Tag: school

Every everything (The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #15) – 7th December 2019

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s taken me more than a year and a half to recover!

When I returned from the CELTA training course I found my brain had changed.  I seem to flip between data driven thinking and artistic thinking and often cannot find a good balance.  The training was very linear and intensive (as it should be) and on reflection now, some 18 months later, was easier to complete than I imagined beforehand and during.  The pressure to achieve was very high but that pressure mostly came from within.  Now, I realise that I can turn my hand to anything if I wish to.

Of course, the circumstances since the training have mostly helped me arrive at this conclusion.  First I started doing some free teaching with students from the local university.  This gave me a little self confidence though I was often shocked at the students poor language levels, in the language they are studying for their degrees, whatever the subject.  I can suggest to myself that I could probably easily complete a degree at the university here purely based on the fact I can use the language fully.  Anyway, that’s by the by for now as I’m not really considering that as an option at the moment.

After a few months kicking around and enjoying much free time I ended up working with Grade 5 students at a nearby provincial school.  I have a million stories from there, many which I would like to forget.  I soon discovered the crazy dysfunction in the education system here.  If it’s obvious to me, an unqualified teacher starting their first job then the system must be pretty poor.

I don’t intend to tarnish the education system as a whole as that would be unfair.  The circumstances I was in influenced a lot of my impressions and I try to understand that what I saw was not indicative of other places.  It was, however, the belief of many others teaching here that things are not much better elsewhere in the country.  There are a million reasons for this and books could be filled trying to explain.  The main down side for me was that I felt that I was unable to do a good job and provide useful learning for the students a lot of the time.  I hate doing a bad job – especially when eventually someone else is going to suffer for it.  So that was the other down side – watching willing students deal with the inadequacies of the system which lead to inconsistency in almost everything.  Frustrating beyond belief.

Beyond that though I have found myself with a passion and love for the students that has made me incredibly happy.  It’s a job that I really love to invest my time in and to go to work to do it.  I’ll talk more about this in future.

Just a short one this time as I push myself to get back into this.

“Every heartbeat, every movement, every moment, every sigh.”

Gratitude Journal

I am so grateful and happy to go to school on Friday, which was hard as I had been sick this week and had a bad experience on Monday. The kids also drove me crazy and made me quite angry but I survived and talked to Kru Noon about strategies to get them to listen more. I will take her advice and try this next week!

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #15

Music from Hamster Theatre, Super Thief, Infidel-Castro!, Arm, Kultur Shock, Captain Beefheart, Fugazi, Bogshed, Brainiac, Neon Rose, By The End of Tonight, Rafter, Huggy Bear, Jimmy Two Hands, Zu/Mats Gustafsson, Secret Hate and The Ex.

We want that attitude! – 2nd December 2019

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After a great start to the weekend, things got a little more sober after Amy fell and hurt her face and hands. We were very quiet and recovering on Sunday.

Looking forward to coming back to school on Monday was brought to a sudden halt by discussions with the school and my agent about withholding two days of my pay for not attending the weekend seminar. I feel particularly aggrieved at this as it was not made clear to me that this would happen and it is not fair to withhold money for not attending an unpaid weekend of work. My agent blames the school and the school blames the agent. This is a very typical scenario here in Thailand and exactly the situation Amy warned me about.

But what to do now? Should I just accept the situation, stand up for myself further, walk away to something else (which may just end up with similar problems) or walk away from everything?

My learning shows that I should remain professional and unaffected emotionally by these types of situations but I still struggle with these things.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have read some positive things today otherwise I might have felt completely terrible due to a situation that happened at school. I’ll catch up with George briefly as he often knows the right thing to say.

14th July 2022 – Looking for a photo to use for this post I found what seems to indicate that I went to the local hospital on the next day and got myself a medical certificate giving me a day off, as a fuck you to the school for not paying me!

Some people seem to be just small hard peas – 1st December 2019

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What books have influenced your life?

The first books I remember reading were the Thomas Covenant Chronicles. Big thick fantasy books. For some reason, they resonated more with me than my attempts at the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings.

Later On The Road and Kerouac’s short Alone on a Mountaintop inspired a wonder of wander for me so it was not a difficult decision to make to move to Australia.

Right now I’m reading Anna Karenina whilst learning as much as I can about stoicism. I think the recommendation (to read AK) must have come from Daily Stoic as there is so much stoicism within the writing. This is the first book I’ve really looked at Cliff Notes for too.

He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be excited for this coming week at school. I really enjoy teaching with the kids and they give me good energy.

Weight: 81.6kg
Resting heart rate: 50

We got that attitude! – 29th November 2019

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What book have you given most as a gift?

I haven’t given many as gifts but I think I gave a couple of copies of Xinran’s Sky Burial to friends. I loved reading that book and actually should read it again. Not sure if I have a copy anymore.

I think I also gifted The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet a couple of times including to Hayden. I think that may be worth a read again too actually, and again not sure I own a copy now. Will check my bookshelves tonight.

24th Sep 2022 – I didn’t have copies of either but I did buy another copy of Sky Burial and promptly gave it away again to a student I thought might appreciate it.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to receive feedback from my students this week saying, ‘Teacher Shaun is my hero, he loves students’. This made me realise that despite the struggles of our language barriers that I can have a positive influence on their lives, no matter how small. I went back to my old school today and was overwhelmed by the reaction of the kids. I hope the impression I made on them is a positive experience they will always remember and try to pass on to others in their lives. I feel very happy today because of these things. Now, to continue.

We got that attitude! – 28th November 2019

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When do you feel most yourself?

Hmmm… this is a tough question! Is it when I am happy and overjoyed with life? Is it when I am grumpy and down (which is how I have most often felt in my life)?

At times I felt most myself during a successful show I had put together, enjoying the music and feeling, the pleasure of everyone around me.

I often feel myself when I’m mostly occupied with something, though even when I’m lazing around I’m usually reading or watching something meaningful.

Gratitude Journal

I am still so happy and grateful for sports day yesterday. It was so much fun and the kids had a great time. I think they will be unsettled today but never mind. I also got sunburned and sweated a lot but today I feel pretty good. I need to integrate some exercise into my habits so I feel this way more.

Who the fuck are you to tell me who my friends are? – 27th November 2019

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Who are you comparing yourself to?

I think I compare myself with most people in my life. Friends, family, relations. Is it productive? I’m not often jealous of things other people do or things that they have, except their happiness or serenity. They often seem more capable to deal with things, though perhaps they’re not? It’s just what it looks like to me.

I noticed recently some people saying things bad about others and took it to be more about themselves – so and so is a miserable bastard, he’s a moron…etc… I have to make sure to catch myself if I ever do that.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that it is sports day today and that I don’t have to teach. Many of the foreign teachers are hiding away inside maybe preparing lesson plans etc but I think I’ll hang around with the kids because this is the best time to be with them. They feel free and happy and will try to talk more than in the classes. The kids are why I’m here.

If there was some sense to make I’d try and understand – 26th November 2019

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What makes you most excited?

When I first looked at this question I found within myself a general lack of excitement. Not in a bad way. I enjoy many many things that I do or can do but there’s nothing in particular that makes me excited. Everything at the moment is giving me great satisfaction.

The one main thing I have planned is to organise a tour for Kevin from Trumans Water and we’ve been talking about it for a while and yesterday I started contacting the first promoters and the first show kinda fell together so quickly and easily that it has given me confidence in being able to make it work and to do a good job.

I’m looking forward to visiting a couple of new places such as Kota Kinabalu and Yogyakarta. I’m also looking forward to hanging out with Kevin as Trumans Water has been a favourite band of mine for a long time. I still feel a sense of adventure stronger than a sense of excitement though.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Kru Tam to help me fix some things at school so that I can teach the lessons I want to teach. Some of the rooms don’t have video set up properly and a technician needs to come and fix the TV screens. Thankfully Kru Tam is there to help me sort it out.

18 Apr 2021 – None of the things that would have helped me got fixed in the end and I had to come up with other ideas. But at least the Thai teachers looked as if they were helping me!

We got that attitude! – 24th November 2019

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I have approximately 10,000 days more to live. What are two or three principles you want to live by over these days?

3 principles I would like to live by for the rest of my days? What principles do I live by now?

One principle I have always tried to maintain is to try and be open-minded and understanding of other points of view. At the same time, I would like to be confident enough in my ability to be able to clearly express any point of view I may have.

I have often been contentious before, sometimes just to play devil’s advocate. I should be more understanding of other people’s beliefs and ideas, maybe learning where they come from, rather than rejecting them.

I find I have a fascination with Islam due to not understanding it enough or having the familiarity with it. An exotic religion if you like. Having grown up in a Christian country I can see how dull and rigid its dogma is. I have no doubt about Islam’s dogma but still find it fascinating.

So, #1 – the principle of an open mind.

#2 – Related to #1 is to never stop learning and growing. Doing the opposite leads to a closed mind. Thankfully I’ve grown to enjoy learning more about how the world works as it helps me learn about myself.

#3 – This one is a tough one. To not take offence and get and get angry when someone makes a personal attack on me of my work. Let it do. Don’t let it bother you. This means they have won.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful today for the clouds! Taking the edge off the insane heat. I’ve been standing in the sun a lot this past week as the kids had sports every afternoon. It was such a lot of fun to play with them that I accepted getting burned as part of the deal. Maybe time to invest in skin whitening cream!

We got that attitude! – 14th November 2019

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Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful today for meeting all the kids at the school gate this morning. The happy ones, the tired ones, the shy ones. They all make me smile. I was grateful for the opportunity to talk with Said this morning too as we haven’t had a chance to talk much yet. I was also happy and grateful to stand in front of the school assembly and make the kids laugh and have fun. I was happy and grateful to see a small smile on Puifai’s face when I helped her with some difficult work. It’s very gratifying to see the kids thinking hard and then suddenly getting it!

We got that attitude! – 12th November 2019

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Slept deeply last night – for some reason the stress of standing up for myself on a small issue has made me very tired.

Yesterday was also a little frustrating as my students seem to have mostly forgotten what they did last week. Not all of them but enough to show that this will be a struggle. I do remember having a similar feeling in CRPAO soon after I started. I guess I need to adjust my expectations – teach to the top/middle – keep them interested.

I woke up tired but feel reasonably confident this morning. I only have two lessons today so can spend a lot of time preparing more lessons.

Gratitude Journal

I was so happy and grateful to watch the sunrise this morning. It came up over the mountain behind the temple spire and it was amazing. Every day the sun comes up. Long before I was here and long after I’m gone.