Tag: dreams

We got that attitude! – 15th July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Weird dreams – girl on bus wanted sex. I was taking care of a package but don’t know why. Ended up meeting old friends. I lost my bike – went to a record store that was also a bar. Az worked there – he got hit by a payphone that fell off the wall – I felt like it was my fault. He let me into a weird place with lots of people who wanted to dose me with drugs and kill me. I got this from reading the beginning of the Hendrix book.

Up early today – at school by eight, in new room. Tired but happy. Cats came to visit my room. Tigger wanted to spray. Maybe he did.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t have any lessons today so I can plan for my next video.

To-do list

  • Smile, laugh – listen, listen, listen ✅
  • Compliment two people ✅
  • Play the awards game in your head ✅
  • Who can you connect with? ½
  • Record for Bruce if time

I went to the dentist on Wednesday so didn’t get time to write here but it was a good cruisy day with some video-making and writing. I followed the same points above today and did OK but sometimes I think I still talk more than I need to and should listen more. I did remember to compliment people – two on Wednesday but only one today. I really really want to remember to play the awards game because when I do remember it makes me laugh inside and feel happy.

On Wednesday I connected a little with JJ and First but now everyone is busy with teaching so there is little time left to try and go a little deeper with people. I had a couple of difficult classes today though there were a few students who stood out. I hope I can encourage the others to open up and participate more. It’s early days.

Two students fell asleep in my afternoon class and I got the rest of the kids to creep out quietly and we let them sleep. They thought that was funny and everyone had a break.

I’ve got to get some pretty pictures in my mind – 29th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Count on the insane to save the souls of the suckers.

Nuclear nightmares last night at Chatswood apartment – safe but the outside world changed – coronavirus allegory? Kimchee trapped in an escalator – she turned up in the morning safe and sound. Why those dreams?

Eat more, exercise more – no energy, weight is okay but need to toughen up my body. Thinking, I think too much and haven’t turned thoughts into actions. Stay positive – look at everything positive – listen better – compliment, help others. Life is easy so take time for others. You can do it.

What else you got in your head this morning? Creaky little froggy under the fan, foot aching old man. Take what you want from others’ speech. They may be right, they may be wrong. Do you need to say the words? If not then don’t say them. This is your life now so do the best with it – it’s easy.

Pink, the colour – not the person. I really don’t know modern popular music – I think it’s funny. Is it calming your mind? I freeze my thoughts writing this but if I sit to meditate, thoughts come on back. Today, yesterday. Seeking clarity. Couldn’t do long meditation yesterday – got too itchy and antsy. Keep going. Keep trying. The benefits are what I’m looking for – fat sticky stomach. Breathe. Big yawn – fun day ahead and weekend after that. Gratitude and project good wishes.

Okay, rest your weakened wrists now. Got coffee cups to hold.


Gratitude Journal

I am happy and grateful for my newly found patience with things at the school. Things can be so dynamic here that they can change with every person you meet. I have been able to deal with this well so far this semester.

To-do list

  • Take a few minutes to wish everyone happiness ✅
  • Take a moment to wish yourself happiness too! ½
  • Speaking is ok – but does it need to be said? ½
  • Give more compliments today – nothing negative ✅
  • Are you just reading about self-improvement or actually improving? ½

A funny old day today where plans kept getting changed and ultimately nothing got done. I just went with it and felt fine. It was a good day.

Amy and I went out for one last meal at Oshinei together with Aing and Nu. When we got home I was too full and tired to write here and went to sleep very quickly.

In the morning I went to meet Bruno for coffee and we spent a pleasant couple of hours catching up on each other’s gossip. Bruno is interested to do some other things together sometime such as motorbiking around, fishing or just generally catching up. I think he’s looking for other folks to hang out with.

I like Bruno but also want to be careful with what I say to him as we both have lots of mutual teacher friends and gossip travels fast.

Today, I’m consigned to my room to sleep as Goy and Nan and their families are staying the night. Suits me – I had a lot of fun playing around with music and can keep it going all night as I drift in and out of sleep.

If it’s not raining in the morning I’m hoping to go for a motorbike around before it gets too hot.

Oh no, it’s starting again and time will bend – 28th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

image: making videos for students working from home

Sat at my desk in amongst the clutter to make it easier on my back and wrists. Reminds me of an old online friend who had a blog called ‘atmydesk’ – I think her name was Sara – some connection with Nomeansno – was thinking about my tattoo this morning for some reason or was it a dream “of a 6-foot woman”– listening to Heavy Vegetable and things on the weekend but now I wake up with the songs in my head. I’m bad at writing quickly these days and arm is sore from pen holding. Sweating on the clutter just a fan today no Aircon temp is perfect just sweat when moving. Neck is creaking after the very short workout – just warmup really but got my body out of slumber neck is really bad these days “6-foot woman” is stuck now. Amy rearranged plants around the house Tigger rolling around in the grass last night – all the cats seem really chilled these days – makes me so happy. Is my mind already empty? Just replaced with Rob Crow’s music. Don’t remember any dream – slept well – want to sleep more but energised now after warmup workout – don’t push it doesn’t matter – don’t stress about George telling you the best way to do something – it’s just his advice on his experience – it’s not a judgement on you and you can do it the way that you want. Going to offer more help to teachers today. Do they like me? Are they scared of me? Am I not approachable? If I’m thinking about it then – even if I am not these things I can still do something to be more those things right? Put thinking cap on today for video. Gonna be another good day today – just you see.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cooler weather this morning. I felt more relaxed and happy.

To-do list

  • Try to join in more with the other teachers ½
  • In your mind – give positive vibes to everyone ½
  • Ask more questions for understanding
  • Breathing exercise for concentration ½
  • Random act of kindness

Today seemed to fly past – I managed to get my morning routine fully sorted and will try it again from tomorrow.

There were times today when I felt George was a little overbearing – this is about the way he talks sometimes as if what he says is always right. I think it’s just a mannerism and not necessarily the way he thinks. It was just particularly prominent today. I do envy his capacity to just stay happy all the time.

I’m stuck wondering if I should just be quiet and listen more or say what I really believe. This is questioning me to define what it is I actually believe – that’s a challenge.

I shouldn’t compare myself to him because his confidence and personality aren’t a gauge against my own. I shouldn’t feel down or upset because I’m not up to the same standard in comparison. This is a trait I need to remove. I need to remind myself about what I am good at. Why do I feel that I am not good at anything right now? Ugh.

What’s that quote about worrying too much about what other people think – they’re not thinking anything about you at all. So, I’m the only thing getting in the way of my own contentment. Tomorrow I want to reflect on that more.

I wish there was no stopping me now – 23rd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Stuff that really makes us happy
– wanting the right parts of what we already want, activating your signature strengths

Character strengths are ubiquitous, fulfilling morally valued, not able to diminish others, opposite of a negative trait, trait-like, measurable, distinctive, paragon, prodigies, select absence, institutionalised.

Signature strengths = most essential to who you are, where you flourish most. So, seek out a career with your signature strengths.
Practice = use of your top strengths in a new and different way every day
Using top 4 strengths are best

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the kids who greet me with happy smiles in the morning. I can appreciate the connection I have with them.

The only thing that can ever truly destroy a dream is to have it come true.

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • More exam preparation.
  • Be curious about someone today. ½
  • Run after work.
  • Start booking flights.
  • Think, shut up, speak if it adds. ½

Didn’t achieve so much this day and I put that down to alcohol consumption and lack of sleep. I actually felt OK in the morning but ran out of energy around 3pm. The day was quite enjoyable – I really do enjoy the connection I have with the kids.

Ellen called in the evening. She was upset at Rob (her on/off boyfriend) again and I tried to soothe her and calm her down telling her much of what I’ve been learning myself. We are all at different stages of our journeys.

Tomorrow is the last day of camp – it’s been fun though useless for the students. I’m fine with the break.

Tomorrow I need to pull things into some focus and maybe just concentrate on a couple of things and drop the others. I love to learn but maybe just taking in too much from too many places at the moment. I really have to book these flights tomorrow too! And follow up with venues!

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #18 – 28th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Sebadoh, Hilarity Ensues, Primitive Calculators, Bastro, UK Subs, Mofungo, Paper Mice, Univers Zero, Self Evident, The Bevis Frond, Snakefinger, Tar Babies, Alright the Captain, Matt Black and the Doodlebugs, Khaddash, David Bowie, The Clash, Small Faces, Bad Religion, Big Block 454 and Unstoppable Sweeties Show.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our beautiful house. I love living here with Amy. When asked if we have any more dreams for our life we don’t have any especially. Things we would like to do but not necessarily dreams to achieve. George said we are living our dream and that’s a nice way to look at it.

Got to have my origin in this house of suffering – 3rd October 2019

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Poisonous people are a lesson waiting to be learned. It’s a tough test and it feels like suffering. Must remain calm and clear.

In my dream, many friends appeared. They were not ones I readily recognise but I knew they were my friends.

In Sydney I felt like everyone I knew or was acquainted with in the music scene was someone I could trust. Quite naive but the feeling was real. Our scene is built on mutual respect and understanding.

No windows, no ceiling or floor – 30th September 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Woke up just before my alarm. In my dream, I was trying to enter a password for something but kept getting it wrong. Things are fairly normal at home. Normal is good. Why I write this is because all our cats are happy at the moment.

All the humans are happy too.

My last week at school. Very relaxed. Not sure about what is coming up next – well, actually, I am. It’s holiday time. LIve in the moment. Your job doesn’t define you.

Gratitude Journal

Playing sport with some of the school kids made me smile, even when I fell over and hurt myself! I smiled and laughed with Amy a lot this week, feeling better about things in general. I smiled coming to school knowing that a holiday is coming and I will be leaving this environment. I smiled at Kim Chi and Cap chasing each other around the house. I smiled when the big dead lizard made Amy jump a mile into the air!

9th Mar 2021 – When I think about working at schools in Thailand I can’t help but believe that I am there for the student’s education and I care more about them than the ‘adults’ working there, who I can generally take or leave. The Thai staff at the schools I have worked at have a different agenda entirely as far as I can tell.

Candle lights begin to glow – 24th September 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I dreamt about fire…and friends. We did our best to keep each other safe.

I still wake up during the night thinking about working with kids and how to get my mojo back and get rid of this dark cloud. It’s slowly lifting but I still need to do something to move it along. I want to learn to deal with this kind of feeling better.

Gratitude Journal

I smiled today when a P1 student came and gave me a hug.

15th Feb 2021 – Kids can be so perceptive sometimes. I obviously needed a hug.

Three things I am grateful for:

My friends who can show me support and the positive way. They make things feel better.
My wife who is a strong independent woman with a beautiful heart.
My cats who make me smile every day!

*Postcard from Taiwan – 23rd December 1998

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Email to TLJ:

Hey honey

Was overjoyed to get a postcard from you yesterday – I didn’t get home from babysitting til after midnight but read your card over and over. Man, I miss you. You know I had a dream last night and you’d come back from Taiwan and you know in your card you said you’d been thinking about me heaps well, in the dream you said you’d been thinking about me and you’d decided that we should see MORE of each other! I wonder if that will come true (or the exact opposite). I wonder about your comment on possible matches there too – is everyone playing matchmaker – well I hope you realise you have a great match all ready and he’s waiting right here for you. Anyway sounds like you’re having a real swell time and seeing lots of cool things – oh yeah you’ll have to show me the Taiwanese chicken dance. I decided I’ll go home after work and then into the city later so hopefully if you call at the right time I’ll be around. I’ll be in all day Christmas Day and I hope you call then cos that would be the greatest gift I could ask for. And your safe return into my waiting arms of course. God, I want to smell your hair and the sweet scent of your delicate skin. I love you baby. Love you like crazy. Dream about you nightly (and then I go to sleep….)
See you soon

*Dreams – 19th December 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email to TLJ:

Babe

Oh man – I wish you would call! I miss you badly sweety – and then I realise you’ve only been gone less than two weeks! I had a bad dream on Friday night. Me and your Dad were comparing the sizes of our bellies and both saying how we should get some exercise (this wasn’t the bad part of the dream by the way!). You’d also just come back from Taiwan and were happy to see me but then didn’t want to talk about anything and you half joking, half meant it when you told me to go away. So I went away…You didn’t come talk to me until later and then you were shitty with me for going before! Anyway, this all made me feel down when I woke up and I wanted to speak to you – make sure you’re all right and everything. I hope you’re still having fun there – sure wish I could get some contact with you though – if I had yr number I’d be calling.

The gigs on the weekend were pretty cool. Gerling were good and Not From There were good too – didn’t stay til the end of their set though – I’d had a few drinks (wasn’t driving) and needed to go home and sleep. I walked all the way from Annandale to Central – stopping off to pick up a veggie kebab on the way – which was the best food I’d ever eaten considering how hungry and tired I was. By this time I’d sobered up considerably too!

Next gig was Vicious Hairy Mary at the Globe – didn’t stay for VHM but saw Testicle Candy who were fuckin awesome. Oren and Robbie from Phlegm, Lucas and two Japanese dudes. They just made a racket then ran round the back out the side through the audience and round back on stage round and round – hitting things when they got back on stage! Lucas had had a major operation on his arm a couple of days before and was in a sling and cast! The audience was pretty nonplussed! Zenryoko Onanies were great! Funny, fun punk rock n roll. Absolutely Japanese. I met an old friend called Troy too and got his number which was cool.

Hayden had a fantastic weekend with lots of toys and lots of fun! He had a bit of a temperature on Sunday but we still had fun. I had him in no nappy most of the day trying to get him to go on the potty. He did some wee in there which was cool – but left a trail of sweetcorn poo up the hall! He was quite proud of that too! Well, no rest for the wicked – back to work….Come home safely my angel – I can’t wait to hold you again.
Your pal, your friend