Email to TLJ:
Wonder how you’re feeling now. Nearly home. You’re probably over Queensland somewhere. Asleep. I’m pretty happy today. I feel a bit fitter. I’ve been working out a little, just doing sit-ups and push-ups and walking a lot. Gonna go and put a deposit on a bike at lunchtime too – put it on layby. Can’t wait to look into your eyes again and see the reflections of happiness that you have had over the last few weeks.
Tag: email
*Commitment – no! – 3rd January 1999
Email to TLJ:
Babe – was good to talk to you a bit more on the weekend. Makes me feel good. I hope your throat gets better and that you got to sleep some on the plane. Bet it was emotional saying goodbye to your new friends. Anyway, in my last email, I talked about commitment but that’s not really what I meant. I think what I would like from you is to know that this is what you WANT. I don’t know – it’s all confusing to me now. I need to see you and talk to you I suppose. You make me shake……..
*mmmmm….it’s me – 2nd January 1999
Email to TLJ:
Hey babe – remember me? Remember my number? I wish you’d call me and leave your number or where you are staying – it’s driving me nuts not being able to talk to you.
I miss you, honey.
*Long walk – 1st January 1999
Email to TLJ:
I went for a walk yesterday after work – down in the National Park – you remember where we went past Whale Rock – well I jogged to about as far as we went – ‘member we went up to that lookout – and then kept going and going until there’s a cycle track that goes up to the end of Vimiera Road – I cut off the track there and went into the bush following some animal tracks and back up from the creek – I ended up at the back of some houses and had to fight pretty hard through some thick bush for a while – woulda looked pretty crazy – I got cut up on the arm a bit too – and I’m dead knackered after that too – at least it was a little easier to get to sleep last night – but still damned hot and sticky.
I’m still thinking of you a lot and that keeps me awake too. I wonder what will happen to us when you return and I go through all the bad things that could happen – by bad I mean like we split up or something – I don’t know why I have these doubts. I wonder if you would prefer to be without me – if life would be easier for you that way. I don’t know how I would go if we split – it would be very sad for me. I know I would want to be friends with you but know that would be hard initially too. Anyway, you see, why am I thinking these things….why am I in doubt? I think because I need to hear some reassurance from you – it’s been hard to not be able to talk to you every day like we normally do.
Christmas has been a non-event for me too. I was looking forward to having some time to myself while you were away but now I know that I need people to keep me occupied (that sounds pretty bad put like that!) to divert my attention from my introverted self. I used to be very extroverted you know – what happened? I don’t know. It’s weird. where did all this self-doubt come from?
Babe, this has just been another get it off my chest session – trying to figure things out. Still haven’t got anywhere! Anyway, I hope that when you are reading this that you are close enough to me to come and give me a supportive hug and kiss and say something like “I understand’ – even if you don’t!!
Have you seen Jackie Chan yet?
*Moonlight Cinema – 31st December 1998
Email to TLJ:
Babe
Can you take me to the Moonlight Cinema one day please please pretty please! Are you on a plane now or what I wonder? It must be fairly exciting to be in HK for NYE. I bet it’s completely fuckin mad! Don’t get lost in the crush and crowds will ya! Wish I could be there with you. I bet you’ve become great friends with a few people on this trip? Can’t wait to hear all about it.
*New Years Eve – 29th December 1998
Email to TLJ:
Are you on your way to HK now? I probably won’t be doing anything on NYE. I want to stay sober too. Anyway – you may be interested to know that Iota is playing at Martin Place Amphitheatre on Monday 18th so if you’re working there you could pop down and see him! Jeez, I hope you call soon – I really would appreciate being able to talk to you. I wish I could get your number so I could call you – we would talk for ages and blow the cost. Thanks for being there for me when I need you.
My love to you
*Hey Gorgeous! – 26th December 1998
Email to TLJ:
Hey babes!
Man, it was hot last night and I was thinking about you and couldn’t get to sleep and then when I did I was dreaming about you. Have you had any dreams about me? Do you remember who I am? Anyway, after not much sleep where I am back at work -thank god! I’d have gone nuts if I’d have been home any longer. I looked at my tummy today and it’s not getting smaller! Though I do have to do my belt up an extra notch so something is happening – it’s just that it still looks a bit flabby – and I’m not too happy about that. I want to buy a mountain bike – soon I hope. I really look forward to your return and you can tell me all about your adventures – I’m sorry I won’t have much to tell in return. I hope you remember it all – did you write stuff down – I bet you didn’t.
“The hardest thing I’ll never do/is to let go of you
One day you will go free/when you say goodbye to me”
This is something that has gone around in my head. I hope it’s not prophetic.
Love ya angel kidster
*Where are you? – 25th December 1998
Email to TLJ:
Why you sign your card from Txxxxx instead of TLJ? Are you getting serious with me? Anyway went home early yesterday cos I was dog tired – fell asleep til six-cooked, ate etc, decided not to go to Sponge House – was too tired – watched some TV, waited for you to call (you didn’t by the way!), went to bed about 12 but couldn’t sleep – read some comics til 2, fell asleep about 3 – so I’m real tired again today! Thinking about you lots sweety – I really wish I could speak to you. I want to know what fun you’re having – I want to know everything about you. My desire for you does not lessen with time away from you – it only grows. I really REALLY hope it is the same for you. I hope you remember who I am when you get back – or even now. By that I mean I hope you remember all about us. OK babes – I’m a bit down cos I’m on my lonesome this Christmas – it seems strange that you’re not here and that when you get back I will be back to normal work routine and everything – I feel like we have missed some opportunities to have fun over the holidays – I mean have fun together of course. I have some ideas for one day on a weekend after you get back. Love ya honey
*Postcard from Taiwan – 23rd December 1998
Email to TLJ:
Hey honey
Was overjoyed to get a postcard from you yesterday – I didn’t get home from babysitting til after midnight but read your card over and over. Man, I miss you. You know I had a dream last night and you’d come back from Taiwan and you know in your card you said you’d been thinking about me heaps well, in the dream you said you’d been thinking about me and you’d decided that we should see MORE of each other! I wonder if that will come true (or the exact opposite). I wonder about your comment on possible matches there too – is everyone playing matchmaker – well I hope you realise you have a great match all ready and he’s waiting right here for you. Anyway sounds like you’re having a real swell time and seeing lots of cool things – oh yeah you’ll have to show me the Taiwanese chicken dance. I decided I’ll go home after work and then into the city later so hopefully if you call at the right time I’ll be around. I’ll be in all day Christmas Day and I hope you call then cos that would be the greatest gift I could ask for. And your safe return into my waiting arms of course. God, I want to smell your hair and the sweet scent of your delicate skin. I love you baby. Love you like crazy. Dream about you nightly (and then I go to sleep….)
See you soon
*Not home – 22nd December 1998
Email to TLJ:
Babes
I just realised I’ll be out the next three nights running so if you try and call I won’t be home! Damn! I really wanna talk to ya – really really wanna talk to ya. I miss you honey! Anyways, tonight I’m babysitting and Wed and Thurs I’m going to Sponge House – on Thurs Merzbow a big Jap noise dude is playing – down the phoneline from Japan! They have a thing on Christmas Day too at Sponge House – it’s something about the history of Chess! Lots of talks about chess! Weird! Fuck – did you try and call last night? I was hoping to talk to you. Hope you’re well and hope to hear from you soon, one way or the other.
Your ancient friend
1994ever 