Catching up on life – 26th September 1994

About twelve hours, each of sixty minutes precisely, from now, we’ll (me, Broni, sweetheart, dream girl) be tapping toes at Heathrow waiting to get on that jet plane to take us away into golden sunsets (sunrises). And briefly the past.

Not had time to write – too busy catching up on life, so Broni’ll tell ya!

So we got back from Greek island ok to stay in Gatwick hotel with mad manager, then to Lisa’s in Chichester, on our way home to go out even-time with Rosemary and Mia for Thai (I told you all this, didn’t I?).

Then Wednesday fuckin’ madness trying to pack and organise and just going silly crazy, to Kerry in Verwood, her work, for lunch, back quickly before up to Southampton to Chrissie’s to see sweet Rebecca, mad Amanda and Chrissie too, of course. Sharon, Jon and Selina, Tina and Paul and Rob came over and fuck, Karl Barry and his pal too. Played Party Pictionary, mad raucous noise, drunken dancing, Broni crashed, people fell away, describe later.

Sleep, wake, say goodbye to Chrissie – miss her, may ring her now home again, breifly, pack (Oh, I sleep!). Rob comes down, we drive together to Newport, for final UK gig! Broni slept through it in car while Rob and I drink and fun about. Back to Simon’s (Simonless) Describe more later!

Morning time say bye bye’s there, drive to London, whizz cross M4, run around town, Portobello Road, here there, put Rob on train (another story!). Go to David and Louise’s. Sleep needed! Up into London Town, Harrods, Liberty’s, Hamley’s, shopping sprees, mad dash round! Back, food, drink, sleep, jeez – you keeping up with this – we’re knackered!

Sunday, drive back a.m., go to Sian and Robbie’s p.m. Mess around here, Kerry (Rob, Jon, Selina, Edwards come down) John turns up, bye byes. Broni’s at Rosemary’s (bye bye). Phew. All this and me, not nervous at all, don’t understand really. Just biding time till tomorrow a.m. Want to get away! Know I’ll miss people terribly but don’t feel it yet! Here, Monday to Salisbury with mum and to Jo’s p.m. and out mealtime p.m. with mum, Kerry and aunt Shirley.

Home here – so much to say. Get this. Today – to fuckin’ day – turns up a letter from Finland, from Bengt, eleventh hour. Songs from Deep Turtle! Wow-wow-wow! And I go and find Squirrelbait CD in London too! Later! Yeah, right? – gotta go! Gotta sleep! Gotta think, gotta wonder! I’m going tomorrow – do you understand!? Ha – not sure I do! Keep you informed.

Ripples – 17th September 1994

Chuga-chug-a, weee, neeeerrrr!
The noisy breath of our transport,
a bicycle made for two (but only just!),
tackling long straight roads
lined with eucalyptus and lime trees,
swishing in the wind of dusty old lorries,
up and around, twisting roadways,
over the next brief, brown, barren mountain,
at the crest and into the wow of the valley,
lays at our feet, begs our descent,
come see, come see!

But we know there’s nothing more than dried out dust,
white stones, sunwashed white
and yellow cactus plants a-plenty
though some valleys hold green groves of growth,
desperate for water – come flow from the seven springs,
the gift of life,
make your rocky way
so odd to see big tall trees
pointing to the sun with accusatory finger,
a hand in the air!
Look at me, I’m alive!

Onward we go, whirring along
til next top summited and wow!
Our life, miles view down to sea green bay, to our left,
such bright comparison to the rubble hills of dust and stone
but across this valley and up into the hills,
distant on the hazy horizon, up and then wow! again,
ancient acropolis stands ruined but magnificient
above white brick town,
populated by tourists of old Greek ladies,
witch-like by our cultural standards,
selling lace under trees, cutting up beans,
‘is cheap, is very good, you buy 5000, ok 4000!’

and from high place we spectate out
thousands of miles across blue ocean misty
where sky meets water,
waves crash far below our castle lookout
onto rocks, craggy, brown and black,
this ancient temple, time-battered, sun weary,
still majestic in it’s brown piles of stone,
sun beats down, never raising or waiting
for cool breath to dry sweat from eyes.

The town bustles busily on foot, no roads here,
park at the square and all buildings encroach,
small walkways like old English mazes back home.
Back again, and away from sad tourists (yes, I know!)
via old roads and real Greek villages
where dead cats lay strewn by the road,
bamboo grows along in the lime groves in the valley,
while rock tops look at us tony specks down below,
so, to the beach,
yes, that’s what we’re here for!

Heads down, dive in, cool and slow this beach,
a real paradise, soft sands under our feet,
calm waves lap our bodies as those mountain look still,
cliff top monastery proud white,
set against the deepest azure,
as lush green trees feed the black goats,
all up the side ’til here turns to sand
for our greatest of pleasures, flowing,
lost in time and space, water overwhelms our senses,
like a cool glove, fit tight on your fingers,
like the most gorgeous ice cream and cool draft beer
at a bar found in the desert, no illusion, but reality,
it hits us and we smile for no reason, broad beams,
inside ourselves,
we know.


We wash out the sun in the pool,
let darkness shroud over us
like a blanket of grey haze.
A half moon hangs half across the night,
a hole in the blanket,
almost yellow, the ferocity of the sun on its face.
It’s cool reflection here on Earth
touching tips of sea ripples directly below.
Imitating the sun, but on low power.
Each ripple, made of drops of water
that have played in the ocean since time began.
Each ripple sent from the other side of the Earth,
cause and effect, on an endless journey, gyroscope-like.
Each ripple a mind soothed, a heart stolen.
Each ripple aches and bows, wave forming,
charging towards the terra,
crashing in the silence when there’s no one to hear,
us asleep under thin white sheets
dreaming about brand new days
which soon come with the sun and the heat
invading each pore, each corner touched
by the light of the morning,
smacking that weary head,
‘Here I am, get up and face me if you dare!’

Now in full shimmer effect on the blue waters
made crystal, twinkle like diamonds
multi-fractured mirror
in God’s old kaleidoscope.

Back to snoozeville before breakfast – 15th September 1994

Lazy now, energy drain by day, by heat, take your siesta noontime,
come out and play on pebble beach, dip toes in cool blue Mediterranean waters,
jump in, watch those fishies sniff your digits, head back floating,
waves rocking your blind body, cradle motion, childlike pleasures,
float free, naked, wrapped in Gaia’s waters.

Ah, big time out from normal programmes,
from bed to pool to beach to pool to bed,
sleep under the stars on white verandahs
wake by cock crow and watch the sun rise
from its grey resting dreams
cast red yellow shadows across small breaking waves
turn up the oven a few degress
too much for us whiteys, back to bed
back to snoozeville before breakfast
before coffee and juice and um… a dip
well, hell, what’s to do but swim and play
learn new water tricks, cool blue blue
sit back, feet up, rest weary hangover heads
and love life, here on hot earth island
love life everywhere.

A Greek holiday in other people’s misery – 13th September 1994

Swing sweet sexy mistress
Come play concertos on my porch
as the night time glows dimly
into small hours, lay awake with me
dance your mysterious dances
cross white sheets, sticky in the heat
as roosters cackle the glory of the day
you are about to see through deep mists
sun breaking low, sky, a water colour
grey, orange, yellow, blue, engulfing stars
forgotten now in numbed and hazy glow
like playful seals, we jump in icy fresh waters
jump and dive, race and rest, submerged
let glory of nature rise from our toes
out through our fingers into the earth
parched and tortured, sunbeaten into submission
light trees stand and fight, dip and sway
in hot dusty breeze, the breath of god
all over this earth, our little island
inside our minds, our simple souls,
and touch these people in their simple lives,
made them worthy, made them whole
weary and tired, ignore the bustle
too simple, their lives, to even contemplate
a different, new improved way
sad we are with all our knowledge
blinding us from this, it’s just a holiday
it’s fun in the sun, week away from cloud
and sad you can see, the way I feel
taverna empty of locals
full of Krauts and Brits, getting drunk
emptying their pockets (as I have too)
and it’s just like home, where I am the local
and wouldn’t frequent these holes
here, set in ancient cities, cobbled streets
castles, cannonballs. The jewel of an empire
some thousand years before
now left to sell Pepsi and pizza in the ruins
of it all.

So here I sit on this double edged sword
in awe of the country and nature’s wonder
toads and lizards creeping up our wall
with old people struggling to live
by selling sun-hats to tourists
who breathe economy into lost cities
of generations ago, many before
here, paying my contribution in sun lotion
Agfa film and cocktails, endless.
Maybe tomorrow I will
contemplate the suicide of the world.

Breathless at the marvel of Acropolis stones
stood so long against the brunt of it all
now desperate to find a balance in the
modern world.

The new gods and goddesses hustling punters
for pocket money, for deck chairs on
the beach of fag butts and empty bottles of UV25
sweet green sea tempting sore feet
to tread through the barbed wire barricades.

Oh, soft clean waters consume us
Let us all fall into the sea, drag us under.

Take it all away.

Shot Away – 12th September 1994

The filament in the light bulb above my head is broken
I cannot repair it until the everyday DIY man has spoken
And when he speaks he speaks with a lisp
Everyone is laughing – they all think he’s pissed

I don’t care what they say
Mr Repairman came to see me today
I did not laugh, he did the trick
He made everything absolutely spick
And spanner in the works – wash my dirty shirts – until it really hurts
The swallows flew the nests – they were eggs no more
I mark my card as they fly by
Kiss my friend in the eye
They were eggs no more he fried

28th Jul 2024 – Fresh Forest Cottage, some 7 or 8 years after Mum and I left and a long time before I saw again. The open window is where my bedroom was, where the howling noises all came from and a thousand cigarettes smoked and a thousand cans of beer drunk.

28th Jul 2024 – This is how I remember the garden once walking through the gate. Gillespie’s (the garage) just visible on the right where more howling and drumming was often heard. I do recall that this part of the garden had changed a lot when I saw it again some ten or fifteen years later. No surprise really. It stopped me from wanting to go in a look around though as I hoped to keep my memories intact.


Screaming along the runway, engines roar, hearts in mouths as we, cloud bound go. Panic abates, ears pop, whiteness overwhelms us, then free, like a rock slung to the heavens, bright sun gleaming cross the snow ground, bubbling like a witches brew or soft as a crash mat below.
Til dreams hit of freefalling, waiting for that soft spring catch.
But heart surrendered body as the white night envelopes til, yikes! Hard ground racing upwards, a glimpse of heaven, a walk with angels traverse the europes by the air,
30,000 feet above mad farmers, raging rivers,
ants in our eyesight, twisting snakes
like a rising Atlantis, brave mountains
puncture low cloud fall, Alpine wonder
but just a brief gasp of breath,
a mere molehill on horizons,
as we many mile per hour go
from one place to another.
In a few brief hours, sun warming our toes, we find destination, a Mediterranean island in green seas, lapping white crest tops biting at its edges.
We being to fly low, deceleration pops our eardrums
as we marvel at this rare beauty
to our right as we slide by.
Then with a touch of the wheel
we turn about so slow.
I fear we may stall in this awful manoeuvre,
but a beat on the throttle takes us in nice and easy.
We seem to be gliding ’til wheels tiptoe the tarmac
and suddenly we’re racing to slow before the grass starts and thankfully we do and our captain goes ‘phew’ in private
but tells us to have a nice day.
So off then to adventure
and off with our raincoats
where dark young men impress my sweet
darling with their dark young minds.

A poetic prophecy – 9th September 1994

Nought but his today. Sneaking a glimpse of K’s poetry in the bookshelf: “Once enlightenment has come to you, you realise you’ve always been enlightened,” or an approximation of the same. A cool analogy which ties in with my own thoughts and feelings, looking, in hindsight, at my past five years. It was the first page I turned to and the only thing I read as I hurriedly put it back and left, unnerved by this prophecy.