Of course, I am the hero This is my poem after all! Well-intentioned and rational Justice must be my call
So you must be the villain A poet must have a foe! Conjuring a dastardly plan Laughing maniacally so
We take action as we believe Ignorant of a better way Both deceived by our duty In this game of life we play
Today I’m feeling:
Good again. I’m enjoying the feeling of being revitalised from my morning exercise. I woke up with a start this morning, though, which was good in that I wasn’t waking before my alarm like earlier this week.
For some reason, I was dreaming about opening a (?) for my student, Fah, and I also had an impression that I had been dreaming about an old workmate, Steve. I’m not sure why they were roaming around in my subconscious.
My first class was fun and straightforward but the two-hour break following it has made me tired and uninspired. I will teach the same lesson again soon to another class of the same grade but I’m doubting it will go as well. I may be doubting myself here rather than the students.
(After) Although the second class was a little more difficult to deal with, everyone at least submitted something to me, whilst some of my first class just left because they couldn’t answer the questions and weren’t interested in asking me for help.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Spain, who filled me in on some classroom gossip from his perspective. He’s a year older than everyone else as he has some kind of quirky autism which held him back a year and whilst he struggles to interact in a ‘normal’ manner, he’s fairly bright and knowledgeable and today I discovered that he is particularly observant.
He told me how he sees everything that is going on, who is with who, when they come and go, lots and lots of details. It was interesting to talk with him but also tiring as I struggled to hear him through his face mask and the sudden twists and turns he makes in conversation.
The best thing about today was:
Buying a punnet of strawberries at the walking street and scoffing them all with coconut ice cream, yoghurt and mini-Toblerones in a big bowl. So much for all that exercise and trying to lose weight!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was not inspired to write after a provocative (to me) comment was posted on my poem, Christmas In Gaza, that I read this morning.
I’ve left the comment there without response but it essentially boils down to divisions through religion – ie, my god is better than yours. There’s no reasoning with this, so I’ll not engage.
Internally, though, the rage of hypocrisy burns so brightly. I need to let it go. It’s not my business what others choose to believe.
A few minutes after writing this, I started thinking about how things in general these days are about winning and losing and while some folks lose online arguments, others are losing their lives and the winners are rewriting their histories in some form or another. This triggered off a flow of words and I managed to get the bad feeling out.
Something I learned today?
Hong Kong is the only city in the world that uses seawater to flush its toilets.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
This morning, I encouraged Baipad to finish off a drawing she had started and when I messaged her this evening, asking her what the best thing about her day, it was that she had finished it.
Super tired again. Yesterday I managed to resist an afternoon nap and I got to sleep OK, until Cap kept crying to go in and out of the bedroom and then to be fed. Happy to know that he has his appetite but I just want to sleep more!
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy and her family deciding to go for a fish lunch out in the rice fields. It was good to do something different though it was funny that they decided on the restaurant that Bruno and I went and tried as we were riding by a year or two ago.
Also to Kru Karn who offered me her shelf space in the teacher’s room to keep my things. I’ll do that for now but may move it to somewhere more suitable later.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more about the British Empire in Africa. It was interesting to read that there were people who abhorred the colonial treatment of other human beings at the time. Interesting in that nothing much has changed, sadly.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I haven’t been able to do any more lesson planning as I haven’t been able to get more information from Kru Mai about my classes yet. It’s a little frustrating as it is what we are supposed to be doing this week and now it means I will have to do more in the actual holiday time.
When I went to school just before lunch I found lots of people cleaning out the office space for Kru Puu who will stay in there in future. Unfortunately, this means moving my stuff out from there and also not being able to use it for one-to-one speaking exercises anymore. A lot of student’s work that I was keeping to look at later was also missing, presumably thrown out. Oh well. Nothing stays the same.
Something I learned today?
I just got sent a video by Noey. It was of me riding the wrong way at the traffic lights (to save time) as I was out getting a tub of ice cream at the 7-11. She must have been on her bike at the traffic lights going in the other direction.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I messaged a few more students today and had little conversations of encouragement with them.
I took this picture because this was the view from our restaurant table at lunch time.
Positive but a little tired and soft-sighted. Exercise was tough again but easier than yesterday. Still only doing one set for this week. Hope to get back to two next week.
Today I’m grateful for:
Seeing all my happy students again, giving me hugs, telling me they missed me, asking for candy! But most of all to Aunwar who brought me a piece of cake for my birthday! A typical, kind, Muslim gift. If only he was good in class! Haha! He’ll get there.
The best thing about today was:
Still being able to duck out after the morning flag-raising ceremony and sit in the cafe for a couple of hours before hanging out with the kids again at lunchtime, distributing the knick-knack gifts that I brought back from Australia and then heading home around 1pm.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Originally we were told that we had a whole week of activities but today I found out that we start our scheduled classes on Wednesday. Not particularly bothered by this and I know that everything changes all the time now and can better cope with these annoyances.
Something I learned today?
A Chinese airline passenger threw coins into the engine when they were boarding. It’s happened more than once and each time they all said they did it for luck and a safe flight!
What is my favourite memory from the past month?
Being in Sydney again and catching up with friends and family. The blue skies, green trees and purple jacarandas; old familiar smells, sights and sounds.
One particular brief moment stands out and that was walking over the new park at the end of Barangaroo, along the piers of the Rocks, under the bridge and around to the Quay.
Throughout my travels around the city were constant reminders of events past, who lived where, warehouses, houses and venues for shows.
My life, guided by the dull dreary boredom-brown of England, then expanded by the city and country relaxed-excitement of Australia and contemplated here in hot-humid jungle-country Thailand. It’s hard not to be happy.
What am I learning about life right now?
I’m in the middle of a ten-day mini-meditation Stoicism course and whilst it covers many things I have learned already I need to keep reinforcing these things and keep them in mind and transfer them to practice.
I’m also learning that I don’t have enough time for everything and need to prioritise some things. I can easily fill my days. Every day.
I took this picture because the full moon with Mars (?) nearby was the view this wonderful temperate evening where I breathed deep the relatively fresh air. Perfect.
Push the barbarians back To the river banks Left alive for one day To practice giving thanks Soon ends the reign of one Another body left vacated Remembered then forgotten The future we’re all fated
You can only know the good life if you know yourself. Facts won’t ever help you be happy. Unless that fact is ‘I know who I am.’
Timothy, Musings on Self-Education
Today I’m feeling: Reasonably happy Today I’m grateful for: The vet for checking Tigger and his skin problem. He’s got some fungal skin infection that makes blisters though he doesn’t seem to care about it at all. I’m also grateful I had free time to be able to take him this afternoon and drop Amy at her parents too. Also grateful that on advising that I would have to take Thursday off to go to Lampang got told that there are no classes anyway so it’s not a problem. The best thing about today was: Again, helping some of my poorer students with some reading. It makes me happy to see them try and to slowly improve themselves. I could tell that one student, Pin, was particularly happy to complete reading the text after a long struggle. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? Waking up in the morning and finding out that Amy’s uncle passed away during the night and that meant changes to our plans which we couldn’t be sure about at that time and would decide during the day. So when I got home Amy said the funeral would be on Thursday and that we will go but I told her that I had to be at school, I had to teach and also I’d taken two days off recently to help with other things so taking another day was gonna be a little bit difficult. Anyway, I sent a message to Kru Mai saying that I would have to go to the funeral in Lampang and I would organise work for the kids to do in my absence. Luckily he replied that Thursday was going to be New Year’s activities and there were no classes anyway so everything was fine. Now I just have to prepare myself for a six-hour round-trip drive on Thursday. Something I learned today? Earn didn’t come to school today because she was ‘heartbroken’ over some unrequited love and she had video-called to her friends and I talked with her a little but it was too noisy in the class to understand. Later I talked with her friends and they all said that she is not strong which I found surprising because she comes across as quite independent and strong-willed. I sent her a message to not let her happiness depend on other people and she said she was ok now, was over it and would be back in school tomorrow. The troubles of the heart! Haha, so easily brushed off at this age. Have you ever had surgery? What for? Only minor surgery. I had a vasectomy when I was 42 or thereabouts. Then, about seven years ago I’d hurt my elbows from repetitive strain due to making coffee. A specialist recommended taking out a part of the tendon in my wrist, doing some magic with it and then injecting it back into my elbows. I can’t remember the procedure name and I have to say it didn’t really work but I did discover the wonders of tramadol as a post-surgery painkiller. I’d never felt better! My elbows remain an issue and my coffee-making career was done.
I took this picture because Amy had to go and stay at her parent’s house to take care of grandma as her mum and dad went to Lampang because uncle passed away yesterday and they will help arrange things. As well as taking care of grandma she had to walk Leo who is just bursting with energetic excitement he dragged Amy along on his walk. He slobbers and is smelly, I had to change my clothes when I got home.
My favourite mug smashed to pieces Now strewn across the kitchen floor Happened a thousand times in my mind And so this is what I’ve prepared for
Whenever you must learn a new skill or alter your career path later in life, you reconnect with that youthful, adventurous part of yourself.
Robert Greene
Today I’m feeling: Mostly happy, a little tired. Today I’m grateful for: The Bath and Body Works car freshener that lost its smell in the car but I brought it inside and shoved it in the screen door and pierced it slightly so the fluid can slowly drip. In the afternoon the sun hits it and the bedroom smells great. The best thing about today was: Not having to teach. Can’t complain about days like that. What was out of your control today and how did you handle it? I was expecting to have to teach today but at the last minute realised that I wouldn’t be able to. I hastily prepared some work for my students to do in their own time and was able to feel that I wasn’t neglecting my students or just skipping out. I doubt if most will do my work so at least I can see who is conscientious at least. Describe your family’s greatest catastrophe to date. I suppose this would be my father dying which undoubtedly affected things around me but as I was less than two years old I can’t say that it affected me directly at the time. It’s also not possible to say how it has affected me since as I have nothing to compare it with. I don’t think there has been anything catastrophic in my life since though no doubt some things may have felt so at the time.
I took this picture because Kim didn’t really seem to mind balancing across these parts of the sofa.
Make sure to watch til the end This video needs the stats Nothing happens at that point As you can see within the chats
But make sure to watch til the end Cos this video needs to go viral A dollar for every ad served Within this ever-downward spiral
Make sure to watch til the end If you really want to laugh Forget about the time you’ve wasted Cutting your life in half
Make sure to watch til the end Scroll and pause, pause and scroll You’re the product in this game And the devil wants your soul
So make sure you watch til the end…
The foundations of a free country is that your freedom to swing your fist ends where someone else’s nose begins.
Ryan Holiday
Today I’m feeling: Reasonably happy. Today I’m grateful for: The old auntie at the market that made an old-style Thai dessert that is hard to come across. It’s a little like Japanese mochi, made with sticky rice and flour and other things I don’t recognise. The best thing about today was: Explaining some work to a couple of students and seeing the joy of understanding on their faces when it clicked for them. Small steps. Interested students are a teacher’s pleasure. Uninterested students are impossible to get through to and those moments of understanding are far fewer with them. So even a poorer student that shows interest is preferred. Daily thought Who is someone living that you admire? I’ve been thinking about this off and on all day and as was commented on where I found this question, it is much easier to come up with a person that is dead. Why is that? A finished story perhaps. A life that no longer can be spoiled… I admire many of my musician friends, just for their abilities to create music that sparks me. This can apply to artists I don’t know too but the connection feels vaguer these days. This admiration is not necessarily for who these people are but for things they created, though there is a strong connection in the qualities of patience and persistence amongst other things. If I have admiration for who a person is then that would be Amy. She has her ups and downs as much as anyone but in general, is a happy person whose positivity is seen by most and I’m sure has helped guide her through life with good results. I admire her attitude. I’m not like that, not like her in that way. I wish I could be but I just can’t. It’s one of the reasons I want to be with her though. She’s a counterbalance for me. What’s your best advice for teenagers? The best advice is what I have learned through reading about Stoicism and understanding the dichotomy of control. As I am teaching teenagers at the moment this often comes up for them in learning about dealing with relationships and situations. It is always something I have to remind myself about every day though. I think I’ll make that a daily question for myself from tomorrow.
I took this picture because this is typical of my students in class. Today I laughed with them but actually, I feel disappointed for them. The environment is just not conducive to learning.
A bad girl is what you want to be And it seems it’s gonna be that way to me That’s ok but I must warn you to be smart Being a good bad girl is a difficult art
Endless pleasure becomes its own form of punishment.
Stoic thought
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the abundance of things growing in my garden. I’m no gardener and things don’t need much care here.
Fixing the world at your barroom tables Shaking fists at your agreeable fables It’s simple in your circle of influence To discount all the unsavoury elements
Warring in nations at your profitable leisure Prodding the monkies to provide your pleasure Your war is better than theirs, you beg Stuffing the chicken back into its egg
Your head games and offensive words Spewing out your hole like stinking turds The two-faced smiles and stinking breath Your finagling towards friendship death
Daggers raised at those honest necks A passive-aggressive sweep of the decks The bitter change of heart so swift Beyond the tears, you gave me a gift
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have a nice deep sleep totally missing the storm that blew everything around in the night. Feel good this morning!
I forgot to mention yesterday that I finally managed to play the first part of Scarborough Fair after what seems like months of trying! Changing from Dm to F was so difficult and it was getting so frustrating. I was so happy to finally do it on Sunday. Now I have to complete the next two sections and advance to Level 6. It’s all starting to get a little more difficult now but I’m still enjoying it. I will try and find more old punk songs that I know to play along to. I think that will keep up my motivation.
Today I can celebrate Matt selling me his stash of Kratom and also giving me the rest of his weed tincture. I never tried these before, so let’s see what they are like.
I’m happy today. Tuesday is my easy teaching day and giving the student work ahead of time makes the class go quicker, although it kinda spreads the work out for me, making it longer. Anyway, I’m enjoying it at the moment. I am still looking forward to a break though.
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