Tag: poetry

Hypnotic Show – 13th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The sad eye hypnotic
Traverse its monthly blinking
Cool, translucent, exotic
The wolf wanders thinking

From enchanted light
To hands held, no glow
A billion years of night
And this sad hypnotic show

Moonwashed Musings

Today I’m feeling:

Healthier and more positive.  I still have some lurking sore throat and stuffy nose but the tiredness has dissipated for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum who gave us bananas from her garden and we gifted some to Auntie Sue next door when we got home.  More food grows here than anyone can eat.

The best thing about today was:

Watching all the students that dressed up for the Chinese New Year event.  All the primary kids looked super cute and I was particularly taken by one boy who was part of a dance group on the stage who was really into it.  He couldn’t stop himself from dancing to all the other acts even after being done on stage.  I like the traditional Chinese dress more than Thai.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Kru Paul mentioned today that they were having a party this week for the primary sub-director as he said she was retiring but then he went on to say that she would become the department head for English next semester in high school.  Meaning she would be our boss!

I wasn’t sure if he was pulling my leg to get a reaction but I played along, saying that I hoped she wouldn’t expect good English from the students as the primary kids are better than most of our high schoolers due to exposure to so much English whilst there.

I was sufficiently intrigued about this possibility though that I talked to Kru Mai and asked him who would be the department head next semester and he said that it would still be him.  He then went on to say that he’s thinking to spread out our classes next year so that I won’t have to teach grade 7s so much.

I had been thinking to mention this to him previously so I’m glad it’s already something he’s thinking about.  However, anything can happen.  I don’t even know if they will still want me to work there next semester yet.

Something I learned today?

I learned that Funfai is three-quarters Chinese!  I wasn’t particularly surprised at this as she has stereotypically beautiful almond-shaped eyes.  I often forget how much Chinese influence there is here in north Thailand.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My grade 10s were exhausted from selling food at their stall all morning and when they turned up for my class they pleaded for me not to teach.  As it was a one-hour class and I was just prepping them for their full 2-hour class tomorrow I acceded to their demands.  They promised me that they would work hard to complete everything tomorrow.

I took this picture because I took these girls’ phones from them as they weren’t concentrating on doing my work. As I did this BB, on the left, grabbed my phone off my desk and took this selfie with Tulip. I got my phone back and then proceeded to fill Tulip’s phone with hundreds of random photos as punishment.

No Haiku – 12th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

I ain’t got not haiku for you
Fireblossom’s word engines
Experimenting poets shirk taboo
Sober rhythms scent intentions

The art blues of lucky zeroes
The coyote and fox so cunning
Wildflowers in the weeds are heroes
The lilies in this soup of punning

Submitted to the Word Garden
27th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – taboo

Today I’m feeling:

Better for all the sleep but my body feels a little like a pharmacy sponge – soaked in medicine.  I pushed through a little exercise with a six a.m. wake-up and hope to get back to full exercise again tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

The That Record Got Me High podcast for featuring Cardiacs this week.  Their music is so familiar to me now but it’s always exciting to hear it again.

The best thing about today was:

All the students being in a good mood after finishing their scout week.  The grade 9s in particular were happy because this was the last time they will ever have to do it.  Tomorrow morning the kids celebrate Chinese New Year, another morning free of classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House this morning the shop was shut.  I still went in and played with Tokyo and gave her a snack but no one was around.  I grabbed a coffee at Hobby Roasters to keep going and when I went back to House later Gui apologised saying that he had slept in after working every night at his restaurant last week.  No big deal as there is other coffee around.

Something I learned today?

Israel is bombing Rafah during the Super Bowl when many North Americans may be occupied.  But the other 90% plus of the world is not watching football.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  16. Don’t Judge. Just because people make different choices than you, they are not stupid. Also, you don’t know everything about people, so don’t judge them – help them.

I used to judge people who were straight and boring, those who did the expected and followed paths given to them by acceptable standards of modern society.  I used to hold animosity towards them.  I still do in some way but much more forgiving.  So long as no one is pushing their agenda on me then it’s fine. 

I no longer try to push an agenda on others.  Lots of things that I did that went against the grain have become mainstream now.  I was judged harshly at that time.  I remember what it was like.  My animosity and judgement was a reaction to that.  Everyone has a story and sometimes it’s worth listening to.

I took this picture because Amy asked me to. The jacaranda flowers are small and not as plentiful as the species in Australia but it’s nice to have them like this as a reminder.

Don’t Talk To Strangers – 11th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t talk to strangers
You don’t know what they’re thinking
Closely guard your drink
Someone will spike what you’re drinking

Don’t make eye contact
That’s the starting of a fight
An applecart upset
Will see the end of your night

Don’t accept candies
From men in fantastic cars
Never trust a girl
That spends her time in bars

Beware the bogie man
There’s darkness everywhere you look
Don’t talk to strangers
Until you’ve read every self-help book

Inspired and loosely based on part of this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

I’m feeling weird and fuzzy again. I think maybe I have some Covid variation again. I got up at a reasonable time which was a bit difficult as Amy was still up and singing along to her favourite songs well past 1 am. 

At 11 am though I slept again until 3 pm. Now I just feel like I have a stiff neck, blocked nose and little appetite despite knowing I’m hungry. I’m keen for more sleep and not excited about being back at work again tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Medicine, sleep and Sundays.

The best thing about today was:

Playing a little guitar and looking over old emails for information.  I’ve done very little today and my brain is on strike.  Despite this I was glad to do these little things.

Something I learned today?

Polluted air is mainly breathed indoors.  We spend between 80 and 90 percent of our time indoors. Outdoor air pollutants find their way indoors and become trapped when there is no proper ventilation.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I complimented Noey on her shirt today as it was cute.  She asked if I thought that she was cute and I said ‘No, just the shirt.’  She knows she’s cute, so she went off laughing.

I took this picture because P’ti was feeling very Sunday morning.

River Of Sorrow – 10th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the bottle was empty of pills
There’s no time left to grow
Amongst so many ills
It’s the bitterest one to swallow

When the son takes the rope
Believing there’s no place to go
Those left now to cope
Traverse the river of sorrow

When attention wasn’t sought
And she suddenly became the show
Life is no longer a thought
Slipped into the undertow

So pass the many hours
That survivors will never know
And drift away the flowers
Along the river of sorrow

Today I’m feeling:

Fuzzy and weird. After a delicious afternoon nap yesterday I got into reading comics so much in the evening that I was up just past midnight. I shoved down some medicine in the hope of waking up flu-free and slept reasonably well until 11. I do feel better but fuzzy around the edges, eyes unable to focus 100%.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt for buying me a drink and giving me half a pack of tramadol after running across to Central.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing live music in Chiang Rai. Punk, hardcore, metal! Who’d’ve thought?

Something I learned today?

A Wall Street Journal report says Iran is having trouble reining in “Iran-backed militias” and offers one reason why: The US killed the guy who was good at reining them in!

I took this picture because this was the venue for the show before dark. The sound inside wasn’t fantastic due to the stage being shoved in the corner which is circular. This made for some wild and interesting sound distortions from the guitars though.

Dying Dynasties – 9th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Incapable of relinquishing self-image
Narcissus drowned in his own pool
Flailing wildly at the reality around
The king becomes the fool

Trying to satisfy their own myth
Yet satisfying neither foe nor friend
History shows that for every rise
Every dynasty will surely end

Soon the fall accelerates
Mistakes compound exponential
Rulers rue their overreach
Whilst the ruled realise their potential

A letter from future me (sent 9th February 2023)

Dear FutureMe,

I recently received a letter from PastMe which I had written one year previously. In that letter, it was scout week and Aing and Now were here for Aing’s graduation. And so it is this time, scout week and Aing and Now are visiting again for their friend’s graduation.

Yesterday we went on a walk up to Khun Korn waterfall where I couldn’t help myself and stripped down and jumped into the freezing waters and felt the breath pushed out of my body by the water dropping the ten metres or so onto my head. It felt amazing. I feel revitalised but also tired today.

It was a funny coincidence that for scout week the M3 students were also at Khun Korn so I dropped by and saw them all getting cold, wet and dirty. They looked like they were having begrudging fun.

The future is not clear so I’ll just keep going until I receive this letter and can reflect back on what happened. Amy and I have discussed possibilities such as my going to Australia for a little break and then coming back together. This would be around the end of the year. She is also considering going to work with Mai for a while if she gets pregnant again. She is definitely going to Athens and Santorini in July before coming back to help me with my visa again. We also discussed her return here to maybe teach a little again and think about opening a small cafe/restaurant here. I still hope she decides to do that because that was one of our original plans when moving here. I wonder what the situation will be by the time of reading this!?

The world is open to many possibilities for us, which is a good place to be.

Will I remember the struggle this year of dealing with my troublesome classes? Will it have been any better with my new classes? I hope I have found some strategies for better dealing with it.

I’m also busy being lazy. Reading, watching TV, listening to music. But also spending a lot of time updating 1994ever.com. Not that it will ever be finished but I hope I’m closer to having all the pre-2000s information completed by now. There’s still a lot of stuff to go through.

I’m enjoying life though not quite as much as last year. Right now, I feel a little stuck in an anticipatory wait. Maybe I need to make something happen next. Or maybe it’s just a feeling and not my reality. How am I feeling now?

These letters to myself are not as easy to write as they are to other people!
So with that I’ll be off for now!

Today I’m feeling:

Sick with a cold.  My sore throat was hurting through the night and I woke up with a head full of snot.  I think I’ll not hang out for too long this morning before heading home and finding some medicine, rest and sleep.

Today I’m grateful for:

The pharmacy that was open in the village where I bought medicine for fever, sore throat and itchy nose.  KhaoTang’s mum’s shop was closed today as were a few other places, possibly due to the Chinese New Year.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling very relaxed despite my sickness.  I had nowhere to be and nothing to do beyond whatever I wanted.  I wrote to Rob and caught him up on some of my news.  I’ll try to keep that communication going again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite being hungry, eating was a bit of a struggle.  I didn’t really have an appetite and even though I knew the food was tasty my receptors weren’t getting the message.  I forced myself to eat it all though.

Something I learned today?

China made a microchip that uses light rather than electrons. It is said to be three thousand times faster than its electron equivalent and uses so little energy in comparison that it could last for 500 years before needing a recharge.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  15. Rest Before You Are Tired. Even if you love your job, and every day seems like a holiday, you need to take time to rest. You’re a human and not an android, never forget that.

I love rest but I also hate it.  I lay down too much and spend many hours reading in that position.  I love reading.  It feels like resting.  I like to get things done.  I always like to be lazy.  I push myself too much and my body forces me to stop.  I’m still working on getting the balance right.  Another decade or two and I should be good to go!

I took this picture because I thought these tiny little flowers were cute when I walked around Mum’s garden last week. My mind has been focused on words rather than pictures this week.

A Tropical Wish – 8th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

There is no spring here
Where I’m sitting warm
Tropical thunder
Crashes all year round

No icy mornings
I’ve never felt snow
One day I wish to
Wear a winter glove

To feel warm red cheeks
To see words in breath
A thick winter coat
Wet with cold, cold snow

Like two cats in love
We’ll keep ourselves warm
The bud breaks the bark
I’ll watch in wonder

Shared with Tanka Tuesday – Kigo words ‘cats in love’
10th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – glove

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired again I think because whatever is giving me a sore throat is just taking a little out of me.  I don’t feel too bad but on the edge and it could go either way. 

I slept relatively early again and got up later, skipping exercise again.  There’s nothing to do at school today as all the kids go off camping and thankfully the high school foreign teachers don’t have to go like the primary teachers do. 

Coffee, writing and reading time and then back home. Hopefully, I can avoid an afternoon nap today though it is tempting me right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

Keeping track of various things over time, with the likes of diaries, emails and archives of things that I’ve kept. 

As I was on the verge of dozing off this afternoon I wondered if it was possible to get access to my old email account, pre-2008?  The idea forced me up and though I soon discovered it was impossible I started rummaging around my old Facebook archive and then even older emails and just reading through a little of those triggered more memories. 

I could even see that I was explaining things in 1998 about something that happened ten years earlier that I have since forgotten!

The best thing about today was:

What I mention above.  It has me excited to dive further into the detritus of my life!

Something I learned today?

A burning ban is due to start on the 15th.  So everyone is getting their burning in now.  It also remains to be seen if anything is actually implemented. 

There was also a newspaper article today which describes the government asking people not to burn so much paper money and incense during Chinese New Year!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I think I have only spoken with two people today.  Amy and Gui.  Not much opportunity for either good or bad. 

I did nod good morning to one of the other teachers when I signed in this morning. 

I gave Tokyo her daily snack for which she is always happy. 

I also replied to an old acquaintance from Sydney who contacted me to say hello and ask for music recommendations.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  14. Learn Every Day. You’ve got to train your brain to stay alert. You don’t have to read a book a day to learn every day. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the people around you—be open to what they can teach you.

I force a lot of stuff into my brain every day and as I find answering ‘what is something I learned today’ is often difficult it seems like much doesn’t stick. 

It’s going in, adding to my overall persona (input and output) but I often find myself in a conversation where I say ‘Oh, yeah I heard about that’ but don’t have the details; or think to myself ‘I wish I could recall the things I read to keep this discussion going.’ 

At least, I’m aware and know that I still know little about anything at all.  That’s why I ask myself every day, ‘What did I learn?’

When was the last time I felt inspired?

I reckon it was last year when I first heard SpeechOdd.  I really enjoyed their music and wanted to work with them.  By the end of the year the opportunity arrived.

In general, I am inspired every day.  I try to write poetry every day and I’m always on the lookout for things that may drive that inspiration and have found a couple of regular resources to keep me inspired.

Imagine – 7th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

In my head
I lost my mind
Imagining red
Colourblind

Absent a shadow
No friend follows
A poisoned arrow
No more tomorrows

No peace of mind
Imagined I
None could find
Or satisfy

Coming back
To my senses
None so black
Beat my defences

Submitted to dVerse

Today I’m feeling:

A little sick with a sore throat and lack of energy.  I skipped my alarm and exercise for an extra 30 minutes of sleep.  I’m hoping not to have to do too much at school today.  I could do with an afternoon nap and I’m saying that now before it’s even 8 am.

(10 am) And there we are, the tipping point.  Lazily wandering from place to place and eventually being told there’s nothing for us to do today.  So here I am back at House for coffee number two.

Today I’m grateful for:

Lots of free time in which I could read, write and learn whilst sipping coffee and then later spending a couple of hours reading comics in bed, where I did indeed, enjoy an awesome afternoon nap.

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with Michael and David for a little while this morning and then lazily walking from school to where some of the kids were doing the zip-line and we watched for a few minutes, ducked away and walked back again.  The temperature was ok for the most part and once off the highway, the walk was quite pleasant.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The typical dysfunction of Scout week activities at school used to bug me but now I listened to how they bugged David instead and accepted the advantages that we can get from it.

Something I learned today?

Andrew Huberman is into Rancid.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  13. Be Nice. I don’t mean you should be a pushover. You can be someone that doesn’t take shit and be nice about it. Just don’t insult people, think you’re better than them, or act like an idiot.

I’m a lot nicer than I used to be.  I don’t insult people or think that I am better than others anymore but I probably am still prone to acting like an idiot every now and then.  One would hope that we are all a lot nicer than we used to be but then you meet some people…..

I took this picture because these flowers have decided to grow, against the odds.

Beyond The Threshold – 6th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Won’t you let me in?
Open heart, open door
A warm welcoming

Wanting little more
Than a hand to hold here
As we cross the floor

Overcome our fear
Let’s go through together
Our intentions clear

In silk and feather
We find ourselves humming
A friend forever

Won’t you let me….

Fake Flamenco: Thursday Doors

Today I’m feeling:

Like I haven’t slept enough. I could easily curl up and snooze for a bit but hopefully, this coffee will kick-start the morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having things to read while sitting around doing nothing at school this afternoon whilst the Thai teachers were keeping the kids occupied.  After an hour and a half though I snuck out and didn’t bother signing out either.  Hopefully, that doesn’t come back to bite me but Scout week is one of those frustrating wastes of time for us foreign teachers.

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s dinner of fried rice with fish sausage, crunchy cabbage, carrot and topped off with a perfectly fried egg.  Since I started just eating breakfast and skipping lunch I’ve been able to easily adapt to eating rice almost every day at dinner time.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite having to show groups of 8-10-year-olds over and over again how to tie knots this morning and itching to get out for more coffee it wasn’t actually too bad.  David and I had fun with the kids, some of whom were hilarious. 

It was interesting to notice how much better their English is than the kids we actually teach who are up to 5 years older.  We finished up at around 11.30 and I was happy to get away by then.

Something I learned today?

From Stephen Fry’s SubStack he talked about how in a group of twenty people, for example, there will be a leader, a clown, a know-it-all, a shy one, a complainer, a rebel etc and then if you take all the leaders and put them into a group, all the rebels into a group and so on, within each group they will soon revert back to having a leader, a clown, a know-it-all etc

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In the morning I met Waiz’s younger sister who always runs up to me for a fist bump.  I had just been given a scout scarf and asked her to ‘do it’ for me because I wasn’t sure how.  She then folded it up and put it on me as she had been taught to do.  It didn’t look great but I kept wearing it because she had done it for me.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  12. Money Isn’t Important. It really isn’t. But you have to train yourself not to care about money. Don’t become too dependent on the stuff you own; otherwise, the stuff will own you.

Money is important when you want to do things.  As I’ve aged I’m starting to want to do less. 

As I write that I question myself whether that is true or not.  Sure some things have dropped off but I still have stacks of music that I haven’t properly listened to yet.  Years and years worth of books and comics that I wish to read. 

So perhaps I should say that I refined some of the things that I want to do.  I want to read more than travel but hell, I’d still like to travel.  I guess I’m taking the easier path more often these days.  But I also see doing less as more suitable to my age. 

Damn, I’m conflicted with this because I’m always imploring people to do something, to do more!  The dichotomy of life in Thailand is rubbing off on me!

I took this picture because our two boys often spend the afternoons dozing in the boxes on their cat castles, often swapping places depending on who gets there first.

Colourblind – 5th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Every green was brown in his eyes
The trees and grass a blur
Every blue was grey to him
It’s smell he did prefer

The world robbed of its style
Trudging through soviet design
Marvelling at the taste of pink
“Oh this synaesthete life of mine”

 Weekly Prompts Colour Challenge Green

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good knowing that I have no classes this week though can expect a little boredom as I have to spend time hanging out with the primary kids doing Scout stuff. 

The kids are fine but the waiting around with nothing to do is a bit annoying.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to sneak away for coffee and writing after a couple of hours with the scout boys.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out who the girl was in the picture that I took 4 years ago that I thought was Funfai but was a younger student called Sugus.  I found her today when I was helping in the primary department and I showed her the picture and she gave a huge smile and said she remembered that time we took the picture together. 

On top of that, about a year ago I saw a primary school student I recognised in the back lanes of our village and as I rode by on my motorbike I waved and she waved back.  That was Sugus!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night I badly hurt my foot on the gate as I was closing it.  I cleaned up the wound and it stung like crazy and I hoped that it would be ok in the morning.  Unfortunately it wasn’t. 

It’s ok to put pressure on the toes but not so much on the whole of my foot which is what I’m doing when standing or walking.  It feels very tender and sore underneath the cut. 

How am I handling it? Grin and bear it.

Something I learned today?

Teacher David is partially colourblind, or very good at pulling my leg.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I got two free bottles of water at the garage when I filled up the car this morning and so gave them to the gardener at school who tends the premises, making everything look nice, whilst spending lots of time out in the sun.

What am I thinking about right now?

The pain in my foot which is bruising up now. It’s very tender around the wound though it got easier to walk on throughout the day.

I took this picture because these tiny red berries stood out in the garden at House this morning.

The Rush – 4th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The race never existed in his world
To hurry something somehow seemed wrong
Never a challenge externalised
Until the hare came haring along

…and what were you like before…

Today I’m feeling:

Sore. My back and knees are complaining after stressing them yesterday whilst cleaning out the sink drain. 

Today I’m grateful for:

The parking guys with their whistles at Makro.  I don’t know why they are necessary or why they blow their whistles so much as it’s impossible to understand if it means anything.  I almost ran the guy over because I had a clear reverse behind me and he was the only thing in the way!

The best thing about today was:

Spending a few hours in my room, catching up on reading, sorting music, downloading and listening and then practising guitar.  I want to spend more time doing this but I still don’t really enjoy being in that room anymore.

Something I learned today?

The average age of a Ukrainian soldier right now is 43!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I followed up with Earn, asking her the same question as I did about six weeks ago – Tell me five things you like about yourself.  Her answers are better than last time.  Less focused on looks and more focused on feelings and emotions.

What is a happy memory from my childhood?

I’ve lots of snippets of memories that are not particularly happy or sad, just things that happened. Some may have felt ecstatic at the time such as playing football at school or tragic like the time I cracked my eyebrow open on the edge of a step but at this distance, they are just events. I consider my childhood to be memories until I was about halfway through middle school, pre-pubescent. After that, I consider myself a teenager until I was forty!

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  11. Lead the Way. When you find yourself in a situation where everyone looks at each other, it’s time for you to lead. You’re a leader when you decide to become one. There’s no initiation or a title. Just a decision.

Before going through teenage depression I thought that I could be a leader.  After that though, I mostly wanted to keep my head down though I still had a selfish streak of arrogance which popped up from time to time. 

Whilst doing DIY punk things in Sydney I never felt like a leader but did hope that I was an inspiration for others and I can think of two friends for sure who did take something from what I was doing and ran with it themselves. 

Now, at school, in Thailand, I consider myself the same.  Not as a leader but as an inspiration.  I want to inspire my students to become the best of themselves.  I don’t work for prizes and awards and I don’t want to be managing other adults.  I don’t want to lead people in such a way as to tell them what to do.  Rather than leading I just want to be doing something. Anything.  Just do it.

I took this picture because this was one of the few super cute kittens that were jumping around, playing and sleeping on this spirit house at the Night Bazaar last night.