Baby, I love you, but I’m too loaded to love you properly – 10th May 1994

Things are still a blur to me now. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything for longer than a few minutes. It took me three sittings just to write one letter to old pal Joe in Boston. I started to write bits and pieces here and there too, at work and at home but I never seem to get stuck into it for long enough. I’m all tensed up right now and feel ready to explode.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s trip to Newport and Thursday’s day off work. We went window shopping for laptop computers and camcorders on the weekend which was fun, and round to Rosemary’s on Sunday afternoon and played with Jade, her beautiful granddaughter. ‘Come on’ she says and ‘wee wee’ quite a lot too. We watched her fall asleep as she ran and leapt and dozed in snores within seconds of being wide-eyed.

Kerry’s dad passed away on Saturday night but Kerry and mum seem to be coping okay so far – a relief in some ways after many weeks of suffering.

I’m a bit down really, fed up with work and biting back at my baby at home. I don’t feel much in control of myself sometimes. I know all this so why don’t I do something about it! Hmph. Did much more in these five days but am unable to continue right now. Bye bye.

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