Tag: Amy

Notorious – 10th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Are you shining brightly, attracting the moths?
Claim the credit when the winning goal scored
We are all cut from very different cloths
But it’s better to be attacked than ignored
Don’t settle for being a flash in the pan
Soon eclipsed by a new piece of gold
Make yourself as special as you can
And ensure it’s your name that’s being told

In trying to do nothing, or in trying not to force things, there’s still, somehow, always progression.

Cynthia Arrieu-King

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy could enjoy our anniversary where she was yesterday and to receive a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue from here. Have to get my head together to taste that!

Fair Trade – 9th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Would you really trade wisdom for youth?
Too smart to ever fall off your bike
Born old and closed to new truth
Already knowing everything you like
The knocks that you took to grow
Gave deeper meaning to everything new
There are always more things to know
And these are the things that make you

Some people conform to the tastes of others, and they end up wearing a mask that hides their true nature.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my little hard-working motorbike that took me up and away into the mountains today.

Letter from the future to Amy (sent 7th Feb 2022)

Dear Future Little Amy,

Right now, you are in Chatswood, Australia and I am in Chiang Rai, Thailand. I’m in a cafe because the school doesn’t have anything for me to do today. Jobs where you get paid to do nothing! Crazy!

I just talked to you on the phone as you were eating spicy Som Tum in our old Chatswood kitchen. You sound happy to be back in Australia although maybe not quite sure what will happen next.

You’ll go to Albury and Adelaide and take a look around there, thinking about future possibilities. Who knows, by the time you get this letter you may be thinking of running your own little business in one of these places. Or you may be thinking to come back to Chiang Rai, relaxing and drinking red wine, playing with the cats and watching Netflix all day.

I’m happy with myself and my job. You know that I feel good to be working with the students and not necessarily the school. I’ll hang in for as long as I can and try not to cause any trouble! Haha. You know me.

Little Amy, you know I really miss your cooking. It’s the best and you’ve always taken care of me with that. Even though we are far apart, it still feels like you are here. It’s easy for us to talk anytime we want.

Happy Anniversary Amy Kee Mow.
Love you so mootch.

The Hexagrams – 27th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

*Truth, as terrible as death
Yet harder to find*
Is there any proof we exist
Beyond what’s in our mind?
Dark yin and brilliant yang
Blind faith in blind fate
As good as any other man
With enough patience to wait

*from (and inspired by) ‘The Man in The High Castle’ by Philip K Dick

Today, we’re being suffocated by abundance.

Louis Pereira

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to cut the grass in the cooler morning air this morning.

This morning’s wake-up was a struggle but I made it and pushed myself to cut some grass until the petrol ran out. I’m about to go back out again and finish off, now that the sun is on the other side of the sky and due to set in an hour or so.

I didn’t set myself any other tasks and have just been quietly doing this and that, getting things done in the never-ending idea list in my brain.

Amy kept me updated through the night of her Saturday adventures in drinking and dancing, ending up at an Oxford Street gay club and I watched her on video as Runa drove her back to her apartment. And then she is out again today with the girls (May, Muay, and more) and tomorrow again to meet Mam and her kids. Though she isn’t deeply involved with some of these people, I can feel she is happy to meet them in that they have a similar cultural understanding and a concept of the way things are in Sydney. This is something she couldn’t really get with her friends here in Chiang Rai. They don’t understand, or even try to understand, things outside their own cultural context. They want things to be better but don’t know how to work towards it, or are not prepared to put their effort into it.

I’m glad Amy is happy and I hope she stays that way.

A Cola – 22nd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A life born of consumption
My guts bubble in excitement
My body has these nightmares
Of a past now forgotten
Perhaps returned and crushed
Repurposed and reused
When you look inside
I’ll pop bubbles on your nose
Soon my existence will be elsewhere
As another form of recycling
No more thoughts

Inspired by the ‘Everything Is Alive‘ podcast. Won’t someone please think of the cola!?

Unlucky is the man who is born with great expectations and who finds nothing in life quite up to the mark.

John Burroughts

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Amy’s mum who cares and does little bits and pieces around the garden.

Well, yesterday disappeared quickly, was enjoyable though uneventful. I played guitar for a while after two days of skipping it and managed to nail a couple of parts I was struggling with before. I’ve managed to control my upset when I don’t get it right and can go again and again.

I contacted Champ to find out what we’re supposed to be doing these last couple of weeks and he told me the schedule was done for next semester so we can start planning and he also confirmed that I would be staying. A new challenge though, will be more classes with 2/6 and 2/7, both classes with around 35 students. I won’t get to see my smaller classes as much – only 2 hours a week each and I told 3/9 and a couple of them were quite upset that I won’t be teaching them much – which is reaffirming for me. I hope that their new teachers challenge them as much as I did.

Baitoey contacted me, she said that she was sad because now she will have no one to talk to. I reassured her as much as I could and also talked with Boss again a little. They both have problems at home, which is frustrating to see and desperate for them.

Since seeing the schedule I’ve been thinking about what I want to teach. I think the M2 classes I’ll carry on what I started with them in M1, adding in a little more variety. For M3 (grade 9), I’m thinking about doing some lessons about inspiring people/young people. I’ll see what I can find.

Battle – 17th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The little beast inside
Rising to do its harm
I push it back down again
Before succumbed to its charm

The little devil inside
Always looking to make its play
It takes all my willpower
To keep these demons at bay

So my life is lived
In this constant state of fight
When my time is done
I’ll know I’ve done what’s right

17th Mar 2023 – Self-control has been my battle and whilst I consider I may have mastered it to some degree now, I must be wary because there is very little challenging me at the moment. When the challenge comes again, I must be ready.

Because I have a little knowledge, some are filled with jealousy, others think me secretive and crazy.

Euripedes, from Medea

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to chat with Jess yesterday. I thought it was just five minutes but was 30! I realise I haven’t really talked to her for over a year.

Same routine as yesterday morning. I am here at 22 Grams again after a first coffee at House and a few minutes showing my face at school.

The air is fresh this morning, though you can feel the humidity closing in. I’ll sit here outside, taking in the delicious scents, until I can’t bear it any longer, and I’m driven towards aircon. I’m also mentally prepared to go and get a massage, finally. But let’s see. I’m not there yet.

After talking with Amy for a while, Jess also called me, and we chatted for a swift thirty minutes. She said I’m a good husband for being ok for Amy to stay in Australia. It just feels normal to me. It would be very arrogant to make Amy stay in Thailand and be unhappy. We have to think that we have lots of time, and this is not forever. Even if we don’t have lots of time, and who knows, it could end up forever.

It was good to talk with her, and hear a different take on things, though we all (me, Jess, Amy) think quite similarly.

I did a bit of weeding before it got dark. Can’t help myself.

For dinner, I ate a bowl of strawberries, with ruamitr ice cream, chocolate, and crunchy muesli. It’s so delicious that I want a second bowl, but also about 30 minutes after eating, I felt a little sick in the stomach.

I had some sleep to catch up on too, and it was deep and long, with no nightmares, just a couple of interruptions of our cats coming and going. Feeling good after a shoulder mobility stretch workout this morning. 

Two Hermits – 6th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When evil enters the heart
The mind speaks not plainly
But would force charity out of others
When desire was a brotherly fight
The bowl was never divided
And their love remained intact

Another Khalil Gibran parable.

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lu Xun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Gratae who helped me learn a little more Thai and can also help Amy get clients in Australia.

Mere Man – 2nd March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Mother, I am a mere man
I will climb mountains higher than you can understand
To show what a human can do
Tut and scoff, weep and worry
Yet it is something I must do
I will attempt impossible things
Because in the death zone, I come alive
I will be strong
I will leave no brothers behind
You taught me everything
And this is to honour you

Written whilst watching 14 Peaks.

People get the mind and quality of brain that they deserve through their actions in life.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for this chocolate muesli to break up my normal breakfast eating. What a lot of work must go into making muesli.

It’s getting horrible hot in the afternoons and I have to have the fan on at night. I finished off all my grading this morning, then hung around a little with the kids, who were pretty happy not to be studying. Many, I didn’t see though, and I think they didn’t bother to come to school. It was a fun morning and I came home early again and snoozed for about 40 minutes but the heat woke me up again.

Amy is moving into a room in Century Tower in the city today. It’s expensive but she can walk to work, has her own room and will be able to meet some new people. She’s happy, though I’m not sure how long she will keep enjoying the work – it’s very different to what she is used to. I miss her a lot again today. I will cuddle our cats for her.

Mouth Closed – 22nd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

How arrogant to believe you know it all
The possibility of knowing more has gone
Today is another first step on this journey
Hands, heart, ears, head and mind open

Nothing will deflate your inflated self faster than living in a foreign country. Being an outsider reveals your most fundamental traits – flaws and all.

Shanna Trenholm

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sounds of crazy music around me every day. It makes me smile.

Last night just disappeared, though I took a couple of nice photos of our trees and the thundery purple skies. No rain came though and hopefully today I can do some washing.

Amy has been away for about three weeks now and seems to be exhausted from travelling around. The thrill of being back in Australia has worn off a little bit now, so we’ll see where things go from here. She’ll possibly start working next week and is still looking for a new place to live.

Whilst in Adelaide, she very much enjoyed being there and got a few ideas for wanting to stay there in the future. Jess will look to buy a house and Amy would live with her. This isn’t likely to happen just yet, though. Maybe next year. I’d be OK in Adelaide again, I think. It’s nice enough there, though last time I could feel that I was only in transit, knowing that I would be leaving. As usual, let’s see what happens from here.

I saw this question posted on Quora and wanted to use it as a prompt. What are five reasons that people should not date you? Someone had answered the question but I didn’t find the answers very satisfying so I’m wondering how I would answer the question, and also assuming that I was single.

Why would this question even be asked? I mean, to yourself? Because the question uses ‘people’, it seems to include everyone but in trying to answer the question, you would really be stating that some people should not date you.

Imagine you wanted a partner or to go on a date, would you lead with, if you are like this or that kind of person, then don’t bother?

Perhaps I’m reducing the question further – what is a date? Have I ever been on a date? What’s the expectation with a date? For a while, I was meeting many different people through a dating agency. Sometimes, the feedback I got was that my tattoos were unacceptable to some people. I told the agent to tell the prospects that I had tattoos. So, perhaps my first answer could be, don’t date me if tattoos are unacceptable.

Meeting those people wasn’t really a date, though. I guess you could call them a coffee date but really, they were just introductions.

Don’t date me if you want children. I’m past that now. So, that could be number two.

Actually, I can’t imagine finding a new person to be with. I’ve sometimes thought that if anything happened with Amy and me, there are a few old female friends I might talk to and approach about a relationship. However, I have no idea what would be in their minds.

Being with Amy has really seen me become the person I want to be. Is that person acceptable to someone else? Is it worth the effort to adapt to a new partner or just easier to remain single? I think I could easily add another three answers along the lines of don’t date me if you want money, if you want an active, clean partner and house, if you don’t like cats and those kinds of things.

Well. This question has inspired more than I expected.

The Whys – 5th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There was a wisdom to the air
A confidence contained in words
A charismatic character
Striding forth with bellows
Seen from the side
Seen straight ahead
Backwards or upside down
Never questioned, the whys
– I questioned the wise
Found lacking and falling short
Unveiled, revealed to me
It matters not, what you see
This is just a matter for me

When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.

bell hooks

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy got offered both jobs and took the 2nd one as it allows her to travel in February before starting in March. Excellent.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.