Dark Sunset – 22nd November 2024

When did the heart harden?
Turned to stone, dark and rough
Too tough to beg pardon
Too much no longer enough

The buzzing bees have built
Wide walls to the castle
No more red wine spilt
The parts no longer a parcel

And so the keep is locked
The key swallowed by a raven
Flown far from the flocked
To maintain the inner haven


Today I’m feeling:

Ok but not wow. Thinking that my drop in mood yesterday may be because of my reducing my sertraline. It was definitely the feeling I used to have when I couldn’t shake off minor slights.

I slept before 9pm last night and slept well but still not quite up to snuff yet. Let’s see how coffee does for me.

In classes and whilst occupied, I was feeling ok. Now that it is time to slow down, I can feel myself fading fast already.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

My grade 12 student, Men, who gave me information about doing translation for mobile games, which I passed on to Baipad.

The best thing about today was:

The fact that it takes me ages to walk around school these days, as everywhere I go, students stop me to talk to me. Finally, I feel accepted when I’m at school.

Why wasn’t it like this forty-five years ago? I obviously know the answer to this but, well, here we are.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There were a few disruptions around the building that I was teaching in this afternoon and I had to quickly find a free classroom to move to for my final class. It was a close thing to keep the momentum going for them to study, because if it took too long, we all would’ve been frustrated and just given up for the afternoon!

As it was, we found one, though the projector didn’t work, so I made it a pretty simple and easy grammar lesson and we still managed to get out early.

Manow took this picture because I was replicating a picture that Fahmai painted of me.

Justin Time – 31st July 2024

He just, just, just couldn’t get it together
Metaphor not needed, no ray of sunshine
Petering out, always under the weather
He’ll be here when he’s ready, he’s Justin Time

Jimmy the door so that us fools can rush in
Do not harry him, his heart is so sublime
So mark my words, when he’s ready to begin
He’ll be here when he’s ready, he’s Justin Time

Submitted to the AllPoetry’s Expressing Yourself course; write a two-stanza poem using metaphor and Poets and Storytellers United Friday Writings #137: At the Last Minute. Inspired by an old school friend called Justin who inevitably got called Justin Time whenever he was late for something. An added bonus of a boy’s name used in each line too.


Today I’m feeling:

Sleepy with sore eyes.  Slept badly, with Tigger waking everyone up at 3 am for some unknown reason, perhaps complaining about the rain.  Reset my alarm to get an extra 30 minutes of rest and skipped exercise.

It’s another grey day to dull my aching eyes and even the kids are less enthusiastic today, amplifying the dark, depressing atmosphere.  Though kids will no doubt not be able to help themselves from being kids.  Will the adults, this adult, be able to be an adult today?

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Spain carrying half of the workbooks for me up to the classroom this afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

Doing a little catching up with my four free hours. I got another lesson finished plus more ideas along with some reading and writing. No one thing particularly outstanding today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nong Praew came over to me to help her in the morning class and I guided her to the correct answers. Weirdly, I can feel my Thai improving as I’ve been helping her as she generally only speaks Thai to me unless I ask her to read.

As I was helping her, we used her phone to look up things and I noticed that she had been searching for ‘die, dead, death’ in Google, which she quickly tried to hide. She brushed it off when I asked her about it. She had also told me that she forgot to take her meds in the morning.

Anyway, after she had finished the classwork, she wanted to play but ended up annoying me enough that I left to the cafe to keep working.

In the afternoon class, she was a little concerned that she couldn’t charge her phone and would run out of battery before being able to call her mom to pick her up.

Without being able to charge her phone, a few minutes later, she became teary and I tried to calm her. I looked at her phone and she still had 8% battery left so it didn’t seem like a big deal. In her fragile state though, she couldn’t see it like that.

We did a difficult spelling test and she got deeply involved in that and then I finished up the class and she disappeared quickly.

I messaged her later about why she reacted so strongly to not having her phone charged and she said that she had to walk home. She only lives a couple of blocks from school but it was raining a little.  

I wasn’t sure whether to believe this but Kru Jern had mentioned to me that her parents indulge her in everything. In this context, her behaviour makes more sense.

Whilst I will indulge her in learning, I’ll make sure that she knows where are the boundaries.

Something I learned today?

Israel has managed to fire rockets and kill targets in other countries with remarkable precision yet somehow cannot do the same in Gaza, bombing the shit out of everything and anyone. 

This clearly shows their intentions. Things are starting to kick off and I can’t see it de-escalating soon.