Tag: health

A Madness Of The Impossible – 1st December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The very essence of my soul betrayed
No knowledge may heal the wound I made
In this fog, there is nowhere to be or go
I just can’t forgive myself I’m afraid

Misery and self-loathing bedevil my days
A madness of the impossible Derrida says
The radical act of self-forgiveness so
Absolve yourself, you must find the ways

Inspired (and butchered) by a reply to a letter to Nick Cave at The Red Hand Files newsletter
and submitted to Thursday Inspiration #246

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that our cats seem to have recovered. Cap from a bad stomach and Kim from wounds after a big fight with Tigger. Tigger has been very well recently though his fur is starting to make him look old.

I was planning to do some preparation and reading and writing this afternoon but Fui brought his teenage son and daughter to House and I ended up talking with all of them for most of the time! Fui’s kids study in Singapore, and have done for many years. I’m not sure why and didn’t ask, but it’s interesting to get their perspective on things especially as English has become their first language.

My one class this morning was with 2/11 and it went well. I got them more involved by helping me to learn the Thai words for all the English vocabulary that I wanted them to remember. So, I’m feeling good.

A rest day from the abs workout. I can feel that there is less fat on my chest and my ribs are becoming more visible. I like this healthier me. As with anything, I should’ve started sooner. I’m still thinking about that time of brushing off Rupert when he started lifting weights at school. I was all about smoking and drinking. I was lucky that my metabolism sustained my skinny body into my late 30s and only the beer started sticking on my hips.

OK – back to it. More free time tomorrow afternoon to finish off this preparation.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 47

Shadows – 1st November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

Within this oppressive system
The dividing line, it grows
The wealthy control the time
Whilst we’re living in the shadows

Try to climb this shit ladder
But the dividing line always grows
A blind eye turned towards
Those living in the shadows

How did it get to be
That the dividing line, it grows?
And the ninety-nine percent
Remains living in the shadows

There is no vision of caring
As the dividing line, it grows
The underclass just eats itself
Living in the shadows

The one percent destroyed the world
And the dividing line is gone
No one left to remember the names
Of the ones who claimed they’d won

Inspired by a classic late 80s Peter Milligan story ‘Shadows’ originally printed in 2000AD
29th Mar 2024 – Submitted to OLN 359 at dVerse

First day of the new semester and everything is the usual mess but I’m more used to it now and can accept it. Had a good chat with Champ in the afternoon about his beliefs about the future of Thailand. He isn’t happy with the current system but is optimistic about the elections next year. I don’t think it will be much of a change but I also can’t get a feel for the mood of the country.

I moved back into the teacher’s room and sat next to George again. He is still only politely communicating with me and won’t look me in the eye. What I have noticed more about myself is that the things that I read about stoicism and thinking, I’m always framing it into a comparison with me and George. He is good at many things that I would hope to emulate but I’m always classifying it as insincere when it comes from him. I don’t need to be thinking about how what I’m reading relates to him – I need to be concentrating on how it relates to me.

I do feel that I am behaving more as myself these days as opposed to trying to fit in with everyone there, to keep a good vibe. I don’t know how to describe this properly. The vibe is good as I am. I am polite and enquiring and take part in work discussions. I don’t, or no longer, really take part in what I guess could be called bonding exercises. I don’t really feel a need to bond with people on a superficial level. Playing Uno or Kahoot together is ok every now and then and maybe brings a good feeling at that moment but I feel like there’s no depth to it.

Sure, I may not be good at connecting deeply with people myself but I really detest the time wasted on superficial connections. I don’t want to be friends with everyone or care if people I don’t really like don’t like me either, but I will make the effort to make deeper connections with someone I feel great affinity with.

That’s difficult with this group of people due to language issues but I am interested in Champ’s values and thinking as he also seems to be interested in deeper concerns than having time for another round of Uno.

Have I talked myself around? Perhaps not yet. My thinking is something I’m still working on and something I will always need to work on.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the long sleep and pleasant dreams I had last night whilst it rained so hard.

Weight: 76.6kg
Resting heart rate: 52

This Shirt – 6th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This shirt is too tight
Restricting my space
Sleeves too short
And collar around my face

Nice design and style
But not quite the right fit
It’s only 8 am
And I’ve got all day to wear it

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a great massage yesterday. Combined with my working out recently I can feel my body and thinking changing for the better.

Is it post-massage hangover? Slept well, woke up happy enough but sitting this morning, reading and sipping my usual big cup of cappuccino, I was aching and uncomfortable. I’ve noticed that I really love lying down on my back – it’s about the only position I feel comfortable in. I don’t have to use many of my puny muscles to support myself.

However, I recognise that this is not anyway to thrive and is one of the reasons for soldiering through the Six-pack in 30 days course, which, when you look deeper, is actually Six-pack in 90 days but who is gonna buy into that? I’m pleasantly surprised by my sticking with this regime so far, two weeks or more, and notice a sense of overall well-being, despite the achy bits and let’s hope that strengthening these stomach muscles will be part of the solution to the random pain points throughout my body. Or at least, perhaps, I’ll be able to touch my toes.

24 Jun 2025 – Update to this is that whilst I still have a better feeling of well-being, I don’t have a six pack, my body continues to ache and I still can’t touch my toes.

I finished entering in my 1979 diary to the blog, which has been an interesting exercise in the memory-jerking reminiscence department, but I have to keep remembering so that I can actually write alongside the diary entries at some point.

The more I think about collecting my life history into one place, the more ideas come along or memories of things forgotten are prodded forward for evaluation. When I see all the shit in the world I can’t believe how I lucky I am. I think about this every day now.

Sandcastle – 1st October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Some revel in comforts
Others itch for change
Nest has been made
Now time to rearrange

Build a dream castle
Atop a mountain high
Next a beach paradise
Under this big sky

Settle down right here
The sun shining bright
Nothing lasts forever
Thus day turns into night

Weight: 77.7kg
Resting heart rate: 48

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have had my 2nd vaccine yesterday and didn’t have any side effects. Hopefully, it protects me well from Covid.

The beautiful cat is not here today. Probably for the best! Amy was happy to have finished the last couple of days’ baking work though she still has one more tray to do today. I think she is secretly pleased with the results of her work and is half decided on whether to pursue this further. She is equally happy to just do baking for pleasure and when she wants, rather than putting pressure on herself.

I had my second Pfizer shot yesterday with no real side effects that I could tell, except for feeling really good! I maybe a little achey but it’s hard to tell if that is just my normal state these days. Lower back and neck are always like this anyway,

No more classes now and I guess we start grading next week. Pretty easy and I’m able to fill my time, whilst having no work to do, with plenty of reading.

If the weather is ok on the weekend I may go for a ride into the mountains, though as I write this I’m thinking I should wait a bit until the ground dries out.

Dust – 1st September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

We are dust under the dust of the feet of the king
Now unsatisfied with the problems that you bring
Rising up to challenge centuries-old traditions
That led the country into these downtrodden conditions

What made sense once no longer really applies
The world has gotten smaller for information supplies
The dust, the people are not prepared to let it be
They are motivated to be the change they want to see

7th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – dust

Weight: 78.0kg
Resting heart rate: 48

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to get through another month mostly healthy – just a little pain. Let’s see what excitements September brings.

Stuck at school all day but that’s ok as I can keep myself occupied wherever I am. Having pen and paper, a book and internet help and the two coffees I picked up this morning have kept me charged up well.

I’ve updated things on my blog, written my daily poem, played guitar for ten minutes – I brought my shitty guitar to school just for this purpose and bought a better one a couple of weeks ago.

I’ve taught three classes, marked their work, which I can feel is always improving; helped another teacher with their work – warning them not to ask questions that they themselves cannot answer!

Only thing I haven’t done yet is read some of my book, which I normally do at the cafe. I have read a bunch of articles online, though. My eyes are a bit blurry from staring at the screen.

The best thing about today is seeing my students ‘ improvements through the semester. For some reason, these things stood out a lot today. Anyway, it makes me happy. Some kids are sneaky and try and trick me but it’s out of laziness more than anything. I think I catch them most of the time.

The Week That Was – 25th March 1979

Second Chance – 1st August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Give me my life to live all over again
To make the same mistakes, to suffer pain
To break my heart into a thousand pieces
Or could I iron out all those nasty creases?

Do things better this second time around
See the wisdom quicker that I found
Grow up or blow up, find the balance
Realise sooner all my hidden talents

Inevitably I would end up the same
Wishing for another chance again
Got to live now because this is all I get
Walking towards something to discover yet

27th Sep 2024 – Shared to Word of the Day Challenge – second

Weight: 77.4kg

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this pizza Amy made today. For the workers who made the tortilla, the cheese, the Earth for its avocado and the salmon that gave its life for me to eat it.

We brought Tigger back from the vet today. His blood is still not right but they want him to come home where he’s more comfortable. He looks pretty sorry for himself and Amy and I are both worried for him.

Something these days doesn’t feel right. The situation here is weird at the moment and it feels like everything is on hold so it’s hard to feel too relaxed. Part of it is just being fed up with the situation but also, even just thinking about going back to Australia, even in ten years’ time, is already on my mind. It’s like I can’t enjoy it here anymore because I know I will have to leave.

I know everything in life is like this. Perhaps this is why I am not content. I need to get my mind back to enjoying what I can because I can’t change the way things are.

4 Million Poems – 1st July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

4 million poems later
And 40 years in time
Never run out of topics
Or words to find to rhyme
4 million poems later
I haven’t yet said and done
Everything that can be rhymed
So here’s 4 million and one

Weight: 77.6kg
Resting heart rate: 45

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Takky for telling us about a couple of students who are returning to China and have a dog to leave behind. They showed us the dog – of course, we can’t take it – but we helped them by putting ads on social media and sending pictures to Amy’s dad – who said he will take it! It’s a nice friendly French bulldog.

All The Same – 1st June 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The social conscience is a power machine
Human instinct drawn to a higher scheme
No matter the culture, society or elite
It’s the eyes of God on every street

Weight: 77.3kg
Resting heart rate: 62

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my own will and determination. To stay happy, calm and focused as much as I can despite the mental inconsistencies running through my brain. I fought through the pressures of preparation yesterday without panic or depression so today, despite all the testing times to come, I have confidence in my abilities.

Fatman report -1st April 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Weight: 78.0kg
Resting heart rate: 56

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the fan in our bedroom last night. Our aircon stopped working so all we had was the fan. Luckily it was enough and even I woke up feeling cold. Without it though would have been very uncomfortable. That fan will have more work to do as we don’t know when we can get the aircon fixed.

Today was a good day. I felt calm and enjoyed being at school even with not many other people around. Champ complimented me on my lesson plans today too – it’s nice to get some positive feedback on your work.

I also found out that next semester I will be teaching the same classes as this semester. That’s kind of nice though I may have to find new approaches to the two classes who are not so good. Anyway, it’s a good challenge.

Tomorrow is our last day for a month and I’m looking forward to this time off.