Tag: poem

The Seven Selves – 18th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I divided myself in seven ways
Separating each part contained within
And so then each in turn displays
A rebellion against the others begin
Baring madness, laughter and pain
Loving, sadness, hunger and labour
All combined to make whole again
In a happy submission to each neighbour

Based on a Khalil Gibran parable of the same title.

Better to be tempted and resist, than be disappointed.

Jubal, Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the fun I had yesterday at Sports Day. It was very pleasant and the time went quickly.

Go Deeper – 17th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stepping into traffic is a foolish test
There are too many variables to control
A longer vision would be for the best
And more satisfying for the soul

Instant reward carries too much risk
All can be lost on a second spin
Life is a long time to exist
And goodness lies deep within

We receive three educations, one from our parents, one from our school masters and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us.

Baron De Montesquieu

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have no classes for the next two days and should be able to find some free time for myself.

The first of two sports days today and this morning was really enjoyable, mostly hanging out with my students as they too wandered around not really knowing what to do. I sat and watched the green team play football and win the game on penalties, with my old student Sila being the hero of the day.

Watching the kids play soccer made me remember my own time of doing it every weekend for my old school team. I’m sure we were as bad as the teams I watched this morning but we were all having great competitive fun.

I’ll pop back in after having coffee but probably leave early and go shopping and then home!

I’ve had to do some revision on unwanted thoughts. Over the last six months or so, I feel like a lot of my thoughts are comparing myself with George, thinking about his actions and my actions. Aware that they are both similar but wishing to side with myself to satisfy my ego. I am hyper aware of faults, my own and others. But this is not productive for me. I don’t need to constantly compare myself with someone else to make myself feel better. I know what my good points are (and know there are things that I could improve should I wish to). I’m not out to win any popularity contest. For me, it implies mediocrity and too much insincerity. I understand that others may not feel this way.

Anyway, I know I am hard-working for the things I believe in and ambivalent about things that don’t currently hold any interest for me. I know that some of those things may catch my interest later. I never thought I would enjoy learning about Macbeth for instance, yet that is what happened.

I am thoughtful. I like to think about things. I enjoy the process. It’s my method to achieve a deeper understanding. I am quite introverted and I am super content in my own world. I love people yet don’t want to be so close to them. I am connected with people in my tribe, though that tribe seems to be shrinking as we grow older.

I am kind and helpful to the people I like. I am polite to the average people who don’t interest me and whilst I try to avoid the people I don’t like, I try to maintain politeness as much as I can.

I am English and have a deep-seated connection to that upbringing, despite my trying to counter it for much of the last three decades. Yes, I’m sarcastic but I try to keep that within the sphere of people who understand and appreciate that ie. with other British people. It’s how Dylan and I can communicate on a level that is not appreciated by some other English speakers. Aussies don’t get it much so I had twenty years adjusting myself. And most Aussies don’t udnerstand it all. That’s fine, so long as I can control myself. There are times, I know, that I can’t identify it, though.

What I’m saying is that I’m fine with me, the way I am.

I’m a father, trying my best. Sometimes it’s not good enough but it will never change the fact of what I am. I can still improve everything in my life but I also accept that I am doing very well right now and that must give me some comfort.

Never forget how good you are.

Old Punks – 16th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Rolling around the floor
In a holy communion
Brothers in legs and arms are we
Ecstatic violence
In joint participation
All for one and all shall be free

United we stood
Until we made our divisions
And our power would no longer be
Nostalgia now remains
A past to reminisce
Something that belonged to you and me

21st Jun 2024 – Submmited to Word of the Day Challenge

Don’t ask me what’s next, tell me what’s next!

The alternative is to draw the map instead of reading it.

Seth Godin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a surprise holiday today. And the last two days of the week are sports days, so no teaching!

Fatman report

Submitted myself to a relaxing, lazy day. Aing and company left this morning and I bumped into them at Utopia, where they invited me to go with them to Singha Park. My initial instinct was to say ‘no’ but I forced myself to say ‘yes’ and that made them very happy.

I came home and got myself ready but just before they were due to pick me up, they sent a message that one of the family who was with them had a fever, so they had to go to the hospital to get tested, so the plan was cancelled. I had my time given back to me and enjoyed it immensely.

Valentine’s Dream – 15th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On the eve of Valentine’s Day
When she woke from a comfortable sleep
She had dreamed a dream of killing him
An ex that had never gone deep

Then she started to question herself
As this feeling disturbed her so
What was the meaning of this dream?
Was what she wanted to know

Why are my insides twisted into knots? Am I in control here or is my anxiety?

Who is in control here? What principles are guiding me?

Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my house where I can have guests here without any real problems. Everything is here for them.

Busy and lazy days since last writing. Yesterday I took the day off work, calling in sick and I actually was sick on Sunday night after eating the last of my potato bake that had obviously gone off! I threw it up and felt much better but went to sleep very soon after.

Monday, Valentine’s Day, was graduation day for Fern, Aing, Gus, Nu and Mink. I met Mink in the early afternoon and remember how much I like him because he is always thoughtful. I asked him what he’d been doing in Bangkok and he said he had just quit his first job because every day he would go to work and end up asking himself ‘what am I doing here?’ I told that will probably happen many times in his life. At least he’s smart enough to figure out how to make changes.

I bumped into Fern at Utopia but we didn’t get chance to meet again and she flew home to Hat Yai in the evening. I spent most of the time with Aing’s brother and friend and then the rest of the family arrived with Now. Aing showed up after about an hour and many photographs were taken.

I could feel the general celebration in the air though it still confuses me a little. The student’s courses had all finished over a year ago – that to me is the time to celebrate – and I’m sure they all did at that time too. But for this event, families travel all over the country just to be here for a couple of hours as their kids receive their pieces of paper. Someone in Aing’s family had made matching T-shirts for everyone to wear. They had a picture of Aing’s face and then some text along the lines of ‘tuition fees = 25,000 – what she told her parents = 37,000’. Well played!

At school today, hence writing here in my down time. I’m definitely not as motivated to write here when I’m at home, which tells me where I would rather be! This morning, I taught 2/9 the lesson I put together about sexual abuse and they all understood the message but the girls were more thoughtful and mature about the topic, whilst the boys were still a little embarrassed about anything to do with sex.

It was interesting that afterwards some of the students talked about others who had committed suicide after being shamed and another who, just that weekend, had been asked by a friend to send nude pics and then sent her an unwanted dick pic. She asked me for advice about what to do. I told her that she could tell him that it is not the type of behaviour that a friend would do, especially unsolicited.

I found out that sports day is this Thursday and Friday and at lunch time I found out that tomorrow is a holiday. So – no more teaching for the week! It also seems to be only three weeks until the kids finish and there’s also a couple of days with no classes in there somewhere too.

I’m curious if I will be recontracted here next semester. I hope so but I can also see that the class sizes are making it difficult to keep everyone engaged. I might have to do some research on how to keep classes like that busy somehow. Or just submit myself to teaching little in each class.

Breakfast Time In Heaven – 14th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Sliding open the doors
A comforting cool coats
My bare arms
The sun, still hidden
Begins painting the horizon
Dewy leaves tickle my toes

A patient cat stretches
Before balancing on my shoulders
Soft meows multiply
As others join in chorus
Good morning boys and girl

It’s breakfast time in heaven
Miracles every day
The bowls are full of food
And water never-ending
Eat, drink, sleep and play

Any man that takes money two ways would take it three ways.

Mrs Douglas, Stranger In A Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be part of Aing’s graduation ceremony today and to meet some of her family. And to meet Gus, Nu and Mink over these last few days.

Cornfield – 13th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We broke down the fence
It couldn’t hold us back
Stomped around the cornfield
As if under some attack

Stamping our feet in furrows
Over the husks, we run
We knew we’d later be in trouble
But it was so much damn fun

We screamed for each other
As the leaves flapped our faces
Circling in wide loops
Running made-up races

Finally, we were exhausted
And we settled down to rest
Summer with my friends
In a cornfield is the best

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.

Mark Twain

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Fern to bring me lots of snacks from Hat Yai.

Game Over – 7th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Sat in slumber with a bent neck
Focused on the flashing lights
Like waiting for the three sevens to appear
Many hours passed the only movement, eyes

And twitching thumbs
Manipulating an avatar
Somewhat to my will
Game over for body
Game over for brain

The creaks and aches remind me
Reality is only virtually the same

The ones who thrive long term are those who understand the real world is a never ending chain of absurdity, confusions, messy relationships and imperfect people.

Morgan Housel

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this delicious-smelling skin cream that I bought 2 or 3 years ago and use sparingly. Today is not special but it smells special now.

Yesterday sure was excellently relaxing. I even played some Forza Horizon on Xbox which was really enjoyable. I didn’t even make it to my room, so didn’t push myself to play keyboard or guitar. Still don’t feel drawn to that room and I’m not sure why. Perhaps I’m more drawn to it when Amy is here in the house. I don’t mean in a ‘get away’ kind of way but with the house empty, I can sprawl around inside. Maybe I should bring everything inside. That would be a pain in the ass but also a reasonable option. I may as well make the house mine while I can.

Yesterday’s weather was interesting. A storm forecast for Saturday brought rain and a little thunder but nothing out of the ordinary. Sunday morning was still cloudy but warmer. Around 4pm, I called and talked with Amy and it started raining again and then I noticed it getting louder but it wasn’t heavy rain but big chunks of ice, some almost golf ball-sized. All the cats ran to hide and I showed Amy the chunks of ice which she had never seen in Chiang Rai before. Before we’d finished talking, suddenly the sun came out. Weird and cool.

This week is Scout Week at school and in typical Thai style, our coordinator advised us that there was nothing for us to do with our students and that we should go to Primary and help there. When I went there I was told we have to help in Mathayom. So, this week, nothing to do! My students are already messaging me at 9 am, saying they are totally bored.

I’m sitting in the cafe next door and Dylan is at home, so I figure I might just come and show my face in the mornings and then go home again!

The Rules – 6th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Throw the ball into the air
See what can go wrong
Now we’ve got ourselves a game
Make it up as you go along

That one doesn’t work
Let’s think of a better one
10 points for creativity
Even if it doesn’t last long

Experimentation makes the rules
Cultures develop this way
No one is better than another
And who am I to say?

What a journey this life is! Dependent entirely, on things unseen.

James Baldwin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be friends with Nong Art, who helped me order kratom online this morning, accidentally finding a cheaper option!

Chilled out yesterday, as the car service got delayed until next week and the so-called storm just produced clouds and a light cool rain for most of the afternoon and evening. Lovely just to hang with the cats, reading and watching TV.

I also roasted some veggies for a decent hit of carbs. I munched on the mushrooms and felt good, listening to Cardiacs at full volume but didn’t cross over into psychedelia. Never mind.

I feel great this morning, after a long, deep sleep. I think today will be more of the same relaxing.

The Whys – 5th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There was a wisdom to the air
A confidence contained in words
A charismatic character
Striding forth with bellows
Seen from the side
Seen straight ahead
Backwards or upside down
Never questioned, the whys
– I questioned the wise
Found lacking and falling short
Unveiled, revealed to me
It matters not, what you see
This is just a matter for me

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.