Tag: Anchan

The Baddies – 9th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Are we the baddies? You’d better believe it
We’ve been found out even by our friends
They finally saw through the lies we told
As we manipulated them for our own ends

Are we the baddies? But we were told
The world only wants what we can give
And our freedom and democracy
Is what they all needed to live

Are we the baddies? Oh we surely are
Slowly our friends left our sinking ship
Despite a desperate clinging on to hope
We’ve slowly been losing our grip

Inspired by this Second Thought video

2024-12-09

Today I’m feeling:

Good, especially knowing that tomorrow is another day off again.

I was expecting fewer students at school today but all my classes were reasonably full. That’s fine, though. I found some random lesson to teach, as the one that I really want to do, I want to start in a week when there are no holidays (which may actually be difficult!)

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum for giving us her old car. We don’t expect or ask anything much from the family, so it was a nice surprise.

The best thing about today was:

I enjoyed two of my classes today, where we talked about kindness. Two of the last questions raised much discussion as I asked what Random Acts of Kindness they had done recently and then what one they could do in the next 24 hours.

Many students just thought that helping their parents clean the house was sufficient but I had to impress on them that it must be random, not something that they normally do and so usually with someone that they don’t know.

I asked them to commit to doing what they wrote and to send me a picture or video. I doubt I will get anything from them but I will probably revisit this later with them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy got mum’s old car today and took it to a place to change the stereo. I needed Bluetooth, USB for power and audio input but from the picture Amy sent I can’t send any audio input for my iPod.

I’m hoping I can find a solution if that is the case.

When I got home, Amy was still in the city and there had been a typical Thai-style non-communication, which ended up with us not getting the car back and Amy driving mum’s brand new car back instead.

As to mum’s new car – that’s another drama but I’ll leave that for another time.

Something I learned today?

After really enjoying reading the Lucifer comics and a few years ago seeing that the TV show was quite highly rated, I thought that I would give it a try.

Sadly, it is US trash TV – enjoyable but vapid. I wasn’t expecting it to be like the comics but I was also disappointed with its lack of depth and reduction of characters to caricatures.

I really don’t enjoy this style of TV anymore – even though it is quite similar to comic book schlock. I want my comic book schlock only in my comic books.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked with a few teachers about options for Anchan and they all suggested talking with Teacher Em and that there are possibilities for her to get loan money from the government.

Via translation, I talked with Anchan about this. She didn’t seem so keen on talking with Teacher Em at this stage and is already thinking of applying for the loan next semester (she’s not eligible yet).

She also told me that she has been talking with an Auntie who she can live with later this month and that she is helping with money.

At the end of the day, I told her that she will need to go through these channels in future and that she won’t be able to come to me to ask for money. I don’t want to believe the worst about her but it is possible that she is just using me. Right now, on a personal level, I don’t care about that but going forward, she will have to pursue these avenues first.

The Copses – 7th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments
Pic by Clare Westbrook

I
recall
the forests
walked in winters
Kings Copse and Queens Copse
Muddied paws, misty views
Foreboding darkness within
Fresh pine beds for love’s liaisons
Illicit affairs away from spies
Let’s hope no one else is walking their dogs
Wet nose
Surprise!

Shared with dVerse MTB: An Etheree Tree and inspired my explorations in my youth where I would often walk our dog or just go exploring for fun. Sometimes, with my first girlfriend and hidden deep within the dark confines of the forest, we would lay down on the soft pine needle bed.
Queen’s Copse is a pine forest and King’s Copse is an oak forest.
There are not many pictures from this area and the one above doesn’t really show just how dark it was inside, just a few feet away from the track. No light was getting in there.

2024-12-07

Today I’m feeling:

Good after a nice sleep. I woke up before my alarm again and, surprisingly, was feeling hungry. I ate a lot for dinner last night, a slab of lasagna plus a bowl of salad, which contained four eggs. I also woke up with guitar songs in my head and look forward to playing today.

After lunch (more lasagna), I napped again (it seems I can no longer fight it) and then enjoyed some time reading in the hammock.

I say I enjoyed it, that was the book, but the constant irritation of flies and the humidity soon had me back indoors and into aircon, where, ironically, Amy was so cold that she got herself a blanket.

Where’s our winter?

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s lasagna has kept me fed for another day. One more piece left.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired to set up Ableton Live on my computer again and to dust off the keyboard. I fiddled around a little bit with it to try and familiarise myself again.

I’m not sure that I will be inspired enough to keep going with it yet, though.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked a little more with Anchan, trying to convince her to open up more with her friends and to talk more with the teachers and counsellor at school.

I fixed some more of our sliding window mossie protecter handles today.

The Ineffable – 6th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A varied melancholy, pulsating darkness
Even though full and flourished
Despite outward appearance and circumstances
Darkness wills to be nourished

Untended beds, fallow of seed
Indisposition of the spirit
The lack of meaning we all need
Only if willing to hear it

Acknowledge the ineffable, under cover
Unmeasurable, outside the rational
Keep the devils at bay, from taking over
Connect the universal truths eternal

Inspired and paraphrased from The Red Hand Files #295

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and relaxed. I still have the education system in my mind and sometimes the frustration overwhelms my thoughts. At times when I woke up last night, I had these thoughts, but thankfully I was able to get back to sleep okay.

I’ve been waking up before my alarm for a couple of weeks now, though I can’t tell how long before. It’s probably only five or ten minutes, maybe thirty at the most.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai for giving me some information to try to help Anchan.

The best thing about today was:

My final class of the day had just four students, so I just let it go, but I took the opportunity to chat with Milk, who really needs to practice speaking more English.

Also with Toon, who was enthusiastic to try and talk about the future with me and the differences between Thai culture and Western culture when it comes to teenage kids.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I stayed until 4.30 pm today as I was being a good little boy and clocking out when I’m supposed to but I was struggling a bit as I was pretty hungry, hot and tired.

Traffic sucked on the way home, too. I’m wondering if it’s worth losing some money each month so that I can leave early!

Something I learned today?

Amy’s mum will buy a new car next week and pass her old one on to us. Amy has it earmarked for me but I told her it must have a new stereo first so that I can listen to podcasts. The car itself is fine; I don’t really care about what car I drive. I kinda like old junk cars better than new ones.

Yesterday, they also made a plan for us all to take a trip to Japan in April. Ok then!

I was shocked to see George in his morning class on time today. I’m guessing that my little chat with Kru Tang had got back to him in one way or another.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan is struggling again. I’m trying to help her but I really don’t know what more I can do. I got some helpful information from Jee and Kru Mai.

Another of my struggling students, Praew, has finally quit our school and will start somewhere else. I hope she has a better time there but I’m guessing she will still have problems there at some point. She’s a lovely kid but it seems that something is misfiring in her brain. She would treat me as a father but still behave like a primary student.

Life Is Pain – 29th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

With my demons, I wrestle
While probing fingers point
Storm clouds gather undecided
In search of a swollen joint

Tickled tortures beyond pain
With needles under nails
Washed away on the tides
Of one-too-many fails

Without you, I would no longer exist

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #213 – with

Today I’m feeling:

Good once I got going. I woke up stiff but tried my best with some tough ab exercises (tough for me!).

Lin told me this morning that my tummy was smaller today but I think she was teasing me!

I continued with my grade 8 classes in the same style as yesterday and that all went well (for me at least!)

Finishing off with just half of the students in my grade 11 class – the HAP students, as last week I only taught the J-Biz students and I knew the J-Biz kids could go and do preparation work for the Japan Day next month.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui at House contacting me saying that he will open again but he’s starting again at a new location in the city, which is a shame as it will be too far for me to go each day.

It was nice of him to contact me, though and let me know what he’s up to. I think I will try and get out on Tuesdays when I have a four-hour gap between classes. I will go to his new shop and also try a couple of others to see if I can find a nice spot again.

The best thing about today was:

Today was another one of those all-around good days with nothing in particular standing out as better than anything else. I like days like this.

I also think that going back to a full tablet of sertraline has had an immediate effect on my mood. I’m told that it’s such a low dose that it’s not even likely to be doing anything and it’s supposed to take a couple of weeks to take effect and perhaps it’s the placebo effect and all but either way, after just two days back at 50mg, I don’t have any bad feelings or thoughts.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying to me to watch George just sitting in a classroom looking at his phone whilst his class were just playing games, doing make-up or messing around. I teach those students too, so I took the opportunity to help a couple of them whose work I didn’t have time to check during my class with them.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

David was getting frustrated with trying to print out his monthly report today and he asked me to help. I ribbed him about using a Windows laptop and even me trying to help didn’t fix the problem.

I asked him to send me the file so I could try it and, of course, it printed properly on the first try.

With my little windfall yesterday, I sent Anchan a little more money to support her.

I’m also trying to encourage Baipad to get back into drawing more, especially as it is something she shares in common with a boy she likes.

When I was coming back in from the cafe, some of my old grade 9 students were kicking a ball around, so I joined them. Next to us was another group of students also kicking a ball around.

Kru Ell was navigating her way between the two groups when the other group’s ball accidentally hit her on the head and hands, knocking her glasses off and spilling her drink to the ground.

The boys were super apologetic and I got the one boy who had kicked the ball to quickly go back into the cafe and get her another drink. Kru Ell’s glasses were ok and she was more shocked than anything – she didn’t blame the kids.

Toey took this picture of Baipad because they met after school tonight. I think she sent it to me to show how happy she was to meet him! Young romance.

Seeker Of The Skies – 8th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

To transcend the ordinary
And master what it means
To live – this spiritual journey
Is it all that it seems?

Rising high above the mundane
Seek a life-fulfilling
To give – and not to have to explain
A reason to be willing

Submitted to an AllPoetry contest about Jonathan Livingston Seagull – a book which I’m not familiar with (yet) and had to look up online.

Today I’m feeling:

Not too bad, though I struggled to wake up after a bit of a disrupted sleep just from my body being a little uncomfortable in whatever position I was lying.

At about 11.30 pm last night, I was just drifting off with some wild lucid dreams when a weird feeling came over me and I woke up to a slight shaking in the room and Amy gave a little yelp. A 4.2 earthquake centred somewhere in Myanmar coming to say hello. It was very strange as it disrupted that crucial time of approaching deeper sleep. I soon got back to it but, quite appropriately, I felt a little shaken.

School is a bit more subdued today, as there was a lot of rain last night that has dampened everyone’s enthusiasm for the Open House. But still the show must go on.

I enjoyed talking and playing with my students again but will probably slip off again at around midday.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to come home before midday again. In many ways, and I think I’ve written this before, I don’t enjoy being at school if I’m not actually in the classroom with the students and knowing what I’m supposed to be doing.

The best thing about today was:

My interactions with students around the school again, especially with Nong Fah and Jet and their group of friends (which now often includes Anchan, too, I’m happy to say).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had a CBD gummy in the afternoon hoping it would inspire me to push through lethargy but ultimately my Friday feeling wouldn’t shake and I napped for an hour before heading to my room where I got fully involved in figuring out how to combine digital comics into single files to read (and subsequently didn’t spend much time playing guitar as was my original intention).

When I came back inside, I found Amy dancing away as she happily told me she had a THC gummy and was dancing as she was washing up. Suitably inspired, I had one too but it just made me lazy and led me to overthinking to the point of annoyance and we both ended up in bed by 9 pm, though I did manage to read some comics whilst struggling to remember what exactly was going on in them.

I didn’t end up doing any writing here or watching any videos that I thought I might enjoy and ultimately came to the conclusion that I don’t really enjoy the effects of THC these days. Perhaps this is connected with the dose and I can try less next time. Otherwise, I think it’s time to just switch to the more suitable effects of the CBD, which may be so subtle that it’s not even worth taking.

A Mad Man Made Man – 2nd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

A
made man
comes apart,
seams unravelling
Bolts become unscrewed;
Filled full of dust and dirt
Electrical kickstarter
Blood pumped in from poison vials,
Eyes barely open to see machines
Clinging to this life for a madman’s dreams

Confusion reigns in this laboratory
there seems to be something in the air;
A sadness amongst the madness
Who is the real madman here?
A sigh, a final breath;
Living forever
is a fool’s game
Give it up
This dream?
Dead

Shared with No Theme Thursday and the attached picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go this morning but my mind is clearing a little after two coffees.

Trying to catch up on reading poetry and it is a bit of a blur to try and comment after reading so much at one time. I can usually tell within a few lines if the rest is worth reading, though.

I plan to read more comics and books this afternoon, perhaps a little guitar action. Must try to avoid napping!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Spending three hours at Utopia catching up on reading and doing a tiny bit of writing.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more of Bob Mortimer’s biography. I’m about halfway through now and enjoying the Englishness of his writing and humour.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I did succumb to lying down in the afternoon but stuck on some crazy music to listen to and that kept me from falling into too deep a sleep. I went to my room to play guitar after that and discovered that my fingers weren’t working properly, butchering songs that I usually enjoy playing. I need to practice more.

Something I learned today?

The word pogonip is a meteorological term used to describe an uncommon occurrence: frozen fog.

The word was coined by Native Americans to describe the frozen fogs of fine ice needles that occur in the mountain valleys of the western United States in December.

According to their tradition, breathing the fog is injurious to the lungs.

Anchan sent me this picture. Yesterday I talked to Jee about Anchan and she knew a little of her story too. So last night, after getting paid, I sent Anchan some money as a gift. She sent me this picture of her smiling, a picture for her application to the HAP program next year, if she can’t get to her favoured school in Chiang Mai.

Castle Contrarian – 29th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Run away from the zeitgeist
I don’t know what’s going on
And again once it’s caught up
It’s a lifetime on the run

Hiding under self-made shelter
Cocooned in homegrown truth
It’s no conspiracy theory
Or trappings of religious youth

Bored by irrelevant gossip
A talk show in every pub
The drawbridge to my castle
Bars entry into my club

Still sympathetic to the circles
Of a society I’m sat outside
Deliberately contrarian
But sharing my space to hide

Full of personal contradictions
To care and not to care
I don’t know what I’m doing here
Or what you’re doing there

I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.

Today I’m feeling:

Great so far. It was good to be back amongst the kids again this morning and especially charged up on a quick takeaway coffee from Utopia.

I talked with Kru Mai about fixing up my schedule and I should at least get my Monday and Friday down to six hours of work.

I met with my grade 12s after their three months of internship and assigned them a task to make a video detailing their experiences while I go to see a new ENT specialist at the hospital.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The new ENT specialist I saw today who spoke very good English.

She suggested some different medicine, more for allergies. Probably due to the fact that the problem has been ongoing for about three months now.

The best thing about today was:

A long break between classes, which allowed me to do a bit of catching up with all the work that was submitted to me yesterday.

I still only got about halfway through, though and will have a bit more by tomorrow, as my first class this morning was disrupted as I had to go to the hospital.

I caught up a bit on a backlog of emails, too and hope to have everything back on track by next week. Need to get back into the swing of things with working things out with my new schedule for this semester (when that gets finalised too!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Baipad just messaged me this evening that her little kitten got hit by a car and a Uni student took her to a vet somewhere.

She’s worried and upset, obviously, but I tried to advise gently that whatever happens next is going to happen, whether we are worried or not.

Her house is right next to the highway and their shop door is often left open during the day. Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens a lot.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I gave Mei the earrings I bought in Chiang Mai for her birthday. I can’t be sure if she liked them or not, but she appreciated them anyway.

I tried to help Anchan with some more information about the studio at school but I think she figured out a solution for what she needed anyway.

I took this picture because Nicha and Earn were busy making TikTok videos instead of studying.

The Chase – 22nd October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Seduction – theatre in real life
The meeting of illusion and reality
Lost in a hall of mirrors
Reflections prove difficult to see

Kept busy with ritual
The chase, chocolate and flowers
The world is just a stage
Filled with clockwork amateurs

A geometric jerky quickstep
A dance without a guarantee
All those things worried about
And that never came to be

The first two lines are paraphrased from Robert Greene.

Today I’m feeling:

Ok but a bit tired as I woke up well before dawn and my brain’s jukebox got active as I started thinking about school.

We’ve had trouble with starting the car recently and it took me a while to get it going this morning, so I decided to drive to Nissan before school, but they don’t open until 8. I thought that I could go to school and clock in and then come back, but unfortunately, I couldn’t start the car at all, so I waited until they opened. Hopefully its just the electronic key that is the problem.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at Nissan who helped me this morning. Despite our communication difficulties (even with Google translating), everything was sorted, with me 400 baht worse off and only 30 minutes late for work, where it seemed many other teachers were arriving late too.

The best thing about today was:

Getting stuck into a lesson plan about pyramid schemes. It was fun to figure out a way to approach that hopefully engages the students and tests all their skills. I think I can use it for at least two lessons, maybe even three if I choose to go a little more slowly with it.

Something I learned today?

My testing testy student Kwang will move schools this semester.

It’s a shame. She’s smart but has something holding her back, distracting her.

I forget her story now but I think her dad left or passed away and her mum is working in Pattaya, which may or may not involve the bar scene, but either way, it means Kwang is left here with her grandmother or some other relative and is probably losing out on a good emotional familial connection.

In the eighteen months I’ve known her, I’ve made her laugh and made her cry. I’ve helped her, argued and fought with her. I like her a lot, like all my difficult kids and I’ll miss her being around despite how much of a pain in my ass she could be.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

A couple of days ago, I prompted Anchan to post an update on social media so that her friends could see that she is still around. She said that she didn’t have any photos and didn’t feel like posting, which I totally understood.

This morning, I was pleased to see that she had posted on Instagram, eating at a cafe somewhere in Chiang Mai. Lots of her friends commented and I hope that it makes her feel good.

I took this picture because, as often happens, suddenly there is a new plant flowering in our garden that we were unaware of. I do remember seeing something growing here earlier this year but pretty sure it was only one stem and only knee height. After the rainy season, here comes the surprise.

You Are The Key – 17th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Cultivate your garden
On the revelations of loss
A flower to push on through
The weeds you’ll come across

Are you terrified of the rain
Or love rolling around in mud?
Either way, stand up again
To see roses made from blood

There always was a before
And there will be an after
For every tear spilt
Endless hours of laughter

You can hold onto your pain
Keep it safely in a box
Remind yourself now and again
Of this healthy paradox

Inspired and paraphrased from this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

A little blurry in the head, though fairly happy too. Waiting for the coffee to kick in!

Trying to write a poem and started off with two killer lines and then coming up blank on anything else! Trying to think but I’m lost in the fog at the moment!

Finally, the coffee started working and I went for a third cup and I should be able to fight off the urge to nap this afternoon!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Not napping! I was tempted but forced myself out to my room to get up to my usual bullshit there. Listen to music, download comics, add blog entries and play guitar.

The best thing about today was:

Playing guitar along to Archers of Loaf, the Wipers and SquirrelBait, whilst a little under the influence of a weed brownie, had me now imagining that I was actually quite good on guitar. I’m not but it sounded good at that moment!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I braved the rain on the motorbike this morning to go to Utopia, as Amy didn’t want me to use the car yet. Thankfully, it was the end of the storm and just a little drizzle and by the time I came back again, the sun was out.

I also stopped and chatted with Aum Aim while she was working at her mum’s stall. She proudly told me her grade when I asked her – 3.85.

I’ve been thinking about my grading a lot this week, since fielding questions from students last weekend. I think I will be less serious about grading for the high school kids from this semester. The grades they get can seriously affect their options when it comes to university choice in the future.

It seems a bit petty to give an average grade to an average student who isn’t in the English program and whom I only see once a week. If they show willingness, I just give them a good grade, regardless of their skill level.

Am I submitting to the foibles of the Thai system?

Something I learned today?

Anchan told me that despite her being sick, she was in Burma to visit her mum in prison, perhaps the only chance she will get. She said it was dirty and crowded there.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan also told me that she can get back to Chiang Mai from Burma and she will be a little better looked after, food-wise, until she has to come back to school next week. She asked me for money again but I had to deny her this time. I’m happy to help her a little bit but I don’t want her to think that I’m just an ATM.

I took this picture because I received the Minnesota Pocket Circuit CDs from Team today.

Rebel Rock – 12th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

There was a time when London called
The papers and hoi polloi appalled
Frustration and anger overspilled
The youth of the day proudly thrilled

Smash the guitar or smash the state
Yet the changes promised had to wait
Revolution rock was just a lame duck
But at least the music didn’t suck

Shared with dVerse Poetics: album cover art

Today I’m feeling:

Well slept and despite turning on my alarm I got up before it would’ve gone off anyway!

Today is the first day of my holiday proper. I say that as I still feel as if I’m on holiday most of the time anyway, even when I’m working. However, today I meet Porpieng, Momo and Baitong for lunch at Central, go for a psych appointment on Monday and back to the ENT on Tuesday. Too busy for my liking!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Baitong buying me Dairy Queen ice cream today after we finished our pizza.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting the kids (the smart ones) for pizza again and watching them change and grow every six months (though I see Momo more often at school).

As Popo and Baitong have had experience at my school and now a new school I asked them which they thought was best and the both said the new school was better for their education even though it was more stressful in some ways.

I think they can realise the benefits of not having access to their phones during the day allowing them to focus more on their classes.

Baitong still cracks me up. She’s smart and has a quick wit and loves to make fun of everything.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The baby cow is on our garden again. Amy thought it best to close the gate to keep him here as if he’s left outside he could walk off anywhere.

His mum is calling him from the other side of the fence but he doesn’t seem to care as he munches on our grass.

Mum is tied down but the baby, whilst having a rope that can be tied up is left to roam. I think the cow man can guess where to look if he can’t find the baby. He’s used to it by now.

Something I learned today?

Baitong told me that she can’t ride a bike or drive a car but that she can drive a tractor!

She said her mum is a housewife and she didn’t quite know what her dad does but that he works hard. I asked if she would prefer to be like her mum or dad when she finishes school and university and she said ‘like her dad’.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought Momo, Baitong and Porpieng lunch today and as Baitong shares my birthday I bought her the materials to do the painting of our cats that she promised me last time we met.

I messaged Anchan and she told me that she still has a fever (39.2).

Momo messaged me in the evening saying that some of her class were wondering about the grades I gave them. Most of her class did well enough but their question of understanding my criteria is a fair point.

Basically I want them talking and communicating more in class. I asked her to pass the message on and that her classmates should contact me directly to show me their initiative. Let’s see!

I took this picture because who is the real boss here?