Tag: poetry

This City – 19th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This city has me beat
And it’s you, not me
We’re not like we used to be
I used to love this dirty street 
Where I could run free
From mountain to sea
Seems it’s been too long
Between drinks for you and me
And what we used to be
Now everything feels wrong
And once again I’ll flee
From the concrete to the tree

Today I’m feeling:

A bit more lively. Slept at about 1 am when I actually felt sleepy for a change. Woke up a few times to pee and then my neck was uncomfortable so got up at 8.30 am. I need to get back to exercise and routine when back home to Thailand.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Mediterranean breakfast that I had for lunch. I haven’t eaten halloumi and hommus for a long time and it was a good affirmation that they still taste good to me.

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with Jochen and Sabina again, enjoying a great meal of Indian food and then Jochen and I checked out Batpiss and Deafcult at the Red Rattler. The show had an odd vibe but I enjoyed the music, especially having not been around really loud guitar bands for so long.

Something I learned today?

I learned how to get to the Tramsheds and also saw the new buildings that have gone up replacing the old Harris Park stadium.

What is something I’m getting better at doing?

I suppose as I get older I’m getting worse at doing physical things but getting better at mental and emotional things. I get better at the things I practice; language, guitar, self-control.

This is the only picture I took today, at the playground behind the Harris Park apartments.

Ground Run – 18th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The whole of life calls for tears
The past is done, the future coming 
Now is when the fog clears
Get ready to hit the ground running

Today I’m feeling:

Tired. I’m sleeping better but still not well so waking up feeling out of it and a little dizzy. Nothing on this morning though so can take it easy and get my brain into gear slowly.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Haken again for picking up all of Amy’s donations this evening after sharing a nice dinner of tapas with them and their friends.

The best thing about today was:

Taking the ferry from Drummoyne to Olympic Park and seeing every single house and apartment that we are likely never to be able to afford along the way. Sydney is a wealthy city, or in a lot of debt.

Something I learned today?

Watching a documentary today about abandoned places, I learned about an old nuclear missile silo somewhere in the USA that housed the biggest baddest bombs of the time but due to technological advances had become obsolete and abandoned after only three years.

What is an experience that changed my perspective?

My experience of being in Thailand has certainly changed my perspective on many things and is highlighted by my return to Australia where I now feel a little out of place again. Perhaps it is the switch from country living to being back in the city again though. I guess I’m a country boy at heart. The slower quieter life.

I took this picture because it was certainly a beautiful day on the Harbour. This was Amy’s view every morning as she went to work.

The Odds – 17th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What are the odds
This collection of atoms came together
And had these thoughts?

What are the odds
You look at me looking at you
Could we be just zeros and noughts?

What are the odds
The serpent swallows the tail
Clinging to dogmatic belief?

What are the odds
Surrounding the enemy with gun towers
Will bring both factions relief?

What are the odds
A three-legged horse
Stumbles forward to win the race?

What are the odds
These atoms are once again returned
To be in their rightful place?

Today I’m feeling:

I thought I would be able to sleep last night but by midnight I was awake again so watched some cricket and read until about 2 am when I finally fell asleep.

A couple of hours after waking up again I’m still blurry. I kind of hope I can struggle through and when I get back to Thailand I can more easily fall back into place with the time change again.

Today I’m grateful for:

An easy day of not having to rush around to meet people. It’s a rainy grey day too so, perfect for minimal action and some TV watching.

The best thing about today was:

Finding a George Carlin documentary on the Foxtel box that they have here where we are staying. Like any kind of cable or stream service, there are a bajillion crappy things to scroll through until you find some gold.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

We caught a bus out to Leichardt to try some Italian food and as we were approaching our stop the bus suddenly veered off down another street and so we got off at the first stop and had to walk back in the rain and cold. Amy complained a little but it wasn’t very far and was soon cheered up by seeing a beautiful blue point cat in a window as we went by.

Something I learned today?

I checked out the new Kings Comics location in Sydney, now in a very nice building on Clarence Street. I saw a copy of Love and Rockets #13 there which means I have a couple of back issues to read to catch up on it.

What is one area of life I’d like to improve?

In general, my life is pretty good. Getting some minor health issues addressed would be useful such as my dodgy teeth, eyes and feet. That’s about it.

I took this picture because these lights outside the school in Rozelle are pretty

No Subjects – 16th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

With no subjects, you are no king
Perhaps just the king of nothing
No one to serve and bring
To give your life the desired meaning

Addicted to looking on down
From the belltowers of the town
An arsenal of words to deploy
The superiority for one to enjoy
The minions though, now vacated
The unknowingly abdicated

Today I’m feeling:

I managed to sleep around midnight but kept waking up, eventually getting up at 9.30 but not really waking up until coffee and breakfast at 11. Even so, I think I could sleep again now. I miss the times of long good sleep, about two weeks ago!

I got a photo from Noey yesterday of her and Art in Utopia without me, where we all usually are on Sunday mornings.

Today I’m grateful for:

Dave and Mai to pick us up and pick up Amy’s things that she can’t bring back to Thailand, drive us into the city and enjoy breakfast together.

The best thing about today was:

A general feeling of calm and well-being, noticed particularly when sitting in Three Wise Monkies as Amy drank a red wine and I looked out of the window as folks struggled with the sudden cold wind and rain.

Something I learned today?

Israel advised people to leave the North Gaza Strip before they would bomb there. That’s nice, isn’t it? Then, they bombed the people as they were out in the open leaving. There will be war forever in Israel. Even when Palestine has disappeared completely, the Zionist agenda has made too many victims.

I took this picture because I was quite impressed with this view from the top floor of Myer.
Fatman report

Aching Bone – 15th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Everyone has got an aching bone
Something imperfect inside
The picture may be pretty
But there’s always something to hide

Flat feet, terrible teeth
The flaws remain concealed
There’s lipstick on the cover
In the morning the truth revealed

Bad breath and wrinkled eyes
The Botox is wearing off
The aching bone is constantly nagging
Unable to look pretty and cough

As I was waiting somewhere, my left foot aching from fallen arches, a pretty girl walked by, drawing my eyes. Perfect on the outside, what is her fallen arch? Her hidden aching bone?

Today I’m feeling:

(1.40 am) still awake with a headache.

(3pm) When I finally got to sleep it was deep and with no real morning planned for, I slept until 11am and headed off to coffee and Tom’s new shop on the bus. Even then I didn’t quite wake up until I started browsing the books in the shop, of which he had curated a good selection and I picked up about five. It was good to see Tom too, he looks like he’s doing well these days. 

I walked over to Newtown which was really nice to do, past old buildings and streets I used to drive through.

I got to Moshpit and met Bob and Julian and the band turned up and I caught up with everyone again. Nicely nostalgic and not too weird, even though it’s a Sunday afternoon and I have other places to go to soon.

Today I’m grateful for:

Tom and 19th Nervous Breakdown for buying me coffee, giving me CDs and only charging me 20 bucks for 5 books and a CD. Good man!

Also to Julian for covering the cost of my ticket to the show today. Good man! 

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with Shouwang and Carsick Cars again and talking about the good old days, I suppose. It seems like in Beijing these aren’t the good old days anymore.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from my sleep there was nothing much that couldn’t be easily handled. I didn’t even eat until 7 pm except a Snicker Bars which took off another piece of tooth after losing a bit last night whilst eating bread rolls. I guess that was out of my control but thankfully the filling is still intact so there’s no pain at the moment.

Something I learned today?

Thanks to Dave I learned too much about chickens and limestone. I’m somewhat jealous of people like Bronwyn and Dave who are just able to keep talking even if it’s not that interesting or relevant. I noticed Dave checking himself occasionally before he started wandering off into conspiracy land though he did end up getting into something but I can’t even remember what it was now because it was just so dumb.

Who do I need to spend time with?

I need to spend more time with Amy and to settle back into a comfortable routine that will work for me again. I know there will not be enough time to do all the things I’ve been used to and Amy will have me busy doing things.

I took this picture because it’s been a good while since I got my ears blasted at a show.

Glimmers – 14th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Every little while
Comes surreptitious smile
Whilst looking at a girl’s pretty toes
A leaf whirls from the sky
A bike goes whizzing by
Towards the city’s night time neon glows

The matrix may be woken
The nightmare briefly broken
When the moonlit water shimmers
A coffee cup of thoughts
Sees a pumpkin on the porch
And hopes to hold on to the glimmers

inspired by a couple of lines in this post at Spinning Visions
24th Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Moonlit
7th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Glimmer

Today I’m feeling:

So tired. Only had about 5 or 6 hours sleep again but had to get up and go to meet Hayden and Bronwyn for breakfast and though I’m tired I still have energy reserves probably from all the food I’ve been eating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy from the AEC who helped us skip the hour-long queue because I told him we weren’t sure if we were registered. Neat trick. Got to the Yum Cha quicker for lunch.

The best thing about today was:

Walking around the park parts of Barangaroo and under the bridge, past the Rocks and to Circular Quay was pretty nice this morning. Even though the visage is familiar and I have many similar photos it’s pretty hard to resist taking new ones.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My sleep is still totally out of control. The funny thing is that when I woke up at 8 am Sydney time and sent a message to one of my students, where it was 4 am, they replied wondering why I was still awake. I asked them the same thing! I tried to nap at 4 pm but that was useless too. I’m just out of whack.

Something I learned today?

Our friends Mei and Haken were in a car crash last night though luckily neither were seriously hurt. Mei was supposed to be a bridesmaid at the wedding today but unfortunately was still a little sore and shaken up for those duties.

What is something I look forward to every day?

Coffee. I’ve gotten used to the coffee in Chiang Rai now though and these Aussie coffees are not so tastily satisfying for me anymore. I managed to stick with just two today though, which is good.

Bronwyn took this picture because she wanted another shot of Hayden and me together. We looked at each other laughing and shaking our heads at her. I like this picture a lot.

The Ian Jury – 13th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A complete genius or total wanker
There’s no in-between
A diamond geezer or a tosspot
If you know what I mean?

Of course, it was a waste
For those with good taste
Lost in old England’s dream
When the rhythm stick hit
Championing the Brit
Inspired by old sweet Gene
A London vicar
A treat or tricker
And occasionally obscene
With panties and boots
From Edwardian roots
Cloaked in a music hall theme

inspired by Will Burch’s Ian Dury biography

Today I’m feeling:

(1.30 am) I’m still awake again. I’m super tired but just can’t get to sleep.

(9 am) I reckon I got to sleep at around 3.30 after trying various different places around the house. It was so frustrating. My 8am alarm shook me awake and I did 100 star jumps to try and actually wake up. On the bus and in the city waiting to see Hayden.

(11.15 am) I’m starting to flag. Hayden’s flight was delayed an hour and I’m desperately trying to keep my eyes open.

Today I’m grateful for:

Ray Ahn at Utopia Records and Nic at Repressed Records for giving me information and updates on what’s happening around Sydney these days. I’m glad they still remembered me!

The best thing about today was:

Catching up with Hayden and his news and cruising around town in and out of various shops. Another day of more than ten thousand steps.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My brain was a little out of control there for a while as I got dizzy looking at all the books in Kinokunya.

Something I learned today?

Ray Ahn recommended three bands to me; fortuitously, one of them will play the show on Sunday.

What brings me the most fulfilment?

Teaching for sure. Since returning to Sydney for these few days I’m realising how much my life has changed since leaving Australia. My eyes opened to new ideas and pace of life. Whereas I may have found fulfilment with music before, organising and working with artists; that feels like a different life. That’s ok. It’s better not to just be stuck in one thing forever. I’ve worn many hats and maybe I’ll still have a chance to wear more.

Who has influenced my life in a profound way?

All the special women in my life. My mom, Emma, Cherry, Bronwyn, TLJ, Echo, Lorraine, Kyoko, Chise and Amy. Small parts and big, all these people I have loved and got me where I am right now, attending a wedding overlooking the beautiful waters of Sydney. It’s been an up-and-down journey that I’m proud to have travelled.  Let’s keep going. Now the special women in my life are my students who I hope I can inspire to realise their dreams.

Hayden took this picture because we haven’t seen each other for four years and we’re both happy and healthy these days.

Foreign Policy – 12th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When my boot is on your neck
I’ll offer you charity for your aid
Then once our positions are understood
Your debt to me needs to be repaid

I’m sympathetic to all your woes
But don’t finger-point at me
Even though it’s no longer a secret
About my foreign policy

The blame lies back with yourself
And your own quest to rule
The floods and famine of God’s will
And you’ve been played the fool

You are the pirates, as I steal
You are the dictator, as I dictate
Look around for your own slaves
And look to me to imitate

I rained down democratic bombs
Gave you the freedom you need
You’re exactly where you are wanted
Precisely as I agreed

Today I’m feeling:

(2 am) Despite a long day, I’m still awake. Have a headache and tense legs. I want to sleep. I know I’m tired. But my body just won’t let me.

I’ve watched a star travel from the middle of the window until the edge, over these last three hours.

(11 am) I woke up again around 7 am with the sun shining through the window and was wide awake again for another hour. I managed to get up despite not wanting to, as I want to get coffee!

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to link my Aussie bank card to Apple Pay which makes it easy to pay for things here.

The best thing about today was:

The evening of jazz was nice and I enjoyed it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After looking forward to walking down King Street in Newtown I was disappointed in the shops that are there now and that despite it being late-night shopping, everywhere except for bars and restaurants were already closing before 6 pm. The city too seems a little over-gentrified with only a few old-school shops being able to hold on and it won’t be long for them either. This is not my city anymore.

Something I learned today?

Sydney is not what it used to be.

I got a message today that we go back to school on the 27th which gives me a couple of extra recovery days. However, for some reason they want us to work at the weekend too! I think for us we can probably just go and clock in though. I’m not sure what they expect us to be doing really.

What is one thing that I have always wanted to create?

Since enjoying music so much in my life I’ve also wanted to make it. Unfortunately, I have little talent or education and now I don’t make enough time to do it despite having the tools available. There’s still plenty of time left, right?

I took this picture because this is the first, and maybe last, time at Lazybones jazz club in Marrickville.

Signals – 11th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I didn’t ask to be me
Yet here I am
Not excited or proud to be
But that’s what I am
Why can’t I be you
There you are
I like your point of view
And what you are
Together is community
Made from many mes
All signals of society
The mes, the yous, the wes

inspired by the first paragraph of the introduction to Wallace Shawn’s Essays

Today I’m feeling:

I woke up feeling pretty great as the sun was coming up. Unfortunately, it was just the street lights from outside, I’d only slept for three hours and it was 1.30 in the morning. 

I eventually got back to sleep and Amy woke me up again at around 10.30. I still wanted to sleep more but forced myself up.

Amy is showing me around the area now, like the tourist I’m actually feeling. I’d forgotten how big Australians are. Loud too!

A successful shopping expedition has me dressed for dinner tonight and the wedding on Saturday. I feel fucked though and will perhaps sleep a little despite three shots of Campos.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding new shirts and pants at reasonable prices (for Australia) at Birkenhead Point. It’s nice to be in a place where there is lots of choice for me. In Thailand, it is difficult to find nice clothes in my size. Anything that really attracts me is usually made for skinny Thai boys.

The best thing about today was:

Doing 10000 steps without realising. In the evening after cocktails and tapas, we walked from Barangaroo to Haymarket then back through Chinatown and up George Street to catch the bus back. It was cold in the wind but perfect out of it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today was about going with the flow which meant letting go of control. Amy continued as my tour guide through new areas of the city and I enjoyed it very much.

One thing I noted was that just outside Paddy’s Market a family car had stopped in the middle of the road and a big old Ute couldn’t get past and the guy inside kept leaning on his horn. That doesn’t happen in country town Thailand. No one will toot their horn, they’ll just wait or even get out for a sticky beak to see what the situation is. I can imagine in Bangkok it’s a little different but that’s what I’m used to in sleepy Chiang Rai.

Something I learned today?

As Amy and I were walking up to the bus stop I could see that I have changed. I now walk much slower than her, now moving at the speed of a Tropic dweller, just as I remember having to slow down when visiting my friends in Malaysia.

The peculiarities of Australians feel mildly annoying but I know that that is my fault, not theirs. It is something that makes me feel like I’m a tourist again.

What am I nervous or anxious about?

I’m anxious about Amy’s return to Thailand and how she will deal with things. Anxious about next April and the air pollution and the possibility of being able to escape it for a while.

That’s about it really.

I took this picture because that’s not a bad view from the bar we’re drinking at.

Used To – 10th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A stupid child shouting abuse at others
Running away from the fires lit
Giving constant shit to forgiving mothers
Until they no longer stood for it

Shouting from a stage the bitter truth
Angry words to the congregation
Obstinately always demanding the proof
Deeming those far below this station

Then working hard, through sweat and tears
A love thought to last forever
But there was nothing more important than beers
That life can never be kept together

Chasing opportunities, an inspired need to change
A white-collar worker on the twenty-fifth floor
Those times sure did seem strange
And could never understand there’d be more

Loving coffee and oneself much more than beer
It’s as if someone had switched the signs
Overcoming the challenges and fear
And learning to read between the lines

As things change, they remain the same
Smile at the parts of the whole
What used to be is still part of the game
Put it together and accept the role

inspired by this line about boyish skateboarders ‘They look like the self that they will tell someone about one day.’ at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

(2.15 am) It’s going to be a weird day today. I just had a one-hour uncomfortable doze and now I’m just waiting to be able to check in for my flight, maybe grab an hour or two of sleep and then try to force myself to stay awake on the flight so that I can sleep at the appropriate time in Australia. 

(4.44 am) No more sleep so I reckon I’ll have to catch up with some on the flight. I’m starting to flag now.

(11.17 am) impossible to sleep except for brief dozes which may only last a second or a minute. I’ve no idea. Time is going quick enough. There’s no entertainment except the book I brought with me and the cache of entries on Substack, which I guess I can slowly catch up on.

Today I’m grateful for:

The tough authoritative-looking guy at passport control who was very pleasant, commenting on how long have been in Thailand and asking if I was coming back to which I replied ‘Of course!’

10th Jan 2024 – What a palaver that turned out to be and which could have been averted with a little more conversation at this point.

The best thing about today was:

Finally putting my body into a proper bed and falling asleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On the way to check in, I bought a couple of packet meals for Hayden and Bronwyn that I thought they might enjoy. I shoved them in my bag.

At the gate there was a long queue up on the gantry before going down to the waiting area. I decided to wait until the queue died down. They were checking carry-on luggage for any liquids over 100ml. Apparently, Australia doesn’t like to let anyone on their flights with water etc even if purchased inside the airport.

I opened up my bag and they seized on my purchases which I thought maybe had some liquid component inside. There was a bit of a buzz as questions were asked and people came over, walkie-talkies were engaged and the last of the rest of the passengers went on down. I heard the lady on the walkie-talkie reading out all the ingredients and after a few more minutes went running off.

I asked another guy what was going on and I thought he said something about cancer, as if there was something in the ingredients that Australia finds unacceptable.

After a little while though I guessed he was trying to say ‘cancel’. As the plane was nearly fully boarded by now I said that if that was the case then, maipenrai, don’t worry about it but he told me to wait for the lady.

The crew came up from downstairs wanting to know what the problem was and I was starting to get anxious that I wouldn’t be able to get on the plane for whatever this stupid reason was.

In the distance, I could see the lady alternating between running and walking to get back. The guy with me said that the shop shouldn’t have sold the products to me knowing that I was going to Australia (as they’d checked my ticket).

The running lady couldn’t muster up more energy to run but eventually, she made it back and I wondered what I was in for but she just apologised and handed me my money back! I was free to go.

Amy took this picture because, after 5 and a half years, I’m back in Australia. To be honest, it doesn’t feel that long and after being around Aussies on the plane, it doesn’t feel like much has changed either.