Tag: reading

Narrative Hallucinations – 1st December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Data streams into the dark box
The causes not yet known
A search for the secret locks
That experience has shown

Spittin out its predictions
Before the data confirmed
Holding onto convictions
Of what’s already learned

Narrative hallucinations
Reinforce the box and harden
Exponential calculations
Grows the shadowy garden

Inspired and paraphrased by David Elikwu ‘All In Your Head’

Today I’m feeling:

Good but a little blurry, probably from the gummy yesterday. I still feel like there is a lot that I want to do today but after yesterday, I know that there won’t be enough time!

I couldn’t believe it, that not long (seemingly) after writing the above, it was already 2pm! I feel like I got some things done today, even though it was probably less than yesterday.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

My student Namyen showing me how to make a quick video using CapCut. It was pretty simple in the end, though I think I need to figure out a way to make them generate a bit faster.

It’s fun, but I don’t want to spend too much time on it.

The best thing about today was:

Reading. Comics and books. 2000AD Judge Dredd, Lucifer, Platinum Grit, Totally Wired Post-punk interviews, Up Simba (David Foster Wallace).

Something I learned today?

I learned how to edit my own silly videos to post on Instagram.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I swept the entertainment area.

I took Amy and me to the 7-11 as she wanted something there and I used the opportunity for her to buy me an ice cream!

I took this picture because I felt something in my sandal and thought it was just a stone. I kicked it off and this monster came out! With two legs lost he struggled to run off in a straight line. I’m checking my shoes every time now!

Lips Shut Tight – 23rd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

Private in my thoughts
Breathe deeply with lips shut tight
Cautious of conflict
Concentrating and counting
Listen to air, push and pull

~What’s that I smell? An idea rising!~

My throat starts rattling
For a thought now fully formed
With my turn to speak
I watch you concentrating
Lips shut tight, breathing deeply

A tanka puente shared with Tanka Tuesday wordlist – listen, smell, speak

Today I’m feeling:

Good again, though waking before my alarm again, then getting back into some sleep and my alarm going off, shocking me reluctantly awake.

Last night, before I got into bed, I went outside to do some dead hangs to stretch my shoulders out. My hang rings are in the entertainment area, which is currently covered in a vine that hosts all sorts of creatures.

When I got into bed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were spiders crawling over me and I was itchy all over. I had some welts on my neck and arm too, so something was obviously dining on me. However, I couldn’t see anything.

I still got to sleep quickly but even this morning, I still feel itchy; maybe whatever was biting me has put an itching agent into my blood.

Today is a holiday but I was told we still need to come to school. When I got there, though, there doesn’t seem to be anyone around! Never mind. I’ll take this opportunity to do some more writing and another lesson plan.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

I’m wondering if I will ever move past 7 for my physical health? The daily dead hangs are helping with my shoulder and if that possibly leads to fewer problems with my neck, then just maybe…

Today I’m grateful for:

The family at the two-dollar shop who helped with a couple of plumbing supplies this week as I attempt to fix the dripping pipe under my sink.

The mum and daughter were at the counter and they looked exactly the same (except one is a child, obviously), allowing me to make the joke that they were sisters.

The best thing about today was:

Being in a good, positive mood all day. It started with a good attitude to being at school despite it seeming that many other teachers didn’t bother to hang around, then writing a poem that I particularly enjoyed the results of.

In the afternoon, when I got home, I enjoyed playing guitar more than usual and really, really loved the comics and book that I’m reading.

It’s been a good day all round.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whatever was out of my control today completely slipped on by without my notice.

Something I learned today?

Amy’s plans for our trip to Chiang Mai on the weekend are slowly coming together and I am finding out what my chauffeur duties will be. I’m fine with everything so long as I can find an hour or so to get to a book shop or two.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought some fruit at the market and got an extra tray for Baipad and her family.

I took this picture because Garfield was rolling around at the entrance to school today. He(?) is really affectionate.

What Wisdom – 29th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 12 Comments

Nothing now will change the mind
Of what’s decided by mankind
For all the proofs and arguments made
The highest price is always paid

A spear for heads, a sword for hearts
In search of union, the pulled-aparts
Secrets buried for manipulation
Histories bound for exploitation

The past once written on papyrus page
Wisdom to be lent to a future age
New evidence brings into dispute
The wisest moral substitute

And one true path could be agreed
By humanity unburdened, freed
Yet as decided by mankind
Nothing now will change their mind

Submitted to No Theme Thursday (picture prompt) and Poets and Storytellers United – substitution – a meditation on the stupidity of mankind when presented with the tools for wisdom and peace.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again with a little clarity. I think that is coming from the skipping of Tramadol but the other effect of that is feeling less inspired and ponderous.

So after cleaning the entertainment area and stretching out my back this morning, I took one and will see how I feel later today.

This morning feels like a winter morning with nice, clean and clear cool air and it reminds me to look forward to this time of year and think about doing some bike rides again, which I haven’t been on since last winter.

I’m surprised my body isn’t more stiff this morning, as I spent about 17 hours in bed yesterday, either sleeping or reading. I read a great Paul Jenkins story called Revelations and, despite being tired, read the whole six issues. A great Vatican murder conspiracy with awesome artwork.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Chatting with Matt a little yesterday about maybe jamming some music together soon. To be honest, I’m a little scared as I really am hopeless at playing guitar and haven’t been excited enough to practice much recently.

I do also recognise, though, that doing something creative would give me more reason to practice and improve myself. I’m talking myself into doing it.

The best thing about today was:

Organising more things on my computer, in my room and on my blog. My old MacBook has finally given up, so I’m trying to get my music altogether on my old iMac, which is still going pretty well these days.

I was glad to spend a fair few hours in there today instead of succumbing to any afternoon snoozing.

Jet took this picture because she was messing around with my phone. One of my favourite students, Fah, and that’s Anchan working in the background.

No Life Ordinary – 17th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In love with trash trucks and bar signs
Dirty sidewalks and chaotic lines
Stepped on dead rats riding the rail
Soothing sirens announce a bloodied trail

A desperate reach to grab the air
The rambling mind, a heart laid bare
Spilt milk and the ding, ding, ding!
A date with disaster or a song to sing?

In love with bar signs and trash trucks
The struggle to enjoy a couple more bucks
A bustled hustle each patron employs
The sound of a memory, a beautiful noise

Shouts from the wet streets are rising
Up the five floors exercising
A cozy space amongst the debris
Dreamt by dreams, it’s no life ordinary

Inspired and phrases borrowed from this post at Spinning Visions.

Today I’m feeling:

Ok after a while but I slept badly during the night, for no apparent reason.

I thought maybe I was a little anxious about going to school today to help with cleaning up. I haven’t had this anxiety about a small, minor thing like this for a few years now and surprised to be feeling this way.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

Our local shops and the tax-free shadow economy. We can get everything we need for ourselves within walking distance.

Extra items we can order online and even shop for bigger or bulk items, we can get delivered from stores in the area too.

The best thing about today was:

I finished reading another book this morning as I was drinking my coffee before heading to school. I haven’t been reading as much this year but slowly turning away from the lure of videos and back to books.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My feeling was weird today. After starting off anxious, as I was driving to school, I felt ok again but on arrival and seeing the mess and mud, I just felt off.

I can’t quite put my finger on why. It’s like the whole situation is depressing and I just want things to be the way they were, laughing and playing with my students.

I know this is unreasonable and against everything that I’ve been studying over the last couple of years.

It manifested after lunch in extreme exhaustion. I watched people chaotically working hard with little organisation and direction. After all, we are teachers, not a flood clean-up crew. But everyone wants to feel and be seen as contributing; it’s understandable.

Feeling dizzy and dejected, I came home and I was only a little revived after eating some dinner. I hope that I can sleep better tonight.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I don’t feel good about not really helping to clean up the school much today.

Baibua took this picture of me because I stole her hat whilst I was chatting with her, Air and Toey as they were taking a break from cleaning.

Russian Winter – 28th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

The nesting dolls I keep inside
All are versions of me
The tears spilt alone, I cried
Just so that I could be

Happy to be on my own
Bitterly ostracised
Content just to be alone
Even when criticised

The nesting dolls built belief
It’s only now they start to care
Looking for their own relief
I’m only here because I was there

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

At first, a little better but after getting to school, I just want to sleep. Headache, cough, difficulty breathing, exhausted.

Next, to go and wait at the hospital.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

All the nurses who helped me at the hospital today so that despite having to sit around for a while it was easy to know where to go and what to do.  

One nurse accidentally flashed her soft, smooth, tanned (securely bra-ed) breast as she leaned forward and her uniform gaped a little.  I should have said something to her but opted to look away instead.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a fair bit of book reading in. I’m finally at the last chapter of The Decline of the British Empire, which I’ve been reading since January. I’m looking forward to getting back to some fiction.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Waiting at the hospital – number 260 in the queue.  Thankfully, they were already at the 140 mark and were also randomly putting people through.  The delay for me was more connected with waiting for a doctor who could speak English.  

I spent my time catching up with Substack reads.

Something I learned today?

Having read a lot of SubStack stuff I should have learned something today…hmm… I saw some pretty horrendous pictures of Israeli crimes but sadly, that is nothing new these days. 

I did see some information that Starbucks is losing lots of money due to people boycotting it because of its connections to Israel. 

I took this picture because the little one is on a rope now and can’t get into our scrumptious grass anymore. Here they are with mum, next to the fence where the gardeners had dumped all the cuttings.

Shadowman – 30th June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments
Englehart

Wound tight, played precise
A night fight, all that jazz
Voodoo spell, doll will dance
Deadside hell and razzmatazz
Pagan sages, a ragtime roll
Inner rages in shadow hours
Pinprick pain, man divided
Ridden insane by fiendish powers

Inspired by the original run of the Shadowman comic. Submitted to FOWC with Fandango – tight and precise along with the Word of the Day Challenge – jazz

Bennu is a Heron 2023全新EP -「despite the world is so big, but not a corner belongs to me」現已上線。
四曲自我記錄忠實呈現，獻給2019 – 2022的我們，祝好。

Home, Sweet Home
「未曾問你來自哪裡。」
關於家，關於身份，關於歸屬，關於靈魂的容納之處。

Injurer
「你還像從前那般？」
關於憤怒，關於立場，關於公義，關於變成曾經憎恨的人。

My Dream
「昨晚睡得好嗎？」
關於愛，關於記憶，關於留戀，關於每一個不眠之夜。

Fairy Tale
「你啟程後，不會再回來了吧。」
關於海，關於浪漫，關於自我，關於不設限的未知旅程。

實體將於10月發售

Vinyl release is a DIY worldwide co-operative with:
Desperate Infant Records
Qiii Snacks Records
Sango Records
ungulates
22 Records
Calm Lake Records
tenzenmen
Gizzmoix Records 

Originally digitally released by Sango Records @sangorecords and Desperate Infant Records @desperate.infant.records
Recording by 伟松&拓坤@RC Studio, Nam@Zhuying Studio and Sam@Home
Mixing / Mastering by Brian@Sound Blade Studio
Artwork by Jumpgate, Saki, Yellow and Jinbo

Bennu is a Heron (Guangzhou, China)
贝努是只苍鹭，来自广州的 Skramz / Emoviolence 乐团，由多支 Hardcore 乐团的乐手组成。 以所见、所闻、所想为出发点，直白陈述内心情绪。
Vocal – Jinbo
Guitars – Sam & Joe
Bass – Gao
Drums – Chal

Today I’m feeling:

Still a little dusty and vague. Predictably, last night I didn’t sleep well as indigestion bothered my stomach and the oysters bothered my guts. 

A really vivid poop dream got me out of bed as the oysters decided to make their early exit and it was a struggle to get a good deep sleep after that.

Today I’m grateful for:

Starting to feel normal again this evening.  Even early this afternoon I could still taste Friday night’s whiskey in my mouth.  This evening I seem to have my energy and motivation back after pushing through with a few things this afternoon.

The best thing about today was:

Sorting things out this afternoon for the Bennu 12” release and the upcoming MPC CD, downloading some comics, listening to some tunes and playing a bit of guitar.  I have to try and force myself into my room this week to play some more.  No book reading again this weekend sadly.  I really want to read more but seem more invested in YouTubing.  I’m going to turn off the video I’m about to watch and read instead.

Something I learned today?

Watching the Swans mini-match I found out that we lost by one point in a poor game.  Hopefully, it keeps us from being complacent.

I took this picture because I needed a shot to put on Bandcamp to try and sell this latest release from Bennu Is A Heron.

Get It Together – 22nd June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Got a head barren of motivation
What’s said only delivers frustration
Not dead but denied inspiration
Get it together or you’re done!

Emo-driven tears an aberration
Forgotten fears sudden implication
Perspective clears internal narration
You got skills but the bills are due!

Each turmoil treads towards education
Lessons learned have no expiration
Third eyes open to the realisation
Time to shine because the rains will come!

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 53 and inspired by one of my students who is trying hard at school but is close to getting kicked out.

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up tired but got going with Utopia coffee. Game was there and commiserated with me when I told him and Art that I couldn’t hang around as Amy had me quickly home for us to go to meet Mei and Hagan for lunch. I still managed to get a little reading in though, starting Rip It Up And Start Again again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Hagan for shouting us lunch at Mo’s (near Mae Sai). Good food and good catch-up, probably the last before they head back to Australia.

The best thing about today was:

Whilst out in the village in the evening I went across to the 20 baht shop, which was closed in the morning, and picked up some batteries and a door closer. I saw that KhaoThang was sitting in her mum’s shop so I went in and chatted with her and her mum for a minute. 

Her English pronunciation is awesome now, though her vocabulary is still limited as she studies in a Science program rather than language.

They told me that they will close the shop in December and mum will go to a temple in Phan and KT will stay in a dorm near her school (Tessaban 6). She’s only 14 but its quite common here.  Good luck to them both.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Somehow it feels hotter than it did in summer. It still hasn’t rained, two weeks now, so our new gutter is still untested. 

After the first rain, a month or more ago, it felt cooler and refreshing and now the temperature has remained the same but the humidity seems to have skyrocketed. It’s pretty tiring but despite some huffing and puffing, I’m still trying not to complain out loud.

The heat did stop me from going to my room today though. I could’ve still gone but I couldn’t even really face getting up out of the air-conned living room to get a drink of water.

Something I learned today?

I came across a Roy and HG documentary and it made me reminisce a lot about my early years in Australia and then even more so when there were clips of The Dream which was the show they did during the Sydney Olympics. That was still a memorable prime time in my life.

I found a load of videos on YT which I stuck in the queue to watch at some point.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Around 7pm Amy wanted to go to the market to get some soy milk, implying that I had to ride her there. I still didn’t want to get out but eventually, I did.

I took this picture at Mo’s because I finally remembered to take some pictures today. I knew this one was going to look good when I took it.

Good Book – 3rd June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Prepared with a pocketful of prose
The book sprang legs!
Patient and potent, I cannot pull away
The word holds me, the world begs

The porch story-teller
Remembers not to forget
Making metaphors, I’m nostalgic
For something that hasn’t happened
Yet

Innocence gone up in flames
Living mosaics of everyone
And everything ever loved
A good book, once ended
Has begun

Inspired, borrowed and paraphrased from this post at Spinning Visions
20th Sep 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #195

Today I’m feeling:

So-so.  Despite thinking that I might get up at my usual time of 6am I slept for another couple of hours.  I feel less tired than yesterday but still not ready for action.

I did feel inspired enough to bring my laptop to Utopia and caught up on some poetry reading and a little writing.  I may do some more lesson planning.  I should, but I also may not!

Today I’m grateful for:

My old friends from When Chimps Attack.  I messaged Tommy recently after he had posted a picture of himself and Aaron at a show in Sydney.

Tommy had been in London for the past ten years or so but he said things were so grim there now that he came back but that he was struggling a little bit on his return too.  I told how I had felt there back in October – pretty similar.

Tommy also passed on Aaron’s email address and I wrote him today and look forward to hearing from him.

I know Jon and Ama live in Sydney again and wondering if Aaron has moved back too?  A Chimps reunion?

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar after a couple of days break.  I managed to improve a little on last time and I felt good for that.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Around 4pm I went out to my room to catch up on some emails and play guitar.  Amy came out about ten minutes later and propositioned me.

As I had just sat down to do something else I was hardly in the mood, and these days I’m less in the mood a lot of the time.

My libido is definitely dropping off and I have no thoughts of looking elsewhere for satisfaction.  I love Amy and am committed to her but it’s not easy for me to just put myself in the mood these days. This is not helped by Amy usually propositioning when she has been drinking which isn’t very flattering for me.  Are beer goggles needed to look upon me now?

Having said that, when the time is right for both of us I still have the best orgasms that I’ve ever had with her.

Sadly, today she seems to be offended by my rejection and has locked herself in the second bedroom and won’t even communicate anything.  I was frustrated enough to try and kick the door in but gave up, considering that it would make things worse.

What happens next when she comes out?  I will try to just behave as normal and ignore her actions and try to smooth things over when she has calmed down.

Something I learned today?

All the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are set to 4:20.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave candy to both Art’s at Utopia this morning.

Whilst I was there Amy called me because I had taken the car as I had planned to do some work at Utopia and wasn’t sure if it would rain or not.  Amy suddenly decided to go for a spa and massage and needed the car immediately, so I drove back home and swapped over to the motorbike to go back to my coffee.

I took this picture because I’m trying to get this plant to grow over the top of the old roof frame. With the rain, it will grow like crazy and I just need to keep going along the beams.

One Step – 1st June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

In the maze presented ahead each day
Unable to navigate true
It is possible to get completely lost

But there is always someone who
Will find you and take you by the hand
And guide you back to your bed
A breadcrumb trail in the form of a friend
Keeping you one step ahead

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and relaxed.  Enjoyed a lazy sleep-in listening to the light rain outside this morning.  

After coffee, I did some work and catching up on emails and then in the afternoon got sucked into watching music reaction videos.

Today I’m grateful for:

Quiet (as such).  No one else around, nothing specifically to do, nowhere to be.

The best thing about today was:

I picked up my book to start reading at midday but then started watching videos and did a little weeding and tidying up in the garden (maybe 20 minutes max!) and it was about 6pm when I actually got to read!  

I finished the chapter about Africa up until about the start of the Second World War and the rise of the anti-colonialist movements there.

Something I learned today?

Nicha sent me a heart message this morning.  I’m assuming that means she’s doing ok.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent a follow-up message to Aida though don’t expect her to answer as she doesn’t usually respond on the weekends.  I will try and talk some more with her next week though.

I also encouraged the students who did reading for me and that I listened to this morning. I love to see the kids improve their reading skills but it is definitely a chore to listen to the same text over and over!

Immersion – 30th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

No moon, no stars distract
My world is on this page
Immersed in the act
A real story for this age

A wide world, web wild
Spinning in my head
Weaving my inner child
With the written and said

Wonders of the word
My world on this page
Only silence is heard
Projected from the stage

Submitted to WDYS #240

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired but positive.  Snoozed my alarm and skipped exercise this morning otherwise I feel like I will be totally exhausted by tomorrow night.

I’ll see how I feel tomorrow morning but hope to do some exercise again.  I can feel my abs holding me together a little better!

Today I’m grateful for:

All the folks that grew the watermelon, picked, cut and packed it and sold it to me in the market this afternoon.  Refreshing and cooling.

The best thing about today was:

After school, I did a quick walk around the lake again to see who was around and bumped into my quiet grade 8 students Earn and Nampan who I had also just finished teaching about 15 minutes earlier.

I asked them if they liked studying with me and they both grew big smiles and said yes and when I asked them why they said that the class was fun and that I am funny.

It was nice to hear that and made me feel good.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The afternoon grew super humid and dealing with a restless class of grade 8s was hard work and made me sweaty.  Film came and stood next to me waving a fan saying that I was sweating too much.

When I bumped into some other students they said that I looked tired and I realised that I was feeling it and when I got home I went straight out to pick up some food at the walking street.

I had planned to go and eat with Baipad and her sister later on but couldn’t wait.

Something I learned today?

Teaching my grade 12 class about IELTS today I asked the students what they knew about it, what they wanted to know and at the end of the lesson, what they had learned.

During this lesson, we all learned that the test costs about 7,350 baht here in Thailand.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent a message of support to Namsai who cried in class today because others made fun of her not knowing how to spell a word.  I got really upset with the rest of the class about it at the time.

Whilst not particularly vile I did cut in traffic on the way to school and upset some ute-driving workers who sped up to force me out.

The last traffic lights before school are a pain in the ass and take too long because of the way they are set up (just one direction can enter the junction at a time).  As the turning lane moves the slowest I usually drive down the freer lanes and cut in which is usually easy because the Thais are either so chill or so lacking in attention that they don’t move quickly and leave big gaps to cut into.

Driving to school is probably my least favourite part of the day.

I took this picture last night as our birdy was on her nest. I had to stand in our living room behind the blinds and then zoom in to get this shot without frightening her off.