Tag: sleep

Mo No Syll A Bic Man – 31st August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know what to say
A voice that sounds so dull
I sound like a wet rag
I speak with one syll-a-ble

Dead mouth and dead brain
Down and out, glass not full
Old man, though still young
Speaks in mo-no-syll-a-ble

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these rice biscuits that the locals make. I can add them to my muesli to give it a sweeter taste.

Cap woke me up in the middle of the night as he wanted to get out of the bedroom. It was difficult for me to get back to sleep properly, instead having wild dreams but also a deep sense of love for Amy. I am ever grateful to be with her.

Hayden is on my mind too. Any discussions we have online just receive a monosyllabic reply from him, often with ‘I don’t know’ as a response. I feel sorrow for him. I hope that under the weed fog, he does know and understand some things but it’s difficult to see him this way.

And after talking with Sharon about her struggles with Kim, I’m starting to think that there’s nothing much I can do. It has to come from himself. I will keep trying to push him in the direction where he can come to those conclusions.

I sometimes feel guilty about how much effort I put into teaching my students compared with the effort I put in with Hayden. I know they are different times but it still rubs. Am I trying to compensate by taking more care with my students? At their age, they are still malleable but Hayden is, unbelievably, 25 now.

My lower back is sore from too much sitting. Need to exercise more but due to a lack of sleep and a dark, grey, cloudy morning, I couldn’t motivate myself to do it. Motivation, motivation. It’s the same for everyone, old and young.

Today will be a good day. Cannot get that Smart Went Crazy song out of my head, which was something else that kept me awake last night!

Hit The Reward – 23rd July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hit the dog, hit him hard, make him pay
That’s the lesson every dogging day
Hit the boy, hit him hard, he never learns
The lesson for him is that anger burns

Hit the bottle, hit it hard, that’s your sword
But understanding is based around reward
Hit the road, hit it hard, there’s no return
You lost them all, none shall learn

1st Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for 20 minutes of extra sleep this morning. Usually, I’m awake before my alarm but not today. After resetting it for an extra 20 minutes I went straight back into deep sleep.

I talked with Hayden briefly yesterday. He sounds pretty down with life – not articulating it into words but just in his tone and choice of words. He had nothing to say really as he hasn’t been doing anything except playing video games for the last two months.

Bronwyn is staying at his place in Newcastle at the moment, actually, her house, where I’m guessing he is living rent-free. He says he’s annoyed with her because she doesn’t give him enough space. When I asked him ‘space to do what?’ he just answered ‘space to be himself’. I translate this as ‘space to do nothing.’ Being 25 years old already it shocks me how little he can do for himself.

Bronwyn is a control freak and does everything for him because she can see that every time he tries to do something and fails, he just gives up. Now it seems like he doesn’t even want to try.

I’ve been telling her for several years to cut him off (financially) and let him fend for himself but she can’t bring herself to do it. And now it is super easy to get caught in online loan shark debt too. That boy is going to fall hard one day and I blame myself as much as anyone.

Watch out for me now cos I’m alive – 8th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Damn, it’s cold in the morning. Have been sick, this is the first day back.
Amazing long sleep – feel good. Body weakened – need exercise, need discipline again.
G.I.on brainbox. Can’t stop reading – so good, so happy. Tattoo ideas formed.
Write 1994 and ideas coming – found more old writing. Is it important – no – is it interesting to me? Yes.
I’m running out – is there nothing to do except document my life? Should I be living a life still? What is it?
I love my home – my comfort here.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have access to YouTube and to have an internet connection. Having internet means it is easy to live anywhere in the world. If I didn’t have it I could probably still manage but life would be a lot different – time would have a totally different meaning. The things I use the internet for are thought-provoking and thinking makes me alive.

No other prisoner shall enter and get through – 16th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Finish ab workout and yoga stretching – feels good, a little tired – less than seven hours sleep – dump thoughts and meditate.
What thoughts now? With pain in hand thoughts are difficult – when trying to meditate thoughts come easy.
Sat by the river with George yesterday – not much time tho but was pleasant, talked about how different countries have different cultures. When it comes to community, family and sharing things. I mostly recall the sunlight on the river.
Anyway highlighted some of our differences in behaviour which we all have to accept and understand – sometimes forgive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to our neighbour’s dog Tangmo who came to visit yesterday morning before I went to work. He was running around full of energy and ran away from Tigger. I tried to get him to follow me out so I could close the gate but he kept running back inside. It made me smile for the whole day.

Yes, today was pretty good too. Spent a good morning at House – drinking coffee, sketching and reading. I feel like I’m on top of many things at the moment.

The best thing about today was helping students with some difficult L and R tongue twisters – it was fun and they didn’t give up.

Started reading Sartre’s Age of Reason and also completed another sketch.

It’s a sad affliction causing me restriction – 9th November 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

6 am wake up – dark – get back into it. Almost cold enough for a shirt.

Lots of dreams – enjoyable with unexpected people but I forget them now.

Neck cracking. Study more, learn more. Work. Play. Things to do – fill my time.

Plod along. Be happy.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a good sleep with interesting dreams. Did my new mattress topper help? I don’t know. My neck and shoulders are still sore but they remind me I’m alive.

You need some kickin’, not just sittin’ – 28th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Busy day ahead but ready for it. Slept in the same position most of the night – must be tired out. Slept deep and well though – feel good – full workout this morning, proud of myself.

I do a lot – sometimes too much but the thing is that ‘I do’. Do something.

Gratitude Journal

I’m so happy and grateful for my deep sleep last night. I feel good.

To-do list

  • Keep that positive energy buzzing ✅
  • Full workout in the morning ✅
  • Compliments and awards ½
  • Blog posts and TCRAH recording on Sunday ✅

School on Friday was busy and rewarding. I had to take time out to talk to one student, Aon, because he was disturbing other students. He’s a good kid, pretty smart, but he can’t stop talking. After several warnings, I asked him to leave. He didn’t want to and I told him that’s OK if he’s not interested in my lesson but there are other students who are and he is stopping them from learning.

It was nice to see that everyone picked up on the gravity of this little time out. The rest of the class was fun.

Saturday afternoon Amy and I went to Mae Sai. I could feel that Amy wasn’t quite her usual happy self – but unhappy but a little sharp and direct in her conversation. She was happy again as we arrived at the market and quickly got to shopping and headed off to Chiang Saen for pizza. It was starting to get dark and I had a splitting headache.

At one point I went the wrong way and Amy got a little upset because I stopped and looked at Google Maps because I wanted to understand exactly where we were. She was right and I turned round and went in the right direction. The conversation died as I struggled to see the road but I wasn’t going to let Amy’s bad feelings affect me. I enjoyed listening to music and drove a little slower because I wanted to hear more.

Amy warmed up a little by the time we got home but I think by then we were both worn out and went to bed and to sleep. I was happy with the way I handled the situation and didn’t escalate any bad feelings. After all, it was only a slight issue. I think we understand each other well and we know our own, and each other’s, faults and behaviours very well.

Some might feel that our relationship is boring and stale but I think we are happy and understanding. I love this relationship so much.

Today (Sunday) I was happy to record two podcasts and sort out all sorts of little bits and pieces in my room. I’ll have to sort out those little annoying ants in there soon.

My days feel full but mostly without stress. I have lots of things I want to do but know I could drop dead tomorrow – really there’s no rush. It’s pretty insignificant in the scheme of things. I’m just happy to do what I’m doing whether it is interesting or not. I’m happy with this attitude.

Our actions are all transient and fated – 24th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Time flies by – things get done, things get forgotten, your laziness takes over.

Fern came to Utopia yesterday and I chatted with her friend Pim, who is a dental student. My teeth hurt all day. Annoying. Neck aches lower back aches. Tired, eating enough?

See what happens.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a bed to sleep at night. Even if I don’t sleep well it is a safe place.

Go back to sleep, I didn’t say anything – 13th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Slept a lot yesterday – did not feel good. Do I feel good today? I’m not sure yet. Still tired and feel lazy and a little lacking in self-confidence.

Am I tired because of my lack of self-confidence or is my lack of self-confidence making me tired? Over exercise? Overthinking?

Be quiet today if you can – say things that you mean and nothing else.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can understand when I am not feeling well and know that I will feel better again soon.

Then came the dawn and you were gone – 31st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Too much to dream last night – Electric Prunes. Cannot remember dream now but I do know I didn’t sleep long enough. Woke up knowing I need to try a bit harder today (in my thinking) – be positive, stay positive – say positive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I forgot my passport and that I had to go to immigration this morning. It meant some extra running around but also meant I got to try a new coffee shop which has great coffee. It was delicious.

To-do list

  • More blog posts – need to do at least 1! ½
  • Compliments and kindness ½
  • Listen!…….speak.
  • Awards ½

Somewhat have achieved these things. I noticed that in the last few days, I get annoyed at the way George presents himself sometimes. The things he says are usually good advice but I hear it with a hint of arrogance and belief that he feels he is right. I’m cautious about this feeling because it is coming from me and not from him. I want to understand this feeling more and I won’t make any judgment on the person.

I feel like George is always setting a great test for me (not on purpose, of course) – it makes me consider my thoughts, feelings and actions. For that, I am grateful.

Because of this though, it can be tiring to be around him.