Poems on this day – 24th December 1988

Sun’s Coming Out

In my, day of reckoning
The executioner will stand tall
Before he pulls the lever
To let my body fall
The storm will drop to a distance
And leave my justice in doubt
A hooded figure will step forward
And raise a vociferous shout
Too late to save me from my fate
In front of all the town
At least they will remember me
As the sun came beating down

Geezers and Lads

Wolf whistle! The girl walks by
Pop in the pub for four or five
Me – I can drink ten
Well? Go on then
I’m so hard, I’m so cool
If I want – I’ll call you a fool
If I want? What do I want?
And who’s fucking who?
I treat girls right
I fuck all night
Well I can fuck all day


On the fortieth day of Christmas
My love fell in a hole
At first she was so tiny
And now she stands so cold
The tarmac covered up the sun
Luckily nothing was going on
I went home and wrote this song 

Bad Breath

Bad breath stinks
Bad breath stinks
Bad breath stinks
Curry, prunes, wheat and beans
Fart, fart, fart, fart – please
Bad breath stinks
Bad breath stinks


The neon mirror glows like an aura
Men muscle in before the performance is over
As you adjust your set, she adjusts her face
A performance so full that you could embrace

My Idea

That was my idea
I had it first
Mine was good
But yours is worse
I’m better I am great
You’re just out of date
I’m better I am great
You’re just two years too late

If God

If God was a girl
It would be a different world
If God was a clown
No one would feel down
If God was a ruler     
He’d keep us straight
If God was God
He’d be my mate


Where’s your spirit?…hic
I think I’m gonna be … beeurrgh
Just passed my meths exam
Drunk all that I can    
Lost the use of my hands
Too much abuse and too many sins
Meths makes me happy
Meths keeps me sane
Meths makes a meal
of my methylated brains      

Gee,  Whiz

Sped past the happy crowds
Just to be by your side
Wanna be the first to congratulate you
So happy that you died
Gee, thanks

Poems on this day – 7th December 1988

Verging on the Ridiculous

It was on the good ship ridiculous
That I met my first date          
She said she was a virgin       
I said, ‘You’re fucking great.’

Standard Bearer

Self satisfying, smug in your knowledge
This is the greatest cosmic college
And in the dreamscape where your dreams are dreamt
You are above the carnivorous carnivore’s contempt        
The eagles fly as you march by
The standard bearer stares at the sky


Hate that dance? I certainly do
Hate that music? So should you
Hate that smile? It winds me up
Hate that smell? keep the door shut
To the shithouse
Acid house, jazz house
Blues house reggae rub-a-dub your blub house

Too Often

Happiness tears are wept
But in sadness they should not be kept
Too often now we cry too much
When there is no time to touch

Emotionally Unstable

Like a catalogue of facts
Set out in a table
You know that by my acts       
I am emotionally unstable

Poems on this day – 27th November 1988

Insane Scream Banana

Acid smiling elephant house
Creeping crawling belching mouse       
Windy winding smelly toad      
Falling laughing humble abode
Insane screaming banana dirt   
Melting mountain desperate flirt           
Silly stupid pathetic rhyme      
Plastic shotgun crocodile line

Miss Lady

Ok Miss lady, you said do it in silence
And I tried my best to keep quiet          
Yes Sir but you brought about this violence        
And turned everything into a riot          
I’m sorry Miss Lady but I can’t help out
It is above and beyond my comprehension         
Yes Sir, but you don’t need to shout      
You already have my attention
At last it is done …. aaahhh!  


You are sat in my armchair
Just the most wonderful teddy-bear        
I will get to sleep all right       
When I go to bed tonight         
Because I can hug you tight     
I can turn out the light


You get to a stage
A part of the day       
When that feeling      
Won’t go away          
You just can’t explain to me     
Why am I always hungry?     
All I know is eat, eat, eat         
Let’s sit down to a lovely treat  
I don’t know what anything means to me            
All I know is – I’m hungry

Ugly Bug

On my sideboard
Oh – good Lord         
It’s an ugly bug         
Round and square      
Just balanced there     
An ugly bug

Stupid Poor Boy

I’m not very clever
I don’t understand a lot           
But I know I’m happy
With what I’ve got 

To Drink

To drink and be drunk is very merry
Sit down, relax and watch the telly        
To think and be drunk is very silly        
You start calling William Willy           
To drunk and be drink is very telly   

Soft Blow

You came at me from out of the blue
I was always falling for people like you
When you touched me there was nothing I could do         
Give me a soft blow and just blow on through        


Yuppie – do
Yuppie – dik
Yuppie – li    
Yuppie – sick
Yuppie – up  
Yuppie – suck 

Harry and Mary

You know they were the sweetest pair
Went with each other everywhere         
She drank wine and he drank beer         
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year


You can bake me a birthday cake
Take me to a scenic lake         
But can you, please, for my sake          
Get rid of my backache           
Every step I take       
I’m not sure I can make           
I try to keep it straight
To get rid of my backache

Cursed Earth

Blessed are the victims of puritanical hate
Guardians are wary of those you enter late         
Calling to the Cursed Earth looking through the gate        
Richest rewards come to those prepared to wait

Bastard Baiters

A call to arms
Now don’t be alarmed
If you catch them all  
You can go unharmed
Cast out the waiters    
Make them bastard baiters       
Better never than later
Make them bastard baiters

Poems on this day – 17th November 1988

A Scream In Green

Torture forever, in a dream
Hey, will you put back my spleen?          
Smother me all over in cheeses and cream          
Don’t you understand – it’s so unclean    
We must try and face this thing as a team         
Don’t be silly, it’s a scream in green       

Cranleigh Avenue

Spattered and shattered
Beaten and battered   
Walking wounded and walking dead      
Someone said follow and we were led   
And in the end most of us bled
But then that’s what most of us do         
When we walk down Cranleigh Avenue