Tag: bad mood

Leaving Here – 21st November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 20 Comments

Silhouettes
In purpled passion
Freedom calls
Life’s tangle
Left far behind, flown away
Branches now laid bare

Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Tangle and Tanka Tuesday – Shadorma

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but ok. It was a struggle to get up but not too bad once done.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

Plenty of parking spaces at the airport this evening. I even managed to park next to the other car here tonight for the family.

The best thing about today was:

In my second class I played along with my naughty students instead of getting upset with them. We were just doing quizzes, so it was quite fun. I wasn’t in the mood for serious work either.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After a fun first class, I was sitting in the cafe and saw a message from Amy saying that she tried calling two times but the phone hung up on her. I never heard anything so I called her back and she seemed annoyed and distracted with her parents buzzing around in the background.

She asked me questions and then didn’t listen to my answers and so she asked them again.

Anyway, I will meet them at the airport in the early evening.

Then I got messages from Nut asking about Namsai’s phone, which I had taken from her in class and she swore badly at me. Nut’s messages were rude and direct (though I can forgive her, as it may just be her poor English).

These two things together, along with a sudden feeling of exhaustion, put me in a bad mood, though. I’m trying to think myself out of it now.

I got out of it by the time of my second class but when I got home, the tiredness overwhelmed me a little more and then problems with playing guitar made me grumpy again.

Now I just want to sleep and then hope to wake up tomorrow in a better state of mind.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I messaged Baipad last night about painting rocks and giving them away and this morning we looked around for some and she took three with her. A little later, she sent me photos of her painted rocks and who she gave them to.

I took this picture of my naughty students lazily doing my quizzes because I was going to use it to threaten them that I would show their homeroom teacher. BB, Namfon, Tulip and Baibua behind the chair. Khawhom jumped out of the way when she saw what I was doing. Ironically, they all blame me for being in trouble because their SchoolBright scores are so low but they have no answer when I ask them why I’m always reducing their scores! They do crack me up most of the time, though.

Lucia : Plume – 14th July 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

Lucia came out again to play
Threw on her eventide glow
Plume, a punishing gray raven
Is not the Lucia you all know

Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Eventide glow and when I searched this phrase I ended up in a totally different reality

Today I’m feeling:

Sore. My hip is a little bit more recovered, but I zonked out last night on an extra Tramadol, which saw me move very little and now I have a sore neck too.

The recent pain and annoyance of it has put me in a low mood and I have no motivation for anything much today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having anything in particular to get done today. I’m not in the mood for anything.

It wasn’t only late this afternoon that I remembered that I hadn’t taken any meds today, which may account for my low mood a little too.

The best thing about today was:

The workers have finally laid the concrete for the road and should all be good by tomorrow. Then we can see what needs to be done to join our road up with it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was pretty frustrated this morning after realising that the gardeners hadn’t bothered with one small part of the garden. She kept complaining to me but there’s nothing that I can do to help.

Something I learned today?

Thaksin has been given a royal pardon and will do something connected with the government again.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I barely did anything either way! I did turn off the TV when we were eating, though, so that Amy and I could talk a little.

Another Utopia shot of me, this time reading Rip It Up and Start Again.

With Art and Word – 6th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

With revolutionary thinking
We will knock down the wall
Of the Kool-Aid drinking
Prisoners in it’s thrall

Rise up from your slumber
Take up your arms
You are many in number
Hearing the alarms

Battle with art and word
Against the unfairness absurd

Submitted to dVerse – Slumber
7th May 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive though my shoulder is giving me some gip.  Something isn’t right in there and I can’t stretch or roll it out.  I’ve done very little arm exercising for the last couple of months and may just try and push through the pain to get back to it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy and everything she does to make our house a home. I don’t want to take her for granted.

The best thing about today was:

My grade 10s not turning up for class allowing me time to organise another classes’ worksheets, staple them together and gift them back to the students. I felt good doing that, even if they just throw their work away. At least I made the effort to present their work back to them at the end of the semester.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I lost my cool with Amy when she got overexuberant whilst drunk. She was in a good mood and playful but I was tired and eating and when I didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to put her fingers in my mouth I pushed her arm away. Unfortunately that then set her off and blew up into a fight. Now we are both in a bad mood.

I will try to make her feel better but also just feel like going to bed and sleeping already. I don’t have much patience for drunken antics these days, I’m old and tired when it comes to that. It doesn’t fill me with excitement anymore.

Something I learned today?

2024 marks a special year for cicadas in the USA. It is the first time since 1803 that two specific broods of cicadas (one that emerges every 13 years, and one that emerges every 17) should be emerging together. This co-emergence won’t happen again for another 221 years.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My vile deed was pushing Amy’s arm away and initiating a tiff. I should have been (even) more patient or be more assertive in a different manner.

I bought some cream chup-a-chups to give to my grade 9 students for their graduation ceremony tomorrow.

I took this picture because I got home to melting cats (again!)

Not In The Mood For It – 16th August 2021

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I woke up well but things took a turn
The fruit was off and the toast did burn
Driving in the rain was such a chore
The podcaster talking was just a bore
The thought of coffee didn’t improve
This bad mood I was needing to soothe
The big truck guy wouldn’t let me through
Things were getting worse – it’s true
Today’s headaches won’t let me be
But at least the dog was happy to see me
…..
So, coffee consumed, helped a bit
Things weren’t so bad, I had to admit
Just plough on through, get on with it
Even if everything returns to shit

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to play with Kim Chi this morning (and this weekend). She loves to rub her nose on my fingers and my own nose and purrs in happiness.

Almost missed writing this today as I spent my time adding posts to my blog when I was free.

The morning started off a bit down and a couple of very minor incidents almost brought me to the idea of having a shitty day but I realise this and kinda talked myself out of it and now the day has disappeared.

I’m once again grateful to my students in 2/9, whom I teach in the mornings, and who always seem to pick me up. I’m also really enjoying reading my books. I can get totally absorbed in them.

I did forget to call Hayden today, though, perhaps when I get home or tomorrow. I subscribed to Ryan Holiday’s dad emails in the hope of some inspiration for me to inspire him!

The Art of Noticing Wall Pictures – 25th May 2021

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Forcing myself to notice the pictures and decorations on the walls in different places. Strangely, this was a tough one and it made me realise that I don’t go to many different places, especially during these difficult pandemic times. Of course, it may be that I did go to many places but didn’t notice the pictures on the wall!

This was the first picture – taken all the way back on Jan 6th!
Finally got to 10 pictures today!

Poems on this day

Field of Observation

Warm damp air clings to us
In the middle of our own field
Like quantum theory – look away
A million fireflies are revealed

Lightning flashes on the horizon
Boding well the breeze to come
Buzz on about your business
There’s space here for everyone

Illusions

The grey is not just in the sky
It’s in my head, my half-closed eyes
The passions of yesterday are gone
The words said cannot be undone

This sick mind exaggerating
All my deadly contemplating
A coward stuck in sheep’s clothing
Just wants an end to my self-loathing

To run away, just run and run
To put an end to what’s become
We slowly watched things going sour
Took the pain and gave it power

We mixed it up, caused confusion
Stuck inside this brief illusion
I still love you, I will always love you
How can I ever love myself?

Rocks and Oils

Artificial lines and boundaries
Sought to divide and rule
Keep the savages occupied
Then pour on extra fuel

Some arbitrary borders
Laid down after wars
Pay us to keep the peace
We’ll be back to settle scores

Killed a man a thousand years ago
For this, you’ll one day pay
And grab this dirty rock of yours
Put down a flag and say

‘Get out and stay out’
You’re not welcome here
Our fathers always taught us
You are not what you appear

This Is A Test

Some days I ask myself
Just what am I doing here?
On good days things make sense
But others are not so clear

Sensitive to your words
Your scathing drunken attack
I can’t always shrug it off
Unless you take them back

Regularly we cycle
Through this vicious routine
So here we go again
What does it all mean?

I just wanted to take it easy
Sit back and relax
But then I see you drinking
Preparing your attacks

Let’s sit down and fix it
Make things for the best
Many more years ahead of us
This is just a test

Plus Minus

If I keep writing down these negative thoughts
Am I throwing them out or reinforcing them?
Am I making things worse than they already are
Or should I be symbolically divorcing them?

Gratitude Journal

I’m so happy and grateful to be able to stand in our garden at night and watch all the fireflies buzzing around. To feel the warm air surround my skin and to stare at the moon and wonder if I could go there. It seems close enough to touch.

The best thing about today was thinking and writing my way out of a funk. Last night, I was a little cranky, and Amy was drinking again. I was in bed, and she came in to play, but I wasn’t really in the mood. Then she bit my face, and I pushed her off me. She felt insulted and complained that I don’t love her anymore and walked out. I was tired and annoyed, and although I was thinking about these words, I was so tired I fell asleep and didn’t even hear Amy come to bed.

I was woken up during the night, having a dream that Amy was getting too friendly with Ben, another of the teachers we know, and after that, it was difficult to get back to sleep.

I snoozed my alarm, and Amy didn’t bother to get up in the morning, but before I left, I told her that I was worried about her still. She said she was the one who should be worried. I get really upset when she’s drinking and says things like ‘you don’t love me anymore’ just because I’m annoyed with her behaviour at the time.

This morning, I couldn’t feel my way out of this darkness, but eventually, by the afternoon,n I was feeling OK. Not brilliant, but OK. However, Amy was in a short and bad mood when I got home due to an upset stomach and problems with something she was trying to bake.

I thought we could go for a drive tomorrow – it’s a holiday here again. Amy asked ‘Where?” but I just don’t care where – just get out of the house and see what is out there. We both know that there is nothing out there but it’s just a distraction from staying home again.

We got that attitude! – 28th March 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for the big rain a couple of nights ago which meant we didn’t need to water the garden yesterday. Today I will be grateful for the 41-degree temperature and sunlight that will inspire our plants and trees to shoot up. Balance of nature – power for a long time – longer than I will be alive.

Sometimes, days off start with many possibilities but then by the end of the day, you wonder what you did. My morning and afternoon were happy – watching Sydney play well in the AFL, winning the game, working out in the morning, reading and drinking coffee, eating a beautiful buffet lunch at Le Meridien.

But I can tell Amy is in a feisty mood – inspired by the elections that are happening today. With her grandmum not well and her brother being a typical uncommunicative and uncaring person – all this makes the words out of her mouth in the negative – and even if they may not be, I am reading them that way because it has become the norm.

Some days I can deal – usually just by shutting up, but today, this evening, I just wanted to lock myself away. I picked up my guitar and after a few days with no practice played worse than before – got myself frustrated and into a funk of my own.

I did a bit more exercise and that brought me up a bit but now I’m going back inside the house and out of hiding here in my room. Let’s try to be positive.

We got that attitude! – 14th February 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for all the food we have available. Amy’s mum and dad brought us lots even though we have enough already and we have out to eat too. It feels like we will never struggle to eat. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Yesterday was a tough day as Tigger had peed on Amy’s bed again, which she found when she woke up (and it was the second time this week).

Then, after having waited for 2 weeks or more for some garden stuff to arrive from China – the parcel arrived around 9 am and it was the wrong thing sent. This put Amy in a foul mood all day and I managed to be uninfluenced but by the afternoon I was as depressed as could be. I think about how privileged we are and I hate to complain about dumb things though I know I’m just as likely to get upset too sometimes.

Anyway, today is a much better day and I’ve really enjoyed reading and writing a lot. Now, to feed the cats and maybe play a little guitar.

We got that attitude! – 14th June 2020

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I am so happy and grateful that even when my favourite coffee shop is closed I can find good coffee. I am so happy and grateful that I can afford to go out and buy good coffee.

The last few days have been not so good. This weekend spoiled by bad mood and depression. I have felt inadequate and undermine all my good points. I have wondered what I’m doing here. What is my purpose and what is the point of me? Ugh.

Do you know you’re not dead? – 31st December 2019

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Amy was in a bad mood yesterday due to PMT. She confided with me today that she is feeling lonely due to her old friends here in Chiang Rai not quite having the same mindset as her so finds them quite difficult to talk to and to understand. Whilst I am fine here in relative isolation, she is finding it quite difficult. She has to rely on me to go and do things together and sometimes I resent not having enough time to myself as I am working all the time.

We both understand each other’s situation well enough but it is also something that Amy needs to address for herself.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the year that I have had. I have grown and adapted to adversity. Hopefully, I can understand my reactions to adversity in the future and deal with it in a less emotional manner.

Did it list

  • Read 3 chapters.
  • Contacted KL venue for WDS tour.
  • Talk with Kimi and Rosie.
  • Recorded another TCRAH.

Very out of routine due to parties every other night.

Rearrange events again – 16th May 1994

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A fine interruption in my writing last night, that’s why the above seems a tad unfinished. It’s been a wonderful weekend. At last, I’ve been able to relax a bit and on sunny Sunday (yesterday) rode down to the beach and round Poole and watched videos and messed about and did this and that. My beautiful Broni flakes near midnight but I wouldn’t come to bed – eager to sort out more poems for the next issue of the booklet and this morning my sweet was in such a beautiful foul mood it made us both laugh and I carried on laughing at work till, bloody hell, things start piling up for me too and I’m saying, ‘Ah fuck it, what do I care?’ (in my head at least). And here I am now writing this.