Tag: teaching

Sit Quietly – 30th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Hold still, slow down all thoughts
Soften eyes and ears
A mind racing around all sports
Bends on one’s fears

Sit quietly, letting contentment in
Soften ears and eyes
Craziness begone, deep breathing begin
Hear the word of the wise

Don’t be a coward. Have the courage to be afraid.

Günter Anders

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have some smart students who make me laugh a lot and bring me great joy when they want to learn.

Log Din, Log Doubt – 21st February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Getting stomped in the public arena
Armies gather on the new social media
No bloodied nose from anonymous egos
Just a bruised ego that nobody knows

Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real.

Sylvia Plath

Yesterday was another awesome day of relaxing, along with a little furniture rearrangement. As Amy had been talking more seriously about staying in Australia for longer and I have been struggling to get out to my room often, I decided to bring some things in from there, slowly bringing in bookshelves and books and moving the TV to make more space for my desk and computer, plus guitar and stereo.

After starting all that, when I talked with Amy later that evening, she suggested she may come back soon if the job in Sydney doesn’t work out! I tried to hide my amusement at these events and when we talk on video, I try to hide the changes for now.

I have been thinking and reading (by coincidence) about solitude and wondering about being lonely. In fact, I don’t feel lonely at all but wondering if I should be. I don’t want to forget how to be ‘normal’ with people, become some weird eccentric, although I think I am eccentric, I don’t think I’m weird at all. So. I’ve read some articles about solitdue and the benefits of it. It’s another reason to make our home more about me while Amy is away. I like being able to access my books easily. I can’t bring my CDs in, unfortunately, but I will bring in a few at a time to listen. I want to spend a little more time actually listening to music again.

5th May 2026 – I would still like to find more time to listen to music. This has dropped off in favour of reading and writing mostly.

This Monday morning I woke up feeling good and positive and happily enjoyed my first class. I’m still teaching while everyone else seems to be slowing down already. I can’t stand watching the kids doing nothing constructive. I can relax the pace of my work but I still want my students to understand or learn the benefits of doing.

As I was leaving for coffee, Dylan and George were sitting outside Le Paradis, so I decided to join them, asking if it was ok first. George quickly made his exit and I had a quick word with Dylan about the way George is behaving. He said it seems that George doesn’t give people a second chance. Still, to me, that is something personal and doesn’t affect me – it’s still no reason to be rude. I warned Dylan that the same thing could happen to him but as he is leaving at the end of the semester anyway, he should be safe.

Dylan asked what we will do next semester when he is gone but I’m still worried that I won’t be recontracted and that George may have some input into that. He can influence TLC and the school to get rid of me if he wishes. Let’s see. Whatever happens, I’ll be fine.

Valentine’s Dream – 15th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

On the eve of Valentine’s Day
When she woke from a comfortable sleep
She had dreamed a dream of killing him
An ex that had never gone deep

Then she started to question herself
As this feeling disturbed her so
What was the meaning of this dream?
Was what she wanted to know

Why are my insides twisted into knots? Am I in control here or is my anxiety?

Who is in control here? What principles are guiding me?

Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my house where I can have guests here without any real problems. Everything is here for them.

Busy and lazy days since last writing. Yesterday I took the day off work, calling in sick and I actually was sick on Sunday night after eating the last of my potato bake that had obviously gone off! I threw it up and felt much better but went to sleep very soon after.

Monday, Valentine’s Day, was graduation day for Fern, Aing, Gus, Nu and Mink. I met Mink in the early afternoon and remember how much I like him because he is always thoughtful. I asked him what he’d been doing in Bangkok and he said he had just quit his first job because every day he would go to work and end up asking himself ‘what am I doing here?’ I told that will probably happen many times in his life. At least he’s smart enough to figure out how to make changes.

I bumped into Fern at Utopia but we didn’t get chance to meet again and she flew home to Hat Yai in the evening. I spent most of the time with Aing’s brother and friend and then the rest of the family arrived with Now. Aing showed up after about an hour and many photographs were taken.

I could feel the general celebration in the air though it still confuses me a little. The student’s courses had all finished over a year ago – that to me is the time to celebrate – and I’m sure they all did at that time too. But for this event, families travel all over the country just to be here for a couple of hours as their kids receive their pieces of paper. Someone in Aing’s family had made matching T-shirts for everyone to wear. They had a picture of Aing’s face and then some text along the lines of ‘tuition fees = 25,000 – what she told her parents = 37,000’. Well played!

At school today, hence writing here in my down time. I’m definitely not as motivated to write here when I’m at home, which tells me where I would rather be! This morning, I taught 2/9 the lesson I put together about sexual abuse and they all understood the message but the girls were more thoughtful and mature about the topic, whilst the boys were still a little embarrassed about anything to do with sex.

It was interesting that afterwards some of the students talked about others who had committed suicide after being shamed and another who, just that weekend, had been asked by a friend to send nude pics and then sent her an unwanted dick pic. She asked me for advice about what to do. I told her that she could tell him that it is not the type of behaviour that a friend would do, especially unsolicited.

I found out that sports day is this Thursday and Friday and at lunch time I found out that tomorrow is a holiday. So – no more teaching for the week! It also seems to be only three weeks until the kids finish and there’s also a couple of days with no classes in there somewhere too.

I’m curious if I will be recontracted here next semester. I hope so but I can also see that the class sizes are making it difficult to keep everyone engaged. I might have to do some research on how to keep classes like that busy somehow. Or just submit myself to teaching little in each class.

Straight Line – 4th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Going straight isn’t always the best
Sometimes you gotta bend to pass the test
Life is not linear, the path may be curved
You made it here by the way you swerved

As the crow flies sure is so fast
But the lesson, maybe, does not last
If you don’t adapt, you can break
That’s a mistake you don’t want to make

What exists, exists so that it can be lost and become precious.

Lisel Mueller

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that Amy is going for two job interviews already! She hasn’t even been in Australia for a week yet.

Last night I had a couple of spoonfuls of kratom powder and got really dug into creating some music, though I ran out of time to play guitar. It was only later, when I was feeding the cats and talking with Amy, that I realised how hungry I was and I was even feeling a little nauseous as I was eating some salmon I had bought.

After watching some TV, I was feeling tired and had a shower and couldn’t even read much before falling to sleep and it was a deep, long one. I don’t remember waking up at all. I’ve started using a sleep app, though I don’t have a watch for monitoinrg and the app told me my sleep was only 69% quality, so I’m a little doubtful how well it is actually working.

Amy has two job interviews lined up today, which is crazy. She hasn’t even been there a week! Fern also advised her about a position available where she works too.

My morning classes were excellent. I tested 2/9 (grade 8) with a really difficult text and they were so happy and shocked when I told them it was for a grade 12 level. I was teaching them not to be scared of difficult-looking things and that their skill level is very good.

I’ll take it easy for my last class in the afternoon and then have to psych myself up for the weekend. Vacuuming and washing need to be squeezed in along with all the cat and garden maintenance. Also have to take the car for service, which will give me the opportunity to walk a bit until it’s ready.

Artificial Womb – 3rd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

New concepts for conception
A baby-making contraption
A warehouse full of wires
Tubes of blood suppliers

A matrix of growing babies
A new world full of maybes
Birth is an open door
Special delivery from the store

Is nine months an optimal time?
Perhaps twelve for extra spine
Let’s bake these babies longer
And make them so much stronger

An artificial womb, a real fear?
Where next to go from here?
Mixing up all DNA data
To make the future so much smarter

I hope in my lifetime to see the first human being created without pain.

Aria Babu, on Artificial Wombs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet Matt yesterday and get a surprise gift which was very kind and generous.

Time goes quickly, whether at home or work. I should remind myself that time quickly goes when I’m having fun, so I should be happy with that.

Last night, after getting home, I fiddled about with the things I fiddle about with and then enjoyed watching some comedy. I wanted to watch a movie but within a couple of minutes, I was put off by the acting, so I checked IMDB for reviews and read that the story was ok but that the bad acting spoiled it all so I decided to give it a miss.

Had a good sleep that I would’ve enjoyed for longer if I could but got up and did an arm workout. As I was eating breakfast, I saw someone walk past our window, which, weirdly, didn’t surprise me as much as I thought it would! I quickly realised that it was just Amy’s mum and she had come early, as grandmum wanted to go to the temple for her birthday today.

This morning’s classes were fun and I was very heartened to hear from students that next week, when they all have to do Red Cross activities, they all said that it was a waste of time and that they would prefer to be studying instead. Apparently, we (the high school teachers) are supposed to be going to Primary to help out there. I would rather be teaching!

Sitting in House for the rest of the afternoon. Looking at writing prompts and the first one is about obstacles. I don’t feel that I have any obstacles, really. But I want to imagine myself having an obstacle to overcome and how to go about it. Actually, I don’t want to imagine myself, but to write a story about someone else having that problem to overcome. I need to get my imagination back in gear again. My creative side.

I’ve enjoyed messing around with the keyboard to create mini-tunes, so want to continue developing that side of my personality. When talking to Matt yesterday, he said that he hadn’t been recording anything of the modular music he’d been creating and I was considering saying to him to record some and give it to me to manipulate more, but then I remembered that I had self-committed to remixing all the Senyawa stems last year but only ended up doing three. So, really, I would probably feel better motivated by doing it all myself from scratch – that would feel like more of an investment to me.

Anyway, obstacles. As I sit and write, I can think of many minor obstacles that I could consider. They just don’t seem significant. They feel like they will just naturally be overcome. I’ve learned to sit back and reflect on things more and problems (obstacles) tend to just naturally disappear. The importance we place on many thing just aren’t really what they seem.

Guiding Light – 28th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Follow the North Star
A guide towards a future
Adapt to ever-changing skies
A night grows darker
Before it lightens again
Come and go like the moon
Like the wind, like the clouds
But the air is always there
Never seen, but always there

Struggle in the quicksand and you only sink deeper.

Eric Barker

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see a beautiful crescent moon and a bright Mars in the dark morning sky, bordered by the trees of our wonderful garden. Wow.

Quoting the Dispossessed

A scientist can pretend that his work isn’t himself, it’s merely the impersonal truth. An artist can’t hide behind the truth. He can’t hide anywhere.

I took note of this quote last year when I was reading Ursula Le Guin’s ‘The Dispossessed’ as it obviously struck a chord. And re-reading it, it still strikes a chord but I’m struggling to define it. Is it true? An artist can’t hide behind the truth? A scientist, I understand, doesn’t have to care that 1 = 1 and 2 = 2. An artist, even if faking it, still shows their truth. Or can a really good artist actually hide?

Perhaps I took note of this considering myself as an artist? Today, I’m doubtful, but whatever. I’m putting this out into the world as an artistic skill (good or bad depending on your opinion) but my tablet is a search for truth. I cannot hide. But what of the fiction writer – they are artists. They could write about unspeakable acts that they would never dare carry out. Are they hiding, or are they still showing a truth?

I don’t know. And I wish my friend Steve was here to dig into this deeper. It is exactly the kind of topic that we would love to discuss long into the nights and early into the mornings. Although things seemed murkier then, they somehow also seemed clearer.

Yesterday, got home feeling good. Had a really great class with the grade 8 TED-Ed students that had me feeling very upbeat. I made it into my room for more keyboard experimentation and a little guitar playing before Amy called me in as it was time for termite attack mode.

We poured about eight litres of the killing liquid into the hole and it all disappeared. I’m thinking that down there, they must have eaten through the concrete foundations and so it’s possible the liquid is getting soaked into the earth. It’s likely that the termites will be back again at some point, no matter what we do.

After that, I was just chilling and munching on Amy’s yummy tarts that she had made. I also started to feel some minor dread at her not being here. I have made some plans in my mind about how the days will be from next week but they could all go to hell in a handbasket quite easily once it comes down to actually implementing them. I guess I’m also preparing for that possibility too. Just relax into it. Things will be ok.

A good morning this morning. Cold and a beautiful crescent moon in the sky, with a crocodile-looking cloud right on the mountains on the horizon.

During my abs workout, I noticed a tightness in my thighs from the previous day’s leg workout and it all feels good. Working towards that target of ongoing good health.

I started my first class just by watching funny cat videos, which most students ignored cos they were looking at their phones – but it made me feel happy and calm. Subsequently, the class went well. Though they are not the best at English, at least they gave it their best. 2/9 continues to impress me and it’s got me thinking about if I teach them next year, then what the hell can I do with them? They are so good that they test me.

What’s your philosophy on celebrating birthdays as an adult? How do you celebrate yours?

I don’t really think about birthdays and any celebration is minor and usually involves just going for a nice meal somewhere. I don’t feel any kind of excitement around celebratory days. For me, they are just another day.

I don’t mind celebrating other people’s special days and I would be in trouble if I didn’t partake in our wedding anniversaries! But again, these celebrations generally revolve around food and getting a nice meal somewhere.

Shut Up And Shout – 25th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Letting others speak, even some nasty words
Tells you almost everything you need to know
Rather they, than you, put a foot in it
It’s a wonderful lesson for truth to grow

You can’t change what happened but what happens from here is up to you.

owner of Cerro Gordo

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to change up my first lesson today to start outside – give the kids and me something different to do.

After 3 busy, fun classes today, I can say that the kids are inspiring. In the morning, we did running dictation outside, which was a nice break from being in the classroom. Funny how some days the vibe is not quite right and other times everyone has a good time. So, it’s good to take it day by day and not stress when the bad ones happen.

After school yesterday, I went to Bruno’s and we went for our usual two circuit walk, to take me over 10,000 steps for the day. We talked about what happened with George last week and I feel OK with it and that it has told me more about him than he tried to imply about me. I also read about how some of us just prefer to be alone and are often criticised by those who are more social. I can accept George for the way he is – I can’t control it and it’s not my place to. It feels like he cannot do the same. So, whatever, as they say.

When I got home, I had a shower and a spoonful of kratom and felt awesome again, though I didn’t make it to my room to practice keyboard and guitar. Hopefully tonight.

What age-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

The most obvious adjustment for me is health-wise, with cutting down on alcohol almost completely and doing more regular exercise. As a slow learner, I finally figured out to start small and build on the habit. Many of us are like that.

Beauty and style-wise, there’s not much of anything since bleaching my hair, giving up on trying to make my pepper hair black. I think I’ve been like this for 5 or more years already. It’s cool to have bleached hair in Thailand, as dark hair is pretty much the norm.

Maybe learning keyboard and guitar can be considered age-related adjustments; some things I now consider possible for me to learn, whereas I didn’t really have the opportunity before.

Projects – 7th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Put it together, pull it apart
A lesson is a work of art
Things to be responsible for
A world to discover more

Give them a wooden stick
Balanced on a broken brick
Trial and error, many a blunder
A world filled with natural wonder

Put in water, then dry it out
Let’s see what it’s all about
Neurons link, making able
A poem written at this table

People don’t take your power or make you invisible. You do that.

Andrea King Collier

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my positive attitude to helping the kids try new things, to grow and develop themselves.

Well, yesterday was excellent with the afternoon club going well despite Kartoon and Nampan’s reservations but I can feel that they are just lazy – it’s not that they aren’t capable.

I went home quite excited and upbeat though a little exhausted. I was expecting to have trouble falling asleep with thinking too much about what to do next with club and classes. However, after about 10 minutes I was out of it until my alarm went off at 6.20.

I joked with Amy that I had such a good day at school that it wouldn’t last and some nonsense would come along to knock me back down again but this morning was great too.

2/11 (grade 8) have been very good recently – I think starting to comprehend the class method, whilst perhaps not understanding all the English.

2/9 were reticent when they saw the work I wanted them to do today but they all settled down to it and I could clearly see them understanding and learning how to do my work. It made me feel very proud and I told them all how great they were doing.

One more class before the weekend – the dreaded 2/10, though even they have been showing signs of maturity lately, too.

It’s getting closer to Amy leaving now, though there is still a lot of doubt about whether it will actually happen, due to Covid. Could be a last minute decision.

How has getting older affected your sense of yourself, or your identity?

I have become more comfortable with who I am as I’ve gotten older but I think that has only happened more recently.

Moving to Thailand 4 years ago forced a re-evaluation of my identity, much as it did when I lost my job (my big, expendable income) in 2013. The trying times I have had since then have been things that have tried to force me outside my identity and there was clearly a period for me last year, when I made the call to chat with Jochen, that I knew that I was part of a particular tribe that doesn’t exist where I am, as such. I’m fine with that, in that I don’t need to be close to my tribe, I know that I am still a part of it and can always find my way back, if necessary.

I do not identify with many people around me, though I can recognise them. My instinct is non-adaptive to a degree. I am friendly, kind and understanding but I don’t want to hang out and talk about your mundane shit.

When I was younger, this may have bothered me a little. Sometimes I thought I should do more to fit in, or I would wonder why people don’t like me. I’m comfortable enough with myself not to care what other people think of me. Like it’s said – it’s not my business.

I quite admire the odd eccentrics of yesteryear who maybe sat around philosophising in drawing rooms, with brandies, into the early hours, whilst normal people went about their normal lives. I’m not a part of that but I do romanticise it somewhat.

As I age further, will my identity modify further or will I become a narrow-minded fuddy-duddy? No matter, it’s not for me to say but I try to keep my mind open for all new experiences that may be offered or sought.

Insight – 6th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Somewhere deep down
The solar plexus?
Requires time and space
Do nothing
See the clouds wander
But don’t look
The passing river
Thoughts in motion
You don’t have to do
But do nothing else
Dare to be bored
Remember that

Learn to accept your mediocrity.

Jerry Seinfeld

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the happy friendly kids who all want to talk to me at school. They fill me full of joy.

Excellent fun with my class this morning. Most students seem to understand what I expect from them and we are all getting more comfortable with each other.

This afternoon Champ and I start our first class with the TED-Ed students. I think all the grade 11 students will be OK but I’m not sure about my grade 8 students. I hope that they feel inspired enough.

No time to think this morning but whenever I’m away from a pen and paper I have lots of thoughts I would hope to put down and many of them disappear, for a while or maybe forever.

The slight anxiety I had yesterday went in the afternoon as no one mentioned anything to me about not being around in the morning and I even got an apology for the short and indirect notice I received to teach. So, I worried about nothing – or people may be talking bad things about me that I don’t hear and I can’t control that and don’t need to worry about it either.

I’m noticing I’m starting to feel the wind down into the April holiday already, even though I’ve made myself busier than ever. I’d love to keep on teaching these students but also happy to leave it all behind.

Dissolve – 5th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I dissolved myself into nothingness
Reverse engineered my being
Back to the womb, the sperm met egg
A cluster of molecules
Formed by random atoms
I saw my place in the infinite
My space and time, nothing
Dissolved

We’re all born listeners, so try to adapt a child-like listening mode, set aside expectations and really just be there.

Gordon Hempton, On Listening

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the chickens that laid these two eggs I’m eating, the farmer that collected them, the drivers that drove them and the shop that sold them.

Having free time in the morning, I clocked in and headed to House to read and relax. As I was talking to Fui, I got a couple of LINE messages that I was supposed to be covering Dylan’s class. An indirect message had been sent at 8.31 that I hadn’t seen – it was now 9.10.

Anyway I rushed back, a little flustered and had a great class with M1/6 (grade 7) – it was actually better that it was rushed. We got down quickly and it was fun.

In my head I’ve been thinking about what to say if anyone asks me why I wasn’t at school but the more I think about it (and thankfully I’ve had time to think about it) I should just say nothing. No need to be defensive or to make excuses.

I’m in Le Paradis right now, not risking going out again! As I was sitting here, 3 grade 8 students came in. They are not in my classes but have been chatting with me whenever they see me. They are upbeat and positive and I like to put in the effort to talk with them. We communicated through our poor second language skills and translation and I could feel tired trying to communicate in a second language, just as my students must feel in my classes sometimes.

It’s worthwhile to connect with them though. Give them a confidence booster and me a little conversation practice.

What has ageing given you? Taken away?

Easy answer: Wisdom/youth.

Ageing has also given me more of an insight into how short our time is. The things I think I will enjoy, because I enjoyed when I was younger, do not always correlate with how I feel now. Is that something that has been taken away?

It’s also given me a better understanding of all the old people in my life, or the people who seemed so far away old. I was just contemplating this morning that it is over 30 years ago that my grandparents passed. And my cousins, Sharon and Ken are around the age my grandparents were when I first went to live with them. These times feel so short, so fast.

Hayden is 25. It’s strange to see him in a grown-up body. My picture of him is still as a two-year-old.

As many have often thought, age brings confidence and wisdom to talk with the opposite sex but now we’re too old to take advantage of this knowledge with the members of the opposite sex as we would like. Not without being creepy anyway.