Pretty flat and tired. Less dizzy than yesterday and my brain seems to be functioning reasonably well but I’m lacking energy and motivation.
Today I’m grateful for:
Two awesome coffees this morning where Nick was manning Utopia in Art and Noey’s absence.
The best thing about today was:
Watching the Swans beat Collingwood at the MCG (played on Friday) cheered me up, followed by watching the highlights of Ipswich beating Sheffield Wednesday 6-0.
As I was watching the AFL and thinking about how long I have followed certain sports teams and seeing how young they are, I was reminded of the time when I was the same age as the players and thinking I could’ve done that and that is 35 years ago now. Players have come and gone but the team maintains. How long will sports last into the future?
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m not feeling particularly hungry today so I only ate some snacks but did finish off the chocolate almonds.
Something I learned today?
In the UK, the Tories have let slip their true intentions for Gaza: they want Israel’s genocide to continue for as long as possible and they are worried about peace because the genocide is hurting Labour in the polls.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I did so little today and of no real consequence but I did accidentally trap Tigger’s tail in the door and he was understandably upset. I hope he’s ok. I saw him outside later but wasn’t able to check.
I’m feeling weird and fuzzy again. I think maybe I have some Covid variation again. I got up at a reasonable time which was a bit difficult as Amy was still up and singing along to her favourite songs well past 1 am.
At 11 am though I slept again until 3 pm. Now I just feel like I have a stiff neck, blocked nose and little appetite despite knowing I’m hungry. I’m keen for more sleep and not excited about being back at work again tomorrow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Medicine, sleep and Sundays.
The best thing about today was:
Playing a little guitar and looking over old emails for information. I’ve done very little today and my brain is on strike. Despite this I was glad to do these little things.
Something I learned today?
Polluted air is mainly breathed indoors. We spend between 80 and 90 percent of our time indoors. Outdoor air pollutants find their way indoors and become trapped when there is no proper ventilation.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I complimented Noey on her shirt today as it was cute. She asked if I thought that she was cute and I said ‘No, just the shirt.’ She knows she’s cute, so she went off laughing.
I took this picture because P’ti was feeling very Sunday morning.
The orange sunrise Perfectly reflected on the blue sky sea Turning back inland It’s a destruction from the river to me
Still, I have my god That promises to set my children free The skies alight Where the others’ god wishes to be
The river run dry Across those borders, we must flee The honey glaze Shines so that’s all anyone may see *The honey glaze On a fine crust of tolerated misery*
My regular Saturday exhaustion though Amy didn’t give me the opportunity to wallow as she had me up and busy as soon as I got up. By the time I got to coffee at midday, I was dying for it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Time spent in the hammock reading about Britain’s colonisation of India. The sun is still a little low so that the remaining trees still give some shade though the ants, spiders and flies did get annoying.
The best thing about today was:
At the winter festival, Amy was shocked at the tiny crop tops at one of the stalls and said ‘Oh my god, who can wear a top like that?’ And as she said that she noticed a girl wearing a similar-sized top and finished off with ‘Oh, a girl like her.’ I looked and saw a small skinny girl looking cute in a tight crop top. And it was then that I noticed that she is one of the grade 11 students that I often talk to. And Amy was surprised to see me fist-bump the girl she was just talking about admiring.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy was cranky from the get-go this morning and I came close to losing my cool but took deep breaths and soldiered on through, knowing that at some point it would be over and things would be good again.
Something I learned today?
Word is that the local council want our road widened before the rainy season starts which is good news though it will be a little inconvenient for us for a while.
Though we’ve been waiting for this before Amy starts thinking about doing business on our land it has become apparent that since the end of COVID, most students have not returned to the habit of going out and staying out to eat drink and talk like they used to. Many businesses are selling up due to a lack of customers after 8pm.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Amy asked me to pick up some plumber’s tape to fix the joint under the sink. I was on my way to my first coffee but picked up the tape and took it straight home so that she can fix it quickly.
At times I was short in my replies to Amy as I was echoing her behaviour back to her but I shouldn’t do that.
I took this picture because here was another cat in the window above the eatery next to Utopia. That means at least five cats I’ve seen in this window and I know that there are also two dogs.
Don’t tell the Yanks that they’re not free That’s when they start killing you and me What a different world we might be living in If we had chatted over a nice cup of tea!
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. I’ve called in sick to work so that I can go to the hospital to get my medicine this morning so I’m enjoying some Utopian coffees first.
Today I’m grateful for:
A quick stroll through the local walking street market with Amy to get some dinner. I picked up some of my favourite salad that I always bought when Amy wasn’t here and I haven’t had it again in the three months since she’s back.
The best thing about today was:
Getting in to see the doctor without an appointment and whilst waiting I needed to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back it was my turn to see him.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At one point I was watching something on TV and Amy decided to start calling people on her phone. It was impossible for me to hear whilst she was chatting away. Never mind – guitar time! I headed off to my room to play.
Something I learned today?
My old student August (she who used to love dancing) told me of her interest in playing guitar last year. Today she sent me a video of her and a couple of guitar classmates performing (singing too!) outside Central Plaza. I was quite surprised and also jealous!
I wish I was young and unafraid like her. Learning something is easier when you are young and getting up in front of people isn’t so nerve-racking unless you are really shy.
Of course, I did that too when I was young. I guess I just want to be young!
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 8. Don’t Care About What People Think. We all die in the end, do you really think it matters what people think of you?
Kinda connected to what I wrote above, in many ways I’ve never cared what people thought of me unless I knew I was doing something wrong. When I reached about 16 or 17, something changed in that I lost a lot of self-confidence, though still sometimes ran on bravado, which never served me well. And from there it was an ever-decreasing circle. Somewhere along the way and slowly but surely I got some confidence back, especially when I started doing music-related things in Australia.
I’m reminded of one occasion when I was at the front of the crowd at Frequency Lab videoing Limited Express (has gone?)’s set. As there was no space between the audience and the band and only a one-step stage it meant being in the way of things a little.
Later, Dave Harris asked me about being there and I said ‘I didn’t care’ to which he was rather taken aback but I clarified that I meant that I didn’t care if I got pushed and shoved out of the way by the raging mosh pit around us all. Of course, most people will take care not to smash into people filming or taking photos and I would too, to a certain extent but ultimately if I had missed some shots or worse still, something got smashed then I would have had only myself to blame.
If people are not happy about something then they can say something.
This reminds me of another occasion when I was at the Big Day Out one time and a girl in a bikini top was on the shoulders of her boyfriend. This annoyed a few boys who were standing behind them but instead of moving somewhere else, where there was still plenty of room they thought it would be a good idea to pull on the strings of the bikini top to try and undo and embarrass the girl. On their second attempt, I stepped in and told them to move if they weren’t happy and they soon got the message.
Anyway, back to not caring what people think. Most of us will reach an age where this will just naturally happen and we’ll no longer much care. We get settled in our ways and remain the way we are. Some of us (myself included) will remain firm and polite in most situations whilst others will be curmudgeonly and unbending. I guess that depends on one’s character.
If I’m completely honest, there will still be some occasions when I will care what certain people think about me.
I took this picture because if you squint at these leaves they look like they have tiny lights at their centres.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Always the winner, always on top The sun shines from their behind If outsiders looking in would ever stop The legend would be hard to find
Because they suffered just like us Made many mistakes along the road But when life threw them under the bus Determination is what they showed
So the legend came to be on the lips Of those who needed inspiration And everybody followed the tips For the legends in preparation
Today I’m feeling:
Slooooow to go. Turned off my alarm when it went off and enjoyed a delirious sleep, probably aided by a couple of drops of cannabutter last night which also made me enjoy some guitaring that flew by in a couple of hours. My thought to exercise a little on waking at the weekend didn’t come to fruition but I guess I have to listen to my body sometimes.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nick at Utopia for not only giving me credit today (run out of money!) but making me two fantastic coffees with perfect texture for me.
The best thing about today was:
Despite just wanting to stay home all day when Amy suggested going to Oshinei for lunch I initially said no but quickly changed my mind and I’m glad we got out and enjoyed some food at a two-for-one discount. I was still tired and not really thinking about anything much but just enjoying the moment.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After lunch I tried to resist the afternoon nap for as long as I could by reading, finishing the first chapter of the Decline and Fall of the British Empire and then a couple of comics before finally giving in and accepting my fate. It was an enjoyable nap though.
I took this picture because Cap was sitting on the cushion by the bookshelves when I got home yesterday, though he got up as soon as I laid down to take pictures.
At the flick of the switch There’s no transformation Remaining an ape or beast Change requires dedication No more time to waste If you wish the click to clack When you look at the sun It’s impossible to put it back
Reflecting on our animal nature A broken machine needing self-repair Once burdened by distraction Soon found themselves made it there Feed the mind with thought That keeps on the light Keep quiet and count the days When everything became quite right
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more relaxed after an extra hour’s sleep. Today is teachers’ day (apparently) and a day off from school though we are busy again at the temple. At least I got two Utopian coffees to kick off this morning.
I didn’t feel too hot after lunch and though feeling sleepy couldn’t get into a deep nap state.
Today I’m grateful for:
Whoever made the Thai snack boxes for the funeral ceremony tonight. There were enough left over for me to take some home.
The best thing about today was:
Mostly devoting my time to other people, though at the temple I’m not really doing much because I don’t know the etiquette or what is required but as soon as I’m asked I will do what is needed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At Utopia this morning I couldn’t stop sneezing! I sneezed about fifty times and Nick and Art were worried about me!
Something I learned today?
The top five wealthiest people in the world doubled their wealth last year! Just in one year. I’m guessing that for many others in the world, they halved their wealth. The miracle of trickle-up economics, or should I say flooding-up?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I’ve been a good boy again, doing as I’m told at the temple. I kneeled to the boy monk as I handed him pizza for lunch! Good luck boy monk. Stay off your phone.
Driving twice in and out of the city again despite feeling not 100%. Tired by the afternoon and my sinuses feel uncomfortable.
List 3 good things you have now that you didn’t have five years ago.
I thought that this would be difficult as I haven’t really acquired ‘things’ that much but five years is a long time and I acquired one of the biggest things in people’s lives and that is a home.
This time five years ago our house was built but it hadn’t quite been turned into a home, at least as I feel about it now.
I feel comfortable and safe around our house and neighbourhood and inside is Amy’s playground for decorating. If I thought about it more and knew where to buy things easily and cheaply perhaps I would make a home environment that suits me too but I’m also a little lazy to do that. Mine and Amy’s ideas are not that compatible and I’m happy to defer to her in this instance. Actually, I’m happy to defer to her most of the time.
Five years ago I didn’t have a guitar and that cheap instrument has brought me a lot of pleasure since purchase. I don’t think that a better quality guitar will improve my playing that much so I’m happy with what I’ve got.
The last thing I have is a deeper love. My love and connection with my students has grown so much in this time and it fills me with joy. I wonder where all our futures will take us.
As I was messaging with Baipad, who is in her grandmum’s village for ดำหัวผู้ใหญ่, she told me that her mum told her to send me this picture of them in their traditional Lahu dress. Fatman report
Standing here amongst the detritus This is certainly a lived-in room The treaties of the past are scattered Across a floor that’s never seen a broom
There’s an unused TV in the corner Hoping the remote will be found one day Tho’ full of dust, it’s fuller with love A satisfying sty in which to laugh and play
inspired by the memory of living in Mick’s house – more detail here
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but relaxed. Amy stayed at her parent’s last night and much of today and after coffee, hanging out washing and shampooing Tigger I slowly watched the day disappear reading, watching TV and not much else.
Today I’m grateful for:
The discounted milk protein drinks at the Lotus store – three for the price of two.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing reading Wuthering Heights, which I enjoyed much more than I expected. I love finishing one book because it means I can start another!
I also started reading China Underground at Utopia, the first two stories of which reminded me a lot of my time meeting people in China and to realise how much the world, and I, have changed since.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I have absolutely no control over and so the best I can do is to comfort Amy and help her with figuring out the best way forward.
It’s a frustrating situation that goes deep into Thai culture and societal norms that involve blind acceptance of the patriarchy.
Whilst I knew about this, it is uncomfortably close to home this time. It is also making me feel even more for the female students that I teach and wonder what of their future.
Something I learned today?
Our avocado tree is infested with giant hairy worms that are eating their way through the leaves. I have to warn Amy to stay away from there as she will surely be allergic to their hairs.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I fist-bumped the staff at Utopia and the girl customer whom I have seen there a few times before and smiled and acknowledged most everyone else who came in whilst I was there reading and drinking my coffee.
Apart from that I didn’t have much interaction with anyone else today, even online.
I took this picture because these little fucks are difficult to see on the tree. There are five visible here and 100s more out of focus.
Perhaps I was a president Making difficult decisions A surgeon with a scalpel Making precise incisions Maybe I was a singer Adored by many millions Or a famous architect Designing high pavillions
I used to be somebody And now that I’m not I’m just another nobody That everyone forgot
Today I’m feeling:
Lazy and relaxed today. Still a little numb from the whisky on Thursday but not bothered by the lethargy it has induced today as I was yesterday. I thought that I might read and play guitar today but have managed to do neither.
Today I’m grateful for:
Boss at Utopia for making me my final coffees that he will make for me as this is his last day before he leaves for Lampang to start his own shop.
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying playing games on Xbox and though being aware of it wasting time it felt like a reasonable trade-off today.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There is some family drama going on that I won’t go into detail about here but it may make our New Year’s Eve at Mum’s a little awkward depending on who is there. A culmination of events and bad timing have brought about this drama which feels to me somewhat typically Thai. Amy and I are both on the same page and we are pretty much just bystanders wondering how things will unfold.
Something I learned today?
Thailand is looking to fast-track the high-speed rail from Laos to Bangkok, as well as the land bridge between the Andaman and Indian oceans. The USA is very unhappy with China’s involvement in these projects and will obviously try to disrupt them through one means or another.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I waited around for a few minutes to wish Boss at Utopia all the best for the future but he was in the toilet for so long that I decided to leave, with the thought that I might return later in the day but unfortunately, I didn’t. Was this a good deed that turned vile?
I took this picture on Wednesday because this kitty, as with all little Thai gingers, reminded me of Kim. This was about as close as I could get though as it was too shy to get closer.
This missile will find its way Into the hands of men as gods This bomb, when come out to play Accelerates the unlikely odds Nowhere safe from your precious metals In bunkers even, sat hiding Under rocks, the earth unsettles Monsters are patiently residing
Today I’m feeling:
Good again though I can feel tired from the morning exercise and last night I didn’t stay up much past nine pm.
Today I’m grateful for:
The immigration officer at Mae Sai who gave me my visa, which allows me another ninety days stay and then one year. And I can get that next one at Chiang Rai.
The best thing about today was:
Not being at work in the morning. It’s always good not to be at work when you are supposed to be, even though I enjoy my work these days.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Every day I could fill this space with something about my classes or students. Knowing that I wouldn’t be at school this morning I sent work to my students on Saturday to give them plenty of time to do it beforehand if they so wished. I reminded them on Saturday night, on Sunday and yesterday too but still, there were 13 students that didn’t do any work or communicate with me about their not being able to do it.
Some will use an excuse that they had to go for vaccination during class time but that’s not going to fly as they knew about the classwork three days previously. It has got me thinking about how to make some kind of lessons about planning and preparing for things.
Something I learned today?
I read an interview with volunteer medical emergency people in New York where they discuss trying to treat gunshot victims sometimes even as firefights are happening between the police and the ‘criminals’. Just replaying those thoughts over made me realise that the USA is already a third-world country.
What kind of responsible country has gun fights on its streets? What kind of organised country requires volunteer emergency services? A third-world one. It feels like the USA is trying to drag everyone down to their level.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I drove myself and Amy to the city this morning and I took Leo for a walk before driving us both to Mae Sai and back home.
I took time to prep a class for work that they have to do tomorrow so they were a little surprised that they had no actual work to do.
Hopefully, they are primed and thinking about what they need to do tomorrow. I’m pretty sure they can articulate in Thai but they need to figure it out in English.
I had to hold three students back in class because they didn’t do the work that I asked of them during class time. Once they had resigned themselves to this fact I tried to make it at least a little bit fun for them until they had finished.
Unfortunately, one of them was overemotional and rushed their work so that it was illegible and I had to make them do it again. By now, everyone else was gone and the sound of kids outside having fun was very obvious. She eventually broke down crying saying ‘I want to go home’ and though I felt sorry for her I realised that she is very selfish and very spoiled by others around her. I gave her some sympathy but also reminded her that it was her own bad choices that put her in this situation.
As we were leaving the class I tried to remember what it was like when I was being ‘taught a lesson’ and put myself in her shoes.
I like to credit my kids with smarts, they know exactly how to manipulate adults to get what they want and I feel like their tears are more because they know they fucked up and were wishing they hadn’t. I felt really sorry for her but had to stop myself from giving in and letting her off.
How have I prioritized my well-being this year?
This has been by slowly increasing the amount of exercise I get and I have learned that I feel better and more positive on the days that I exercise.
I have also gotten into the habit of reading things that reinforce what I already know and though they often fizz in and out of clear memory I can feel that reinforcement building slowly, protecting my emotional stability.
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
If this was inside the house…I don’t think there’s anything that can’t be replaced so maybe I might just grab anything to hand…. Grabbing important documents would be handy but I’d have to shove Amy back inside to grab them as I would undoubtedly grab the wrong things, for which I would forever feel her wrath!
If it was in my room then it would probably be my old photos. I’m slowly trying to digitize them all and if that ever becomes the case, even though I would have them stored online somewhere I would probably grab my hard drives with all the pictures, music, books and comics that I’ve collected over the years.
I took this picture because I was surprised to see all this extra decoration on the window at Utopia over the weekend.
1994ever 