It doesn’t matter what you do or be
Someone will tell you that it’s wrong
We’re just singing in a different key
Or even singing a different song
Expect judgement in advance
And carry on with a smile
Relish your unique stance
Revel in your personal style
Today I’m feeling:
Ok but still as if something has gone missing. It’s getting less concrete now and the other realities of life are breaking in.
Today I’m grateful for:
The expectedly surly staff at Immigration who gave me the forms I asked for. He was wearing a bright Songkran shirt and happily passed over the forms and I thought that he’s not really surly, he’s just being a little Thai and he’s at work dealing with all our farang shit all day. I wai’d my thanks and left.
The best thing about today was:
Picking up some mangoes and pomelo at the market near Oasis. The lady was helpful and I will enjoy eating them today and tomorrow.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I tried some magic mushroom gummies last night and they had no real discernible effect. After my alarm went off this morning I dozed a while longer and vividly dreamt that where Amy and I were living ( it wasn’t here), in the garden a huge hole had formed as if dirt had been carried away by ants. I noticed our cactuses were even growing underground where they were now exposed by the hole. I went back inside to get my phone. Amy wasn’t home so I wanted to take pictures to send to her but my phone kept messing up like there was some electrical or magnetic interference. I walked out of the garden and the roads had flooded from rain I thought I had heard during the night. People were trudging through the water to their houses nearby. I noted the surroundings looked like it was in the New Forest somewhere. Again my phone kept messing up so I turned it off and hoped to sort it out back inside. As I walked back there were people standing around but I suddenly noticed things were dry. Then I realised that it was the magic mushrooms and I had hallucinated the hole in the garden and the flooding. I woke up then. An earlier dream involved me trying not to wake the devil even though I had to open the door. He was sleeping in a normal bed in a normal bedroom. To open the door I had to tell him the truth about who he was. I didn’t think this would be too bad as he already knew what he was but he didn’t know that I knew. I just wanted to get out so I was stuck in this paradox. I remember waking him and feeling scared but not sure what happened after that. All these bits and pieces make sense to me considering the TV show I have been watching, a German show called Dark. The story is good and imaginative and has at least kept my brain occupied.
Something I learned today?
I went to see about getting my driving licence updated and I learned about the documents I will need and that I should either get there early or be prepared for a long wait.
How do I want to feel right now?
Alive, awake, enthusiastic, and full of joy.