Tag: quote

Choose Your Hurt – 24th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Do you believe you are hurt?
Did your mother rush to your side?
Pause, just for a moment
Just enough time to decide

A scraped knee from a bike fall
Or spiteful words screamed in hate
The response is always a choice
Is it a pain you can bear to take?

The bleeding body is real
But other situations require more thought
Are you just responding this way
Because that is all you were taught?

In my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.

Khalil Gibran, Me Friend

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my mobile app trainer who reminds me to be grateful every morning that I work out.

I slept long last night, catching up. I couldn’t even read a page of a comic. I had music playing softly in the other room and occasionally stirred to some weirdness, finding my ears.

Felt good after some ab workout and ready for the day. As it’s the end of the semester in a couple of weeks and with the past two weeks being a write-off, the kids keep asking for free time. Weirdly, I think some of them don’t really want the free time, they just don’t want to think. But when they actually sit and start working, then they are very capable. I feel on a roll with my classes – all planned and primed. The good students understand the method, the bad students fall away, and know to be quiet.

Yesterday, I logged into my teacher’s Facebook account to find a message from Boss in 2/9. He was in the class I taught about sexual abuse but we also discussed emotional abusea and his message certainly indicates that this is happening to him at home. His English is poor so it’s difficult for me to talk to him and try to help him. I’m glad he felt comfortable enough to confide in me but now I’m not sure what to do. I’m talking to Amy and Champ, without giving his name away. I hope he can overcome this lack of care at home. No one deserves that.

Mouth Closed – 22nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

How arrogant to believe you know it all
The possibility of knowing more has gone
Today is another first step on this journey
Hands, heart, ears, head and mind open

Nothing will deflate your inflated self faster than living in a foreign country. Being an outsider reveals your most fundamental traits – flaws and all.

Shanna Trenholm

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sounds of crazy music around me every day. It makes me smile.

Last night just disappeared, though I took a couple of nice photos of our trees and the thundery purple skies. No rain came though and hopefully today I can do some washing.

Amy has been away for about three weeks now and seems to be exhausted from travelling around. The thrill of being back in Australia has worn off a little bit now, so we’ll see where things go from here. She’ll possibly start working next week and is still looking for a new place to live.

Whilst in Adelaide, she very much enjoyed being there and got a few ideas for wanting to stay there in the future. Jess will look to buy a house and Amy would live with her. This isn’t likely to happen just yet, though. Maybe next year. I’d be OK in Adelaide again, I think. It’s nice enough there, though last time I could feel that I was only in transit, knowing that I would be leaving. As usual, let’s see what happens from here.

I saw this question posted on Quora and wanted to use it as a prompt. What are five reasons that people should not date you? Someone had answered the question but I didn’t find the answers very satisfying so I’m wondering how I would answer the question, and also assuming that I was single.

Why would this question even be asked? I mean, to yourself? Because the question uses ‘people’, it seems to include everyone but in trying to answer the question, you would really be stating that some people should not date you.

Imagine you wanted a partner or to go on a date, would you lead with, if you are like this or that kind of person, then don’t bother?

Perhaps I’m reducing the question further – what is a date? Have I ever been on a date? What’s the expectation with a date? For a while, I was meeting many different people through a dating agency. Sometimes, the feedback I got was that my tattoos were unacceptable to some people. I told the agent to tell the prospects that I had tattoos. So, perhaps my first answer could be, don’t date me if tattoos are unacceptable.

Meeting those people wasn’t really a date, though. I guess you could call them a coffee date but really, they were just introductions.

Don’t date me if you want children. I’m past that now. So, that could be number two.

Actually, I can’t imagine finding a new person to be with. I’ve sometimes thought that if anything happened with Amy and me, there are a few old female friends I might talk to and approach about a relationship. However, I have no idea what would be in their minds.

Being with Amy has really seen me become the person I want to be. Is that person acceptable to someone else? Is it worth the effort to adapt to a new partner or just easier to remain single? I think I could easily add another three answers along the lines of don’t date me if you want money, if you want an active, clean partner and house, if you don’t like cats and those kinds of things.

Well. This question has inspired more than I expected.

Log Din, Log Doubt – 21st February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Getting stomped in the public arena
Armies gather on the new social media
No bloodied nose from anonymous egos
Just a bruised ego that nobody knows

Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real.

Sylvia Plath

Yesterday was another awesome day of relaxing, along with a little furniture rearrangement. As Amy had been talking more seriously about staying in Australia for longer and I have been struggling to get out to my room often, I decided to bring some things in from there, slowly bringing in bookshelves and books and moving the TV to make more space for my desk and computer, plus guitar and stereo.

After starting all that, when I talked with Amy later that evening, she suggested she may come back soon if the job in Sydney doesn’t work out! I tried to hide my amusement at these events and when we talk on video, I try to hide the changes for now.

I have been thinking and reading (by coincidence) about solitude and wondering about being lonely. In fact, I don’t feel lonely at all but wondering if I should be. I don’t want to forget how to be ‘normal’ with people, become some weird eccentric, although I think I am eccentric, I don’t think I’m weird at all. So. I’ve read some articles about solitdue and the benefits of it. It’s another reason to make our home more about me while Amy is away. I like being able to access my books easily. I can’t bring my CDs in, unfortunately, but I will bring in a few at a time to listen. I want to spend a little more time actually listening to music again.

5th May 2026 – I would still like to find more time to listen to music. This has dropped off in favour of reading and writing mostly.

This Monday morning I woke up feeling good and positive and happily enjoyed my first class. I’m still teaching while everyone else seems to be slowing down already. I can’t stand watching the kids doing nothing constructive. I can relax the pace of my work but I still want my students to understand or learn the benefits of doing.

As I was leaving for coffee, Dylan and George were sitting outside Le Paradis, so I decided to join them, asking if it was ok first. George quickly made his exit and I had a quick word with Dylan about the way George is behaving. He said it seems that George doesn’t give people a second chance. Still, to me, that is something personal and doesn’t affect me – it’s still no reason to be rude. I warned Dylan that the same thing could happen to him but as he is leaving at the end of the semester anyway, he should be safe.

Dylan asked what we will do next semester when he is gone but I’m still worried that I won’t be recontracted and that George may have some input into that. He can influence TLC and the school to get rid of me if he wishes. Let’s see. Whatever happens, I’ll be fine.

Sylvia’s Door – 20th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The world dies each time I close my eyes
And born again when I open them once more
Yet I treat this miracle with little surprise
As if knowing what lies beyond each door

Over today’s painting I’m filled with pride; it will be equalled by tomorrow’s despair over the very same pictures.

Rockwell Kent

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see little (fat) Kim Chi running around our house and going crazy, just like a good healthy cat. She’s so happy.

The Stolen Masks – 19th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

I cursed the thieves the night my masks were stolen
Yet I found the freedom of loneliness a blessing
Now I was safe from ever being understood
Those who would enslave, now forever guessing

And so I became a madman as I let go my masks
When the sun kissed my face, I found my belief
*But let me not be too proud of my safety
Even a thief in a jail is safe from another thief

*Inspired and pilfered from Khalil Gibran’s parable ‘The Madman’
17th Apr 2024 – Submitted to WDYS

You cannot define a person on just one thing. You can’t just forget all these wonderful and good things that a person has done because one thing didn’t come off the way you thought it should come off.

Aretha Franklin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have found my regular breakfast of yoghurt and muesli. My modern version of cornflakes and milk.

Yesterday was such a fantastically relaxing day to savour that I didn’t have the urge to write anything here. I went to school in the morning, half-expecting a repeat of Thursday but it was apparent that the feeling was not the same. Some teachers tried to keep the energy up and there were some performances for anyone interested but in general, the kids were bored and sprawled around the floors, glued to their phones.

I wandered around from basketball to volleyball to football and even the few kids around were saying, ‘come on, let’s go home.’ Time for me to leave too, and as I went back to my car, I found other teachers doing the same. This is my school life? I won’t complain but if I were a parent, I wouldn’t be happy and if I were a studious type, I wouldn’t either. I love teaching with the kids or being at home but I don’t enjoy just wasting time.

I contemplated going back in the afternoon just to show my face but I was so happy at home, I quickly gave up on that idea. Right now I’m sitting in the Nissan dealership expecting to wait a couple of hours whilst they do some work on the car. I came prepared with laptop and books.

The Seven Selves – 18th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I divided myself in seven ways
Separating each part contained within
And so then each in turn displays
A rebellion against the others begin
Baring madness, laughter and pain
Loving, sadness, hunger and labour
All combined to make whole again
In a happy submission to each neighbour

Based on a Khalil Gibran parable of the same title.

Better to be tempted and resist, than be disappointed.

Jubal, Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the fun I had yesterday at Sports Day. It was very pleasant and the time went quickly.

Go Deeper – 17th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stepping into traffic is a foolish test
There are too many variables to control
A longer vision would be for the best
And more satisfying for the soul

Instant reward carries too much risk
All can be lost on a second spin
Life is a long time to exist
And goodness lies deep within

We receive three educations, one from our parents, one from our school masters and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us.

Baron De Montesquieu

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I have no classes for the next two days and should be able to find some free time for myself.

The first of two sports days today and this morning was really enjoyable, mostly hanging out with my students as they too wandered around not really knowing what to do. I sat and watched the green team play football and win the game on penalties, with my old student Sila being the hero of the day.

Watching the kids play soccer made me remember my own time of doing it every weekend for my old school team. I’m sure we were as bad as the teams I watched this morning but we were all having great competitive fun.

I’ll pop back in after having coffee but probably leave early and go shopping and then home!

I’ve had to do some revision on unwanted thoughts. Over the last six months or so, I feel like a lot of my thoughts are comparing myself with George, thinking about his actions and my actions. Aware that they are both similar but wishing to side with myself to satisfy my ego. I am hyper aware of faults, my own and others. But this is not productive for me. I don’t need to constantly compare myself with someone else to make myself feel better. I know what my good points are (and know there are things that I could improve should I wish to). I’m not out to win any popularity contest. For me, it implies mediocrity and too much insincerity. I understand that others may not feel this way.

Anyway, I know I am hard-working for the things I believe in and ambivalent about things that don’t currently hold any interest for me. I know that some of those things may catch my interest later. I never thought I would enjoy learning about Macbeth for instance, yet that is what happened.

I am thoughtful. I like to think about things. I enjoy the process. It’s my method to achieve a deeper understanding. I am quite introverted and I am super content in my own world. I love people yet don’t want to be so close to them. I am connected with people in my tribe, though that tribe seems to be shrinking as we grow older.

I am kind and helpful to the people I like. I am polite to the average people who don’t interest me and whilst I try to avoid the people I don’t like, I try to maintain politeness as much as I can.

I am English and have a deep-seated connection to that upbringing, despite my trying to counter it for much of the last three decades. Yes, I’m sarcastic but I try to keep that within the sphere of people who understand and appreciate that ie. with other British people. It’s how Dylan and I can communicate on a level that is not appreciated by some other English speakers. Aussies don’t get it much so I had twenty years adjusting myself. And most Aussies don’t udnerstand it all. That’s fine, so long as I can control myself. There are times, I know, that I can’t identify it, though.

What I’m saying is that I’m fine with me, the way I am.

I’m a father, trying my best. Sometimes it’s not good enough but it will never change the fact of what I am. I can still improve everything in my life but I also accept that I am doing very well right now and that must give me some comfort.

Never forget how good you are.

Old Punks – 16th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Rolling around the floor
In a holy communion
Brothers in legs and arms are we
Ecstatic violence
In joint participation
All for one and all shall be free

United we stood
Until we made our divisions
And our power would no longer be
Nostalgia now remains
A past to reminisce
Something that belonged to you and me

21st Jun 2024 – Submmited to Word of the Day Challenge

Don’t ask me what’s next, tell me what’s next!

The alternative is to draw the map instead of reading it.

Seth Godin

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a surprise holiday today. And the last two days of the week are sports days, so no teaching!

Fatman report

Submitted myself to a relaxing, lazy day. Aing and company left this morning and I bumped into them at Utopia, where they invited me to go with them to Singha Park. My initial instinct was to say ‘no’ but I forced myself to say ‘yes’ and that made them very happy.

I came home and got myself ready but just before they were due to pick me up, they sent a message that one of the family who was with them had a fever, so they had to go to the hospital to get tested, so the plan was cancelled. I had my time given back to me and enjoyed it immensely.

Valentine’s Dream – 15th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On the eve of Valentine’s Day
When she woke from a comfortable sleep
She had dreamed a dream of killing him
An ex that had never gone deep

Then she started to question herself
As this feeling disturbed her so
What was the meaning of this dream?
Was what she wanted to know

Why are my insides twisted into knots? Am I in control here or is my anxiety?

Who is in control here? What principles are guiding me?

Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my house where I can have guests here without any real problems. Everything is here for them.

Busy and lazy days since last writing. Yesterday I took the day off work, calling in sick and I actually was sick on Sunday night after eating the last of my potato bake that had obviously gone off! I threw it up and felt much better but went to sleep very soon after.

Monday, Valentine’s Day, was graduation day for Fern, Aing, Gus, Nu and Mink. I met Mink in the early afternoon and remember how much I like him because he is always thoughtful. I asked him what he’d been doing in Bangkok and he said he had just quit his first job because every day he would go to work and end up asking himself ‘what am I doing here?’ I told that will probably happen many times in his life. At least he’s smart enough to figure out how to make changes.

I bumped into Fern at Utopia but we didn’t get chance to meet again and she flew home to Hat Yai in the evening. I spent most of the time with Aing’s brother and friend and then the rest of the family arrived with Now. Aing showed up after about an hour and many photographs were taken.

I could feel the general celebration in the air though it still confuses me a little. The student’s courses had all finished over a year ago – that to me is the time to celebrate – and I’m sure they all did at that time too. But for this event, families travel all over the country just to be here for a couple of hours as their kids receive their pieces of paper. Someone in Aing’s family had made matching T-shirts for everyone to wear. They had a picture of Aing’s face and then some text along the lines of ‘tuition fees = 25,000 – what she told her parents = 37,000’. Well played!

At school today, hence writing here in my down time. I’m definitely not as motivated to write here when I’m at home, which tells me where I would rather be! This morning, I taught 2/9 the lesson I put together about sexual abuse and they all understood the message but the girls were more thoughtful and mature about the topic, whilst the boys were still a little embarrassed about anything to do with sex.

It was interesting that afterwards some of the students talked about others who had committed suicide after being shamed and another who, just that weekend, had been asked by a friend to send nude pics and then sent her an unwanted dick pic. She asked me for advice about what to do. I told her that she could tell him that it is not the type of behaviour that a friend would do, especially unsolicited.

I found out that sports day is this Thursday and Friday and at lunch time I found out that tomorrow is a holiday. So – no more teaching for the week! It also seems to be only three weeks until the kids finish and there’s also a couple of days with no classes in there somewhere too.

I’m curious if I will be recontracted here next semester. I hope so but I can also see that the class sizes are making it difficult to keep everyone engaged. I might have to do some research on how to keep classes like that busy somehow. Or just submit myself to teaching little in each class.

Cornfield – 13th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We broke down the fence
It couldn’t hold us back
Stomped around the cornfield
As if under some attack

Stamping our feet in furrows
Over the husks, we run
We knew we’d later be in trouble
But it was so much damn fun

We screamed for each other
As the leaves flapped our faces
Circling in wide loops
Running made-up races

Finally, we were exhausted
And we settled down to rest
Summer with my friends
In a cornfield is the best

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.

Mark Twain

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Fern to bring me lots of snacks from Hat Yai.