Tag: Amy

Notorious – 10th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Are you shining brightly, attracting the moths?
Claim the credit when the winning goal scored
We are all cut from very different cloths
But it’s better to be attacked than ignored
Don’t settle for being a flash in the pan
Soon eclipsed by a new piece of gold
Make yourself as special as you can
And ensure it’s your name that’s being told

In trying to do nothing, or in trying not to force things, there’s still, somehow, always progression.

Cynthia Arrieu-King

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy could enjoy our anniversary where she was yesterday and to receive a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue from here. Have to get my head together to taste that!

Fair Trade – 9th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Would you really trade wisdom for youth?
Too smart to ever fall off your bike
Born old and closed to new truth
Already knowing everything you like
The knocks that you took to grow
Gave deeper meaning to everything new
There are always more things to know
And these are the things that make you

Some people conform to the tastes of others, and they end up wearing a mask that hides their true nature.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my little hard-working motorbike that took me up and away into the mountains today.

Letter from the future to Amy (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear Future Little Amy,

Right now, you are in Chatswood, Australia and I am in Chiang Rai, Thailand. I’m in a cafe because the school doesn’t have anything for me to do today. Jobs where you get paid to do nothing! Crazy!

I just talked to you on the phone as you were eating spicy Som Tum in our old Chatswood kitchen. You sound happy to be back in Australia although maybe not quite sure what will happen next.

You’ll go to Albury and Adelaide and take a look around there, thinking about future possibilities. Who knows, by the time you get this letter you may be thinking of running your own little business in one of these places. Or you may be thinking to come back to Chiang Rai, relaxing and drinking red wine, playing with the cats and watching Netflix all day.

I’m happy with myself and my job. You know that I feel good to be working with the students and not necessarily the school. I’ll hang in for as long as I can and try not to cause any trouble! Haha. You know me.

Little Amy, you know I really miss your cooking. It’s the best and you’ve always taken care of me with that. Even though we are far apart, it still feels like you are here. It’s easy for us to talk anytime we want.

Happy Anniversary Amy Kee Mow.
Love you so mootch.

A Cola – 22nd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A life born of consumption
My guts bubble in excitement
My body has these nightmares
Of a past now forgotten
Perhaps returned and crushed
Repurposed and reused
When you look inside
I’ll pop bubbles on your nose
Soon my existence will be elsewhere
As another form of recycling
No more thoughts

Inspired by the ‘Everything Is Alive‘ podcast. Won’t someone please think of the cola!?

Unlucky is the man who is born with great expectations and who finds nothing in life quite up to the mark.

John Burroughts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s mum who cares and does little bits and pieces around the garden.

Two Hermits – 6th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When evil enters the heart
The mind speaks not plainly
But would force charity out of others
When desire was a brotherly fight
The bowl was never divided
And their love remained intact

Another Khalil Gibran parable.

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lu Xun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Gratae who helped me learn a little more Thai and can also help Amy get clients in Australia.

Mere Man – 2nd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Mother, I am a mere man
I will climb mountains higher than you can understand
To show what a human can do
Tut and scoff, weep and worry
Yet it is something I must do
I will attempt impossible things
Because in the death zone, I come alive
I will be strong
I will leave no brothers behind
You taught me everything
And this is to honour you

Written whilst watching 14 Peaks.

People get the mind and quality of brain that they deserve through their actions in life.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this chocolate muesli to break up my normal breakfast eating. What a lot of work must go into making muesli.

It’s getting horrible hot in the afternoons and I have to have the fan on at night. I finished off all my grading this morning, then hung around a little with the kids, who were pretty happy not to be studying. Many, I didn’t see though, and I think they didn’t bother to come to school. It was a fun morning and I came home early again and snoozed for about 40 minutes but the heat woke me up again.

Amy is moving into a room in Century Tower in the city today. It’s expensive but she can walk to work, has her own room and will be able to meet some new people. She’s happy, though I’m not sure how long she will keep enjoying the work – it’s very different to what she is used to. I miss her a lot again today. I will cuddle our cats for her.

Mouth Closed – 22nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

How arrogant to believe you know it all
The possibility of knowing more has gone
Today is another first step on this journey
Hands, heart, ears, head and mind open

Nothing will deflate your inflated self faster than living in a foreign country. Being an outsider reveals your most fundamental traits – flaws and all.

Shanna Trenholm

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sounds of crazy music around me every day. It makes me smile.

Last night just disappeared, though I took a couple of nice photos of our trees and the thundery purple skies. No rain came though and hopefully today I can do some washing.

Amy has been away for about three weeks now and seems to be exhausted from travelling around. The thrill of being back in Australia has worn off a little bit now, so we’ll see where things go from here. She’ll possibly start working next week and is still looking for a new place to live.

Whilst in Adelaide, she very much enjoyed being there and got a few ideas for wanting to stay there in the future. Jess will look to buy a house and Amy would live with her. This isn’t likely to happen just yet, though. Maybe next year. I’d be OK in Adelaide again, I think. It’s nice enough there, though last time I could feel that I was only in transit, knowing that I would be leaving. As usual, let’s see what happens from here.

I saw this question posted on Quora and wanted to use it as a prompt. What are five reasons that people should not date you? Someone had answered the question but I didn’t find the answers very satisfying so I’m wondering how I would answer the question, and also assuming that I was single.

Why would this question even be asked? I mean, to yourself? Because the question uses ‘people’, it seems to include everyone but in trying to answer the question, you would really be stating that some people should not date you.

Imagine you wanted a partner or to go on a date, would you lead with, if you are like this or that kind of person, then don’t bother?

Perhaps I’m reducing the question further – what is a date? Have I ever been on a date? What’s the expectation with a date? For a while, I was meeting many different people through a dating agency. Sometimes, the feedback I got was that my tattoos were unacceptable to some people. I told the agent to tell the prospects that I had tattoos. So, perhaps my first answer could be, don’t date me if tattoos are unacceptable.

Meeting those people wasn’t really a date, though. I guess you could call them a coffee date but really, they were just introductions.

Don’t date me if you want children. I’m past that now. So, that could be number two.

Actually, I can’t imagine finding a new person to be with. I’ve sometimes thought that if anything happened with Amy and me, there are a few old female friends I might talk to and approach about a relationship. However, I have no idea what would be in their minds.

Being with Amy has really seen me become the person I want to be. Is that person acceptable to someone else? Is it worth the effort to adapt to a new partner or just easier to remain single? I think I could easily add another three answers along the lines of don’t date me if you want money, if you want an active, clean partner and house, if you don’t like cats and those kinds of things.

Well. This question has inspired more than I expected.

The Whys – 5th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There was a wisdom to the air
A confidence contained in words
A charismatic character
Striding forth with bellows
Seen from the side
Seen straight ahead
Backwards or upside down
Never questioned, the whys
– I questioned the wise
Found lacking and falling short
Unveiled, revealed to me
It matters not, what you see
This is just a matter for me

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination – 2nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Working stiff, time is sucked away
Beer o’clock, a chance to play
Reclaim the day, sleep when you’re dead
Tomorrow’s here with a throbbing head

Power through with a mindful meditation
Revenge bedtime procrastination
An ever-decreasing circle of frustration
Revenge bedtime procrastination

The office runs, so take a rest
Getting paid to sleep is the best
Pretty soon it’s time to go again
Waiting for the whistle of 5pm

16 more hours without destination
Revenge bedtime procrastination
Chase away time with dedication
Revenge bedtime procrastination

When you’re young, dumb and energetic, your greatest asset is that you’re young, dumb and energetic.

Cole Schafer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy arrived in Australia safe and sound. It was good to see her in our old house last night.

17th August 2023 – Amy’s old friend Anna and her husband still live in our old Chatswood apartment and offer us space to stay if we ever need it and I still receive bits and pieces of mail there so I can use it as an Aussie address still if necessary.

Damn, those kids were noisy in class and I can see that for some, they are not interested to study. So, I’ll just continue to focus on the ones who are trying their best. The sad thing is that the ones not interested could actually do the work. It’s not difficult. There are just too many damn kids in the class.

Anyway, I kept it as fun as possible and everything was OK. I floated around for the afternoon, pretty much just waiting until 4pm to go home.

I couldn’t tell if Amy’s parents had come and watered, so I did it again, which was pleasant and relaxing. I made it to my room but didn’t do much on Ableton and the keyboard; instead, I got sucked into the guitar, which has fallen off the last few weeks, so my fingers are a little soft. I played until they hurt too much to carry on.

In the middle of this, Amy called from our old home, where Anna and Big Boy now live and Amy felt so happy to recall all our memories from there. She was already excitedly talking about new plans. I’m glad she’s feeling good, though I can (and she can) already feel how expensive everything is. 100 dollar taxi from the airport!

(Later) Just the one class today, which was fine, though the kids were a little restless. It was still fun. I got my pay cheque today, which I’ve been hanging for and not just have to wait for it to clear.

I went over to Matt’s and he surprised me with a huge bottle of wee tincture, some dried wee and some mushrooms. Awesome! A pity I have to take the car for service on Saturday morning but maybe I can take a dose when I get home.

Matt and I talked a lot about getting older and being happy not to be surrounded by friends for friendship’s sake. We’re happy with ourselves.

Do you still have a deep dark secret?

I don’t think I do. There are perhaps certain things that I wouldn’t tell certain people but ultimately, there’s nothing really so secret in my life. There are things I’ve done that I’m not so proud of but they are all in the context of growth and development. In the end, I hope to put down everything here (in this blog) and some things may upset certain people if they ever saw them but they are generally intended without judgment and just a record of events and feelings of those moments.

I don’t think I’ve ever had any kind of dark secret.

New Coffee – 31st January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Close my eyes and count to three
Sit up as straight as I can be
Breathe in deep, expand my chest
Slow it down to do it best
Racing thoughts, I let them go
Race on down that river so
Five minutes later and I’m done
So now the day has just begun
I can face everything I’m thrown
I can count each day I’ve grown
Even more wicked witches come
I can carry on until I’m done

Successful people do things that they don’t like to do because they can accomplish the things that they want to accomplish.

paraphrase Albert Gray

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have made a good plan to get everything ready for my first work day without Amy.

Did a double exercise this morning so ended up rushing a little but managed to get everything done, though Kim Chi looked upset that she couldn’t come out today.

I didn’t sleep too well and will put the mattress back to the soft side tonight. When I woke up I just found myself worrying about food and what I was going to eat. Hope to sleep better tonight. Will try to get into bed later, reading comics in the living room instead of in bed.