See you again one day, Hellcat – 1st April 2023

My Angels

I’ll hold you closer from now
That my heart is broken
Smell deep your essence
Hold tight your hand
Share thoughts left unspoken

We walk this path together
Against all sickness to fight
Step in my steps
Hold tight my hand
Jump off the edge in flight (my angels)

Today I’m feeling:
Very sad.
Today I’m grateful for:
The time I got to share with Kim Chi. Somehow she became my favourite cat. Time is not enough.
The best thing about today was:

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I guess that’s obvious. The emotion of grief is so strong. By the evening I was thinking about when I lost Steve and Kimi and how I’d felt then, comforted by the fact that I’m capable of getting over it. Now I’m still full of sadness and tomorrow things will be a little better and the day after that. I know I have to go through it and will have to go through it again in the future.
I also remember when my first cat died I didn’t have so much grief then, at least not that I remember. I think I was about 19 or 20 and I saw my cat suffering and was upset that the vet didn’t put him down straight away. I guess my anger replaced my grief in that instance. I’m glad that Kim didn’t seem to be suffering at the end.
I also think about filling that space left by Kim by getting another cat but I know that’s not a solution. I love our two cats we brought from Australia and they have been with us for more than a decade already. This grief will come again I know. They both have their own personalities and neither are really lap cats like Kim was a lot of the time. Cap stays around but doesn’t like being picked up. Tig loves rolling around in our garden. They are both very happy here which makes me happy too.
Something I learned today?
Death is just a whisper away.

What was the highlight of my day?
Hardly a highlight but I got to touch and stroke Kim’s lifeless body. I kissed her head and could smell her familiar smell. I covered her body with my old Idylls t-shirt and buried her in my favourite spot in the garden with a plant to mark her grave. Now I’m grieving and grieving hard. She was such a special little cat for me and she always showed me her love and affection. There’s an empty space here now that I know will soon fill again but right now I can’t stop my tears.

Amy took this picture because Hellcat has gone.

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