There are words that form the world
And the response is the surest test
One way will lead to destruction
But it’s the peacemakers that are blessed
Investigating the phrase ‘Blessed are the peacemakers’ it feels that it is a deliberate attempt to subvert its actual intent of advocating peace for all. With the addition of ‘for they shall be called the sons of God’, the implication is that peace is only available for one religious belief. To hell with the rest!
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and reflective. More so than normal today whenever memories of the past pop into my head they feel like they belong to someone else. We change as we age so we are not the same person as we were before. Sometimes I miss myself. I’m nostalgic for the pain I had of growing up.
Today I’m grateful for:
Tigger being the strong cat he is. Taking him to the vet today for regular vaccines and blood check found everything normal. He has really found his place here and his diagnosis of having AIDS hasn’t affected him so far.
The best thing about today was:
After lunch, I took a nap in air-con, finally not able to stay without and woke up a little grumpy. Apart from my half sertraline tablet, I didn’t take anything else today so was a little dizzy and down again. Somehow though I forced myself to pick up the guitar and with a few breaks ended up playing along to some of my favourite songs with the Capo app for around three hours.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My emotional stability was a little off this afternoon. But only slightly and I was well aware of it. It makes me a little unenthusiastic to do things even though I know if I start then I will enjoy it.
Something I learned today?
Amy video-called me from Chatswood and our old apartment visiting Anna; as she walked around the suburb I caught glimpses of shops I remembered there and I initially thought it would be nice to go back and have a look again but at the same time, not much has changed there really. Amy said she thought I didn’t really have any feelings for our old apartment but I do. It’s just that they are memories now, in the past and cannot be repeated. I’m sitting here in Kim’s room writing this and thinking this would be a good space as a painter’s studio and how I could do that if I wanted but then think am I really settled here? I’m perhaps holding back on what I could do here. I love this place and where it has brought my life and the satisfaction I have with that, but with Amy not happy here and wanting to be settled back in Australia it seems that even this place will not be quite home. I can’t imagine us having a place of our own in Australia somehow. Did I learn something? Maybe that nowhere is home.
What is this season of life teaching me?
Naps are good. Even though time is running out there is lots of time. There’s no rush.