Ok but I can’t talk properly. I feel like I have a mild cold but not that bad really. A little fuzzy in the head.
I got up at around 7 am and sent messages to school and work to my students to do in my absence. I went back to bed at around 8 and ended up with some nice, extra enjoyable sleep.
I got up for lunch, took some medicine and now out for my first and only coffee for the day. I may sleep more yet!
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
More medicine from the local pharmacy and when I arrived there, the pharmacist was petting a street seller’s really cute dog, so of course I had to spend a minute petting too.
The best thing about today was:
Reading, lots of reading!
Something I learned today?
I hit up Kru John about the possible change of director at school but all he knew was that it’s the sub-director who will change.
The following poems were inspired by the Outcast and Other Words anthology which I came across sometime in 2024. I decided to take all the prompts from that anthology and see what I could come up with myself. 17th Sep 2025 – Shared with dVerse – reflections
We outcasted ourselves by dissemination Of the minutiae of every spit and cough Sharing feeble insights and useless opinion Considering a duck face meme be enough
A tragic victim of fate or led astray by odd notions? Either way, ended up beneath the roiling oceans Or frozen solid on a parade to the mountaintop Life lived in safety has already come to a stop
Sparky Attitude, an ungrateful iconoclast Demolished her own feeble castle keeps An arrogant empire would neither share nor last To a lonely future she limps and creeps
Show me the mould, I wanna break it It’s a lovealution and we’re gonna make it Put me in a box and I’ll find an escape That’s the revolution we’re trying to shape
Just need a little juice to fill up the whole A tiny spark to get some action-shifting A combustion of the heart that you stole To restock the emptiness of your gifting
Waking in the morning was as if nothing had changed Except that everything in life had been rearranged Walking again into the night the patterns are all the same What it was and what it is now has a different name
Taking a thought and pulling it apart Taking a heart and smashing it to pieces A fragment pleases, a misunderstood art An origami part, following the creases
Fighting for breath, caught in the undertow, Unplug from the drama, go with the flow Another story that no one else needs to know An ever-decreasing circle ready to be let go
Title taken from and poem inspired by The Stoa Letter email
Without explanation let’s concoct a story A dry tale to give the past some meaning Wrap an old coat around to comfort When these memories need spring cleaning
All my thinking folds in on itself* To stand proud, solid and silent as the tree A summer showing of greenest health Conceals the winter dark inside of me
I didn’t bring a gun to a knife fight I’ll not flash cash in a parade of wealth I’m no better than you and no more right I am only better than my past self
Are we are righteous, acting out a virtue? Or is there no other choice, no better outcome? Or do we accept that this is the way of the world? Or is this just a habit, the way we have become?
Which narrative will we use today For each decision that comes into play?
There’s no time to stop, even to live Pushed to the limit, something’s got to give Pumping ugly muscle, pulse under pressure Once busted it stays broken forever
If I wasn’t sitting down when the spin hit The swirling vortex afore me would soon see me sat Cartoon birds circle my head where I sit Stuck in a motion that keeps me where I’m at
A flourishing joy around a rope jump Lush youth laughing and chasing Hustle and bustle, the mad thrills pump Energetic thoughts set hearts a-racing
Spirited shouts and sudden screaming It’s an unharmonious harmonious noise Fresh-faced fancies of everyday dreaming Amongst the funky fires of the girls and boys
We’re chasing rainbows in a clown car* With common sense in the rearview mirror Whilst catching a glimpse of the future Where everything will become less clearer
With my love, my daughters will grow up strong With the wealth of the oil from the olive trees They will rise from the ashes to where they belong To return to their home from the river to the seas
You don’t exist yet No form but aspiring Struggle to germinate To break the seed skin A sprout to be set New growth inspiring Hollow bricks gestate A weapon within
Today I’m feeling:
Fairly good. I got up early and out for coffee whilst also doing some reading and writing.
Amy turned up more … morning with a carrot cake that she made as a gift. Whilst there, she talked with Baew, who had stayed at Noy’s house last night and had already started drinking again!
I dropped Amy there so she could drink and talk more with her friends, picking her up again in the early evening.
During that time, I mostly just read, starting the Suspect Device book and the first story in the Marvel reading order. The first of thousands of Marvel comics! I also enjoyed Jodorowsky’s The Incal, too.
Early to bed tonight, with reading, as I head to the hospital at 7 am.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Some quiet time at home, just me and a book.
The best thing about today was:
Writing a new poem that I was happy with. I haven’t been writing quite as much recently but seem to be able to click back into it easily enough.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
One of our cats peed on the sofa last night and whiffs from it sometimes took my breath away as I was reading. Bleurgh! I’ll have to sort it out tomorrow, taking off the covers and washing them, spraying loads of deodoriser too.
Something I learned today?
Miyor, Nudee and Satang posted a story of them drinking beer last night. Naughty! I wrote to Miyor but just laughed about it.
Good but a little blurry, probably from the gummy yesterday. I still feel like there is a lot that I want to do today but after yesterday, I know that there won’t be enough time!
I couldn’t believe it, that not long (seemingly) after writing the above, it was already 2pm! I feel like I got some things done today, even though it was probably less than yesterday.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
My student Namyen showing me how to make a quick video using CapCut. It was pretty simple in the end, though I think I need to figure out a way to make them generate a bit faster.
It’s fun, but I don’t want to spend too much time on it.
The best thing about today was:
Reading. Comics and books. 2000AD Judge Dredd, Lucifer, Platinum Grit, Totally Wired Post-punk interviews, Up Simba (David Foster Wallace).
Something I learned today?
I learned how to edit my own silly videos to post on Instagram.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I swept the entertainment area.
I took Amy and me to the 7-11 as she wanted something there and I used the opportunity for her to buy me an ice cream!
I took this picture because I felt something in my sandal and thought it was just a stone. I kicked it off and this monster came out! With two legs lost he struggled to run off in a straight line. I’m checking my shoes every time now!
Good again, though waking before my alarm again, then getting back into some sleep and my alarm going off, shocking me reluctantly awake.
Last night, before I got into bed, I went outside to do some dead hangs to stretch my shoulders out. My hang rings are in the entertainment area, which is currently covered in a vine that hosts all sorts of creatures.
When I got into bed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were spiders crawling over me and I was itchy all over. I had some welts on my neck and arm too, so something was obviously dining on me. However, I couldn’t see anything.
I still got to sleep quickly but even this morning, I still feel itchy; maybe whatever was biting me has put an itching agent into my blood.
Today is a holiday but I was told we still need to come to school. When I got there, though, there doesn’t seem to be anyone around! Never mind. I’ll take this opportunity to do some more writing and another lesson plan.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
I’m wondering if I will ever move past 7 for my physical health? The daily dead hangs are helping with my shoulder and if that possibly leads to fewer problems with my neck, then just maybe…
Today I’m grateful for:
The family at the two-dollar shop who helped with a couple of plumbing supplies this week as I attempt to fix the dripping pipe under my sink.
The mum and daughter were at the counter and they looked exactly the same (except one is a child, obviously), allowing me to make the joke that they were sisters.
The best thing about today was:
Being in a good, positive mood all day. It started with a good attitude to being at school despite it seeming that many other teachers didn’t bother to hang around, then writing a poem that I particularly enjoyed the results of.
In the afternoon, when I got home, I enjoyed playing guitar more than usual and really, really loved the comics and book that I’m reading.
It’s been a good day all round.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whatever was out of my control today completely slipped on by without my notice.
Something I learned today?
Amy’s plans for our trip to Chiang Mai on the weekend are slowly coming together and I am finding out what my chauffeur duties will be. I’m fine with everything so long as I can find an hour or so to get to a book shop or two.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I bought some fruit at the market and got an extra tray for Baipad and her family.
I took this picture because Garfield was rolling around at the entrance to school today. He(?) is really affectionate.
Pretty good again with a little clarity. I think that is coming from the skipping of Tramadol but the other effect of that is feeling less inspired and ponderous.
So after cleaning the entertainment area and stretching out my back this morning, I took one and will see how I feel later today.
This morning feels like a winter morning with nice, clean and clear cool air and it reminds me to look forward to this time of year and think about doing some bike rides again, which I haven’t been on since last winter.
I’m surprised my body isn’t more stiff this morning, as I spent about 17 hours in bed yesterday, either sleeping or reading. I read a great Paul Jenkins story called Revelations and, despite being tired, read the whole six issues. A great Vatican murder conspiracy with awesome artwork.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Chatting with Matt a little yesterday about maybe jamming some music together soon. To be honest, I’m a little scared as I really am hopeless at playing guitar and haven’t been excited enough to practice much recently.
I do also recognise, though, that doing something creative would give me more reason to practice and improve myself. I’m talking myself into doing it.
The best thing about today was:
Organising more things on my computer, in my room and on my blog. My old MacBook has finally given up, so I’m trying to get my music altogether on my old iMac, which is still going pretty well these days.
I was glad to spend a fair few hours in there today instead of succumbing to any afternoon snoozing.
Jet took this picture because she was messing around with my phone. One of my favourite students, Fah, and that’s Anchan working in the background.
In love with trash trucks and bar signs Dirty sidewalks and chaotic lines Stepped on dead rats riding the rail Soothing sirens announce a bloodied trail
A desperate reach to grab the air The rambling mind, a heart laid bare Spilt milk and the ding, ding, ding! A date with disaster or a song to sing?
In love with bar signs and trash trucks The struggle to enjoy a couple more bucks A bustled hustle each patron employs The sound of a memory, a beautiful noise
Shouts from the wet streets are rising Up the five floors exercising A cozy space amongst the debris Dreamt by dreams, it’s no life ordinary
Ok after a while but I slept badly during the night, for no apparent reason.
I thought maybe I was a little anxious about going to school today to help with cleaning up. I haven’t had this anxiety about a small, minor thing like this for a few years now and surprised to be feeling this way.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 6
Today I’m grateful for:
Our local shops and the tax-free shadow economy. We can get everything we need for ourselves within walking distance.
Extra items we can order online and even shop for bigger or bulk items, we can get delivered from stores in the area too.
The best thing about today was:
I finished reading another book this morning as I was drinking my coffee before heading to school. I haven’t been reading as much this year but slowly turning away from the lure of videos and back to books.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My feeling was weird today. After starting off anxious, as I was driving to school, I felt ok again but on arrival and seeing the mess and mud, I just felt off.
I can’t quite put my finger on why. It’s like the whole situation is depressing and I just want things to be the way they were, laughing and playing with my students.
I know this is unreasonable and against everything that I’ve been studying over the last couple of years.
It manifested after lunch in extreme exhaustion. I watched people chaotically working hard with little organisation and direction. After all, we are teachers, not a flood clean-up crew. But everyone wants to feel and be seen as contributing; it’s understandable.
Feeling dizzy and dejected, I came home and I was only a little revived after eating some dinner. I hope that I can sleep better tonight.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I don’t feel good about not really helping to clean up the school much today.
Baibua took this picture of me because I stole her hat whilst I was chatting with her, Air and Toey as they were taking a break from cleaning.
At first, a little better but after getting to school, I just want to sleep. Headache, cough, difficulty breathing, exhausted.
Next, to go and wait at the hospital.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 6
Today I’m grateful for:
All the nurses who helped me at the hospital today so that despite having to sit around for a while it was easy to know where to go and what to do.
One nurse accidentally flashed her soft, smooth, tanned (securely bra-ed) breast as she leaned forward and her uniform gaped a little. I should have said something to her but opted to look away instead.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a fair bit of book reading in. I’m finally at the last chapter of The Decline of the British Empire, which I’ve been reading since January. I’m looking forward to getting back to some fiction.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Waiting at the hospital – number 260 in the queue. Thankfully, they were already at the 140 mark and were also randomly putting people through. The delay for me was more connected with waiting for a doctor who could speak English.
I spent my time catching up with Substack reads.
Something I learned today?
Having read a lot of SubStack stuff I should have learned something today…hmm… I saw some pretty horrendous pictures of Israeli crimes but sadly, that is nothing new these days.
I did see some information that Starbucks is losing lots of money due to people boycotting it because of its connections to Israel.
I took this picture because the little one is on a rope now and can’t get into our scrumptious grass anymore. Here they are with mum, next to the fence where the gardeners had dumped all the cuttings.
Wound tight, played precise A night fight, all that jazz Voodoo spell, doll will dance Deadside hell and razzmatazz Pagan sages, a ragtime roll Inner rages in shadow hours Pinprick pain, man divided Ridden insane by fiendish powers
Bennu is a Heron 2023全新EP -「despite the world is so big, but not a corner belongs to me」現已上線。 四曲自我記錄忠實呈現，獻給2019 – 2022的我們，祝好。
Home, Sweet Home 「未曾問你來自哪裡。」 關於家，關於身份，關於歸屬，關於靈魂的容納之處。
Injurer 「你還像從前那般？」 關於憤怒，關於立場，關於公義，關於變成曾經憎恨的人。
My Dream 「昨晚睡得好嗎？」 關於愛，關於記憶，關於留戀，關於每一個不眠之夜。
Fairy Tale 「你啟程後，不會再回來了吧。」 關於海，關於浪漫，關於自我，關於不設限的未知旅程。
實體將於10月發售
Vinyl release is a DIY worldwide co-operative with: Desperate Infant Records Qiii Snacks Records Sango Records ungulates 22 Records Calm Lake Records tenzenmen Gizzmoix Records
Originally digitally released by Sango Records @sangorecords and Desperate Infant Records @desperate.infant.records Recording by 伟松&拓坤@RC Studio, Nam@Zhuying Studio and Sam@Home Mixing / Mastering by Brian@Sound Blade Studio Artwork by Jumpgate, Saki, Yellow and Jinbo
Bennu is a Heron (Guangzhou, China) 贝努是只苍鹭，来自广州的 Skramz / Emoviolence 乐团，由多支 Hardcore 乐团的乐手组成。 以所见、所闻、所想为出发点，直白陈述内心情绪。 Vocal – Jinbo Guitars – Sam & Joe Bass – Gao Drums – Chal
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little dusty and vague. Predictably, last night I didn’t sleep well as indigestion bothered my stomach and the oysters bothered my guts.
A really vivid poop dream got me out of bed as the oysters decided to make their early exit and it was a struggle to get a good deep sleep after that.
Today I’m grateful for:
Starting to feel normal again this evening. Even early this afternoon I could still taste Friday night’s whiskey in my mouth. This evening I seem to have my energy and motivation back after pushing through with a few things this afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
Sorting things out this afternoon for the Bennu 12” release and the upcoming MPC CD, downloading some comics, listening to some tunes and playing a bit of guitar. I have to try and force myself into my room this week to play some more. No book reading again this weekend sadly. I really want to read more but seem more invested in YouTubing. I’m going to turn off the video I’m about to watch and read instead.
Something I learned today?
Watching the Swans mini-match I found out that we lost by one point in a poor game. Hopefully, it keeps us from being complacent.
Got a head barren of motivation What’s said only delivers frustration Not dead but denied inspiration Get it together or you’re done!
Emo-driven tears an aberration Forgotten fears sudden implication Perspective clears internal narration You got skills but the bills are due!
Each turmoil treads towards education Lessons learned have no expiration Third eyes open to the realisation Time to shine because the rains will come!
Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 53 and inspired by one of my students who is trying hard at school but is close to getting kicked out.
Today I’m feeling:
Woke up tired but got going with Utopia coffee. Game was there and commiserated with me when I told him and Art that I couldn’t hang around as Amy had me quickly home for us to go to meet Mei and Hagan for lunch. I still managed to get a little reading in though, starting Rip It Up And Start Again again.
Today I’m grateful for:
Mei and Hagan for shouting us lunch at Mo’s (near Mae Sai). Good food and good catch-up, probably the last before they head back to Australia.
The best thing about today was:
Whilst out in the village in the evening I went across to the 20 baht shop, which was closed in the morning, and picked up some batteries and a door closer. I saw that KhaoThang was sitting in her mum’s shop so I went in and chatted with her and her mum for a minute.
Her English pronunciation is awesome now, though her vocabulary is still limited as she studies in a Science program rather than language.
They told me that they will close the shop in December and mum will go to a temple in Phan and KT will stay in a dorm near her school (Tessaban 6). She’s only 14 but its quite common here. Good luck to them both.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Somehow it feels hotter than it did in summer. It still hasn’t rained, two weeks now, so our new gutter is still untested.
After the first rain, a month or more ago, it felt cooler and refreshing and now the temperature has remained the same but the humidity seems to have skyrocketed. It’s pretty tiring but despite some huffing and puffing, I’m still trying not to complain out loud.
The heat did stop me from going to my room today though. I could’ve still gone but I couldn’t even really face getting up out of the air-conned living room to get a drink of water.
Something I learned today?
I came across a Roy and HG documentary and it made me reminisce a lot about my early years in Australia and then even more so when there were clips of The Dream which was the show they did during the Sydney Olympics. That was still a memorable prime time in my life.
I found a load of videos on YT which I stuck in the queue to watch at some point.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Around 7pm Amy wanted to go to the market to get some soy milk, implying that I had to ride her there. I still didn’t want to get out but eventually, I did.
I took this picture at Mo’s because I finally remembered to take some pictures today. I knew this one was going to look good when I took it.
So-so. Despite thinking that I might get up at my usual time of 6am I slept for another couple of hours. I feel less tired than yesterday but still not ready for action.
I did feel inspired enough to bring my laptop to Utopia and caught up on some poetry reading and a little writing. I may do some more lesson planning. I should, but I also may not!
Today I’m grateful for:
My old friends from When Chimps Attack. I messaged Tommy recently after he had posted a picture of himself and Aaron at a show in Sydney.
Tommy had been in London for the past ten years or so but he said things were so grim there now that he came back but that he was struggling a little bit on his return too. I told how I had felt there back in October – pretty similar.
Tommy also passed on Aaron’s email address and I wrote him today and look forward to hearing from him.
I know Jon and Ama live in Sydney again and wondering if Aaron has moved back too? A Chimps reunion?
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar after a couple of days break. I managed to improve a little on last time and I felt good for that.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Around 4pm I went out to my room to catch up on some emails and play guitar. Amy came out about ten minutes later and propositioned me.
As I had just sat down to do something else I was hardly in the mood, and these days I’m less in the mood a lot of the time.
My libido is definitely dropping off and I have no thoughts of looking elsewhere for satisfaction. I love Amy and am committed to her but it’s not easy for me to just put myself in the mood these days. This is not helped by Amy usually propositioning when she has been drinking which isn’t very flattering for me. Are beer goggles needed to look upon me now?
Having said that, when the time is right for both of us I still have the best orgasms that I’ve ever had with her.
Sadly, today she seems to be offended by my rejection and has locked herself in the second bedroom and won’t even communicate anything. I was frustrated enough to try and kick the door in but gave up, considering that it would make things worse.
What happens next when she comes out? I will try to just behave as normal and ignore her actions and try to smooth things over when she has calmed down.
Something I learned today?
All the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are set to 4:20.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave candy to both Art’s at Utopia this morning.
Whilst I was there Amy called me because I had taken the car as I had planned to do some work at Utopia and wasn’t sure if it would rain or not. Amy suddenly decided to go for a spa and massage and needed the car immediately, so I drove back home and swapped over to the motorbike to go back to my coffee.
I took this picture because I’m trying to get this plant to grow over the top of the old roof frame. With the rain, it will grow like crazy and I just need to keep going along the beams.
1994ever 