Every pretty picture sells a story A facade of successes and glory Perception managers became a thing Endless adulations on which to cling
The shiny things are not the true treasure This view of winning was made to measure Manufactured with a subscriber plan Fire without fuel is a flash in the pan
Trinkets provide endless fascination The doom scroll triggers imagination The selling point, the fraudulent score Where less is always made to look like more
Somewhat a critique of the Thai education system in which I work, but also a reflection on the barrage of fake social media promises.
Super tired as I definitely didn’t catch up on any missed sleep from Sunday night. Never mind. I’ll have to try tonight.
I was looking forward to sitting down with some coffee and free time when my grade 9 students called me and asked to move their class from the afternoon to this morning again.
As this kinda suits me too, leaving the afternoon free, I rushed back and we went in search of a free room, ending up in the library.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Kratae for helping out Anchan as much as she can. It may not be much and it may not be enough for Anchan but Kratae is offering some hope at least. I will have to think of something that I can do for her as thanks one day. And I will ask Anchan for suggestions and if she can contribute in some way too.
The best thing about today was:
I felt my health improve a little over the day, especially mentally. Somehow, being at school is picking me up mentally, whilst seemingly running me down physically.
I was particularly energised after my grade 8 class finished at 12.30 but I didn’t leave school for another 45 minutes as various groups of students came to distract me, wanting to chat.
Something I learned today?
After much hassling from my students, I installed Instagram and TikTok and have been trying to work out how they work and if they are even remotely useful for me.
I still don’t quite get them or how they work. At the end of the day, I just want to use this software to stay in contact with my students in the future.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
As I was contemplating being able to finish early and go home, Anchan messaged me asking to go with her to Nong Kratae’s for the first time today this afternoon.
I guess as I wasn’t due to finish until 4.30 pm anyway, then it’s not a big deal and I’m hanging around at House catching up on reading and writing. Trying to get my brain back into poem-writing mode after a few days away from writing.
Tonkhaw took this picture because….he was happy to see his teacher hard at work, perhaps?
Awake and alive despite only about six hours of sleep. Also feeling a little fragile and on edge but don’t know why. I feel like if something doesn’t go to plan I could easily lose the plot.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai for inviting me to play tennis which we finally got to do today. I made it through about 30 minutes and she had already been playing for an hour before that! It was only 9.30 am but over 30 degrees and no shade. I haven’t played for more than twenty years so everything was pretty stiff. My brain knew what it wanted my body to do but my body wasn’t always capable. I was dizzy after sitting down, drenched in sweat and super stinky as my shirt was one of those that hadn’t dried properly in the sun last week. And although my body feels used up I think it is happy to have been used. I want to go again!
The best thing about today was:
Finding out that Carsick Cars will play in Sydney whilst I’m there! I saw they will play with Garry David, so hit up Bob Blunt to get more info. Amy already has me busy with lunch and dinner appointments on the day they play but Bob advised that they added an afternoon matinee show which I should be able to squeeze in – no problem! Cool bananas! He also told me Julian Wu is the tour organiser so I messaged him too and he’s prepaid a ticket for me and it will be awesome to catch up with everyone again. What a trip!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a message overnight from an M3 student, Pon, who I taught last year saying he was hoping to join the English Program next year but his grades weren’t up to scratch. I had rarely interacted with him and he was always quiet in class though he usually did my work. His low grade was when Dylan was teaching him and I’m not sure why he decided to message me to say he was devastated. I’m understanding but not exactly sympathetic. His grade was in his own hands and now he’s reaping the results of his lack of attention at the time. ‘Don’t care was made to care’ as I was often told as a child! Students are not taught how their decisions and actions affect their futures.
I read an article today about the negative effects of phone use and social media on children and how it affects the mental health of the undeveloped brain. It’s common sense to me that kids shouldn’t have phones in class! Even though I have tried to have them utilise their phones for study they often switch in and out to other apps which I know is detrimental to learning and memory.
I also received a message from my M2 student Alew, asking about scholarships. I don’t know how you go about applying for those but I’m glad he’s asking the question. I pointed him to Champ who may be able to give him some advice.
Something I learned today?
I saw that in China you can order your taxi by phone and if you are not sure where it might be, like at an airport for example, you can shake your phone and it will trigger the hazard lights on the car. And once in the taxi, you can control the aircon from your phone too.
What motivates me to do my best?
If I am invested in something I will do my best. Sometimes if I’m not invested I will also try to do my best but be less bothered about the result.
I am always trying my best at school to entertain and teach my classes. I put a lot of effort and energy into that and I’m personally motivated by that. I care about the results for the students and not for the results as seen by the school, which is why I disagree strongly with their grading policy.
Funfai took this picture because I asked her to. I wanted to see how I looked after running around in the sun for thirty minutes!
Stop looking at it It’s all you’ll ever see Your beliefs reinforced Swinging from a tree
Stop picking at it Or the wound will never heal A rising of blood Drowns out your appeal
Stop clicking on it The addict and the fix Knock your house down It’s built on broken bricks
Today I’m feeling:
Quiet, low, not down but unenthusiastic and bored. Missing my little Amy at times like these.
Today I’m grateful for:
A little rain. It’s 8.30 pm and I just went to close the gate. Tigger was around and chatting with me. Light drops hit my skin every step or two and it felt like that would be it. I hung on the straps in the garage for a second enjoying the stretch in my arms, shoulders and back.
Then I came to sit outside our front door and write here. Slowly larger drops fell noisily on our assorted roofs and Tigger looked on bemused.
Then a flash and peal of thunder excited the air. A very slight breeze has made the temperature bearable again and I think even the mosquitoes are hiding. More rain, please.
The best thing about today was:
I think right now, listening to the rain. I knew today that I would watch the replay of the first Swans game of the season but the app didn’t work on the iPad so I checked the website on the laptop, which annoyingly doesn’t have the option to hide the scores. I obscured the screen as best I could but looking around to find the replay button, which wasn’t there yet, I accidentally saw the scores. We won but it still steals the pleasure of watching the game not knowing the outcome.
As I waited for the replay option to become available I played some more Xbox and started on a beer.
Today, I planned to have a beer or two whilst watching the game, as a kind of reminder of days past in Australia.
Amy video-called me as she was on a boat trip around the harbour. A beautiful hot day there, perfect to be on the water. Later she called again, a little drunk and happy but also teary because she wished I was there. And I wished I was too.
Finally, the replay was available to watch and we played well but I felt joyless. After a second beer, I decided not to have more as I was starting to nod off in the final quarter of the game. Enough so that after it finished I got into bed with the fan on me, waking up a couple of hours later in a 31-degree sweat. I felt a little better but still joyless and bored.
Now Tigger is sitting on me here in this chair, purring and observing.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My mood is a little out of control again and I think I want to go back to my full tablet of sertraline again. I’m realising that the deep connection I feel with my students leaves a vacuum in the semester breaks. I need to give some love to myself but don’t feel quite capable.
Something I learned today?
I took a little detour when riding back from Utopia this morning, around the back of the village towards the hidden temple halfway up the mountain. Everything is changing so quickly out there. The temple is no longer hidden and new dirt roads are heading off deeper into the mountains. I’ll go check them out one day soon.
How can I continue to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone?
Although I fall into laziness quite easily I try to challenge myself into making my classes better for my students. That’s not particularly outside my comfort zone though. My comfort zone keeps me fairly content and I can mostly adjust to any boredom that arises from it. But I don’t want to get complacent either.
Somehow, usually in time, fresh challenges come forth and I’m ok just waiting for them to arrive. It feels like a balance that is usually maintained. It’s not often I need to find things to challenge myself.
I feel like I don’t know what I’m writing here. These thoughts feel very now. If asked this question on a different day I think my answers would be almost the opposite.
I took this picture because Cap wanted to watch the football too.
Make sure to watch til the end This video needs the stats Nothing happens at that point As you can see within the chats
But make sure to watch til the end Cos this video needs to go viral A dollar for every ad served Within this ever-downward spiral
Make sure to watch til the end If you really want to laugh Forget about the time you’ve wasted Cutting your life in half
Make sure to watch til the end Scroll and pause, pause and scroll You’re the product in this game And the devil wants your soul
So make sure you watch til the end…
The foundations of a free country is that your freedom to swing your fist ends where someone else’s nose begins.
Ryan Holiday
Today I’m feeling: Reasonably happy. Today I’m grateful for: The old auntie at the market that made an old-style Thai dessert that is hard to come across. It’s a little like Japanese mochi, made with sticky rice and flour and other things I don’t recognise. The best thing about today was: Explaining some work to a couple of students and seeing the joy of understanding on their faces when it clicked for them. Small steps. Interested students are a teacher’s pleasure. Uninterested students are impossible to get through to and those moments of understanding are far fewer with them. So even a poorer student that shows interest is preferred. Daily thought Who is someone living that you admire? I’ve been thinking about this off and on all day and as was commented on where I found this question, it is much easier to come up with a person that is dead. Why is that? A finished story perhaps. A life that no longer can be spoiled… I admire many of my musician friends, just for their abilities to create music that sparks me. This can apply to artists I don’t know too but the connection feels vaguer these days. This admiration is not necessarily for who these people are but for things they created, though there is a strong connection in the qualities of patience and persistence amongst other things. If I have admiration for who a person is then that would be Amy. She has her ups and downs as much as anyone but in general, is a happy person whose positivity is seen by most and I’m sure has helped guide her through life with good results. I admire her attitude. I’m not like that, not like her in that way. I wish I could be but I just can’t. It’s one of the reasons I want to be with her though. She’s a counterbalance for me. What’s your best advice for teenagers? The best advice is what I have learned through reading about Stoicism and understanding the dichotomy of control. As I am teaching teenagers at the moment this often comes up for them in learning about dealing with relationships and situations. It is always something I have to remind myself about every day though. I think I’ll make that a daily question for myself from tomorrow.
I took this picture because this is typical of my students in class. Today I laughed with them but actually, I feel disappointed for them. The environment is just not conducive to learning.
Smash them in the shitter Fry their dicks in batter Friends of Gary Glitter Fuck ’em, they don’t matter Freedom, guns and fuck yous The new intellectual debate Pretending to be news In the amphitheatres of late
You must always respect those who struggle, even if they are defeated.
from Burmese Moons by Sophie Ansel
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Trying to engage some of the ‘bad’ girls in my class and able to draw them into enjoying finding solutions or seeing how to think about something in a different way. The best thing about today was: Catching up on some things during the three-and-a-half-hour break between classes. Each day of the week has a different schedule that I can utilise in different ways. Mondays will be catch-up days. Daily thought Do you rule over yourself? I try. But there are some things that I don’t wish to give up that just to feel that I do rule over myself. For instance, I take a mix of sertraline, tramadol and kratom which keeps me very well-balanced and in a good state of mind. I understand that it would be preferable to be able to maintain that balance without these things but I’m happy to let them rule over me for now. What are three things you couldn’t live without? How to answer this? Air, food, water? Or, really there’s nothing that I couldn’t live without? I enjoy the things I have in my life but if I didn’t have them I could still live. So, I guess I could think of the question like this – what are three things you prefer not to live without. Maybe that’s easy too. Amy, books, music. If I could have four then I would add cats.
I took this picture because on our bike ride on Saturday Bruno and I ended up in Doi Hua Mae Kham and rode around this developing village with freshly laid concrete. The format of the panorama doesn’t show quite how steep the road is or how spectacular the views were (unless you zoom in a little).
Here’s a list of things you must see There’s something here to set you free And you won’t believe number one Something no one else has ever done
If that really doesn’t tickle your fancy Number two will surely make you antsy And number three has so much more But you’ll never believe number four
Scroll on through to five and six You’ll start to see these amazing tricks Manipulations to make you laugh and lol To make sure the way on the infinite scroll
One can only live while one is intoxicated with life; as soon as one is sober it is impossible not to see that it is all a mere fraud and a stupid fraud! That is precisely what it is…it is simply cruel and stupid.
Leo Tolstoy, A Confession
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and contemplative.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gardeners. Whenever they come they will appear here. They do all the hard work that I’m lazy to do and they can have it done quickly. I wonder if I would ever be in a position to hire a full-time gardener or maid or similar, would I actually do it? It seems like a weird thing to do though there are actually people who would appreciate the opportunity. One of Amy’s mum’s friends has two ‘workers’ though she does own and run a substantial property with guest houses. It just seems strange that you would be the boss of your house and get your staff to do the actual work. Cooking cleaning or gardening etc…
The best thing about today was:
Picking up the guitar after a three-day break, almost stopping after only seven minutes, carrying on and then realizing an hour had gone by.
Write about your work/life balance.
My work/life balance feels perfect at the moment. I’m loving being on holiday right now but I also love being in the middle of another semester. I love my time at school and away from it. I rush to get to school and I rush to get home. It’s great.
I took this picture because these ‘fruit’ from our palm trees caught my eye this morning as I opened the gate after walking back from Utopia. They remind me of music and dancing somehow. In this mono edit, they still pop. A few hours after this the grass was cut and the garden tidy again. Fatman report
1994ever 