Maturing in the still and humid air On a steep Brazilian hillside I deepen red as if blushing Ready to be plucked and tested
Still sour before the procession Dried on a dusty rack Soon signed, sealed and delivered My final journey nears conclusion
I’m roasted, stirred and blended Slightly sweet and bitter Cascading jets of steamy water Extract my last juices
Remember me this fine morning As you go about your day It was my pleasure to serve you To give you my get up and go
Written for an AllPoetry assignment about personification and returning to a favourite topic of mine!
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but rested after a ten-hour sleep and a weird dream about being in a South American country and almost being shot by a child, and then a pre-pubescent girl who was showing me around with a bunch of other kids got disappeared to be a prostitute. Not sure where all those ideas came from.
I have aches in various places from this week’s exercise. Good aches.
Today I’m grateful for:
A very chill day today, restoring lost energy.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing the chapter Up, Simba by David Foster Wallace. Next is the titular Consider The Lobster.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Utopia is closed until Wednesday as Art takes his staff for a mini holiday in Chiang Mai. This meant that I had to get coffee at Black Smooth instead this morning.
Something I learned today?
Through an online conversation with Baipad, we both learned that ‘blyat’ in Russian is a bad word.
I took this picture because Art joked that the coffee at Black Smooth would be in a big cup and be too hot and he was right!
Of course, I am the hero This is my poem after all! Well-intentioned and rational Justice must be my call
So you must be the villain A poet must have a foe! Conjuring a dastardly plan Laughing maniacally so
We take action as we believe Ignorant of a better way Both deceived by our duty In this game of life we play
Today I’m feeling:
Good again. I’m enjoying the feeling of being revitalised from my morning exercise. I woke up with a start this morning, though, which was good in that I wasn’t waking before my alarm like earlier this week.
For some reason, I was dreaming about opening a (?) for my student, Fah, and I also had an impression that I had been dreaming about an old workmate, Steve. I’m not sure why they were roaming around in my subconscious.
My first class was fun and straightforward but the two-hour break following it has made me tired and uninspired. I will teach the same lesson again soon to another class of the same grade but I’m doubting it will go as well. I may be doubting myself here rather than the students.
(After) Although the second class was a little more difficult to deal with, everyone at least submitted something to me, whilst some of my first class just left because they couldn’t answer the questions and weren’t interested in asking me for help.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
My student, Spain, who filled me in on some classroom gossip from his perspective. He’s a year older than everyone else as he has some kind of quirky autism which held him back a year and whilst he struggles to interact in a ‘normal’ manner, he’s fairly bright and knowledgeable and today I discovered that he is particularly observant.
He told me how he sees everything that is going on, who is with who, when they come and go, lots and lots of details. It was interesting to talk with him but also tiring as I struggled to hear him through his face mask and the sudden twists and turns he makes in conversation.
The best thing about today was:
Buying a punnet of strawberries at the walking street and scoffing them all with coconut ice cream, yoghurt and mini-Toblerones in a big bowl. So much for all that exercise and trying to lose weight!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was not inspired to write after a provocative (to me) comment was posted on my poem, Christmas In Gaza, that I read this morning.
I’ve left the comment there without response but it essentially boils down to divisions through religion – ie, my god is better than yours. There’s no reasoning with this, so I’ll not engage.
Internally, though, the rage of hypocrisy burns so brightly. I need to let it go. It’s not my business what others choose to believe.
A few minutes after writing this, I started thinking about how things in general these days are about winning and losing and while some folks lose online arguments, others are losing their lives and the winners are rewriting their histories in some form or another. This triggered off a flow of words and I managed to get the bad feeling out.
Something I learned today?
Hong Kong is the only city in the world that uses seawater to flush its toilets.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
This morning, I encouraged Baipad to finish off a drawing she had started and when I messaged her this evening, asking her what the best thing about her day, it was that she had finished it.
Outside the window, I giggle in delight The first feel of snow after a silent night This day of love has already seen me grow Because this feeling, I thought I’d never know
I found myself once finding my tribe Along with a love I could only describe Now felt without any suffocating All this time patiently waiting
The love was always right under my nose Because I could cry at heart-wrenching prose Intoxicated walking along the city street Even enthralled by the glass and concrete
I will sip this love through a golden straw And take it home to the Eastern shore Where the soft dusty snow ignites A love for this garden of delights
Good and rested, though I did have to rush to the toilet just before sleeping as all the food I ate today decided it required a quick exit. My stomach is still feeling a little off this morning.
Last night it started raining, which was a bit of a surprise, though now that the rainy season is over, any rain is appreciated. It’s also cooler during the day, almost pleasant weather!
(Later) As the rain settled to a steady drizzle, the air stayed chilly and I spent a fair few hours just lying in bed under the doona and reading.
By bedtime, stepping out of the shower felt unbearably cold and I chuckled to myself as it was only last week when I was wondering when it was finally going to cool down. Be careful what you wish for.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The old guy fruit seller who always offers me a plastic bag, which I refuse. Today he asked me if I was cold, as I was only wearing shorts and a T-shirt and to be honest, I was cold. He grabbed my arm and told me that I am strong.
The best thing about today was:
Lots of reading, especially enjoying the Aussie comic Platinum Grit.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I bought a pack of fruit at the market and dropped it around to Baipad along with 40 baht, matching what she saved herself last week.
She was sitting on the salon bench playing an online game on her phone and couldn’t drag herself away from it. I dropped the fruit on her lap and stuffed the 40 baht down the back of her shirt and she didn’t even blink.
Ah well. Kids these days!
Something I learned today?
TikTok is like crack! Even I’m sucked in now that the suggestions are tuned to what I want to see. The theory of this is disturbing, but oddly, I’m finding that the information provided is far more useful than anywhere else, like YouTube or Instagram.
A little slow to go after sleeping well. Waiting for the coffee to kick in.
We have a funeral ceremony to attend in Mae Chan this morning. Baew’s dad’s friend was in a car accident on Sunday and died tragically.
A short trip between their houses, he thought it didn’t require a seat belt, which sadly, may have saved him. It is a reminder to all of us.
A headache came on during the morning, probably from sleeping in a weird position, as my neck is constantly cracking.
At the funeral, I was hungry, tired and dizzy, wondering how many of these are ahead before my own.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
The new Android device that Amy paid to put into Mum’s old car and which does seem to successfully do mostly what I would like it to do.
The best thing about today was:
Fiddling around in the old car, setting up the audio and discovering other things that can be done, along with making it smell nice.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had to lie down for a while and have a bit of a sleep after the funeral. My headache was pretty annoying but thankfully had gone after waking up again.
Something I learned today?
After the funeral today, Amy told me that the wife of the uncle who died felt sure that he crashed his car on purpose after an argument with his spoiled, drug-addicted 40-year-old son.
Crazy if true, but it does explain how it could have happened because camera evidence and the site of the crash didn’t seem to indicate anything untoward.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
At the cafe in the morning, I took back the plates and cups I had used to the counter. I think the staff were a bit surprised.
I dropped a book of mazes to Baipad and Namhom today. Neither of them seemed that impressed, Namhom in particular, as she was glued to an exciting game on her phone.
The wise sage, somewhat cynical Knows what to say and when The optimist, still straight and clinical Is in trouble with words again
Yet when the time came to inspire The sage’s words fell short Because one’s dreams also require Revision to what has been taught
Maybe the fire inside was unseen So the sage had to be let go Not understanding what it would mean To be held back by what one would know
Inspired by a newsletter from Daivd Elikwu about the dangers of role models and my own experience I am currently revisiting from 2020 with my then role model, George.
2024-12-08
Today I’m feeling:
Positive and happy, though a little tired.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Hangie successfully getting Amy home at 2.30 am this morning after a night out in the city.
The best thing about today was:
I got out to my room to play guitar at three different times today and I can see a little improvement. I also fiddled a little with Ableton, trying and failing to get it to do what I wanted. Need to find some tutorials.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I’m helping Baipad save up some money to go for a health check, I wanted her to come with me to the hospital to get the information on exactly what she needs, and at the same time, the information I need, as I want to do the same thing too.
This afternoon, I dropped by and though she was reluctant to come because she hates interaction with strangers, I convinced her after she asked if Namhom could come too.
We went around the back way to avoid the highway and they both seemed fairly chirpy.
When we got there, I asked Baipad to ask the security guard for information, but unfortunately, he told us that they are only open Monday to Friday (which surprised me a little).
Oh well, never mind. When we got back, I asked Baipad to find the information online and she duly did.
Even though this was just a little thing today, it is the kind of thing that will boost her confidence in the future.
We were both happy to discover that the price is not as high as we were expecting.
Something I learned today?
I started reading Persepolis this morning and immediately wanted to learn more about the history of Iran.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I rescued Piti when he dashed out of Utopua this morning.
Noey took this picture because this is her last day working at Utopia. She has exams next weekend before heading off to her internship but I will likely see her on those mornings as she’ll pick up coffee first.
Good once I got going. I woke up stiff but tried my best with some tough ab exercises (tough for me!).
Lin told me this morning that my tummy was smaller today but I think she was teasing me!
I continued with my grade 8 classes in the same style as yesterday and that all went well (for me at least!)
Finishing off with just half of the students in my grade 11 class – the HAP students, as last week I only taught the J-Biz students and I knew the J-Biz kids could go and do preparation work for the Japan Day next month.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 8
Today I’m grateful for:
Gui at House contacting me saying that he will open again but he’s starting again at a new location in the city, which is a shame as it will be too far for me to go each day.
It was nice of him to contact me, though and let me know what he’s up to. I think I will try and get out on Tuesdays when I have a four-hour gap between classes. I will go to his new shop and also try a couple of others to see if I can find a nice spot again.
The best thing about today was:
Today was another one of those all-around good days with nothing in particular standing out as better than anything else. I like days like this.
I also think that going back to a full tablet of sertraline has had an immediate effect on my mood. I’m told that it’s such a low dose that it’s not even likely to be doing anything and it’s supposed to take a couple of weeks to take effect and perhaps it’s the placebo effect and all but either way, after just two days back at 50mg, I don’t have any bad feelings or thoughts.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
It was a little annoying to me to watch George just sitting in a classroom looking at his phone whilst his class were just playing games, doing make-up or messing around. I teach those students too, so I took the opportunity to help a couple of them whose work I didn’t have time to check during my class with them.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
David was getting frustrated with trying to print out his monthly report today and he asked me to help. I ribbed him about using a Windows laptop and even me trying to help didn’t fix the problem.
I asked him to send me the file so I could try it and, of course, it printed properly on the first try.
With my little windfall yesterday, I sent Anchan a little more money to support her.
I’m also trying to encourage Baipad to get back into drawing more, especially as it is something she shares in common with a boy she likes.
When I was coming back in from the cafe, some of my old grade 9 students were kicking a ball around, so I joined them. Next to us was another group of students also kicking a ball around.
Kru Ell was navigating her way between the two groups when the other group’s ball accidentally hit her on the head and hands, knocking her glasses off and spilling her drink to the ground.
The boys were super apologetic and I got the one boy who had kicked the ball to quickly go back into the cafe and get her another drink. Kru Ell’s glasses were ok and she was more shocked than anything – she didn’t blame the kids.
Toey took this picture of Baipad because they met after school tonight. I think she sent it to me to show how happy she was to meet him! Young romance.
Learning what to ignore Can lead to learning more Is this really news? It may be just for views
Does the banner fright me? Is it true? It might be! You must stand up to defend Cos this could be the end
Any should or would Could be understood What it means to kill It will, it will!
Any headline and byline using modal verbs can safely be ignored as news.
Today I’m feeling:
A bit anxious and overexcited for some reason. I woke up, did exercise and everything, all feeling good but then something compelled me to drive fast to work when it really wasn’t that necessary.
Once at school, I relaxed and enjoyed chatting with the students and my first class was fine. The second, though (grade 8s), was very frustrating with kids playing dumb, sleeping or distracting others.
I gave up and set them a small task and waited for them to complete it so they could go. The kids playing up didn’t bother and rather than getting frustrated, I just let them do what they want.
I shouldn’t stress myself over it.
Health:
Physical: 8 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
One of the ladies in the office where the photocopier is. I didn’t bring any paper with me and it soon ran out in the machine. I went into the office and asked if they had more, but the first two replies were negative.
I kinda shrugged ‘ok’ and went back in to get my bag, but another lady followed me and pulled out a fresh slab of A4 from a box (so they obviously knew that they had some but didn’t want to supply it). I was grateful for her help.
We are a school that wastes tons of paper printing nonsense every day, yet isn’t keen on its teachers printing out worksheets!
The best thing about today was:
My frustrating morning class made me take some time to write up some new lessons this afternoon in the teacher’s room.
From there, I could see George teaching in the room opposite and I was surprised when the students started leaving, almost 40 minutes early.
I’m not sure whether to be bothered by him not teaching his full-length classes (he always arrives late to class too) or to figure that I should relax myself more in my own classes. I know I should give myself the opportunity to chill about it but also feel an obligation to do my best for my students.
Anyway, the day provided me with some inspiration as I put together some slides and did some printing.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My mood was a bit up and down again today and I’m thinking to go back to my full dose of sertraline again. It’s not worth feeling like this just to try and stop taking it, really, with the only purpose to see if I can.
I have a half tomorrow and then will go back to a full pill again on Wednesday.
Something I learned today?
As I was going to my first class in the morning, I found Baipad talking with Cake. I didn’t know that they knew each other but they met during the last time they had scout week.
I told Baipad why I thought Cake was the smartest student I’ve had the pleasure of teaching and advised to stay around with her if and when she can.
I took this picture because Cap has secured a new spot, for a while, at least. Could he be a bookshop cat? I don’t think so.
Awake but blurry. I woke aching before my alarm went off and got up and read a little before coming out for coffee. My eyes are tired and blurry, though, having trouble focusing.
Still, it’s a nice, refreshing day and I was thinking I might take Baipad and Namhom up to the stupa as they told me that they’d never been there before, which is weird to me.
By the age of 15, I, and all the other kids in the village had explored all our countryside for miles around.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s dad for making vegetable stew for us. Amy brought it back last night. She said that her dad is getting quite grumpy these days and I wondered if it has anything to do with the fact that he’s feeling better after dealing with his cancer but still not able to get back to drinking yet.
The best thing about today was:
Doing as planned and taking Baipad and Namhom up the hill where they’d not been before. Namhom seemed particularly impressed with seeing new things with her nine-year-old, curious eyes.
They both were quite chatty and I think they were happy to get out of their home, even if it was only for half an hour.
Baipad’s mum said she will invite me to go to their tribal village next time there is an event there.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
YouTube’s ads are getting so annoying that I’m just not bothering to watch as much as before. Good. Thanks, YouTube!
Something I learned today?
I got served an ad for briskteaching.com that uses AI to help teachers. I read some reviews, some positive, others not so, so I bookmarked it to check out later.
When did the heart harden? Turned to stone, dark and rough Too tough to beg pardon Too much no longer enough
The buzzing bees have built Wide walls to the castle No more red wine spilt The parts no longer a parcel
And so the keep is locked The key swallowed by a raven Flown far from the flocked To maintain the inner haven
Today I’m feeling:
Ok but not wow. Thinking that my drop in mood yesterday may be because of my reducing my sertraline. It was definitely the feeling I used to have when I couldn’t shake off minor slights.
I slept before 9pm last night and slept well but still not quite up to snuff yet. Let’s see how coffee does for me.
In classes and whilst occupied, I was feeling ok. Now that it is time to slow down, I can feel myself fading fast already.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
My grade 12 student, Men, who gave me information about doing translation for mobile games, which I passed on to Baipad.
The best thing about today was:
The fact that it takes me ages to walk around school these days, as everywhere I go, students stop me to talk to me. Finally, I feel accepted when I’m at school.
Why wasn’t it like this forty-five years ago? I obviously know the answer to this but, well, here we are.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There were a few disruptions around the building that I was teaching in this afternoon and I had to quickly find a free classroom to move to for my final class. It was a close thing to keep the momentum going for them to study, because if it took too long, we all would’ve been frustrated and just given up for the afternoon!
As it was, we found one, though the projector didn’t work, so I made it a pretty simple and easy grammar lesson and we still managed to get out early.
Manow took this picture because I was replicating a picture that Fahmai painted of me.
Tired but ok. It was a struggle to get up but not too bad once done.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 6
Today I’m grateful for:
Plenty of parking spaces at the airport this evening. I even managed to park next to the other car here tonight for the family.
The best thing about today was:
In my second class I played along with my naughty students instead of getting upset with them. We were just doing quizzes, so it was quite fun. I wasn’t in the mood for serious work either.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After a fun first class, I was sitting in the cafe and saw a message from Amy saying that she tried calling two times but the phone hung up on her. I never heard anything so I called her back and she seemed annoyed and distracted with her parents buzzing around in the background.
She asked me questions and then didn’t listen to my answers and so she asked them again.
Anyway, I will meet them at the airport in the early evening.
Then I got messages from Nut asking about Namsai’s phone, which I had taken from her in class and she swore badly at me. Nut’s messages were rude and direct (though I can forgive her, as it may just be her poor English).
These two things together, along with a sudden feeling of exhaustion, put me in a bad mood, though. I’m trying to think myself out of it now.
I got out of it by the time of my second class but when I got home, the tiredness overwhelmed me a little more and then problems with playing guitar made me grumpy again.
Now I just want to sleep and then hope to wake up tomorrow in a better state of mind.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I messaged Baipad last night about painting rocks and giving them away and this morning we looked around for some and she took three with her. A little later, she sent me photos of her painted rocks and who she gave them to.
I took this picture of my naughty students lazily doing my quizzes because I was going to use it to threaten them that I would show their homeroom teacher. BB, Namfon, Tulip and Baibua behind the chair. Khawhom jumped out of the way when she saw what I was doing. Ironically, they all blame me for being in trouble because their SchoolBright scores are so low but they have no answer when I ask them why I’m always reducing their scores! They do crack me up most of the time, though.
1994ever 