My saviour come, rescue me We’ll sit and drink as friends Until a change of direction flows Towards the most deadly ends In a rage, a spear picked up Stabbed through the heart that breaks A friend now forever dead Another left living with his mistakes
Today I’m feeling:
A little refreshed though a little slow to go. A delicious sleep-in this morning occasionally broken by light pouring in and cats crying to be fed. Two Utopia coffees have me buzzing. It’s almost a shame that I still have to go to school for a couple of hours. I’ve never been able to feel comfortable with spending free time before going to work. I’m more of a get-up-and-get-to-work person. Get it over and done with and relax after it’s finished.
Today I’m grateful for:
Having a working reliable car that I was able to drive through a big storm to get to work this afternoon. The rain was so heavy that most cars pulled over until it passed. I was on a tight schedule, though obviously, I slowed down.
The best thing about today was:
Wandering around the school finding my students doing various activities, mostly unhappily and having fun with them. I was in a good mood because I only did about ten minutes work and was about to make my way home again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was sitting in the car preparing to leave, my phone connected to the car to play my queued podcasts as normal, I looked at my phone and there was a message saying that the app I was using would be discontinued next month. Just as I finally had things set up and running smoothly on it. Sigh. Inevitably, when I got to school at the appropriate time there was lots of sitting around waiting before I was due to do anything so I did some research, downloaded a new app and found all my podcasts again and set my queue up again. All done!
Something I learned today?
If you want to lose belly fat you should do some active exercise approximately two hours after waking up. I’m often in the classroom around that point and I’m pretty active. I’m not much of a sit-down teacher.
How do I show love and support to those around me?
An interesting question as it’s not something I consciously think about. If someone is sad I will be empathetic. If they are struggling I will talk with them. I’m going to wimp out here and say etc etc. But I would also say that I don’t get too involved in other people’s lives so I might not know so much about what is going on with them anyway. I don’t need my nose in everyone’s business either.
I took this picture because I love to see the sun hit the mountains whilst clouds are hanging around, heavy like this one was. I’m thankful to be able to see the wonders of nature almost every day.
Susceptible to minor disruptions. I realise I’m tired this morning after less than 7 hours sleep but I felt pretty good driving to work and was happy to have a little funny conversation with my students Jan and Baipad before driving to House for coffee. At the school exit, I was careful when driving across the busy main road. A traffic cop was standing there and angrily (it probably wasn’t with anger but just clear gesticulation) waved me through even as a big truck was bearing down from the left. Somehow that really made me dark, though I really understood quickly what was happening in my head. I’m still trying to replace the feeling by remembering the interaction with the students instead. It’s not quite working yet. Perhaps this is a job for coffee!
Today I’m grateful for:
My students for really testing me today as I struggled with energy and enthusiasm. A couple of students who didn’t want to read in front of the class I kept back and had them try just for me and I’m proud that they did it. I just want them to get more confident and comfortable so that they test themselves and their abilities. I’m not so fussed about their actual output.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. Today was a bit of a blur and spent mostly in an above-average happy mood (after the incident in the morning).
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was starting to feel fatigued and exhausted by the time of my last class, who have become comfortable enough with me to try to push my boundaries. For the second half of the lesson, I had them read in front of the class with the rule that if anyone talked the reader would have to start again from the beginning. They soon figured out to be quiet and managed it for about 40 minutes which was good enough to get things done. I was happy to leave school and looking forward to getting home but then I remembered I had to go shopping too. Still, I managed to push on. I’m ready to drop.
What is a habit I would like to develop?
I think there’s nothing much at the moment. I’ve worked on developing a number of habits over the last three years and my time is too full already. So perhaps the question should be reversed to which habit I might like to inhibit instead. Eating candy? Watching YouTube? I don’t know, really? I think I’m good for the moment.
I took this picture because I saw something unusual sprouting from this plant (plant or tree, I’m not sure) yesterday and this morning it had become much more visible and grown to this. I never thought these would have flowers, which is presumably what will come. Stay tuned.
The poison in his palace Spews forth through angry lips Hence it penetrates through All his relationships Take care not to smear Or guilt by association Is what we may all fear For even a non-communication
My body felt good after some chest exercises that hurt a lot though I can feel I’m getting a little more strength each time. My mind is following my body and is fairly positive though contemplating being on the borders of exhaustion. It’s a long day today but I’ve planned reasonably well for it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The tax cheque that I got for 3200 baht. That will help go towards the 5500 baht cost of the aircon repair. The aircon also stopped again last night after two nights of success. The two fans are barely enough to make sleep comfortable.
The best thing about today was:
All my classes going well and being enjoyable. The students had a good time and I did too. Maybe they even learned some things. I enjoyed the M4 class giving them a task that I only had the idea for on Monday. I saw that they went to some special training on the weekend with an ex-flight attendant so I got them to write about that. I put some time into helping them improve their work and we’ll continue tomorrow when I hope they can finish and then read aloud what they’ve written. It looks like this class might lose its last boy too as he is feeling a little friendless surrounded by 15 girls.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I was busy preparing for the class mentioned above I ran out of time to learn a little more Thai with Amy and I’m almost out of time to chill with some TV as I still have to study with my apps too. It’s a little frustrating but I know that Wednesday and Thursday are my busiest days so I’m kinda prepared for it now.
Something I learned today?
In March 2022 Russia’s Putin had negotiated a secret peace deal with Ukraine and it had been agreed to. Part of that deal was to remove Russian troops from Kiev which they did. Then ‘the West’, via Boris Johnson, made Ukraine break the agreement. Since then 1000s of people have died in this conflict. For what purpose? It comes to mind that it is for financial profit for arms makers and to drive a wedge between Russia and Europe, all of which only benefits one party. Everyone’s favourite, the USA.
How do I define success?
Success is not worrying about success. Success is being happy with what you’ve got.
I took this picture because someone had gone to the trouble of building this tiny house that is too small for a child and too big for a doll house. And then it’s been abandoned to the jungle with a bull and me as its only witness.
A half-finished thought on a scrap Of paper left to wait on the dash Perhaps one day it will be completed On this keyboard that I bash The cosmos forever turning makes For a beautiful hell to weave Wherever these gifts are coming from They’re a pleasure to receive
Pretty good. My classes went well despite some annoyances and stresses. I felt a little bit over it by the end of the day and was glad to get home.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finishing entering my gratitude journal entries online for March 2021-June 2021. Onto the next little journal which continues up to August 2022 and when I started using this app (Day One). It’s kinda ironic that my last entry in that journal I just finished talked about being grateful for the journal itself as I prefer to write with a pen on paper rather than use the phone. I guess I still do prefer that but I’ve gotten used to doing these on the phone now.
The best thing about today was:
Chatting with my student Jet. She asked me what I thought about Kru Ren and I told her I liked him because he was unusual. She agreed and wants to talk with him more because she’s intrigued. She said he is an otaku’s otaku! I don’t know him well enough to comment but I also find him intriguing especially yesterday when he was wearing blue contact lenses.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Well, this is more the opposite. In my class yesterday it was apparent that the students didn’t understand much so I quickly put together some work that would give them more familiarity with the vocab and how to find their meanings in the dictionary along with a translation so that they could make connections. Setting this up kept them quiet and having them write it all down will help reinforce things a little more. By the time I got to the next class to teach them the same thing I had re-jigged the lesson so that it was in a better order. By tomorrow I should know if it has improved from the student’s perspective too.
Something I learned today?
I found some exercises and massage to possibly help my sore toe. I’m not sure if it is a bunion or not but the information should be useful anyway. It seems I would also benefit from buying wide-toed shoes to help too.
What is my favourite way to connect with nature?
See today’s picture. Right now getting on my motorbike and riding around is the best and easiest way for me. I do miss different natural settings these days. I mean the mountains and the jungle are breathtaking at times but it seems impossible to go anywhere here to get away from it.
On Sunday I took this picture because these vivid colours stood out as I was whizzing through this village on my motorbike. I had to stop and go back to get this shot but I’m glad I did.
A bit wired as I struggled to get to sleep last night after a late afternoon coffee (in a coconut smoothie – delicious!) at Panor whilst out riding around. It was a hot day yesterday and I’m still thirsty from it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The three or four students who understood (in English) what gratitude is and how to apply it. Most of the class were confused though I plan on slowly building their knowledge about gratitude by repeating the exercise every few weeks.
The best thing about today was:
Playing volleyball with some students as a light rain came and cooled us all down. Some students enjoyed it so much that they wanted to get soaked in it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Trying to get my students to review their work outside of class is very frustrating as they mostly try to ignore messages and make excuses. I don’t know everyone’s situation outside school but I’m sure they mostly spend time playing games or looking at social media. I spent a lot of effort today trying to get everyone to finish the work for me and I was about 90% successful. I’ll take that as a win.
Something I learned today?
I’m learning a few things from reading Sapiens for example how certain mindsets in the past made for dramatic changes around the world. The thought that there was more knowledge out there in the world led to imperialism, capitalism and science. Those who believed that there was nothing outside their own realm worth bothering about were soon in for a surprise. In some ways, it would be nice if we were all just happy in our little spaces and just getting along with those near to us but if that was the case I probably wouldn’t own this phone that I’m currently writing on.
What is something I’ve been procrastinating on that I need to tackle?
Not procrastinating so much as just not having enough free time or dropping something else but I still haven’t got going with Ableton Live and my keyboard. The enthusiasm I had for experimenting and figuring out how to do things with music software is countered by the overwhelming options and possibilities. Well, it’s still there, waiting for when I’m ready.
Where did I show self-discipline?
There was definitely a point in my one class today where it felt like frustration might take over. This usually happens when students are not paying attention and I have to repeat myself several times. Somehow I managed to push the emotion back down as ultimately I knew it would be counterproductive to getting anywhere near the result I wanted.
I took this picture because we may have our first-ever dragonfruit this year.
Time doesn’t have to make sense In fact, it never will Every now becomes a then Forever standing still A life amounts to nothing much Just another day today Gone are the years to come There’s nothing left to stay
Today I’m feeling:
Aircon worked all night again though I changed the setting so it wasn’t freezing but I still woke up a few times and on top of being worn out, I woke up groggy, already thinking about tomorrow’s sleep-in. However, I got going with some exercise and my body feels good. Hopefully, this first coffee I’m waiting for helps keep my eyes open through my four hours between classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
My poorer students. Sometimes it is more enjoyable to watch them discover something than to watch the ones already up to speed rush to finish first. In my morning class, I was worried about how to fill the time but thankfully many students struggled with the task and we ended up finishing just five minutes early.
The best thing about today was:
I just finished playing guitar for about an hour and enjoyed making a bad racket for no one to hear. My whole day was enjoyable with tiring but fun classes filled with laughter.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I couldn’t stop myself from getting a late afternoon coffee as I was running around after school. I think it kept me going but may also keep me up tonight. I will handle it by sleeping in tomorrow if I wish.
Something I learned today?
I found out that at the end of the month is scout week again plus two days holiday too! What a life.
What is a recent accomplishment I am proud of?
That’s an interesting question. I think my accomplishments may be diminishing in grandeur these days but that is fine. I’ll bite off whatever I can gum. I’m quite proud of myself for my improving Thai skills though I’m still way off from being able to carry out a decent conversation but I was happy for my students to tell me that they appreciated that I spoke a little Thai with them and one student told me my pronunciation was the best of the foreign teachers in the school. It’s a bit of a delicate balance as the schools generally don’t want the foreign teachers speaking Thai but I’ll do whatever I can to help my students understand.
I took this picture because Tokyo is not an excitable puppy anymore but now has a chunky body with a skinny neck and a thin face. She spends her day mostly lazing around like this.
Can I keep the bullet you gave me When you shot me through the heart? Perhaps one day it will save me To put back together what you ripped apart
Today I’m feeling:
Got up easily but woke up tired. The aircon worked last night and I was scared to make any changes to the settings so I woke up cold a couple of times! By the time of my last class, I was feeling a little dizzy but I made it through well enough and got home to a message from the aircon people that they would come around 5pm. Result! They came and checked it out and will go off to find the price of the part they think needs replacing. They said there were ants inside part of the outside fan. That wouldn’t be surprising but also possibly bullshit. Whatever, I just want working aircon!
Today I’m grateful for:
In my search for food, I bumped into Boss and Safe from Utopia at the walking market and they told me there weren’t many stalls because the university is on a break now. So that’s probably why my fried fish lady has disappeared. I couldn’t find anything there so popped into Lotus’s and was grateful to find a plant-based pork belly microwave meal, buy two get one free. Perfect!
The best thing about today was:
I feel as if I was too busy to have anything that stands out above everything else as the best. I’ve just replayed the day in my mind and everything was fine and dandy and I was happy indeed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both my M1 classes were pretty chaotic with many kids sprawling themselves around on the floor like fallen Jenga puzzle pieces. It still strikes me as bizarre the differences in acceptable behaviours in schools in Thailand and England (at least from what I remember). The atmosphere in schools here is kinda nice but Im struggling to see how the kids are actually learning!
Something I learned today?
I watched two separate videos about the war in the Ukraine and both the content and the commentators were totally at odds with each other. One discussed the masses of destroyed tanks in Ukraine’s counter-offensive and the other saw Ukraine prepare to attack on Russian soil. It felt like neither side’s commenters knew about the possibility of there being other narratives and as someone who hasn’t been following too closely, it’s difficult to know what to believe. Maybe that’s the point.
How can I be kinder to myself?
I’m pretty kind to myself already. At 55 I think I’m finally over my angsty teenage phase. I’m just getting started on real adult life.
I took this picture because when a student is not concentrating and looking at their phone I will ask them to hand it over and sometimes take as many pictures as I can with it to fill up their free space and they have to go back and delete all the photos. This was one of about 50 photos I took on Tulip’s phone today. She was a good sport about it even after finding that she actually had run out of space.
There’s a big ball of metaphors With cherries, where I sit Sweet and juicy popping flesh Surrounds the poisonous pit Dancing with death But willing to lead The softest smash Reveals the seed The greatest thing ever seen A cigarette left unlit Cyanide on a sunbeam A perfectly mouthed spit
19th June 2023 – inspired by this post by Makenna Karas
Today I’m feeling:
No aircon last night again so I shoved the fan next to the open window but that stopped sometime during the night to perhaps to a power glitch which had happened a couple of times during the evening. So despite waking up hot at one point I finally got up with my alarm and felt pretty good, less achy than after the weekend, which seems to point to the fact I should exercise on the weekend too. Anyway, I’m sipping my first coffee and ready to go.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding another salad seller today at the market up at the university, which I don’t normally go up to. I was actually looking for the spicy fish seller but happy to find salad instead.
The best thing about today was:
Breezing through the day enjoying teaching, being around and talking and playing with students. I’m enjoying the challenge of keeping my students occupied and happily learning what little they can in each class. I must admit that I feel like I have little time for much else from Tuesday through to Friday.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Apart from running out of time to do more of the things I want, today was all smooth sailing. I am still waiting for Kru Jern to give me parents’ emails for one class but I hate to hassle her as I know everything admin-wise from the whole department gets dumped on her. The only way to deal with it is to wait.
Something I learned today?
I read an article about a lady that deliberately put up a ‘cat found’ poster in New York that had pictures of a possum on it and wanted to see what reaction they would get from people who called the number supplied. I learned that the New Yorkers that did respond were helpful and respectful with not even one saying anything bad about the kind of person that would mistake a possum for a cat. A tiny sliver of hope for humanity.
What is something that I find challenging but worth pursuing?
The thing I find most challenging right now is having the free time to fit in everything I want to do in a day. Exercise, learning Thai, playing guitar, communicating with students, reading books and comics, listening to music…. time runs out every day.
I took this picture because these three funny naughty students were trying to annoy me so I took their pictures and I told them I will send it to their homeroom teacher and they all screamed and sat down. For about five seconds.
I don’t want to leave here These familiar sounds and smells Every hour, stand up, sit down With the tolling of the bells
The time of laughter and joy Mixed with frustrations and tears I want to be a kid forever I don’t recognise these years
Freedom and future evaporate As responsibilities reveal their load I fail to understand how adults work I don’t want to know the code
19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!
Today I’m feeling:
Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered. I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly. By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.
Today I’m grateful for:
Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.
The best thing about today was:
The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.
Something I learned today?
Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August. Fuuuuuu…..
What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?
One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.
Little Nicha (front) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket while I was talking with JubJib (back). I was curious about what photos I would end up seeing and this is my favourite. Noah, JJ, Fah, me and Nicha. All good kids.
Entitled to an opinion? Constantly talking shite Does Everyman exist? And what of his plight? Doing the dishes again Through lace curtain windows Post-work pub crawl Where good gossip flows Ideas getting bashed out From a giant ball of clay Slowly returns to mud With every word they say Everyone a stereotype Every opinion counted Even in opposition A culture war is mounted
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but I can tell that I’m a little exhausted at the end of the week again. This day is weird. Teach first thing and then wait four hours to teach again. I can fill the time easily enough it’s just the up and down of the tension in my body.
Today I’m grateful for:
Mum’s soup again. I got home a bit late and I could see a storm coming. I wasn’t sure what I was going to eat and thought I could quickly dash to the market to find something. Just as I put my keys in my pocket after getting changed some rain came, not too much but it didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. A quick double-check of the freezer and there waiting was Mum’s soup. Great. Adding salt, pepper, dried garlic, chilli in vinegar, crunchy dried gluten with dried chilli and kaffir lime leaves, defrosted and piping hot, it sure hit the spot.
The best thing about today was:
Being happy and contented at school so much that even after I finished my own class I joined another where I knew some students and helped them a little before bumping into other students all stopping for a chat or calling me over. There were some students from another school and I realised one was a girl (Gift) I met here a couple of years ago. I never taught her but she always wanted to talk with me when she saw me and slowly I got to know her and her friends. I didn’t know she’d moved schools and was now at the Technical College doing something related to cooking. Her English is still poor so I couldn’t get much more than that. She has a positive attitude though and should be able to do well for herself. It was good to catch up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The rhythm of the day has seen me run out of energy again and although I feel happy I also seem a little grumpy (to myself). Like not quite right. The buzz of the classes at the ends of the working day have made it feel like a very stop-start affair, almost two days in one but with no sleep between them. Matt messaged me about a new restaurant near him and wondered if I might come over to check it out. My feeling is not to do anything this weekend, then I considered that I could go on Sunday but then pushed myself to go tomorrow instead. Sometimes I have to kick my own ass to get myself moving. Amy also called from the Star Casino bar where she was having a great time drinking and dancing by herself, though enjoying the acquaintance of others there. For me though I was feeling a little annoyed at being called many times but I also realise that she misses me being there with her (even though I wouldn’t have likely been at that bar with her). I appreciate her happiness and enjoyment of her life and know that my mild annoyance is irrational. I need a sleep and I’m already thinking about tomorrow morning’s coffee!
Something I learned today?
I was listening to an interesting podcast with Peter Hessler whose books about China I have read or to read here (as well as his wife’s book Factory Girls). They left China in 2007 but a few years later after having twins decided to live in Cairo, Egypt just at the time of the violent colour revolution there. Besides that, what was interesting there was his discovery of the Chinese diaspora there, how they ended up there, how they became leading plastic recyclers or women’s lingerie sellers and the differences and appreciation of each other’s cultures.
When do I feel most alive?
At age 55 it definitely isn’t on Friday nights anymore! I suppose it would be at school being with my students, not necessarily teaching them but just chatting and understanding. Back in Sydney, I remember talking with friends about my possible futures at the time and that I was thinking of becoming a barista (which I soon did) and perhaps an English teacher (which I eventually did). My friends said they thought that I would make a great teacher though I didn’t really know why they thought that. Maybe they could see something that I couldn’t. They didn’t imagine me as a barista though admittedly at the time barista was judged similarly to hipster. When I think back even further I remember the time in Gosford in 1995 when Bronwyn and I got stoned and ended up at her friend’s youth club that night much to my dismay and initial reluctance and then after getting over my paranoia (it’s not easy to get lost in thought surrounded by 100 teenagers in a room) having a memorable night of enjoyment that has stuck with me ever since.
I took this picture because this is the result of the plant/tree sap dripping on me the other day. It’s cleared up a bit now, after blistering a little in places but I expect it to stay red in places for maybe three or months and will get itchy in the next week or two. I should try and find out more information about what the plant actually is.
17th July 2023 – With my new iPhone I was able to use the Look Up function for the picture of the plant. It is Euphorbia tirucalli (known as Indian tree spurge, naked lady, pencil tree) and the latex sap is poisonous and can indeed cause temporary blindness!
1994ever 