I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to apply to a new school today. I’m hopeful I can make a good impression
Within that head of yours is all the reason and intelligence you need. Make sure your mind is in charge, not your emotions.
Daily Stoic Journal
To-do list
Print out the InFocus lesson plan content ✅
Listen and take notes at the interview ✅
Better prepare for Bruce’s lesson (30 mins) ✅
Check stoicism units on FB ✅
Write a blog post
I felt pretty good going into today and even getting thrown an extra class suddenly didn’t bother me too much.
The morning flew by enjoyably enough and the interview at CRPAO went well and then chatted with George for a couple of hours so by the time I got home I was feeling pretty good.
I still occasionally think about Kimi and it almost brings a tear to my eye (even as I write this now) but I understand that there is nothing I can do about this. I can acknowledge the feeling and carry on.
Whilst my mind has been a bit less scattered these last two days I still feel a little less clear and focussed. I think the possibilities of a new workplace can help me refocus and brush out some cobwebs.
I really want to pursue the meditation practice more fully as I believe that could have the biggest benefit for me. My mind is always full of things – I’d like there to be a little less going on in there.
Tomorrow, I think I will be happy and positive and looking forward to the weekend – as busy as it might be.
I am so happy and grateful to my aching feet. They suffer but are still going. My aching hips, just working. My dodgy knee, my crooked neck, my weak wrists. One day so these pains will be gone. So will I.
What decides whether a sum of money is good? The money is not going to tell you.
Epictetus, Discourses
To-do list
Finish Kru Noon’s card ½
Start picture for Tian
Start spreadsheet for WDS tour ✅
Listen to Donald Robertson lecture ½
Plan to take Amy to OK@Chiang Rai ✅
In a much more positive frame of mind today. The knowledge of no longer working in this school has taken the pressure off but it is making me wonder why I can’t just think like that all the time? I’m hoping that the move to a new school and position will give me the fresh approach I need. I tried to do that this semester and was only somewhat successful. Now I have a little more experience under my belt.
I will have a job interview tomorrow and hopefully, that will go well. I should take a notebook with me and make notes. I don’t think I’ll ask too many questions and will suggest some ideas I have based on some textbooks I found useful today too.
I chatted for about 20 minutes with Fred this morning and we discussed the failings of the schools in Thailand and our different methods of dealing with it. I am quite aware that my method is not the best way. I must learn the way that can keep me calm and happy and at the same time try to do my best for the students.
I’m giving myself another 12 months to see if I can turn things around for myself. I will try to do this by remembering how George deals with things and consciously putting them into practice. I feel like some of the pieces of the puzzle are coming together today. I feel strong enough to be able to deal with things. I just hope I can maintain this when difficult situations arise.
You solve the problem that caused the visible problem.
You avoid the problem.
When solving visible problems, it’s easy to signal value creation to others. If you work in a large organization with a regular paycheck, few people ask if the problems should exist in the first place. Instead, everyone thinks you’re indispensable because you’re so busy solving problems.
As you move toward avoiding problems before they happen, visibility decreases. Explaining what you do all day becomes harder and more subjective. Rewarding people for something that didn’t happen is very difficult. Thus, it becomes risky for the employee to avoid problems.
From Farnam Street’s Brain Food Newsletter
“If you work in a large organization with a regular paycheck, few people ask if the problems should exist in the first place.” Reading this took me right back to my old IT office job.
I really loved that job when I first started. It was overlooking Sydney Harbour Bridge and the Opera House. I worked my ass off to learn as quickly as I could. Years later I was rewarded with a technical administration position, which was better than it sounds.
It was a steep learning curve which involved a lot of testing, installations, maintenance, programming and 24 hour support. The product was a top of the range piece of software. It had just turned the year 2000 and money was flowing freely through the institutions that were supported. Work was interesting and fun.
Slowly, money started to dry up and upgrades were delayed. Often the users would demand it whilst their finance departments would not agree to pay for it. These battles went on consistently for about a decade. During that time all that I needed to do was to make sure the thing kept running. My typical work day could be over after 5 minutes of checking emails. So I made good use of the super fast internet, the office supplies and the printers.
Eventually they started replacing the product I was supporting with a cheaper alternative. Of course users complained because now their minor problems were turning into major problems. To save money, costed money. But it was more cost effective for my employer to pay penalties to the customer for fuckups than it was ensure the fuckups didn’t happen in the first place.
Eventually, after 13 years of arguing for better planning and products, sitting quietly doing my own things on company time, I was made redundant. It was an amazing relief to be honest, and it changed the course of my life. Much for the better, I like to think.
Now, wherever I am working, I can see the same redundant systems in place. The ‘work smarter, not harder’ mantra hasn’t managed to infiltrate everywhere as yet.
It won’t work, Won’t work no more….
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our beautiful house. It feels like a home.
I am so happy and grateful to make friends with these puppies, even though they ate my shoes.
To-do list
Reply to Kieran ½
Catch up with Stoa and Daily Stoic ✅
Search more about TOEFL for Bruce ✅
Write a blog entry ✅
Get more CD cases finished! All? ½
An easy two-lesson day that could have been easily disrupted when I was told I could no longer use the library so I had to think quickly about new lessons which wasn’t too stressful.
I was pretty quiet today, still a bit tired from the weekend. I even lost my wallet at one stage but that didn’t phase me and I figured where it may have fallen out of my pocket and sure enough they had found it in the cafe. That’s the first time I have ever lost my wallet or anything out of my pockets. That’s a pretty good record but hopefully not a sign of things to come.
Things I could have improved on would be to not join in when other teachers are complaining. I don’t do it too much but it’s easy to fall into it.
I feel like I got a lot done today but still like I have a lot to do. None of these things are essential but one I do have to start getting on top of is the WDS tour so I’ll get back on to that tomorrow. I also start teaching Bruce online again so that will be a bit of extra cash coming in too.
I am so happy and grateful for all the friends I have made around the world so that I can go to places and meet them. I met Kyaw Kyaw and Zarni from Rebel Riot and Christopher Luppi, a long-time scene veteran in Thailand.
The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognise, and the better your instincts will be.
I did savour moments of our drive back especially when we stopped at Hinoki Land, a beautiful Japanese site with great architecture and views.
One thing I noticed a lot though was how much Amy makes small complaints and negative comments. They didn’t alter my own mood but I notice this more and more when I compare it to how we were in Australia. It’s like she didn’t need to comment on each small petty grievance in Australia because she was generally happy and positive about life around her. My concern is that she is less happy now and that will have a longer-term effect on both of us.
I’m looking forward to sleeping tonight and whilst not looking forward to going back to school, I am positive about getting back into a routine again. When we talked about it on our drive I realised there are only about 4 more weeks of actual teaching left.
Most disputes are a waste of time even if you’re in the right….
– Haters blog post by Paul Graham
I can recall a thousand arguments I thought I’d won, “That showed them!” Only now to realise I had lost.
Some people start arguments for an unknown reason. Why do we bite at it? Sometimes it’s something we just know we can easily win. An opportunity to show intellectual superiority. What did that achieve in the end?
Sometimes people just sound argumentative perhaps not eloquent enough to express themselves any other way. Being able to defuse situations like that takes a special skill, worth practicing.
Some people don’t argue at all and start with a closed fist. They didn’t like the way you looked. The air sizzles with violence. Mostly recognised from younger days, too old to be a threat to anyone now surely.
Another option often chosen is to simply run away from it, waiting until calmer heads prevail. But what if it didn’t come?
I hate arguing, it’s a waste of time and energy. That doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for what I believe to be right and true but those opportunities rarely actually appear in life. Most arguments are petty and ultimately inconsequential. So the aim is not to win or lose but to just not waste time.
I’m sick of emotions always tearing me inside Watching things crumble, letting all things slide A very temporary waste of time Is there really such a thing as a waste of time?
Gray Matter
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my medicine. I didn’t realise I didn’t take it yesterday and I felt pretty down most of that time. Only realised this morning when I found the tablet on the bench!
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Buddha
To-do list
Take some new photos to use on the blog ½
Gym after work ✅
Play the listen and don’t complain game ½
Clear some Pocket articles ✅
It was a little difficult to play the listen and don’t complain game as Kevin and Said weren’t in school today and apart from courtesies I only spoke to Fred for about 3 minutes. I was able to do it later though when Kru Tam was complaining about Kevin not being organised to send things for printing. I just asked her what she would like me to do.
Similarly, taking photos wasn’t really an easy task either. I’m either sitting at my desk or teaching – not many interesting photo opportunities arising.
I rode my pushbike to the gym and met KP along the way which was nice – she has such a good heart. She was in a hrry though so not much chat but I hope I can ask her to help bring some students for us sometime.
I learned a lot today about social connection and just talking to strangers. A little easier said than done with the language barrier here but George seems to manage to do it quite well. I need to practice those skills. I guess I missed a little opportunity to do this at the gym as there was a white guy there. the gym feels a bit weird to do that though. Though, now I’m thinking of it, it is where George meets and talks to a lot of people so I guess I just need to bite the bullet and try it.
Oh! I went riding around in the hills and valleys again today and I savoured every minute of it. The cool morning air countered the sun and heat, the sky white with mist and smoke, though thankfully not the thick cancerous smoke that will soon be with us every day until rainy season. Every paradise humans have found required a garbage dump.
I’m surprised I’m energised this morning after a 7 hour drunken sleep, woken somewhere in that time by Indian indigestion. I guess the two coffees kick-started me well enough so as soon as I got back from the cafe I hopped on the bike, no destination in mind.
The locals stare curiously at this white-haired monster screaming through their quiet village daily life but return the big smiles I beam at them. Spread the love. I get stuck behind what may have at one time been a truck but has been mangled into a new form so as to navigate its territory. On the back, two old uncles cling on to the stack of metal merchandise, though one is drunkenly singing and dancing to the traditional Thai folk music blasting from the rigged up PA system. The audio system far more important than the vehicle, which drops bolts and parts to the ground as it bounces around. It’s just turned 10 am.
Finally, I turn off and deeper into the hills through dirt tracks, some familiar, others new to me. Besides the divots and bumps, sleeping dogs must be navigated, their nerve holding much longer than mine.
Eventually, time to turn back, sore butt yet soaring thoughts. For brief moments in time it is wonderful to be alive. Let’s seek them out.
Suitably invigorated I set about the task of finally moving the stack of bricks that has been sitting in the middle of the garden for the past two years. They had become so familiar that they were practically invisible now. Every now and then I would be reminded by the cats sitting atop the stack, surveying the garden, waiting for birds to fly into their mouths.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the garden and half the clothing I used to wear has decomposed, my sweat probably had eaten through the fabric. Stacking 12 blocks at a time into the wheelbarrow I soon regretted not having gloves but whatever, time to toughen up these dishwashing hands again.
Nearer the bottom of the stack, I started to notice discarded snakeskins so thought to be a little bit more cautious, particularly as the blocks have 3 deep pockets through them. And finally, in the bottom of the pile, a small shy snake tasting the air with its tongue from within one of the pockets.
I carefully removed all the other blocks, keeping a good eye on the snake in its home. At one point it decided to make a break which gave me chance to capture a photo which I could get an ID for the snake later on Facebook. The snake exchanged one pocket for another as there was nowhere else safe to go, just open spaces around.
I figured I’d give it some time to chuff off on it’s own accord but then realised the nearest place of solitude was in our room where Amy teaches. Not the best option. So it was, pockets facing away I carefully picked up the whole block and chucked it over the fence into the deep scrub and long grass outside. Situation dealt with.
Godspeed….
Through the Facebook group, I discovered the snake was a highly venomous Thai spitting cobra. In our ignorance of its existence until this day our cats and I had been lucky and likewise, today this shy, delicate yet deathly dangerous beast let our relationship end without grief. I just hope our relationship has ended permanently.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful at my ability to bounce back and be positive again. I remember a time a minor thing would play on my mood for many days.
The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times. The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
Mihaly Csikszentmihali
To-do list
Hang washing ½
Cut grass at front ✅
Record new TCRAH ✅
Write blog entry as if abducted ½
Finalise more details for WDS
A quieter and much more enjoyable day today. Time goes too quickly though. I wrote a different blog entry today but want to explore that idea about feelings of loss of freedom.
Tonight I will savour more about my trip to Japan.
Tomorrow’s lessons are all planned out though I need to be prepared for the unexpected as always. Our daily schedule will be a little different in that we have to take the car for service and Amy can’t drive. We’ve planned ahead though so it should all work out. If anything does go awry then remain calm.
Things I could have done better today was maybe not going for coffee in the morning. I had told Amy I would hang the washing when I came back but she had already done it despite her busted arm. She wasn’t upset at doing it but I missed an opportunity to be helpful. Tomorrow I will try to consider more opportunities for acts of kindness.
Flow – challenging but attainable goals – strong focused concentration – intrinsically rewarding – feeling of serenity – loss of self-consciousness – timelessness/lose track of time – lack of awareness of physical needs – complete focus on the activity
How to achieve flow? – Doing challenging leisure!
extrinsic = external intrinsic = internal
extrinsic motivation can undermine intrinsic motivation and growth mindset Growth mindset – focus on learning not outcomes – good performance takes hard work – hard work is good – effort = good – make the most of deficiencies – capitalise on mistakes – no decrease in internal motivation – performance increases over time
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the sunrise in the morning and prepare myself for the new day.
The choice of being horribly depressed or incredibly liberated is up to you.
Neil Pasricha
To-do list
Book flights after school. ½
Cut down on feeds – focus on Stoicism. ✅
Be more curious today – learn more about someone. ✅
Do not complain! Do not complain! ✅
Random act of kindness. ½
Finally, the English camp is over. I decided to sit and talk with Aiza a little as we’d never really been introduced.
At the coffee shop, there were some Japanese tourists and I held the door for them and said ‘Oaskini doso’ much to their surprise. They were very happy and it made me feel good.
I was very conscious of not complaining about anything today and may have succeeded. And in a big effort, I managed to book most of the flights for the WDS tour. A beautiful Sichuan hot pot to complete the day.
The only downside is the feeling that Amy is not so happy at the moment – she is always annoyed or upset about something in this country. I understand it is more difficult for her here than it is for me (in some ways) and I know she appreciates the things we have but I hope she can ward off these imbalances in her happiness.
Tomorrow we will be teaching again. I’m feeling confident in my lessons and look forward to them more than school, even though I have more fun with the students at school.
1. Accept imperfection – Perfection is beyond us. 2. Share vulnerability – the bedrock of true friendship. Compassion for ourselves, generosity for others. 3. – Know your insanity – warn others, contain our follies. 4. Accept your idiocy – messing up is to be expected. 5. You are good enough – ‘Ordinary’ isn’t a name for failure. 6. Overcome romanticism – Love is patience and compassion for our natural weaknesses. 7. Despair cheerfully – We’re not individually cursed and many small things should stand out: a sunny day, dawn and dusk, etc 8. Transcend yourself – Cosmic humility is taught to us by nature, history, and the sky above us; delight in being humbled by it.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to know that I won’t be working at this school next semester. I’m sad in one way but excited in others. Knowing what will happen next semester is the best option.
You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realise how seldom they do.
David Foster Wallace
To-do list
Enjoy new activity with students. ✅
Think before speaking. Listen first. ½
Gym straight after work. ✅
After squats meditate for 5 minutes. ✅
Fill out dreams for dream decade challenge. ✅
Easy, perhaps somewhat boring, day. Being surrounded by the other foreign teachers it was a struggle not to complain and when I thought about it more I realised I’d left my bracelet at home so I’m giving myself a day of forgiveness. I’ll wear it tomorrow and try to be more conscious of not joining in the complaining.
21st Mar 2024 – I would wear a bracelet that I would have to swap hands every time that I complained. I would mostly forget to do this until later but it was an effort to become conscious of complaining. I think I only managed to do this for a month or two in the end.
Knowing I won’t be teaching here next semester has kind of lifted off any real burden to overperform. I do still feel like doing my best for the students though. Tomorrow will be more of the same at school. Afterwards is the dentist and then meet with George and Bruno. They have kind of opposite personalities but both with virtuous hearts – I think I sit somewhere in the middle so conversation should be interesting.
I hope to get some information from George on what to expect when teaching back at CRPAO.
If you could share one message with the world, what would it be?
I can’t decide an answer to this – maybe – learn to love to read?
I think as having visited many different places around the world there is not one message that is applicable to one and all.
Of course, we can say ‘love each other’ but it is a tired cliche that also begs many questions. Many religions posited this stance but they all became twisted by human interpretation.
I guess the ‘learn to love to read’ phrase is pertinent to never stop learning and growing because it can apply to anyone at any age.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have 3 happy playful cats in my life. I hope they remain healthy and don’t suffer any misfortune.
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.
Isaac Asimov
To-do list
Get photos taken for work permit ✅
Enjoy spending time with George and Bee ✅
Write to Chrissie ½
Think about how you can show Kru Noon your appreciation
Savour what you can, show thanks ½
School was good today. All my classes went well and the kids were happy. Not so much the teachers! Kru Noon was upset again because she had to fill classes for Said who didn’t show up and couldn’t be contacted. Kevin was also upset because Kru Tam had made him look bad in front of his kids.
The day went quickly for me as I drove into the city a couple of times to get photos for my work permit.
After work, I finished reading Anna Karenina – phew! One of the first books that I want to read again.
Then a quick shower and pick up George and Bee to go for Indian dinner. I enjoy meeting them very much and George suggested talking with Nancy about Jimmy so that she can hear about it from me rather than from him or someone else in the future. The option of going to CRPAO is good to have as a choice next semester. George is always trying to convince me to do it.
Amy and Bee had good long happy talks as we moved to the Library to hang out for a couple of hours, drinking sweet shots of unknown alcohol. They both think that George and I live in a ‘beautiful world’ – ie we see everything as good and positive. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy to try and look at life this way and feel much happier for it. I prefer this thinking style over my older negative and cynical one for sure.
For Saturday I have a couple of classes in the afternoon and Amy will go out again in the evening. I’ll be happy with another night at home. Our home is definitely a ‘beautiful world’ despite the snakes.
I have all the characteristics I need but need to work harder at these: perspective, social intelligence (understanding others), spirituality, and kindness.
I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. I would like to deal better emotionally with difficult situations. Sometimes I can’t control my feelings well enough.
After some more consideration, social intelligence is the one I want to improve most. I can do this by going out and meeting more and different people – not just those within my own sphere of interest.
1st Jan 2023 – Three years later, and having been through much of that time with pandemic lockdowns and prohibitions I don’t think I consider social intelligence so highly anymore. It would be important if I was 20 years old again but over the last year or two, I’ve become much more comfortable with myself.
I can guess that George was the influence for me to try to engage more with other people in 2020, as I always saw him happy. However, I also discovered that trying to be like other people is not always the best approach, especially when feeling let down by them. What works for him doesn’t necessarily work for me.
I’m comfortable and happy with my tribe, I know who they are even though they are not close by. I can still work on improving social intelligence within that premise instead. I don’t need to spend time meeting new people just to practice this. I feel I have better ways to spend my time. I know other people enjoy doing it but it’s not for me.
How can you get those characteristics?
I already have these characteristics but just need to enhance them further. Bring them to the forefront of memory and practice them. Be conscious of them, In order to practice social intelligence, I need to stop pre-judging people and use come conversational techniques to find out more and quickly. This skill is something I have improved on but am not really comfortable with yet. Perhaps visualising and pretending beforehand would help? I could also read more about how to do this and watch some instructional videos.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be able to have a small sleep-in this morning as it is teachers’ day. I’m writing this from my bed and can look out of the bedroom window at the blue sky and jungle mountains in the distance.
It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; as soon as we are sober again we see that it is all a delusion, a stupid delusion.
Leo Tolstoy, My Confessions
To-do list
Practice RekordBox ✅
Record new TCRAH ✅
If any appropriate time arises, tell Amy about what happened with Jimmy
Finish work permit tasks ½
Exercise at gym
Amy and I spent a long day around the city sorting things for my work permit, getting my laptop fixed and buying bits and pieces for teaching. We had a nice long lunch of sushi and I felt very happy.
I was hoping to go to the gym but it was already 4pm by the time we got home and I wanted to do some other things. Amy had a couple of drinks at lunch and was starting to get a little loud. Most of the time it was fun and funny but occasionally I got a bit annoyed (internally).
I know Amy is a little lonely here in Chiang Rai because her friends are not quite in the same position and way of thinking. We know we are lucky to be where we are and with everything that we have got and there is always some sort of trade-off.
Tomorrow, it’s back to school and I have to try and remember not to touch the students. I’m pretty sure that I will get told off again sometime.
I’m considering the option of going back to CRPAO next semester as I may be able to work with George and Tang. George keeps trying to sell the option to me but I’m a little conscious of working with someone that I consider a good friend and also about my ability to work in any school system.
15th Mar 2024 – Time certainly tells the tale. I was right to be concerned about working with a close friend though I ended up extremely happy.
Where I am now is quite easy in many ways and if it were a similar situation next semester then that seems like a good option. We never know what we’re going to end up with – all options could turn bad. I definitely don’t want to be working harder for other people.
1994ever 