To answer the many whys
For fifty years the mystic
Held his arm above his head
Heard the echo from the cave
And suddenly fell down dead
The market stopped a breath
Then continued walking about
The circle of life and death
Is all it’s ever been talking about

Today I’m feeling:
Sick, headache, tired from lack of sleep because my eyes were sore and kept waking me up.
Today I’m grateful for:
The fact that I can take a day off work, go to the hospital, afford medicine and sit inside with the air purifier. I know these are getting repetitive but when I see labourers working outdoors in this pollution I must feel very grateful.
The best thing about today was:
Getting prescribed pseudoephedrine at the hospital for my nose being blocked and irritated and then lorazepam to help me sleep. My body is a medicine cabinet! The pseudoephedrine has put me off eating though. Not sure if I will go back to work tomorrow yet.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I felt like lots of things were out of my control today but just let it go. My health, the air, waiting at the hospital, the medicines provided and then the effects of taking the medicines. Amy was critical of me wanting to stay here but what can I do right now? I’m here and our cats are here. Yes, this situation sucks and we could change it if we wanted but that would involve us buying a place to live in South Thailand. Hopefully, this pollution problem goes soon, it’s already better today but I hope it gets fixed properly for the future. The last couple of years have been really good here. Wherever we go has its good and bad points.
Something I learned today?
Watching Tim Newton talking about Thai news today was interesting as it featured the pollution problem here in the north. Apparently, there were protests at the district office in CR yesterday and there are more people speaking out now about the issue. I’m still doubtful anything will get done quickly or anything substantial but who knows.
What changes am I experiencing right now?
The change from teaching to holiday is fucking me up. I’m getting lazy though other things factor into that too, such as the weather and pollution. I have to find some things to do during this time to keep my brain occupied and body moving.

I took this picture because after finishing at the hospital I went to Utopia for coffee and was presented with this!

Anchorite – 26th March 2023

I have a window to the world
If you wish to bother me
Ask me for a prayer
And I’ll give it to you for free
Otherwise, I’ll be here by myself
Just my thoughts and me
Freedom is in my mind
I consider myself to be free

Today I’m feeling:
Tired with headaches and irritated sinuses and eyes, sometimes short of breath.
Today I’m grateful for:
Having gone shopping a couple of days ago and having food to cook in the fridge. I’d thought about getting food outside but really didn’t want to go out again.
The best thing about today was:
When I got home from morning coffee I put on Blondie’s Plastic Letters and blasted it loud as I hung out washing, cleaned up all the cat spray around and then vacuumed everywhere. It’s a great album, my favourite era Blondie.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With low visibility due to the smoke, I couldn’t help thinking poorly about the situation. I understand I have no control over it but it seems unfair to be subjected to it. However, I talked myself around by thinking about all the positives of being here, particularly after Amy sent me a picture of her small plate of pasta which looked like something I made (ie. not aesthetically pleasing) and cost her 27 dollars! Unbelievable! Whilst looking at AQI data I saw that Chiang Mai was the number 1 worst place in the world at over 300 and Sydney was about 98th worst with just 4! I’d pay 27 dollars for clear sky right now.
Something I learned today?
After deleting my poker app because it was just taking up too much time I still watch some videos of games and came across a cheating scandal yesterday and I’ve been hooked on the story since watching lots of videos of interviews and opinions. The poker world is a bit of a crazy place.
What is something that I have been putting off and why?
Yesterday I put off updating this journal because I was engrossed in watching a tv show and when I sat down to write it was past midnight and the question prompt had already, appropriately, changed to this one. Yesterday’s prompt was What experience do I need to write about and my answer, as detailed in this blog, is all of them. Am I reliving my life because I am no longer living? I like to set myself ridiculous challenges so here I am.

Art took this picture because about once a month I’m his promotion model.

One Thing – 5th December 2022

It’s all you have, there’s nothing else
All you held are old dusty dreams
It’s the time you are alive, this one thing
The only possession that is what it seems

Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry.
The best thing about today was:
Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain.
Something I learned today?
According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink.
What are some of the challenges you face?
My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.

I took this picture because it was good timing for us to be dropping Fern to the airport near where Aing lives and Aing has a day off today so we could treat her to lunch. The food was great and the beach was good too.

Tan Your Testicles – 14th May 2022

The white man is a dying breed
Losing out on culture and status
Big balls are what we need
It’s the testosterone that makes us
Show your balls to sun and sky
It’s sure to be the latest fad
Anal bleaching, widening the eye
It’s the best time to be had
The sperm count is getting lower
Perhaps from rubbing too many out
No matter a shower or grower
Your manliness is in doubt
We’ll shoot up all the clinics
Start to remove a woman’s right
Protect each other from the cynics
Rape our way out of this plight
Best to arrange another war
To kill exotics far away
Our manhood is what we’re fighting for
And, by God, we’ll make them pay

The person who says he knows what he thinks but cannot express it usually does not know what he thinks.

from How To Read a Book

The Week That Was – 8th July 1979

Mail Order Monkey – 1st January 2022

Your life won’t be complete
For the girl you want to impress
Get your mail order monkey
Put it in a pretty dress
Or how about a monkey skull
Comes from the same supplier
Stick it on your shelf
For your new friends to admire
Mail order monkies and skulls
It’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard
Is there a better way to impress
Without something so absurd?

Weight: 76.0kg
Resting heart rate: 41

There’s only one age: alive.

Agnes Varda

A Madness Of The Impossible – 1st December 2021

The very essence of my soul betrayed
No knowledge may heal the wound I made
In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go
I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid
Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days
A madness of the impossible Derrida says
The radical act of self-forgiveness so
Absolve yourself, you must find the ways

Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 47

Shadows – 1st November 2021

Within this oppressive system
The dividing line, it grows
The wealthy control the time
Whilst we’re living in the shadows
Try to climb this shit ladder
But the dividing line always grows
A blind eye turned towards
Those living in the shadows
How did it get to be
That the dividing line, it grows?
And the ninety-nine percent
Remains living in the shadows
There is no vision of caring
As the dividing line, it grows
The underclass just eats itself
Living in the shadows
The one percent destroyed the world
And the dividing line is gone
No one left to remember the names
Of the ones who claimed they’d won

Inspired by a classic late 80s Peter Milligan story ‘Shadows’ originally printed in 2000AD

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 52

Dust – 1st September 2021

We are dust under the dust of the feet of the king
Now unsatisfied with the problems that you bring
Rising up to challenge centuries-old traditions
That led the country into these downtrodden conditions
What made sense once no longer really applies
The world has gotten smaller for information supplies
The dust, the people are not prepared to let it be
They are motivated to be the change they want to see

Weight: 78.0kg
Resting heart rate: 48

The Week That Was – 25th March 1979

Second Chance – 1st August 2021

Give me my life to live all over again
To make the same mistakes, to suffer pain
To break my heart into a thousand pieces
Or could I iron out all those nasty creases?
Do things better this second time around
See the wisdom quicker that I found
Grow up or blow up, find the balance
Realise sooner all my hidden talents
Inevitably I would end up the same
Wishing for another chance again
Got to live now because this is all I get
Walking towards something to discover yet

Weight: 77.4kg