After a busy and tiring Sunday, I’ve been struggling this week. I’ve just started to get my energy back but not quite there mentally. If I look at the last couple of days properly I can probably realise that everything has been going along as normal. Perhaps I’ve reached a kind of plateau at the moment and the next steps will require perseverance as the improvements in my life will be smaller. Who needs action when you’ve got words?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have friends all around the world. Thankful for technology that makes it easy for us to communicate.
To-do list
Go to CRPAO – be courteous if see Kru Paew.
Write week 15 lesson.
Do not complain!
Stay calm.
Next Thai video
Did it list
Three good fun classes today.
Visit CRPAO and meet old students and teachers.
30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder presses.
I don’t recall myself complaining today.
Complimented some students on good thinking.
Only one coffee today.
Watched another Thai study video and Drops (study).
I think I stayed calm all day today.
Joined some online courses.
Streamlined my email/web browsing.
Read 3 chapters.
Went from tired and a little down to happy and enthused.
Showed people around Auntie’s house for rent.
In my regular class today we played a team game and people reacted differently when losing – it was a perfect opportunity to introduce kids to the growth mindset. I started out today feeling a little tired and flat but thankfully I had three good lessons in a row, with a quick lunch in-between. Then going back to CRPAO and getting an overwhelming response from the kids was very gratifying. I’m starting to get a good bonding feeling with the kids at Anuban now though and really enjoying it there. Time is getting more precious now and I have to squeeze things in anywhere I can – some non-essential tasks will have to be removed.
– kind-hearted – caring – talented at drums and music – artistic – generous towards his friends – focused on his favourite hobby – keeps himself hydrated – values justice – charitable
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to the ‘bad’ kids in my classes. The ones who test me, the ones who make it difficult, the ones who push my patience to the limit. They are helping me grow.
To-do list
Compliment people.
Do not complain!
Write week 15 lessons.
Write to Pentti – let’s get that dialogue going again.
Watch the next Thai video – study Thai.
Enjoy dinner with Amy’s family – talk more with Amy’s mum.
Play with the kids at lunchtime – it’s good exercise.
Did it list
Drops/study Thai
Stayed calm but had to leave one class quickly in order to remain calm – they were a real test for me today.
Complimented a couple of students on their work and getting questions right.
Tried not to complain but that is so hard, bring it into mind more often to succeed.
Wrote to Pentti and Lachlan.
Talked briefly with Echo – so good to hear her voice again – she is much more confident in English now.
I am so happy and grateful to Mim, Fong, and Cake. They make me my coffee every day when I’m at school.
5th May 2021 – The coffee shop (Wynn) didn’t even have great coffee. Teachers were not allowed to leave school during work hours but this shop is just the other side of the road outside school. It would take 5 minutes to walk there, buy a coffee and walk back which I would do two or three times a day. At the end of the contract, they cited this as the main reason that I wouldn’t be rehired. Needless to say, they had a high turnover of foreign teachers. There’s a real tug-of-war between Thai administrations and foreign teachers. To me, the Thai request for foreign teachers to assimilate to the Thai way seems to indicate that theirs is the best way, but even I, as a non-professional teacher, could see that it wasn’t the best way, and having come from another country (to use as a comparison) and wanting to do the best job possible for the students – it seems inevitable that not many foreign teachers are happy under this system – unless they just take the easy way out. Why don’t I take the easy way out? It’s just not in me. I take the path of most resistance. It seems like the system of education here is purposely designed to keep people stupid. Achievements from Thai institutions are meaningless overseas because they know the situation here. Anyway, talking to the three girls in the coffee shop – even just inane chatter – became my 5 minutes of daily bliss while working at this particular government school.
To-do list
Study Thai/Drops.
Compliment people.
Prepare for your mad Monday.
Play with the kids at lunchtime.
Did it list
Studied Thai/Drops.
Managed to stay calm all day.
Calmly changed plans after breaking a tooth and having to go to the dentist.
Hugged the kids after punishing them.
After a late night last night and an early start this morning, today has been a bit of a zombie-like feeling. Instead of feeling tired and grumpy though I felt calm and collected. I knew that eventually I would get home and be able to relax and here I am in bed now at 8 pm. I will read a little but sure to fall asleep soon.
I am so happy and grateful for having the chance to sleep in this morning. Now, for the busy day ahead.
To-do list
Compliment as many people as you can.
Talk to a stranger.
Study more Thai.
Enjoy the kids party and and music in the evening.
Talk more deeply with Aing, Gus and Nu – think about what to talk.
Start booking plane tickets for WDS.
Get up early and walk to Utopia?
Read three chapters. Finish Countdown.
Did it list
Busy day! Great kids’ party.
Talked to a stranger.
Complimented Utopia staff, Nu, Amy, little kids.
Studied more Thai – video series.
Enjoyed a long evening with the kids and Amy.
Read more Anna Karenina.
Encouraged Khawthang and Phuli.
Updated plans for the WDS tour.
Very busy today with preparing for our students’ party so I feel like I didn’t get so much done. Took the luxury of sleeping until 9.15 am. Showered and vacuumed as Amy continued preparing for the party. Went to Utopia and Art introduced me to his friend whom I spent most of the time talking with. He has lived in Perth but is now a pilot in Bangkok. It was good to start the day talking with talking with a stranger. Only managed to squeeze in a quick read as we prepared for the kids’ party. I blew up and tied up about 30 balloons. The party was fun and time flew by. A lot of Amy’s effort went into it – many more hours than the event itself. The music in the garden was not really my thing but I still enjoyed being there. I rested in the car and had wild dreams.
Music from Captain Beefheart, MIA, Danielson, Screaming Maldini, The Crowd, Lovely Little Girls, Bruno Nicholai, GISM, Sajjanu, Mason, Don Cabellero, Caroliner, Thingy, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, Family Fodder, Teenage PHDs, The Girls, Soul Junk, Naked Raygun, Discharge.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have developed my friendly personality. I never used to be like this but have practiced hard and now have the self-confidence to talk to people openly.
To-do list
Talk to a stranger.
Compliment as many people as you can (sincerely).
Record new TCRAH.
Upload latest TCRAH.
Read 3 chapters.
Study some more Thai.
Sort some more CDs.
Did it list
Managed to do everything on my to do list today.
Talked with a stranger.
Complimented as many people as I could – Fern, Khawthang, Phuli, Sea, Prang, Amy.
Recorded new TCRAH.
Uploaded and shared latest TCRAH.
Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina.
Studied a little more Thai.
Sorted CDs and music files.
Helped Amy prepare for tomorrow.
Got up before 8am.
Started looking at old writing etc.
I didn’t think I’d completed my to do list today but realised I did talk to a stranger, JaJa. She was sitting with her cat outside the copy shop. I complimented a few people today but realise I could compliment even more. It was good that it was in my mind though. Recording TCRAH felt a little rushed today because we are quite busy with other things – this meant that I didn’t get to experiment as much as I would’ve liked. Studying Thai at my own pace seems to suit me a little – if I can form that habit continually it will make me feel good.
Today I found one of the students guiltily copying work of another student. He puts a lot of effort into avoiding working and running around finding someone to copy. That effort could just go into thinking.
When I told the teacher who was teaching them they just shrugged it off as if it didn’t matter and I noticed this made me feel a little miffed and I’m considering why.
I have something against this student due to his laziness and maybe I just wanted him to be punished. On the other hand, maybe the teacher has the right attitude. If the student can only learn to copy then he will discover the appropriate reward in his future.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the things that made me smile this week. Mostly it was the students, sometimes the cats, always Amy and sometimes myself. I smiled because of the simple things in my life that make me happy.
To-do list
Compliment a teacher and the students
Clear more emails and tabs!
Do something nice for someone.
Write to Jochen – same idea as with Aaron.
Study some more Thai.
Can you meditate today?
Did it list
Positive encouragement for students.
Stayed calm – only raised voice to be heard.
10,000 steps without realising.
Under 81kg today.
30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder presses.
Tried to be positive when talking with Boyan.
Took time to play with students.
Wrote to Jochen.
Called and encouraged Ellen.
Tried to call Echo.
Wrote some more relevant thoughts to Lachlan.
Read more online, closed some tabs but opened many more!
Cleared many emails.
Finished watching Happy!
Sorted new music files.
Studied a little Thai.
Today I tried really hard to be mindful of the things that I wanted to do. I wasn’t able to achieve all these things but having them in the front of my mind was a good exercise and something I will continue to practice. I gave quite a few students verbal compliments and confidence boosters and it was nice to get some positive feedback from them too. I might have to consider streamlining some email lists I’m on as I’m starting to get a little overwhelmed with so many things that I would like to explore.
I am so happy and grateful to be around my students. They are almost blank slates, learning as they go, testing things trying things, growing their brains. It’s great to watch, and inspirational to observe as I can learn to have my mind as open as theirs again. The teacher must always be a student in order to teach.
To-do list
Compliment one of the other teachers (I have trouble with this one!).
Be prepared for difficult IEC class where students have to work in groups on a mini project.
Go out and play with kids at lunchtime.
Talk to Mohan about looking at the grade 6 books and consider if you can do that job happily.
Did it list
Complimented Jimmy on his shirt.
Today’s lessons went well – the kids had a bit more freedom and they respected that. I was worried about this yesterday so this was a nice surprise. About 90% of the students got themselves fully involved. I’ll try and incorporate more work like this in future.
Played soccer with some of the students.
Read a bit online, cleared emails and tabs.
Wrote to Lachlan – his article made me think a lot.
Talked to Mohan about getting grade 6 books.
Supported some students with positive feedback. Maybe I do this normally and don’t notice it too much but I feel like I need to do it more – to offer more encouragement. It’s difficult to do in a class situation as there are so many students and noise and the same with one-on-one!
Many interactions with many students. I enjoy engaging with all students – not just the ones in my classes. I feel like the students appreciate that.
I’ve started talking to my phone. I thought it might be a good way to get ideas out more quickly. It’s quite difficult though. The action of talking seems to interrupt my thought processes and I feel like I’m performing thinking and trying to keep things linear. Of course, as soon as I put the phone away I had two thoughts that I believed I could use for writing and now have forgotten. Well, luckily one just popped back into my head but it’s likely I’ll forget it again by the time I finish this paragraph.
I’m sure I can make use of the speech-to-text on the phone – it just needs practice and more habitual use. I probably need to just push out the thought for fleshing out later rather than trying to run with it at the time. It’s an interesting exercise though it feels weird having a one-way conversation into the phone. I see quite a lot of other people sending audio messages but I’ve never been comfortable enough to do that. Same with instructions for devices, like using Siri or Bixby etc. It makes sense to make use of that functionality but feels dumb talking to your TV or whatever.
Here’s the stream-of-consciousness spew I came up with:
Last night I had a dream and I was in the school and was complaining with a tie teacher about the activity we had to do actually we just stand around doing nothing no one told us what to do this is quite common having quite a lot in my classes in my schools and I knew that I was going to have to do something similar today and now here I am standing here but nothing to do just babysitting children despite this so nicely I’m having a lot of fun at least it’s something different not sitting in the classroom I actually I was looking forward to sitting in the classroom and reading and stuff but now we’re outside and kids just pretty much playing some games actually quite fun but sunny 11 could I go in till 4 so he nice Sara Bareilles camp Camp I would just basically in the area looks like a note template or something behind the school in the fields with lots of trees randleman is nice and shady and cool kids are scared to go to the toilets because they think of this ghosts around very difficult I’m feeling great 5-10 year olds stool I guess you believe in ghosts maybe anyway it’s a really nice walk at the back of the school what do you call a housing estate the back and then can you record any more Minnesota twins in the first time I’ve been talkin into the funds I trying to record my thoughts but the actual process of speaking seems to be interrupting the source and feel like I’m trying to write a narrative rather than just letting thoughts come freely you not go all over the placeas I’m walking back to the sky suddenly going quite white hiding the the trees in the mountains in the distance and I can rice fields here smouldering away I’ve been burned off cat simulator with to sleep the sky is full of on the way down to the ground I can smell it now the smell reminds me of when I was a kid in it’s stopped little grass flies hedges no edges of them and banquets and places like that one time one got out of control and we had to run away we could see the fire which city smoke from the fire when we got home it seems like it was a long way away but you know it wasn’t so the relative sizes of different when you were a kid conrado Munoz nowholy smoke is pretty good actually I think I’m going to get my 10,000 steps done today that I’m think I’m going to drive back afterwards little bit hot after working in the Sun as I shake where I am this program is funny the conversion from speech to text isn’t quite as fantastic cuz I’m the Mack this is just on the phone Android phone remember to watch out for snakes where I amit’s very very quiet where I am at the moment I can see houses and buildings and stuff but I know it’s just a few crickets as birds fluttering around in the grass lawn grasses nice to know that this is he just being us like houses along the main road and then behind the house it’s just nothing
I think I could make sense of most of this but there’s only really two thoughts contained within.
I was trying to describe that, as a 6 or 7-year-old, myself and the other kids on my street (for some reason I rarely hung around with kids on the next street) went off to the railway embankment and walked up to the top of the hill where there was a park. At the edge of the hill and park we set light to the grass for some childish fun. It quickly got out of control and we all ran like hell back home. From our street we could still see the smoke billowing into the sky even though it was what seemed like far away. It probably wasn’t that far but distance is relative when you’re still only three foot tall. When we heard the sirens we all ran inside.
And the smell of the rice field burning today reminded me of that day. Burning the fields is normal here unfortunately. Chiang Rai had the worst air quality in the world for a few days earlier this year. A brief smell of smoke such as I had today makes for a nostalgic romantic memory but when you are choking on the smoky sky it’s not so much fun. This year it lasted for about two months and it was awful.
The other thought I was trying to articulate was that I had an anticipatory dream last night. It’s not a very surprising dream and was really just a prediction. I think it did help me in some ways though.
I was dreaming that I was at school and it wasn’t the normal teaching day as there was some event that we had to help the kids with. I was standing around with the other teachers and we were all complaining that no one had told us exactly what we were supposed to be doing. I mentioned that one of the Thai teachers told me that we just need to make sure the kids don’t hurt themselves and I had laughed ‘oh we just need to babysit them then?’ Babysitting was a common phrase used by one of my old Thai colleagues and as ‘teachers’ it was a little frustrating, especially when we might only find out about these events the day before they happen.
So, last night I had made a note to be mentally prepared for a disorganised day today. It was Scout Day. I knew that we had to walk somewhere outside school and this morning found out that we would leave at around 9am. That happened and us obedient babysitters wandered along behind them without any clue what was in store for us. Sure enough when we got to where we were supposed to be no one told us anything else and we just sat around, wandered around, sometimes worried that we should be doing something. Exactly as my dream, mentally prepared, I took the opportunity to have as much fun as possible with the kids which is really preferable to sitting around complaining about the situation. I ended up having a great time. The kids seemed to be enjoying what was pretty much a day off school for them too. I’m not sure if they learned anything today but some days when I’m teaching I feel the same too!
Something I learned today Black and white is always gray Looking through the windowpane I’m not inside your brain
In an effort to try and get the kids to at least learn or remember something, I would steal their hats and demand that they use English to ask for it back. They all eventually got their hats back – took a while for some of them.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have the motivation and determination to get things done. This morning I weighed myself and the app on my phone tells me that I now have a normal BMI and no longer overweight. I’m proud of myself but the task is not over. I still need to lose a few more kilos and get more exercise. I know my weight will go up and down but I can keep heading in the right direction.
To-do list
Check if possible to record speech to text on phone
Mentally prepare for a disorganised day
Don’t forget to go to hospital
Compliment one of the other teachers
Positive feedback for the kids
Did it list
10,000 steps today.
First time normal BMI.
Had fun at what could be a potentially boring day.
Challenged a few students and complimented them when they did well.
Tired speech-to-text on phone with minor success.
Talked with Boyan, Said and Kevin more than normal today and feel that they are comfortable talking to me.
Did not shout today!
Studied some more Thai.
Helped the staff at Wynn’s coffee shop to carry in their stock items.
It was interesting to talk with Boyan, Kevin and Said today for different reasons. Boyan generally just talks about himself so I led him on a bit and can start to understand him a little bit more. Kevin also likes to talk about himself but is more conscious of it and will try to get you into the conversation too. Again, I could understand him a bit more. Said and I seem to be on a similar wavelength and I feel like we agree on many things. One thing I do want to be conscious of though is not to get too much into the negative talk that everyone falls into. I need to take a second longer to think, which is quite difficult when everyone wants to say their piece.
I’ve been spending what free time I have reading a lot this year and really getting into it. English books are a little hard to come by here – there’s just one guy who sells secondhand books from his house here. He’s a character – and not always particularly pleasant but his bigotry and short temper cracks me up more than offends. When you hear another foreign immigrant being racist to other people (who don’t live here), it kinds of shines a different light on things in some ways. Being English and white in this country is a double-edged sword – for me and for people judging me. It’s an unusual situation to be in.
One time I was sitting in his shop chatting with him when two early 20-year-olds, backpackers, had been browsing and brought two books to him to ask the price. They then spent what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 30 seconds, discussing if they could buy both and carry both. I could see our bookseller getting more and more agitated and eventually he grabbed the books off them and shouted at them to stop wasting his time. He handed one book back and said ‘Give me 100 baht for this one and get out of my shop!’ I couldn’t stop laughing.
The girls were discussing whether they could afford to spend another couple of dollars or be bothered to carry two books instead of one. It was a very inconsequential decision that they just couldn’t arrive at. To have someone unable to make this decision when an extra 100 baht would really make a difference to this guy was obviously frustrating. They also weren’t to know that he was late to take care of a friend of a friend who was dying of cancer. Something done out the goodness of his heart. Humans are complicated.
Anyways, I’ve been stocking up books, trying to build a library of my own. Inspired by a friend’s room of books and old wooden shelves, which I always loved being in – to browse, to consider, to wonder, to breath in that mysterious air of hidden words. I once went into an antique bookshop in Albury and immediately told the owner that I wasn’t going to buy anything but I just wanted to look and smell the books. He was quite agreeable.
When moving from Oz to Thailand I grew accustomed to letting go of things that I had held with some regard. Of course, the things I held really dear I shipped over. It’s a good catharsis to sell or gift things that you own though. It’s not like we can keep them forever anyway.
I also remember a quote from a writer, maybe Marquez, along the lines of ‘one must die with a library of mostly unread books.’ Not sure my wife agrees with this philosophy but that’s probably why my office/library/man cave is in a room outside my house. I look through the books contemplating what I’m going to read next and can get excited with the possibilities. I turn my head as I’m sitting here and thinking about All Quiet On The Western Front, The Grapes of Wrath or Lord Jim?
On the iPad, which I use to read comics mostly, I’m thinking to start on Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses. It was the bookseller who got me interested in this as he mentioned it was banned in Thailand for some reason I forget now. He described the story a little bit to me and the idea seemed cool enough for me to give it a go. How can a country ban books these days when it’s so easy to transfer them digitally? I sent a copy of Animal Farm to a friend in China. Easy enough (and they’re still alive and free!).
The book I have been enjoying most is Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. I’m not sure where I saw a recommendation for this, though I’m guessing it was from The Daily Stoic. I’m guessing this because as I read it I see those philosophical themes throughout. The characters are fascinating in their different beliefs and ideas and Tolstoy makes you feel sympathetic with everyone of them.
I was never a big reader when I was younger and I was thinking that a younger me would have dismissed ever trying this book. Why would I want to try and understand about Russian aristocracy from over 100 years ago? What did that have to do with me and my life now? Ah, the stupidity of youth. I’m often envious of those who have found this beauty in the world at a younger age than myself. Why am I late to the wisdom table!?
I can only hope that in my teaching I can inspire the kids to get there quicker than I did. When I look at all the ‘trouble-makers’ in my class I only see my own stupid face reflected in their eyes. Ah, the stupidity of youth. But I wouldn’t really wish it any other way – and what would be the point?
“And so from school to the outside world these morals you will take…”
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my dreams. I can meet old friends, people who are no longer in my life. They stay close to my thoughts and experience.
To-do list
Email to Aaron and float the TCRAH idea to him
Give more positive reinforcement to the kids
Compliment one of the other teachers
Follow up with Andrew about Indra
Check on the IEC lesson for the New Year’s week, maybe plan something else
Did it list
Wrote email to Aaron. Made some arrangements with Indra for shows in Yogyakarta. Up to date with Anna Karenina cliff notes. Read 4 chapters of Anna Karenina. Did 30 squats and weightless shoulder presses. Posted to 1994ever blog. Survived one testing class today! Updated lessons to allow for the 2-day week at New Year’s. Cleared some emails and Chrome tabs. Brief online talk with Cake.
My regular English class were very testing today but I realised that my lesson plan was not so smart – the ideas were good but the execution was not so much. I don’t really know how to get the class to settle back down again after some excitement. I think to improve I need to be more aware of the class dynamic and arrange my lesson accordingly. Don’t shove too much into it. My other class went well though I still see room for improvement – it gave me an idea though, that hopefully makes the next lesson easier.
Today I asked Kru Tam how she thought I was doing at my job. She gave me positive feedback saying she could tell how much I cared for the students to learn. She did imply that sometimes I have to pull back a little – I think that is more related to my expectations than to my lessons.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the beautiful sunrise I see every morning before school. It’s a reminder of the bigger things, the slow, slow movement of the universe. Nothing we can do but get on with it.
To-do list
Most important * Be mentally prepared for the toughest classes of the week.
Try to write email to Aaron during school hours – subject: books and kids.
Clear all the Daily Stoic reading windows.
Congratulate the kids on good work and good thinking.
Compliment one of the other teachers.
Follow up with Andrew about contact with Indra.
Clear some emails.
Study Thai for 30 minutes.
Did it list
30 squats and 30 weightless shoulder press
30 minutes study Thai – mostly prep
Maintained calm and happiness through two of the three tough classes today
I forgive myself for losing it for a second in that last class. How to stop from getting into that situation again? Maybe need to make my lessons more practical. I’m hoping the ClassDojo ideas lessons work out well for those classes.
Asked Kru Tam for feedback on my performance – she said she could feel that I was really keen to help the students.
She also advised me to try to give them more time and maybe make things a little easier.
Sorted some more files for TCRAH
Have an idea for TCRAH – to share the music files with a friend and get them to comment on the music, then incorporate that into the actual show.
Read some more Daily Stoic articles and closed a few more Chrome tabs
Unsubscribed from a blog – content was ok but I’m at the point of having to choose the ones I like best.
1994ever 