Tag: Anchan

Fifty-Two Little Thoughts – 1st January 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

The following poems were inspired by the Outcast and Other Words anthology which I came across sometime in 2024. I decided to take all the prompts from that anthology and see what I could come up with myself.
17th Sep 2025 – Shared with dVerse – reflections

1: Outcast

Duck Face

We outcasted ourselves by dissemination
Of the minutiae of every spit and cough
Sharing feeble insights and useless opinion
Considering a duck face meme be enough


2: Unearth

Deeper

When dug down deep enough
Through all the muddied ground
A sense formed from nothing
Unexpectedly found profound


3: Imperfect

The Perfect Image

A studied mirror finds the flaws
The qualities hindered by thought
Image is only imagination
Subconsciously learned and taught


4: Destiny

Stopped Dead

A tragic victim of fate or led astray by odd notions?
Either way, ended up beneath the roiling oceans
Or frozen solid on a parade to the mountaintop
Life lived in safety has already come to a stop


5: Gratitude

Crawl

Sparky Attitude, an ungrateful iconoclast
Demolished her own feeble castle keeps
An arrogant empire would neither share nor last
To a lonely future she limps and creeps


6: Wild

Innate

A heart race
As the tiger leapt
Covering me with all its grace
In his eyes kept
All the wonder
Of his beauty
All the danger of his threat


7: Remedy

Good Little Boys and Girls

Crush the little kiddy bones
Grip their brains to squeeze
Make a million homo-clones
Purely bred to please

Break the little baby brain
Mould until compliant
Not an atom must remain
Of any trace defiant


8: Candour

Home, James

Hello Frank, I’m Earnest
Let’s work to fix this joint
Blunt, direct and candid
Let’s just get to the point


9: Accidental

The Place Of Knowing

Was it an accident or fate?
Did destiny set me straight?
I fell off the path while going
To the place of finally knowing


10: Mimic

Bovell Rock

Show me the mould, I wanna break it
It’s a lovealution and we’re gonna make it
Put me in a box and I’ll find an escape
That’s the revolution we’re trying to shape

Inspired by Dennis Bovell


11: Guardian

Hold On

Hold on tight to the hallelujahs
Death creeps in ditches along the way
No protection on the road to perdition
When the drunk comes out to play

Inspired by a young friend of a friend who was suddenly killed by a drunk driver


12: Indecision

Designer

Wishing and waiting?
Thoughts and prayers?
Thin ice skating
A toy on the stairs

Get busy designing
With purpose and pliers
Lifetime defining
Lighting the fires


13: Light

All The Wrongs

Why the darkness, why the night
Where all the wrongs are told as right?
The world around wasn’t forced to fight
Let’s take a step towards the light


14: Fear

The Unfolding

Always made meaning
As the moment slipped away
Slowly unfolding


15: Intricate

Mandelbrot

The politics of time create confusion
All blame is built on past illusion
A cobweb mandala of contrived deceit
The circle of power remains incomplete


16: Colours

True

Don’t be afraid of the rainbow
Black and white is never true
That’s why the world makes you crazy
And only seeing blue

When it’s all too much to bear
Is when it’s time for you to show
When the darkness makes you small
The truth will help you grow


17: Emptiness

Firestarter


Just need a little juice to fill up the whole
A tiny spark to get some action-shifting
A combustion of the heart that you stole
To restock the emptiness of your gifting


18: Performance

Exit Stage Left

Get it together, this is your show
Your audience awaits with bated breath
To follow your story as you grow
And the curtain closes with your death


19: Abundance

Gurfa

Who can catch all the falling figs
Ripened and ready for your dreams?
All the water in the palm of your hand
Is never enough it seems


20: Resting

Spike

I told you I was ill
Perhaps it’s for the best
I just lie here still
To enjoy my final rest


21: Day and Night

A Perfect Contradiction

Waking in the morning was as if nothing had changed
Except that everything in life had been rearranged
Walking again into the night the patterns are all the same
What it was and what it is now has a different name


22: Secret Doorways

Wizards

The Internet is a collective hallucination
Trap doors hide the rabbit holes
Spiralling further away from reality
Over the rainbow and beyond controls


23: Taste

A Distinct Lack Of

Once the sweetness of success sets in
A bitter pill is like ingesting sin
Lazy complacency soon turns sour
A spicy life now mundane and dour


24: Shadows

Colourless

Life stamps out the artist
Imagination overruled by data
Needing money for survival
Has us working harder not smarter


25: Fragment

The Creases

Taking a thought and pulling it apart
Taking a heart and smashing it to pieces
A fragment pleases, a misunderstood art
An origami part, following the creases


26: Wishes

My Honest Pitch

Everything’s an ad, even the news
Propaganda spun to get more views
Everything’s and ad so here’s my pitch
Subscribe now if you want to get rich

27: Circle

The Newest Apocalypse

Fighting for breath, caught in the undertow,
Unplug from the drama, go with the flow
Another story that no one else needs to know
An ever-decreasing circle ready to be let go

Title taken from and poem inspired by The Stoa Letter email


28: Life

Guru Free

For life, always in search of a cure
But what is good is easy to get!
What is terrible, easy to endure!
Death hasn’t come for us yet

For a thousand years, this advice, free
Now sold by gurus for a mighty fee


29: Moonstruck, Ragtag & Wanderlust

My Three Sons

Such useless boys, always dreaming
Their twinkling eyes always gleaming
Awaiting their return, to see them again
Left as boys yet returned as men


30: Journey

Eulogy

Chuck me in the cheapest casket
Feed my flesh to the flames
Waste no time with weeping
Rejoice your reality remains


31: Nostalgia

The Cleaner

Without explanation let’s concoct a story
A dry tale to give the past some meaning
Wrap an old coat around to comfort
When these memories need spring cleaning


32: Reflection

The Weight Of A Seed

With the weight of a seed

Arrogance kept in his heart
His majestic glow darkens
His character torn apart

No matter his benevolence

The righteousness of his deeds
To hell, he will banished
For satisfying his own needs


33: Time

Sand

Time
Fourth dimension
Moments in trust
Let them all go
Infinite


34: Christmas

No Christmas

It’s a minority holiday
Needles drop from the old pine tree
Whatever Santa may say
Each year less present to see

It’s another year of pain
The glitter and glamour have faded
Each time coming around again
Until successfully evaded

To celebrate your own existence
Needs no manger of lights
Defy peer pressure insistence
There are no wrongs and rights


35: End of Year

Getting There

You’ll always have a seat
If you bring your own chair
Losing isn’t always beat
But shows you’re getting there


36: Begin

From The Off

If you want a happy ending
The peak that offers reward
Navigate the discomforts
The form found unexplored


37: Misgivings

The Fold

All my thinking folds in on itself*
To stand proud, solid and silent as the tree
A summer showing of greenest health
Conceals the winter dark inside of me

*https://tinyhearts.uk/2024/09/16/mowing/


38: Boundary

I Am Better

I didn’t bring a gun to a knife fight
I’ll not flash cash in a parade of wealth
I’m no better than you and no more right
I am only better than my past self


39: Delicious, Distasteful & Dimension

Moderation

A weekly wine goes down delicious
But any more would be distasteful
Visiting the drunken dimension
Throws up, to be overly wasteful


40: Afternoon Tea

The Puppet

The jar and jerk to the puppet
Are you in control of your action?
Cause yourself some calm
Sip from the cup of satisfaction


41: Weather

The Flood

Despite all our human progress
Streets ran with rivers of browny slime
Rising ever higher as if to impress
The power of nature not tempered by time


42: Revelation

The Four Divergents

Are we are righteous, acting out a virtue?
Or is there no other choice, no better outcome?
Or do we accept that this is the way of the world?
Or is this just a habit, the way we have become?

Which narrative will we use today
For each decision that comes into play?


43: Heartbeat

Flatline

There’s no time to stop, even to live
Pushed to the limit, something’s got to give
Pumping ugly muscle, pulse under pressure
Once busted it stays broken forever


44: Fallen

Stuck In Motion

If I wasn’t sitting down when the spin hit
The swirling vortex afore me would soon see me sat
Cartoon birds circle my head where I sit
Stuck in a motion that keeps me where I’m at


45: Spring

Poppy Theatre

From twisted dirt and tortured mud
Became the little field that could
Sprung the soft after the harden
The poppied theatre become the garden


46: Patience

The Wind Up

I wouldn’t wish me on anyone
Your patience put to the test
I’m in perpetual motion
You’ll never have chance to rest


47: Vibrant

Skipping School

A flourishing joy around a rope jump
Lush youth laughing and chasing
Hustle and bustle, the mad thrills pump
Energetic thoughts set hearts a-racing

Spirited shouts and sudden screaming
It’s an unharmonious harmonious noise
Fresh-faced fancies of everyday dreaming
Amongst the funky fires of the girls and boys


48: Glimpse

The Catch

We’re chasing rainbows in a clown car*
With common sense in the rearview mirror
Whilst catching a glimpse of the future
Where everything will become less clearer


49: Fortitude, Resolute & Epiphany

My Three Daughters

With my love, my daughters will grow up strong
With the wealth of the oil from the olive trees
They will rise from the ashes to where they belong
To return to their home from the river to the seas


50: Evergreen

Desire

To be rich does not require
Further addition to your stacks
When the removal of desire
Is easily the simplest tax


51: Raindrops

A Tiny Flood

Alone I cannot carry Noah
Sun soon evaporates my form
Together our mighty arms destructive
Hear the roar of our oncoming storm

Dissolved into the terrible power
Lost in the crowd of the ocean
Until it’s my time to rise again
A never-ending circular motion


52: Emergence

Ideas That Don’t Exist

You don’t exist yet
No form but aspiring
Struggle to germinate
To break the seed skin
A sprout to be set
New growth inspiring
Hollow bricks gestate
A weapon within

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly good. I got up early and out for coffee whilst also doing some reading and writing.

Amy turned up more … morning with a carrot cake that she made as a gift. Whilst there, she talked with Baew, who had stayed at Noy’s house last night and had already started drinking again!

I dropped Amy there so she could drink and talk more with her friends, picking her up again in the early evening.

During that time, I mostly just read, starting the Suspect Device book and the first story in the Marvel reading order. The first of thousands of Marvel comics! I also enjoyed Jodorowsky’s The Incal, too.

Early to bed tonight, with reading, as I head to the hospital at 7 am.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Some quiet time at home, just me and a book.

The best thing about today was:

Writing a new poem that I was happy with. I haven’t been writing quite as much recently but seem to be able to click back into it easily enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of our cats peed on the sofa last night and whiffs from it sometimes took my breath away as I was reading. Bleurgh! I’ll have to sort it out tomorrow, taking off the covers and washing them, spraying loads of deodoriser too.

Something I learned today?

Miyor, Nudee and Satang posted a story of them drinking beer last night. Naughty! I wrote to Miyor but just laughed about it.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I wished Anchan a better year ahead.

Rotten Words – 30th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Weakness of various kinds may lurk in a flabby lip*
The ill-bred then ill-led by courtier cowards
History’s dustbin overflows with rotten words let slip
A moral vacuum created in Babel’s towers

When the logos kings vanish, only the dirt remains
So sift the glittering trash of golden whispers
In search of the truth which in turn explains
The fragment promises of unwritten scriptures

*I forget who said this quote but I read it in The Decline and Fall of the British Empire by Piers Brendon.

Today I’m feeling:

A little better with a bit more enthusiasm. Coffee was great at Utopia. Nu came and got his shots too before heading off to Chiang Mai. I finished reading Persepolis, which was a very interesting read, before coming home and playing some guitar and listening to some music.

And a little later I finished reading Consider The Lobster. New books to start for the new year in a couple of days.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Hanging on to my old Xbox and cranking it for the first time this year (I think). I spent an hour driving around in GTA. I also accompanied this playtime with some Glenfiddich. It almost feels like Christmas.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing a couple of books before the end of the year.

I’ve almost finished downloading the complete Marvel reading order and I will add those to my comic book reading schedule.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan asked me for money to go to Chiang Mai but I felt like I don’t quite believe her at the moment. I also haven’t been paid myself yet, though I do have cash spare. I’m happy to help her but I don’t want to just be an ATM whenever she feels like it.

Art took this picture as I modelled for another Utopia assignment.

Christmas In Gaza – 18th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments
Article at sbs.com.au

Love and peace to all men
Your silent night, broken again
Tidings of comfort and joy
Burst wide open as bombs deploy

A Christmas, warm and bright
Lit by a white phosphorus light
Celebrating the birth of hope
Where none is found under microscope

The platitudes of seasonal cheer
Have lost all their meaning here
Peace unto you, my brother
“All I want for Christmas is my mother”

Shared with Poets and Storytellers United – holiday anxieties

Today I’m feeling:

Good, once I got moving. Since a recent iPhone update, my alarm only seems to vibrate, no light and no volume. Usually, it’s enough to wake me but this morning Amy heard it vibrating and wearily shouted at me to get up! I guess I was tired!

As I’d been waking up before my alarm for the last week or so, my brain was probably thinking that it couldn’t be time to get up yet.

Some tough exercise this morning and in my half awake state I struggled keeping my balance at times. The positive effects from it have carried me through, though and I feel good.

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Dutchie sending me the photos that I asked him for, which he took this morning. As we were waiting for the flag ceremony, we were talking about fashion, and Achang showed up wearing a denim jacket. I told them that denim jackets are kind of a 70s/80s style for me and not really in fashion.

I asked him if I could try it on and he let me whilst Dutchie took some pictures. I said that it’s a little too big for Achang and he told me that it actually belongs to his sister.

I thought I looked quite good in it.

The best thing about today was:

Soldiering through a slow workday, where only having to work three hours feels quite tiring, as there is too much downtime. I managed to stick it out until clock-out time by sitting in the cafe. I saw lots of my students walk by outside and Noah was excited to tell me that she and Lin have been chosen to help with the visiting overseas students next month.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Recently, I have been less interested in reading poetry. I think I have been overwhelmed with so much to read on prompt blogs and it’s burned me out. It always feels like a chore to analyse someone else’s work in the hope that they return the favour. It’s the ‘like-for-like’ mentality of social media.

Of course, I want my work to be noticed. I think some of it is good and worthy. But to trawl through another 40 poems about the seasons or the moon is a burden I’m getting tired of.

I need to refine my search a bit and perhaps find new places to submit my work where it might get some more exposure. Looking around, though, there are a million poets of all shapes and flavours, all looking for the same thing. I’ll just keep on writing anyway and do appreciate the people who do take the time and interest to read and respond.

Something I learned today?

In an odd coincidence, whilst I was talking with my grade 12s today, Alyn hung up a phone call from a name I recognised as a Facebook friend of mine but I had recently been wondering who it was, as they were using a different name.

She told me that it was her brother and that made me even more curious. It turns out that her brother is my old grade 9 student Achang!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I received a message back from Anchan this morning, just stating that she is unhappy and I wasn’t really able to offer her any consolation. I reminded her that she told me that her aunt was coming in the next couple of days and that she was hoping for things to get better. I haven’t heard back again, though.

Noey sent me this picture from Utopia this morning because she will fly back to Bangkok, having finished her university life. I had been there earlier and hoped to bump into her before she left, but it wasn’t to be. I told her that I thought that she would be back someday anyway.

Lady Of Situations – 17th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

The knights felt themselves so gallant
One by one they knocked at her door
As if their poorly tested talent
Were enough to interest and explore

Their eyes focused purely on her dresses
She saw through their prods of deceit
Her castle would not receive their messes
Until their charms were removed of conceit

Their suits of armour soon became rusted
As they waited in impatient rains
Self-aware they weren’t to be trusted
And soon tired of playing their own games

What gift for the lady of situations?
The one who wants none of your gold
Deaf to their empty wild explanations
She’s chosen her own heart to hold

Today I’m feeling:

Really good after invigorating exercise this morning. It’s cold this morning but as I’m charged up from the exercise, I’m ok with just a shirt.

All the kids are asking me if I’m cold, as they are wearing thick jackets already. I can feel that it is cold but I’m not really feeling it. It’s 18 degrees, so still a nice English summer morning!

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Both of my classes today being very accommodating and easy to teach, though admittedly I had stretched this lesson, about the TV show Hormones, out across two weeks, so that this week all they are required to do is some writing.

They all complain about writing and think that they aren’t learning anything – sometimes the best form of teaching!

The best thing about today was:

Along with the two classes was a four-hour break, which I enjoyed at 22 Grams as Couple Cups was closed.

I got some reading out of the way during this time but also felt that I didn’t have enough time to do all that I wanted. But that always seems to be the case.

Something I learned today?

Amy caught up with Nong Na for lunch today and then Amy caught me up on her news but most of all, I was happy to receive a gift of Toblerone from her!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I’ve been chatting with Nong Fah a little bit every day to try and help her with her English. She was upset with her art teacher because she wouldn’t let her take her artwork home to finish it. She showed me a photo of the art and I was quite surprised at how good it was.

I’ve also been trying to contact Anchan, as when I saw her yesterday, she was in a really bad mood, and today she didn’t come to school.

A teacher in his natural habitat. One of my grade 12 students had an old-school digital camera and was experimenting.

The Baddies – 9th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Are we the baddies? You’d better believe it
We’ve been found out even by our friends
They finally saw through the lies we told
As we manipulated them for our own ends

Are we the baddies? But we were told
The world only wants what we can give
And our freedom and democracy
Is what they all needed to live

Are we the baddies? Oh we surely are
Slowly our friends left our sinking ship
Despite a desperate clinging on to hope
We’ve slowly been losing our grip

Inspired by this Second Thought video

2024-12-09

Today I’m feeling:

Good, especially knowing that tomorrow is another day off again.

I was expecting fewer students at school today but all my classes were reasonably full. That’s fine, though. I found some random lesson to teach, as the one that I really want to do, I want to start in a week when there are no holidays (which may actually be difficult!)

Health:

Physical: 8
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s mum for giving us her old car. We don’t expect or ask anything much from the family, so it was a nice surprise.

The best thing about today was:

I enjoyed two of my classes today, where we talked about kindness. Two of the last questions raised much discussion as I asked what Random Acts of Kindness they had done recently and then what one they could do in the next 24 hours.

Many students just thought that helping their parents clean the house was sufficient but I had to impress on them that it must be random, not something that they normally do and so usually with someone that they don’t know.

I asked them to commit to doing what they wrote and to send me a picture or video. I doubt I will get anything from them but I will probably revisit this later with them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy got mum’s old car today and took it to a place to change the stereo. I needed Bluetooth, USB for power and audio input but from the picture Amy sent I can’t send any audio input for my iPod.

I’m hoping I can find a solution if that is the case.

When I got home, Amy was still in the city and there had been a typical Thai-style non-communication, which ended up with us not getting the car back and Amy driving mum’s brand new car back instead.

As to mum’s new car – that’s another drama but I’ll leave that for another time.

Something I learned today?

After really enjoying reading the Lucifer comics and a few years ago seeing that the TV show was quite highly rated, I thought that I would give it a try.

Sadly, it is US trash TV – enjoyable but vapid. I wasn’t expecting it to be like the comics but I was also disappointed with its lack of depth and reduction of characters to caricatures.

I really don’t enjoy this style of TV anymore – even though it is quite similar to comic book schlock. I want my comic book schlock only in my comic books.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked with a few teachers about options for Anchan and they all suggested talking with Teacher Em and that there are possibilities for her to get loan money from the government.

Via translation, I talked with Anchan about this. She didn’t seem so keen on talking with Teacher Em at this stage and is already thinking of applying for the loan next semester (she’s not eligible yet).

She also told me that she has been talking with an Auntie who she can live with later this month and that she is helping with money.

At the end of the day, I told her that she will need to go through these channels in future and that she won’t be able to come to me to ask for money. I don’t want to believe the worst about her but it is possible that she is just using me. Right now, on a personal level, I don’t care about that but going forward, she will have to pursue these avenues first.

The Copses – 7th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments
Pic by Clare Westbrook

I
recall
the forests
walked in winters
Kings Copse and Queens Copse
Muddied paws, misty views
Foreboding darkness within
Fresh pine beds for love’s liaisons
Illicit affairs away from spies
Let’s hope no one else is walking their dogs
Wet nose
Surprise!

Shared with dVerse MTB: An Etheree Tree and inspired my explorations in my youth where I would often walk our dog or just go exploring for fun. Sometimes, with my first girlfriend and hidden deep within the dark confines of the forest, we would lay down on the soft pine needle bed.
Queen’s Copse is a pine forest and King’s Copse is an oak forest.
There are not many pictures from this area and the one above doesn’t really show just how dark it was inside, just a few feet away from the track. No light was getting in there.

2024-12-07

Today I’m feeling:

Good after a nice sleep. I woke up before my alarm again and, surprisingly, was feeling hungry. I ate a lot for dinner last night, a slab of lasagna plus a bowl of salad, which contained four eggs. I also woke up with guitar songs in my head and look forward to playing today.

After lunch (more lasagna), I napped again (it seems I can no longer fight it) and then enjoyed some time reading in the hammock.

I say I enjoyed it, that was the book, but the constant irritation of flies and the humidity soon had me back indoors and into aircon, where, ironically, Amy was so cold that she got herself a blanket.

Where’s our winter?

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s lasagna has kept me fed for another day. One more piece left.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling inspired to set up Ableton Live on my computer again and to dust off the keyboard. I fiddled around a little bit with it to try and familiarise myself again.

I’m not sure that I will be inspired enough to keep going with it yet, though.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I talked a little more with Anchan, trying to convince her to open up more with her friends and to talk more with the teachers and counsellor at school.

I fixed some more of our sliding window mossie protecter handles today.

The Ineffable – 6th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

A varied melancholy, pulsating darkness
Even though full and flourished
Despite outward appearance and circumstances
Darkness wills to be nourished

Untended beds, fallow of seed
Indisposition of the spirit
The lack of meaning we all need
Only if willing to hear it

Acknowledge the ineffable, under cover
Unmeasurable, outside the rational
Keep the devils at bay, from taking over
Connect the universal truths eternal

Inspired and paraphrased from The Red Hand Files #295

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and relaxed. I still have the education system in my mind and sometimes the frustration overwhelms my thoughts. At times when I woke up last night, I had these thoughts, but thankfully I was able to get back to sleep okay.

I’ve been waking up before my alarm for a couple of weeks now, though I can’t tell how long before. It’s probably only five or ten minutes, maybe thirty at the most.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai for giving me some information to try to help Anchan.

The best thing about today was:

My final class of the day had just four students, so I just let it go, but I took the opportunity to chat with Milk, who really needs to practice speaking more English.

Also with Toon, who was enthusiastic to try and talk about the future with me and the differences between Thai culture and Western culture when it comes to teenage kids.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I stayed until 4.30 pm today as I was being a good little boy and clocking out when I’m supposed to but I was struggling a bit as I was pretty hungry, hot and tired.

Traffic sucked on the way home, too. I’m wondering if it’s worth losing some money each month so that I can leave early!

Something I learned today?

Amy’s mum will buy a new car next week and pass her old one on to us. Amy has it earmarked for me but I told her it must have a new stereo first so that I can listen to podcasts. The car itself is fine; I don’t really care about what car I drive. I kinda like old junk cars better than new ones.

Yesterday, they also made a plan for us all to take a trip to Japan in April. Ok then!

I was shocked to see George in his morning class on time today. I’m guessing that my little chat with Kru Tang had got back to him in one way or another.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Anchan is struggling again. I’m trying to help her but I really don’t know what more I can do. I got some helpful information from Jee and Kru Mai.

Another of my struggling students, Praew, has finally quit our school and will start somewhere else. I hope she has a better time there but I’m guessing she will still have problems there at some point. She’s a lovely kid but it seems that something is misfiring in her brain. She would treat me as a father but still behave like a primary student.

Life Is Pain – 29th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

With my demons, I wrestle
While probing fingers point
Storm clouds gather undecided
In search of a swollen joint

Tickled tortures beyond pain
With needles under nails
Washed away on the tides
Of one-too-many fails

Without you, I would no longer exist

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #213 – with

Today I’m feeling:

Good once I got going. I woke up stiff but tried my best with some tough ab exercises (tough for me!).

Lin told me this morning that my tummy was smaller today but I think she was teasing me!

I continued with my grade 8 classes in the same style as yesterday and that all went well (for me at least!)

Finishing off with just half of the students in my grade 11 class – the HAP students, as last week I only taught the J-Biz students and I knew the J-Biz kids could go and do preparation work for the Japan Day next month.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui at House contacting me saying that he will open again but he’s starting again at a new location in the city, which is a shame as it will be too far for me to go each day.

It was nice of him to contact me, though and let me know what he’s up to. I think I will try and get out on Tuesdays when I have a four-hour gap between classes. I will go to his new shop and also try a couple of others to see if I can find a nice spot again.

The best thing about today was:

Today was another one of those all-around good days with nothing in particular standing out as better than anything else. I like days like this.

I also think that going back to a full tablet of sertraline has had an immediate effect on my mood. I’m told that it’s such a low dose that it’s not even likely to be doing anything and it’s supposed to take a couple of weeks to take effect and perhaps it’s the placebo effect and all but either way, after just two days back at 50mg, I don’t have any bad feelings or thoughts.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying to me to watch George just sitting in a classroom looking at his phone whilst his class were just playing games, doing make-up or messing around. I teach those students too, so I took the opportunity to help a couple of them whose work I didn’t have time to check during my class with them.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

David was getting frustrated with trying to print out his monthly report today and he asked me to help. I ribbed him about using a Windows laptop and even me trying to help didn’t fix the problem.

I asked him to send me the file so I could try it and, of course, it printed properly on the first try.

With my little windfall yesterday, I sent Anchan a little more money to support her.

I’m also trying to encourage Baipad to get back into drawing more, especially as it is something she shares in common with a boy she likes.

When I was coming back in from the cafe, some of my old grade 9 students were kicking a ball around, so I joined them. Next to us was another group of students also kicking a ball around.

Kru Ell was navigating her way between the two groups when the other group’s ball accidentally hit her on the head and hands, knocking her glasses off and spilling her drink to the ground.

The boys were super apologetic and I got the one boy who had kicked the ball to quickly go back into the cafe and get her another drink. Kru Ell’s glasses were ok and she was more shocked than anything – she didn’t blame the kids.

Toey took this picture of Baipad because they met after school tonight. I think she sent it to me to show how happy she was to meet him! Young romance.

Seeker Of The Skies – 8th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

To transcend the ordinary
And master what it means
To live – this spiritual journey
Is it all that it seems?

Rising high above the mundane
Seek a life-fulfilling
To give – and not to have to explain
A reason to be willing

Submitted to an AllPoetry contest about Jonathan Livingston Seagull – a book which I’m not familiar with (yet) and had to look up online.

Today I’m feeling:

Not too bad, though I struggled to wake up after a bit of a disrupted sleep just from my body being a little uncomfortable in whatever position I was lying.

At about 11.30 pm last night, I was just drifting off with some wild lucid dreams when a weird feeling came over me and I woke up to a slight shaking in the room and Amy gave a little yelp. A 4.2 earthquake centred somewhere in Myanmar coming to say hello. It was very strange as it disrupted that crucial time of approaching deeper sleep. I soon got back to it but, quite appropriately, I felt a little shaken.

School is a bit more subdued today, as there was a lot of rain last night that has dampened everyone’s enthusiasm for the Open House. But still the show must go on.

I enjoyed talking and playing with my students again but will probably slip off again at around midday.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to come home before midday again. In many ways, and I think I’ve written this before, I don’t enjoy being at school if I’m not actually in the classroom with the students and knowing what I’m supposed to be doing.

The best thing about today was:

My interactions with students around the school again, especially with Nong Fah and Jet and their group of friends (which now often includes Anchan, too, I’m happy to say).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had a CBD gummy in the afternoon hoping it would inspire me to push through lethargy but ultimately my Friday feeling wouldn’t shake and I napped for an hour before heading to my room where I got fully involved in figuring out how to combine digital comics into single files to read (and subsequently didn’t spend much time playing guitar as was my original intention).

When I came back inside, I found Amy dancing away as she happily told me she had a THC gummy and was dancing as she was washing up. Suitably inspired, I had one too but it just made me lazy and led me to overthinking to the point of annoyance and we both ended up in bed by 9 pm, though I did manage to read some comics whilst struggling to remember what exactly was going on in them.

I didn’t end up doing any writing here or watching any videos that I thought I might enjoy and ultimately came to the conclusion that I don’t really enjoy the effects of THC these days. Perhaps this is connected with the dose and I can try less next time. Otherwise, I think it’s time to just switch to the more suitable effects of the CBD, which may be so subtle that it’s not even worth taking.

A Mad Man Made Man – 2nd November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

A
made man
comes apart,
seams unravelling
Bolts become unscrewed;
Filled full of dust and dirt
Electrical kickstarter
Blood pumped in from poison vials,
Eyes barely open to see machines
Clinging to this life for a madman’s dreams

Confusion reigns in this laboratory
there seems to be something in the air;
A sadness amongst the madness
Who is the real madman here?
A sigh, a final breath;
Living forever
is a fool’s game
Give it up
This dream?
Dead

Shared with No Theme Thursday and the attached picture prompt

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go this morning but my mind is clearing a little after two coffees.

Trying to catch up on reading poetry and it is a bit of a blur to try and comment after reading so much at one time. I can usually tell within a few lines if the rest is worth reading, though.

I plan to read more comics and books this afternoon, perhaps a little guitar action. Must try to avoid napping!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Spending three hours at Utopia catching up on reading and doing a tiny bit of writing.

The best thing about today was:

Reading more of Bob Mortimer’s biography. I’m about halfway through now and enjoying the Englishness of his writing and humour.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I did succumb to lying down in the afternoon but stuck on some crazy music to listen to and that kept me from falling into too deep a sleep. I went to my room to play guitar after that and discovered that my fingers weren’t working properly, butchering songs that I usually enjoy playing. I need to practice more.

Something I learned today?

The word pogonip is a meteorological term used to describe an uncommon occurrence: frozen fog.

The word was coined by Native Americans to describe the frozen fogs of fine ice needles that occur in the mountain valleys of the western United States in December.

According to their tradition, breathing the fog is injurious to the lungs.

Anchan sent me this picture. Yesterday I talked to Jee about Anchan and she knew a little of her story too. So last night, after getting paid, I sent Anchan some money as a gift. She sent me this picture of her smiling, a picture for her application to the HAP program next year, if she can’t get to her favoured school in Chiang Mai.