Voices trembling, yet as one to sing A collected mind travels the crow road Where prayers and prophets seek to bring The moon silk dreams once borrowed
A shatter as the violence worshipped returns A zigzag missile homes in on the heart Faced with the darkness, the torment burns The moon silk dreams soon fall apart
I woke up with the light before 5 am and knew I wasn’t going to get enough sleep, so I reset my alarm for a little bit later.
Even then, I still felt like I could go back to sleep easily, even after breakfast, driving to school and coffee!
As it was a special event day today, though (Thai Language Day), I soon perked up walking around school and talking with students. There were very few classes going on, so there was a fair amount of excitement in the air.
I cancelled my grade 12 class, giving them a small assignment to do instead and took it easy with the grade 8s in the afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
Chatting with students Jee and Pemai this afternoon. It started off with their gossip about Freya and helped me understand their point of view about her behaviour. More interesting, though, was discussing differences between schools in Thailand and the West and also talking about some of the teachers and other students that they like and admire.
Something I learned today?
Amy’s mum has shingles on the right side of her face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the effects before but it looks really bad and painful. I need to investigate more about it so that I can try and avoid ever having it too!
I took these pictures of Anchan and Jee because they gave speeches in Thai about the importance of education (so they told me) for today’s event.
Can you be persuaded away By the carrot on the stick? Caught in the thought of ice cream And eating until you’re sick – Surely you need a jumbo serve – To teach you what you deserve
Pretty good again. The morning has whizzed by thanks to all my students being incredibly well-behaved and attentive today. I’m a little surprised! I wish every day was like this. I actually felt like I was teaching rather than attending.
Today I’m grateful for:
The kids I asked not to come and disrupt my afternoon class today. I appreciated that though maybe my students didn’t understand so much but it got them more focused and we got enough done.
The best thing about today was:
Those early classes setting up the day for me so that I’m not so tired. I’m perhaps also getting used to this schedule too.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy suddenly changed plans this morning as she didn’t sleep well but it was nothing that caused any real problem or made me change my plans too much.
Something I learned today?
It’s a possibility that Chad Warner could be lured from Sydney Swans to Freo, as he is from the West Coast originally. He’s already touted as the best player in the competition. He’s only 22 or 23 years old. I hope he doesn’t leave though.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I sent encouraging messages to KanomBang and BB after they paid more attention in class and asked me for help.
I’ve also been sending Anchan encouragement every now and then. She went to a speaking competition last weekend and was disappointed to come ninth.
I found iPhone, Fahmai and another girl practising dancing and they told me that there will be a competition next week so I wished them luck and hope that I can see them.
My usual Saturday morning tired already. It’s only been a three-day workweek for me too.
Last night I felt kinda invincible. Throw anything at me and I can do it.
Come the morning and I can feel my brain struggling to connect things together. As I was reading about John Lee Hooker and BB King I was thinking about something else entirely and I can barely remember either.
Quick coffees today as we will take Nong Na out for lunch to thank her for taking care of our cats last weekend.
Today I’m grateful for:
Taking the time to go to the city for lunch, picking up Na on the way. We got to the hotpot restaurant at 12 and I couldn’t believe that it was 2 pm when we had finished. Time went so quick and I was very relaxed.
The best thing about today was:
The mix of the hotpot soup that soaked into the rolled-up tofu sheets, then dipped into a peanut and sesame oil sauce with chopped garlic and then a sip of some Chinese milk drink to take off the heat. Awesome!
The staff were concerned that the soup would be too spicy for me but to be honest I could’ve done with some more Sichuan peppers in there!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As seems to be getting more normal these days, time is out of my control and disappearing faster than I would like. I sat in my room after lunch and started investigating a cento poem, which required looking through lots of other people’s poetry to pick out lines from.
Doing that and catching up on some other poetry reading evaporated 3 or 4 hours and I didn’t end up coming up with anything for the cento yet. I still need to collect more before trying to put it together.
Something I learned today?
The USA has threatened the capability to shut down chip manufacturing in Taiwan if China should invade. The short-sightedness of the threat is incredible as it would mostly affect USA products such as Apple, nVidia etc.
There’s a lot of crazy in the world right now, perhaps I should stop looking.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
We drove to pick up Nong Na this morning as there was a bit of rain around and I drove us to the city and back. Whilst Amy paid for lunch I paid for the durian bingsu dessert.
I also picked up a couple of 20 baht Japanese toys for Baipad and NamHom whilst at the bingsu shop.
Nong Fah took these pictures because Anchan was sleeping in class like this! I asked her later about it and she told me that Kru Ren doesn’t know anything about teaching and is difficult to understand! The kids are smart enough to know their education sucks but don’t know how to get out of it and the culture here is not to question those seen as above you.
Exhausted so far. Skipped my alarm and slept deeply for another hour.
It’s the past week catching up, and it only involved two days of teaching! Thursday and Friday are my busy days now so Saturday will be a regular sleep-in I think.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Na coming to stay at our house to take care of Cap and Tig for the next two days for us.
The best thing about today was:
Ending it being in Bangkok again.
The weird thing is though, it didn’t seem to take much effort or organising (though admittedly Amy was taking care of all the details for this trip).
I even got a longer-than-expected afternoon nap that Amy woke me from saying ‘We have to leave in 20 minutes!’
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I took some jackfruit to Baipad’s with the intention of giving it to her mum, hoping that Baipad would still be sleeping but she was in the shop playing with her sister.
I gave her the fruit and she said ‘I don’t like jackfruit!’ I said that was fine and to give it to her mum, which she did.
I will talk to her sometime about thinking about something better to say!
Anchan sent me this picture and I’m happy to see her enjoying life. Her friend is my old student Pompam who is a good kid.
A bit better again today, maybe at 85%. Struggled getting to sleep last night, maybe because I had slept so much the day before, thinking about classes and students and how things slowly change. I miss all my students in one way or another.
Today I’m grateful for:
Firstly, to the uni students at the PTT station who tried to help me put air in my bike tyres. Unfortunately, I think I fucked the tube by riding it there in the first place so nothing worked for it.
Secondly, to dependable 100-year-old uncle who replaced the tube for me, jabbering away at me about things, indicating that the tyre on the bike is too small. I didn’t want to remind him that it was him that put it on there! He also said that he could replace the starter battery but I told that that would have to wait until next month when I have more money.
Talking of which, the SpeechOdd/High Voltage records are due to be sent to me from the factory in Taiwan and I’m hoping not to get hit with too much customs tax. I also still have to pay for the cover printing too.
The best thing about today was:
There was a very good atmosphere around the school today for the last day before cracking down to studies.
Even though I could’ve gone home at 9 am I went to the cafe until midday doing some writing and lessons and then went back to school where I was greeted by students everywhere I went, I guess as I know many different students from grades 8 to 12 now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was an ominous sign when arriving home to see two trucks from our internet provider out on the road and sure enough, there’s been no internet at home again since the afternoon.
Time to read or catch up on other things instead.
Something I learned today?
A jiffy is an actual unit of time, defined as 1/100th of a second.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I met Fui by chance at House this morning and he told me about a school in Bangkok that his son passed the exam to enter so I got the details and passed them onto Anchan. She would have lots of hurdles to face to pursue this option but at least she can be armed with information.
I complimented Kru Mai on his outrageous shirt today!
What emotions do I feel when I think about my future?
At the moment I feel pretty calm even though the future is uncertain about which direction it may go. I’m calm because I think I can deal with it whatever happens.
These days I get more stressed and disconsolate when I think about the futures for my students. I was thinking about this when I was talking to Fui today in connection with Anchan. A smart kid who knows that she needs to get out from where she is to improve her future but can’t afford to.
When you are struggling to afford new uniforms or lunch day to day, you can’t even consider going to Bangkok to take a free entrance exam for a better school (and think about even cheap fees and cheap accommodation – anything above 0 baht is out of reach.)
I took this screenshot from a video because iPhone called me over to be in the background of her video that she posted on Instagram. She didn’t let me down gently when she said that I won’t become famous!
Lazy to get up but I’m enjoying the ache in my body from exercise. I’m already reminiscing about the lost time of this holiday despite actually being more productive than last year. I’ve got into the groove of taking it easy and am now feeling anxious about getting busy again in the next couple of weeks. Though I know well that I can deal with it easily enough.
Today I’m grateful for:
A brief small storm at around 7pm that whilst not hanging around for long meant a drop in temperature that even allowed us to turn the aircon off for a while!
The best thing about today was:
Tigger coming for cuddles about 7 or 8 times. He’s getting more affectionate with his age.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t get a chance to read more of my book today as I ended up busy with other things. I did get some comic reading in and a chapter from another book that I delve into every now and then.
Something I learned today?
A US senator was complaining that a bag of steel brackets needed for weaponry was costing 90,000 dollars. A Chinese seller responded offering to sell the same thing for 8 dollars! And the reality is that US Defence spending from Chinese sources has quadrupled over the last few years. So the US military is becoming dependent on parts for war with China that are….made in China!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan a little more money so that she can get back to Chiang Rai as she is stuck in a village outside Chiang Mai at the moment.
I helped Amy moving around some furniture on the terrace as she wanted to change it up. It looks good and change is good.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Despite the last two days of not enjoying playing guitar I picked it up again for about 20 minutes and was a little happier with my ability.
What are my thoughts on growing older?
In the last couple of years, I’ve enjoyed the wisdom that age has brought me but recently, with the feeling of time disappearing too quickly, I’m pining for the days of boredom I used to endure as a teenager.
Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing? I know it’s just the way of looking at it. Perhaps I am bored now but don’t really know it?
It can’t be helped to wonder about being able to live your life over again but now I have to take a positive attitude with me with what remains.
I took this picture yesterday and along with other garden pictures sent them to Sharon and Rob.
Pretty good again though getting up was a struggle but I did it and made it to my room to exercise. Hopefully, the positive effects of that become apparent to my brain today, or I may just nap!
Today I’m grateful for:
The Mad Muscles app that I downloaded but cancelled because it really isn’t much better than the free app I use.
As I had paid for a month though, I will keep using it and take that as motivation. I’ve adapted the exercises to allow for my weaknesses and sore bits too.
The best thing about today was:
Watering the garden in the late afternoon. The ground is so dry that it’s difficult to even see how just a little bit of water from our hose can make any difference to the bigger trees.
The many mangoes that budded are starting to suffer and shrivel up so I want to try and give that tree more attention. I’m jealous of a couple of small mango trees I saw last week that had loads of healthy fruit. I want that too!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I sent a couple of tapes to a customer in Australia a couple of weeks back. They contacted me today saying that they’d received the package but that it was open and empty.
As I had run out of tapes with that order, I asked the bands in Bangkok if they still had copies and asked them to send a replacement which I’m grateful for them doing immediately. I transferred the cost straight away too. Sorted.
I had another order to send to the USA and included a second tape as a freebie. I took it to the post office expecting it to cost about 250 baht ($10AUD) but it was 463 baht! It’s doubtful I’ll be able to sell much online anymore with shipping prices too expensive now.
Also, I guess what I wrote below applies here too.
Something I learned today?
Sadly, Anchan found out today that her mum will be in prison in six months.
Earlier in the afternoon she asked me to send her some money because she was desperate to contact her mum. She said she needed 300 baht, along with 200 baht that she had, to be able to talk to her. I didn’t question this but can imagine it being some kind of backhander needed to make the call. If she had another use for the money then let it be.
Anchan is pretty sad about the whole situation and it isn’t one that a 14-year-old should be in.
Despite all that, earlier in the day she wanted to contact her program leader at school to make plans to welcome the new grade 7 students at the beginning of the semester. I put them in contact.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Helping Anchan (see above).
Running Amy around in the stinking heat to get her food. First to the bingsu shop which was closed (we ended up at a different, disappointing dessert shop). Then later to get her noodles for dinner.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I can probably write this every day that I exercise but there was a point this morning where I wanted to give up. I made it through.
I got frustrated with guitar again today. I did keep going for a little bit longer but not too much. Never mind. I did ten minutes I guess. A little bit every day.
I took this picture because I wanted some photos from around the house to send to Sharon and also Rob. The frangipani trees seem to revel in the dry heat.
Some things are indefensible We all make mistakes The idea is to learn and grow No matter what it takes
When genocide repeats itself What was the fight for? When the persecuted rain down Their own hypocritical war
When destruction becomes immoral What must a soldier do? Take a big bite of courage To get the message through
Propaganda no longer hides The truth of all this killing To turn a buck for a belief In a society no longer willing
Today I’m feeling:
Good, after forcing myself up and to exercise. I really wanted to sleep more so I’m happy with myself and my motivation.
Today I’m grateful for:
The local hospital and Dr Poom, my medicine dispenser. I was able to get straight in today with barely 5 minutes wait, despite it being very busy. I also asked about information for my students who are struggling and what to recommend them if and when they go to the hospital.
It occurred to me today that after Baipad tried to overdose on paracetamol all the hospital were concerned about was her kidney health. It seems like maybe no one even asked her why she did it!
Anyway, the info from Dr Poom was useful as they have a child psychiatrist there and psychotherapists too.
The best thing about today was:
My energy levels being great for most of the day due to that morning exercise. I felt energetic and inspired through all of the day and though I wasn’t doing much strenuous work since the morning I just kept going from one thing to another.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As mentioned a couple of weeks ago there has been a change to access the full replay of the AFL matches online and whilst I was able to access it with a VPN last time, today it didn’t work and I was getting wound up by it while trying to figure out a way around it. Eventually I just had to resign myself to watching the 15 minute mini-match highlights. Disappointing but all I can do is shout at the clouds.
Something I learned today?
I learned that it is costing the USA 200 million dollars an hour to keep the genocide rolling in Palestine. Or as the USA likes to call it, defending Israel.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent pep messages to Anchan and Baipad this morning. I also chatted a little with my other students, Freya, Winter and Wipping.
I beeped at the annoying BMW in front of me that failed to move at the traffic lights, meaning that we all missed it and couldn’t go anywhere. I was frustrated for a minute.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
I picked up the guitar again today and it sucked! But I persevered even whilst continuing to suck. I need to change the strings too. They sound dull – much like my playing! Never mind. I won’t be deterred.
I took this picture because this was the view from our dinner table on Saturday, looking over the Mae Khong to Laos.
The crying cats woke me up to feed them at 8.30 so I got up and did that but knew I wanted more sleep. Back in bed and I eventually got up at around 11.30. Hooray for a good long sleep!
I think I ended up sleeping at around 2am last night as I was reading comics til 1am and then listening to the Henry and Heidi podcast about Rollins Band.
Today I’m grateful for:
A guy called Pran. He is Baipad’s mum’s boyfriend and he got in touch with me today because he wants to understand more about Baipad because they may end up all living together.
Baipad put us in touch and was ok for me to tell him everything. I kinda understand why she doesn’t want to tell him directly. Baipad seems to like him so I hope he is a trustworthy and good guy.
The best thing about today was:
Getting back to some guitar practice. This holiday has been on and off for me, not wanting to go out into the oven of my room in the afternoons. But today I told myself to get back to it. It was a struggle to play and I know that it just needs more practice and that the more I do, the better I will get.
I also told myself that I need to get back into exercise too. I downloaded a new app to try out for motivation and will start tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing wildly out of control. I accepted that I woke up late and was even happy about it as I got enough good rest.
At various times throughout the day Amy would order me to do something and I was in the mood to acquiesce without complaint.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
With Baipad’s approval I told Pran everything that I knew about Baipad’s experience and also gave my suggestions as to what might help her. I also told him that I understood Baipad’s mum too.
Anchan said that she wanted to go to a friends house and bake. I told her to stop thinking and get going. Later on she told me that she had a good time.
Momo took this picture last week because I asked her to. With me is Baitong – a funny favourite of mine.
With the few words I write There’s just a chance you might Catch a splinter of me To guess my personality
But to draw conclusions From these brief allusions Would only go to show How little we both know
Yet every little simple rhyme Pieced together over time Forms a picture in your mind Tell me what it is you find
Today I’m feeling:
Average. Not good or bad, a little tired but not unenthusiastic. A little bored and out of sync. Missing routine and unable to manufacture my own.
(I got lazy for the rest of the day, savouring reading, eating and watching TV)
Today I’m grateful for:
(The idea that the cream puff guy usually sells at the market, which inspired me to get out of the house in search of him. He wasn’t there but I was still glad to get out.)
The best thing about today was:
(Being lazy and not caring!)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
(See above)
Something I learned today?
(At the time, the English thought that though Australians were strong they were not brave and cut out to be soldier material, during the fighting in Gallipoli during the First World War. I found this odd as Australians still celebrate the bravery of the soldiers there. History can be shaped in any way necessary.)
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
(Continuing support for Anchan and Baipad, though I’m starting to feel a little helpless. They both must feel terrible.)
When do I feel most connected to others?
I feel weirdly connected with everyone that I know as if I saw them again after many years then nothing would have changed. This might be a problem as obviously everything has changed in that time.
It’s one of the reasons that I don’t contact people often (I’m quite happy by myself) though I do recognise that others won’t feel the same way.
I’m most connected with my students these days, again understanding that they are not connected with me in the same way. Talking and playing with students is when I feel most connected.
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