With the few words I write There’s just a chance you might Catch a splinter of me To guess my personality
But to draw conclusions From these brief allusions Would only go to show How little we both know
Yet every little simple rhyme Pieced together over time Forms a picture in your mind Tell me what it is you find
Today I’m feeling:
Average. Not good or bad, a little tired but not unenthusiastic. A little bored and out of sync. Missing routine and unable to manufacture my own.
(I got lazy for the rest of the day, savouring reading, eating and watching TV)
Today I’m grateful for:
(The idea that the cream puff guy usually sells at the market, which inspired me to get out of the house in search of him. He wasn’t there but I was still glad to get out.)
The best thing about today was:
(Being lazy and not caring!)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See above)
Something I learned today?
(At the time, the English thought that though Australians were strong they were not brave and cut out to be soldier material, during the fighting in Gallipoli during the First World War. I found this odd as Australians still celebrate the bravery of the soldiers there. History can be shaped in any way necessary.)
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
(Continuing support for Anchan and Baipad, though I’m starting to feel a little helpless. They both must feel terrible.)
When do I feel most connected to others?
I feel weirdly connected with everyone that I know as if I saw them again after many years then nothing would have changed. This might be a problem as obviously everything has changed in that time.
It’s one of the reasons that I don’t contact people often (I’m quite happy by myself) though I do recognise that others won’t feel the same way.
I’m most connected with my students these days, again understanding that they are not connected with me in the same way. Talking and playing with students is when I feel most connected.
A disappointing practice of guitar has got me down and now the blaring PA system of the neighbours celebrating Songkran is annoying me. I just want quiet – to think, to read. It was fun to see the children preparing to start splashing everyone this morning though.
The skies are clearer than the last few weeks, there’s some breeze and the temperature quite bearable. Only one thing for us to do today – shopping.
Today I’m grateful for:
Art giving me a free cake for Songkran today.
Also, Amy wanting to go to Big C and allowing me to drop a couple of things in the trolley that I wanted.
She also paid for Swenson’s ice cream for our dessert – which was great and all but nothing on LungChom’s ice cream.
Needless to say, I’m putting on weight this month.
The best thing about today was:
Finding a baby cow at the front door!
We both heard some mooing outside our living room window but it sounded to me as if it was in the field at the back. A few minutes later we heard it at the front, though thought it was still coming from the field next door.
A second time though and we went to investigate to find the little cutie confused on how to get back to its mum that was calling from the field next door.
We were eventually able to usher it out and back where it immediately got to suckling and security.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Both Baipad and Anchan have been out of contact for a couple of days.
There’s nothing to be done, I just hope that they are both doing ok for now.
Something I learned today?
I found a very funny comedian on YouTube called Dan Rath. He’s from Sydney too.
What’s a question I’ve been pondering lately?
I have been thinking a little about what is next? Am I just going to keep on documenting my life up until this point without really adding anything further to it? Am I done?
I am weirdly happy and satisfied though.
Or am I just old, tired and lazy?
Pondering questions raises more questions.
I took this picture because we take pictures of our visitors.
She, little fighting girl walking the woods, The big bad wolves ripped her pretty dress, All her dreams now become a nightmare, She skirts around the pain deep inside her.
He runs wild, teeth and snarl, with big bad wolves, Egged on and eager, salivating so, ripping at her pretty dress, her cries echo into the darkness of his soul.
Inspired after reading Yassy’s poem, the form is apparently a tetracyt. Also submitted to NaPoMo.
Today I’m feeling:
A little stressed with my morning coffee and trying to get my brain in gear with the lesson planning. It’s kicking in slowly and I’m familiar with this stage of progress when I have many, many ideas floating around and can’t keep up with them. The rest of the day has been up and down.
Today I’m grateful for:
Momo making it to lunch today, after she messaged me yesterday that she may not be able to make it. With Popo and Baitong we had a good catch-up over pizza and I’m happy to hear their English improvements since we last met.
The best thing about today was:
Firstly, not having to pay anything for my dental appointment and then trying the pharmacy at Central and finding 50mg tramadol for only 45 baht.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Baipad messaged me this morning telling me that she was in the hospital as she attempted to overdose (which I presume must have been last night).
I didn’t get much more information from her so I’m not sure what brought this on. It suggests something happened out in her family village which is a bit of a worry as she mentioned bad things happening to her there before.
In the evening Anchan messaged me that she too was also in the hospital but for her it was for stomach ulcers, brought on by the stress of her family situation, no doubt.
She also told me that she and her brother also inherited the heart problem that killed her father a couple of years ago.
Something I learned today?
This morning we found that a tile from our roof got blown off in the storm last night. Amy learned that trying to get someone to come and fix it is a complete pain in the ass.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Trying to keep on encouraging Baipad and Anchan through their difficulties.
Treating Popo, Momo and Baitong to a pizza lunch and then playing along with their TikTok videos. It was great to catch up with them, three of my favourite students.
I took this picture because how could I refuse my favourite students asking to make TikTok videos in the shopping mall in front of passing shoppers.
I’ll play a song for you, in this empty room Spill my heart for no one else to hear And when I reach the end of my tune I’ll turn off the lights and disappear
The memory of my words will stay Reverberating around these cold walls And when you wander by one day You will hear the whisper of my calls
“Be careful what you wish for When hope blinds you to the signs Forgetting that less means more Living the curse of interesting times”
A little slow to get going this morning as I turned off my alarm to sleep an extra hour.
Starting to think about getting lessons in order and writing new ones for my new classes. It’s giving me some good background anxiety but I trust myself to be able to pull everything together.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finally being able to book flights to Bangkok and back in May to see Arwith and the bands I’ve been working with.
The best thing about today was:
Eating mala sticks this evening. A simple thing but we haven’t done that for a long while.
It was hot enough, even at 8pm, to sweat when sitting still so eating those spicy sticks didn’t really make much difference!
Something I learned today?
Booking AirAsia flights on the website was giving me trouble but using the app on my phone worked instantly.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Staying in touch with Anchan to try and help her through this time.
Talking with Baipad about dealing with her mental health issues.
Pretty good even though I slept badly due to aching shoulders. I should probably get them checked out as it’s been painful for about six months already.
I got up early so that I could watch the Swans game this morning.
I need to book flights to Bangkok to meet up with Arwith in early May, order a filter for our air purifier and will take Baipad and Butter to practice riding the motorbike again.
In amongst all that I’ll do all the things I usually do too; reading, writing, thinking and planning.
Today I’m grateful for:
My alarm getting me up and into action this morning. I could easily have slept another three hours but glad that I gave myself that extra time to do things.
The best thing about today was:
It’s been a pretty good day all round. It was 41 degrees and the house was like an oven so I spent most of my time in aircon.
I didn’t read or play guitar today but did clear up a backlog of emails.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got back from coffee I prepared everything to watch the AFL but it wasn’t working, which was unusual. I saw one error about location so I downloaded a free VPN and tried some different locations. None of those worked either but they also didn’t have the option to set the server to Australia.
I checked if the Highlights and Mini Matches still worked and they were fine. But even last week’s full match replays were no longer available.
I searched online to see if there might be some information about this and ended up posting on Reddit. Whilst waiting for any response I found another VPN that had an Australian server and finally, I was able to watch the game (which was an unconvincing win).
It looks like someone else had the same problem too so I guess I need to figure out a VPN to watch full games in future. The one I used, TunnelBear, has a 2G data limit and I’m not sure if that is daily, weekly or monthly. I really don’t want to have to pay for a VPN just to watch one match a week.
Something I learned today?
Butter’s mum came and introduced herself to me and when we got back from riding I also met his dad and sister, Cookie! Great names!
Cookie will start grade 7 at my school next month though I won’t be teaching her.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
More encouragement for Butter and Baipad with motorbike riding.
Butter has pretty much got it already and Baipad improved a little more today too. I think that gave her a mini confidence boost.
I can see from her actions that whatever bullying she suffered when she was younger has really knocked her self-confidence. She is still vulnerable to other people who could easily bully and manipulate her.
I also sent another 100 baht to Anchan.
When was the last time I tried something new?
Although I can’t pinpoint it I believe that I try something new every day. The journey through our minutes is diverted off course consistently. Even the Trumans Show fell apart eventually and Groundhog Day was never actually the same.
But something deliberately new? So something interesting? Not just a new restaurant, a new book, a new poem, a new song to listen to?
How about a new country, a new house, a new job, a new hobby?
Read anything here, there is nothing new and something new on every page.
Write about a time when you laughed uncontrollably.
Back in 1989 (I think) I was thrilled to be outside of England for the first time in my life and playing shows with my friends in Belgium and Holland. I soon bonded with our Dutch host Mark and we would drink, get high and laugh a lot much like any other early twenty-year-olds would.
At this one of our shows, which was an amazingly fun night where Mike, from the New York band Shaved Pigs (who had hung on a bit longer after their tour had finished the week previous) joined us on saxophone for our epic jam tune, there was a radio interview at the end of the evening.
Thoroughly happy and drunk, Mark, who was the interviewer, asked me to recite a couple of poems that I had written that he had seen before.
I think I read The Day The Apples Turned To Poison but hassled for more I was requested to read She Lost Her Virginity To A Worm. The anticipation in the room for this short poem was too much and I couldn’t even get to the end of it as Mark and I were in fits of giggles.
A fascinating radio listen? I doubt very much!
I took this picture because His Majesty was looking regal, watching over the dining room this morning. I’m so glad that he is feeling better this week.
Don’t wait until it’s too late to realise A life isn’t lived if it’s lived in fear Even though we fall we still hope to rise We sure could use a drink down here
The further we go the further back we get* The possibilities only ever feel near Along the way exclaiming ‘Are we there yet?’ We sure could use a drink down here
Wherever this winding river will lead Its waters are more muddy than clear It pays to suffer, it pays to bleed And we sure could use a drink down here
Lazy and happy. Woke up at 10 am and have not been motivated to do much of anything really.
I came across this quote yesterday that I quite liked:
“Delusions believed by billions are still delusions and the truth of one humanity embraced by even one human is still the truth.”
Abhijit Naskar
Today I’m grateful for:
Finally receiving my classes list for next semester. I have a wider range of classes so will have to do more preparation and will start getting into that on Monday.
The best thing about today was:
Eating a bowl of LungChom ice cream. It’s been a year that I’ve been denying myself because it is so nice and I was getting too fat from it, so I’ll enjoy it again now and try to resist falling into any further addiction.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Talking with Anchan breaks my heart. She doesn’t know anything about what happened with her mum in court and is sad, lonely and frustrated in Chiang Mai. I discovered that her mum is in a Myanmar prison which is just a nightmare.
I suggested many things to try and take her mind off her situation but she is in a pretty negative state of mind. She did cry that she should be enjoying her teenage life and not having to deal with all this.
I saw that her and Fah were friendly at the end of last semester so I contacted Fah and asked her to chat with Anchan, just to be a friend. I hope some contact will keep her a little grounded.
Something I learned today?
Bonism – the doctrine that the world is good, although not the best of all possible worlds
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I moved around some plants for Amy and fixed up the vine plant so that it should grow over the empty roof space and hopefully give some natural shade at least.
Mee took this picture sometime last year. I’m pleased that she is feeling better than last year.
Pretty good again. The air is pretty putrid again today. You can taste it, not just smell it.
Today I’m grateful for:
The delivery people who still manage to get our parcels to us from all around the world, despite all the disruptions in our soi from the new road being built. 4 parcels were delivered while we were out.
The best thing about today was:
The air was slightly clearer the higher up the mountains we got but then once up there it was impossible to see any view.
Most of the restaurants and resorts were closed but we found one and enjoyed Akha food and coffee before hitting Charin Pie and LungChom for desserts.
We should get home around 5 pm and hoping the electricity is back on.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In our soi, they are moving the electricity poles today so they cut off the electricity all along. And today it’s forty degrees! No choice but to go out somewhere so we took a lazy drive up to Doi Chang.
Something I learned today?
Anchan messaged me again. She is staying in Chiang Mai by herself as her extended family is working in BKK.
Her mum, who is in jail, will go to court tomorrow and may end up in prison. She sent Anchan some money to take care of herself and some bills but her uncle, whose house she stays in in Chiang Rai, demanded it all off her.
She’s only 14 and has to deal with all this. She is keen to work to support herself and is highly motivated but I’m also worried about her being vulnerable and could easily be taken advantage of.
She’s smart but the offer of good money for selling her body could sway her and I don’t want that to happen.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan 200 baht to keep her going.
She didn’t want me to send her money and I can’t afford it much either but there is little else I can do. Even emotional support can’t buy her some vegetables.
I messaged some other of my vulnerable kids today to try and keep some dialogues open.
I took this picture because these red buds stood out at this little water feature as we entered Suan Charin Pie this afternoon.
The truth took the wind from me I’m still not ready to stand This isn’t the way it was meant to be It’s not quite how I planned
I cannot face this world today Please comfort me, I am in need Give me the power to walk away To heal me as I bleed
Together in the world we’ve built And the challenges we are thrown After all the tears we’ve spilled We will never walk alone
A second submission to WDYS (picture above) and inspired by events from last night
Today I’m feeling:
Super tired due to waking up a couple of times during the night as Amy was checking on Cap who was very restless and crying often.
It’s still difficult to see if there is anything specifically wrong but Amy will take him back to the vet to double-check this morning.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding Amy starting to watch the Netflix version of the Three Body Problem, so I said Hey, let’s watch it together.
I will try to put out of my mind how good the books were and try to judge this on its own merits.
The best thing about today was:
Cap seeming to improve a little after stopping one of the medicines the vet had given him a couple of days ago. He’s still not eating or drinking much but he seems to be getting better rest and looks to be in less discomfort.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I rolled with the things that were working against me and sure enough, by sitting still and doing nothing, the world revolved full circle and back into my favour.
Something I learned today?
I met Kru Ren this morning and discovered that he has been tasked with creating the full curriculum for the integrated English classes next year. He’s flummoxed! He knows what a stupidly huge task he has been given and I commiserated with him because it’s pretty crazy to be given just a few weeks (that should be a holiday) to prepare.
It seems that he is also tasked to teach it and he has made the same complaint as myself – we don’t have the knowledge level to teach the sciences and other subjects.
Even things that we do have knowledge of would take much preparation to teach at the grade 7 level.
When I was doing the same in primary it would often take me six hours prep to teach a two hour class!
Good luck Kru Ren!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I talked with Kru Lucky about information on scholarships and exchange programs to pass on to Anchan, which I duly did.
To be honest, I’m not very optimistic that she can achieve a full scholarship and I hope that she doesn’t get disheartened.
She did seem to have a couple of backup plans though so it seems she has already thought about this.
She’s a good kid and deserves better than what her situation is offering her.
I took this picture because as I was waiting for Amy this little chap flew up for a quick inspection and I just managed to get my phone out in time for this shot before darting off to his nest.
When judgement comes, what may you say In your defence? For every tiny part you play Comes at some expense With violence spent, you walked away All of it forgotten Whilst those you hurt were forced to stay Sour and turning rotten
When judgement comes, it will be Seen from your heart For better or worse, you set me free You played your part A part in miniature, a part of me Reborn stronger My part in this is plain to see And I will stay longer
Uncertain. I just looked in the mirror and felt old and worthless. Perhaps it’s because I’m not around the energy of the kids at the moment.
Last night Amy also cried that Thailand isn’t her place anymore and that she feels more at home in Australia. There’s a lot behind that but there is also a factor that I haven’t written about here because it’s a sensitive topic and the situation is ongoing. Needless to say, I understand her feeling, whilst not sharing it.
She also asked me if I would ever go back to England to live and I said no, which made me consider her position.
I seem to have really found myself here and just have no real idea what I would do with myself back in Australia.
Anyway, this is not a new feeling or thought and is not able to be actioned upon just yet due to having our cats and our home here, which we would need to sell. Sometime in the future though, it looks a given that we will be back in Australia.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Nong Aoi, who called me this evening as she was happily cooking and eating with her boyfriend and friends. Despite giving me big headaches last year enough to make me worry that she was going off the rails, she has calmed down a little now and is quite sweet and affectionate. I think it’s nice that my students feel comfortable enough to call me. I’m doubtful that they call other any other teachers.
Yesterday I also messaged a little with Nong Nam, who was Aoi’s accomplice in giving me grief last year. She has also matured a little more now and said that she really appreciates that I contact her every six months or so to check in on her. Sometimes it’s the small actions that make all the difference.
The best thing about today was:
Quietly reading 2000AD and Judge Dread Megazine stories after getting home mid-afternoon. It was excellent and I was savouring the time spent.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a glimpse of my new classes from Kru Mai today and whilst he has taken heed of my reluctance to be involved with the Integrated classes for next semester he has spread me out into other high school classes which means figuring out new lessons to teach.
I would also not teach any grade 7 classes, for which I already have a hundred lessons accumulated over the last three years. Oh well, new challenges lay ahead.
Cappuccino is still not looking too good at the moment and doesn’t seem to be able to settle himself into a comfortable position, like there’s something not right in his hips or belly. Poking around doesn’t seem to cause him any discomfort but something is obviously not right.
Amy and I are both wary as it was at this time last year that Kim got sick and went to the vet a couple of times until that fateful day she didn’t come back alive.
Something I learned today?
In medieval Europe, mercury was used in medicine and manufacturing. Hatters were specifically exposed to mercuric nitrate, a form of inorganic mercury.
By 1837, “mad as a hatter” was a common saying.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent messages out to a few more students today to check in on how they are doing. I discovered that Anchan is having a tough time of things these days.
She has been living with her uncle as the rest of her family have been put in prison for an illegal online gambling website! She says her uncle is never around so she has to take care of the house and as she is not getting any money from her mum now she has to help her grandmum with selling things and gets barely enough to buy herself food.
And all that is taking away from her school work where, amazingly, she is still motivated to push herself and enrolling herself in extracurricular activities. She’s only 14 years old.
She asked for some help with information about exchange programs to Australia and I talked a little with Kru Champ about that as it is something he is working on in the future.
It’s frustrating to see smart, motivated kids trapped in situations like this. I hope she doesn’t give up and lose herself as so many teenagers can do.
I took this picture because Cap is not quite feeling well at the moment, unfortunately.
Better but still tired out. I took it easy with my first class but I was still exhausted by the end of it. No exercise this morning either so that is now five days without. I will try to do it tomorrow. I usually feel better in the evenings than in the mornings though. Let’s see.
Today I’m grateful for:
My former self of last week for planning ahead and quickly making up some cards for a quick vocabulary game with my grade 10s. I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to incorporate it in the class but I figured out a way to make it fun and engaging for everyone.
The best thing about today was:
Gradually getting my mojo back during the day and being able to not push myself or the students too much to stress ourselves out.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With half of my grade 7 classes missing this week I’ve had to adapt myself to just playing Kahoots about the topic that we were on and making it as fun as possible whilst not putting any pressure on about punctuality and paying complete attention.
Something I learned today?
I forced myself to listen through a podcast of a couple of North American China Hawks discussing what the best way forward was for the USA to deal with China.
It reminded me that at the highest levels of Western governments, people cling to their ideology without growth or learning. Some of the commentary had me contemplating just skipping it but I wanted to hear more opposition to the things I believe and to try to understand where some people are coming from.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Anchan skipped my class today to prepare for a national (I think) competition for a speech in Thai. She sent me a message to say why she wasn’t there and I wished her the best.
She also reminded me it was her birthday today and so I bought some sweet snacks for her and her friends. They were so cheap that there were so many of them that when I got back to school and my next class, Nemo said that it was her birthday too and so I gave her one pack.
I later tracked Anchan down in another building and gave her the rest of the snacks. She laughed because there were so many but appreciated them too. Whilst I was there, many students wished her a happy birthday and I was surprised by all the people who knew her.
I can understand her popularity though. She is a smart kid who, in my own class, I have seen make friends with almost everyone, investing time in them (and calling out ones that treat others badly). I warned her once last year not to get dragged into the bad crowd and whether she heeded that or not, she worked out what was best and was still able to maintain friendships with them. I could sense what she was capable of and she has even surprised me with her skills. Except English!
I also offered to teach Baipad, along with Apple and Jan, during the holidays if they wished. I know that this will be a struggle to get them to commit to but also maybe get them to see that this is free education that they are being offered. It would also give me something else to do apart from playing XBOX for four weeks straight!
Who would I like to reconnect with?
In some ways, I’d like to reconnect with my school friends just to get memories and stories from them from when we were at school. It’s kind of interesting to discover what ever happened to everyone but at the same time, I don’t care that much either. That seems weird to write down but I’ve lived almost forty years without knowing what happened to everyone it just doesn’t seem that relevant.
I always want to connect with people in the DIY punk scene in South East Asia though and would love to find another kindred spirit in the same way that Kimi was. Parthiban in Singapore is the nearest I have but we’ve only been able to hang out one time previously.
I should also reconnect with folks in Australia, which I do do from time to time but I’m thinking I should chat with Swerve again as we spent a lot of time working on things in the late 00’s and had a lot of fun. There are also plenty of bands that I’ve worked with that I don’t have much contact with these days too. I should get back to that.
I took this picture at 7.14 am just as I was about to leave this morning. I was surprised to see clouds on the horizon and I shot this at the very first peak of the sun rising above them.
1994ever 