Tag: cat pee

Fifty-Two Little Thoughts – 1st January 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 11 Comments

The following poems were inspired by the Outcast and Other Words anthology which I came across sometime in 2024. I decided to take all the prompts from that anthology and see what I could come up with myself.
17th Sep 2025 – Shared with dVerse – reflections

1: Outcast

Duck Face

We outcasted ourselves by dissemination
Of the minutiae of every spit and cough
Sharing feeble insights and useless opinion
Considering a duck face meme be enough


2: Unearth

Deeper

When dug down deep enough
Through all the muddied ground
A sense formed from nothing
Unexpectedly found profound


3: Imperfect

The Perfect Image

A studied mirror finds the flaws
The qualities hindered by thought
Image is only imagination
Subconsciously learned and taught


4: Destiny

Stopped Dead

A tragic victim of fate or led astray by odd notions?
Either way, ended up beneath the roiling oceans
Or frozen solid on a parade to the mountaintop
Life lived in safety has already come to a stop


5: Gratitude

Crawl

Sparky Attitude, an ungrateful iconoclast
Demolished her own feeble castle keeps
An arrogant empire would neither share nor last
To a lonely future she limps and creeps


6: Wild

Innate

A heart race
As the tiger leapt
Covering me with all its grace
In his eyes kept
All the wonder
Of his beauty
All the danger of his threat


7: Remedy

Good Little Boys and Girls

Crush the little kiddy bones
Grip their brains to squeeze
Make a million homo-clones
Purely bred to please

Break the little baby brain
Mould until compliant
Not an atom must remain
Of any trace defiant


8: Candour

Home, James

Hello Frank, I’m Earnest
Let’s work to fix this joint
Blunt, direct and candid
Let’s just get to the point


9: Accidental

The Place Of Knowing

Was it an accident or fate?
Did destiny set me straight?
I fell off the path while going
To the place of finally knowing


10: Mimic

Bovell Rock

Show me the mould, I wanna break it
It’s a lovealution and we’re gonna make it
Put me in a box and I’ll find an escape
That’s the revolution we’re trying to shape

Inspired by Dennis Bovell


11: Guardian

Hold On

Hold on tight to the hallelujahs
Death creeps in ditches along the way
No protection on the road to perdition
When the drunk comes out to play

Inspired by a young friend of a friend who was suddenly killed by a drunk driver


12: Indecision

Designer

Wishing and waiting?
Thoughts and prayers?
Thin ice skating
A toy on the stairs

Get busy designing
With purpose and pliers
Lifetime defining
Lighting the fires


13: Light

All The Wrongs

Why the darkness, why the night
Where all the wrongs are told as right?
The world around wasn’t forced to fight
Let’s take a step towards the light


14: Fear

The Unfolding

Always made meaning
As the moment slipped away
Slowly unfolding


15: Intricate

Mandelbrot

The politics of time create confusion
All blame is built on past illusion
A cobweb mandala of contrived deceit
The circle of power remains incomplete


16: Colours

True

Don’t be afraid of the rainbow
Black and white is never true
That’s why the world makes you crazy
And only seeing blue

When it’s all too much to bear
Is when it’s time for you to show
When the darkness makes you small
The truth will help you grow


17: Emptiness

Firestarter


Just need a little juice to fill up the whole
A tiny spark to get some action-shifting
A combustion of the heart that you stole
To restock the emptiness of your gifting


18: Performance

Exit Stage Left

Get it together, this is your show
Your audience awaits with bated breath
To follow your story as you grow
And the curtain closes with your death


19: Abundance

Gurfa

Who can catch all the falling figs
Ripened and ready for your dreams?
All the water in the palm of your hand
Is never enough it seems


20: Resting

Spike

I told you I was ill
Perhaps it’s for the best
I just lie here still
To enjoy my final rest


21: Day and Night

A Perfect Contradiction

Waking in the morning was as if nothing had changed
Except that everything in life had been rearranged
Walking again into the night the patterns are all the same
What it was and what it is now has a different name


22: Secret Doorways

Wizards

The Internet is a collective hallucination
Trap doors hide the rabbit holes
Spiralling further away from reality
Over the rainbow and beyond controls


23: Taste

A Distinct Lack Of

Once the sweetness of success sets in
A bitter pill is like ingesting sin
Lazy complacency soon turns sour
A spicy life now mundane and dour


24: Shadows

Colourless

Life stamps out the artist
Imagination overruled by data
Needing money for survival
Has us working harder not smarter


25: Fragment

The Creases

Taking a thought and pulling it apart
Taking a heart and smashing it to pieces
A fragment pleases, a misunderstood art
An origami part, following the creases


26: Wishes

My Honest Pitch

Everything’s an ad, even the news
Propaganda spun to get more views
Everything’s and ad so here’s my pitch
Subscribe now if you want to get rich

27: Circle

The Newest Apocalypse

Fighting for breath, caught in the undertow,
Unplug from the drama, go with the flow
Another story that no one else needs to know
An ever-decreasing circle ready to be let go

Title taken from and poem inspired by The Stoa Letter email


28: Life

Guru Free

For life, always in search of a cure
But what is good is easy to get!
What is terrible, easy to endure!
Death hasn’t come for us yet

For a thousand years, this advice, free
Now sold by gurus for a mighty fee


29: Moonstruck, Ragtag & Wanderlust

My Three Sons

Such useless boys, always dreaming
Their twinkling eyes always gleaming
Awaiting their return, to see them again
Left as boys yet returned as men


30: Journey

Eulogy

Chuck me in the cheapest casket
Feed my flesh to the flames
Waste no time with weeping
Rejoice your reality remains


31: Nostalgia

The Cleaner

Without explanation let’s concoct a story
A dry tale to give the past some meaning
Wrap an old coat around to comfort
When these memories need spring cleaning


32: Reflection

The Weight Of A Seed

With the weight of a seed

Arrogance kept in his heart
His majestic glow darkens
His character torn apart

No matter his benevolence

The righteousness of his deeds
To hell, he will banished
For satisfying his own needs


33: Time

Sand

Time
Fourth dimension
Moments in trust
Let them all go
Infinite


34: Christmas

No Christmas

It’s a minority holiday
Needles drop from the old pine tree
Whatever Santa may say
Each year less present to see

It’s another year of pain
The glitter and glamour have faded
Each time coming around again
Until successfully evaded

To celebrate your own existence
Needs no manger of lights
Defy peer pressure insistence
There are no wrongs and rights


35: End of Year

Getting There

You’ll always have a seat
If you bring your own chair
Losing isn’t always beat
But shows you’re getting there


36: Begin

From The Off

If you want a happy ending
The peak that offers reward
Navigate the discomforts
The form found unexplored


37: Misgivings

The Fold

All my thinking folds in on itself*
To stand proud, solid and silent as the tree
A summer showing of greenest health
Conceals the winter dark inside of me

*https://tinyhearts.uk/2024/09/16/mowing/


38: Boundary

I Am Better

I didn’t bring a gun to a knife fight
I’ll not flash cash in a parade of wealth
I’m no better than you and no more right
I am only better than my past self


39: Delicious, Distasteful & Dimension

Moderation

A weekly wine goes down delicious
But any more would be distasteful
Visiting the drunken dimension
Throws up, to be overly wasteful


40: Afternoon Tea

The Puppet

The jar and jerk to the puppet
Are you in control of your action?
Cause yourself some calm
Sip from the cup of satisfaction


41: Weather

The Flood

Despite all our human progress
Streets ran with rivers of browny slime
Rising ever higher as if to impress
The power of nature not tempered by time


42: Revelation

The Four Divergents

Are we are righteous, acting out a virtue?
Or is there no other choice, no better outcome?
Or do we accept that this is the way of the world?
Or is this just a habit, the way we have become?

Which narrative will we use today
For each decision that comes into play?


43: Heartbeat

Flatline

There’s no time to stop, even to live
Pushed to the limit, something’s got to give
Pumping ugly muscle, pulse under pressure
Once busted it stays broken forever


44: Fallen

Stuck In Motion

If I wasn’t sitting down when the spin hit
The swirling vortex afore me would soon see me sat
Cartoon birds circle my head where I sit
Stuck in a motion that keeps me where I’m at


45: Spring

Poppy Theatre

From twisted dirt and tortured mud
Became the little field that could
Sprung the soft after the harden
The poppied theatre become the garden


46: Patience

The Wind Up

I wouldn’t wish me on anyone
Your patience put to the test
I’m in perpetual motion
You’ll never have chance to rest


47: Vibrant

Skipping School

A flourishing joy around a rope jump
Lush youth laughing and chasing
Hustle and bustle, the mad thrills pump
Energetic thoughts set hearts a-racing

Spirited shouts and sudden screaming
It’s an unharmonious harmonious noise
Fresh-faced fancies of everyday dreaming
Amongst the funky fires of the girls and boys


48: Glimpse

The Catch

We’re chasing rainbows in a clown car*
With common sense in the rearview mirror
Whilst catching a glimpse of the future
Where everything will become less clearer


49: Fortitude, Resolute & Epiphany

My Three Daughters

With my love, my daughters will grow up strong
With the wealth of the oil from the olive trees
They will rise from the ashes to where they belong
To return to their home from the river to the seas


50: Evergreen

Desire

To be rich does not require
Further addition to your stacks
When the removal of desire
Is easily the simplest tax


51: Raindrops

A Tiny Flood

Alone I cannot carry Noah
Sun soon evaporates my form
Together our mighty arms destructive
Hear the roar of our oncoming storm

Dissolved into the terrible power
Lost in the crowd of the ocean
Until it’s my time to rise again
A never-ending circular motion


52: Emergence

Ideas That Don’t Exist

You don’t exist yet
No form but aspiring
Struggle to germinate
To break the seed skin
A sprout to be set
New growth inspiring
Hollow bricks gestate
A weapon within

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly good. I got up early and out for coffee whilst also doing some reading and writing.

Amy turned up more … morning with a carrot cake that she made as a gift. Whilst there, she talked with Baew, who had stayed at Noy’s house last night and had already started drinking again!

I dropped Amy there so she could drink and talk more with her friends, picking her up again in the early evening.

During that time, I mostly just read, starting the Suspect Device book and the first story in the Marvel reading order. The first of thousands of Marvel comics! I also enjoyed Jodorowsky’s The Incal, too.

Early to bed tonight, with reading, as I head to the hospital at 7 am.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Some quiet time at home, just me and a book.

The best thing about today was:

Writing a new poem that I was happy with. I haven’t been writing quite as much recently but seem to be able to click back into it easily enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of our cats peed on the sofa last night and whiffs from it sometimes took my breath away as I was reading. Bleurgh! I’ll have to sort it out tomorrow, taking off the covers and washing them, spraying loads of deodoriser too.

Something I learned today?

Miyor, Nudee and Satang posted a story of them drinking beer last night. Naughty! I wrote to Miyor but just laughed about it.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I wished Anchan a better year ahead.

No Knowing – 9th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*I only blinked my eye
Suddenly then I knew
I would sooner die
Than doing all I wanted to do

Still practising my growing
With every single breath
Now there’s no knowing
The time to face my death

What I want to say to you
Has many times been said
Do everything you want to do
Before you end up dead

*appropriated from this blog post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

So tired this morning as I didn’t sleep well. Being back together in the cool aircon of our bedroom proper was nice and saw us off to sleep nicely with Cap joining us but, Cap being Cap, he wanted to go in and out a couple of times during the night which meant me opening and closing the door for him. The last time it was almost light so I left the door ajar for him but Tigger also came in and Amy woke up to find him peeing on her bed. First day back and already these cats treat our fresh-smelling beds as their toilets. 

Of course, I got into trouble (with Amy) for leaving the door open. I delayed my alarm to allow an extra 15 minutes of tossing and turning and I would dearly love to be back in bed sleeping more right now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cafe next door to school changed its policy for every tenth coffee free, getting rid of it completely. I cried that I only had two more to go and then said, how about today for free? To which they agreed and I went away happy. As usual, the taste of their coffee is awful but it has a hell of a caffeine hit.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that there is some event tomorrow morning and it’s optional whether to teach or not. I will definitely not teach the first class and not sure about the second one yet. I’ll see how I and they feel tomorrow morning.

I ended up chatting to one of the students who said they thought that they would have to do some tasks which will take all morning so, what the hell? I doubt if it will take that long but I know they would prefer whatever it is they will be doing over sitting in a classroom anyway.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Many things out of my control today but I’m getting better at just going with it and not getting stressed about things. I can definitely feel that this has changed for me over the last couple of years.

Something I learned today?

I did 5 minutes research into overcoming sensitivity after being bullied and read that CBT is a suggested therapy to help. I will offer some advice and information to the student whom I talked with yesterday evening.

I took no pictures because my brain couldn’t expand enough into the spaces to find something interesting to take a picture of despite interesting things occurring around me. Now is the struggle to find interest in the minutiae, in the minor, in the greys and browns.

Disorder Based Rules – 11th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A roll of the dice
With a careful nudge
Generals in sync
Will refuse to budge
The game of Risk
Is a risky game
Must be ensured
It’s played the same
Rules are manufactured
Out of thin air
Top of the pecking order
Keeps the lion’s share
Disorder is maintained
To keep challenges at bay
If you want to win the game
It must be played this way

Today I’m feeling:

Cautious. A little dizzy. Not unhappy or negative but not quite right. At only 11 am, I’m feeling tired and sleepy already.

Today I’m grateful for:

A new deodoriser I found at HomePro that seems to work quite well. There’s a bad cat pee smell on the sofa though I can’t find exactly where so I’m going through spraying the deodoriser on the sofa bit by bit.

The best thing about today was:

Being able to look out of my window and see the mountains clearly again across the rice fields. It makes me feel more connected to the world.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Despite trying to fight it I napped/lucid-dreamed through listening to a Black Midi CD. Thankfully it wasn’t long enough to stop me from getting into bed before 9 pm. I think my general lack of motivation and enthusiasm is going around in ever-decreasing circles with my tiredness.

Something I learned today?

I found out that Earn at House will leave on Saturday to go and study at a university in Bangkok. Her English is pretty good and though she’s not shy, she’s also not chatty. A little like myself I think.

What are some words that best describe my personality?

Today:
Quiet
Thoughtful
Lethargic
Unimpressed
Nature loving
Lazy
Depressive
Happy

Yes, I can suffer symptoms of depression and be happy at the same time. And I also feel that though I’m a little unimpressed and uninspired at the moment I’m also a little optimistic along with it.

I took this picture because this year we may end up with enough lychees to eat, rather than the insects or birds getting them all.

Don’t Let Go – 1st May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We don’t want to let go of our dreams
Those were the best days we ever had
But nothing is quite what it seems
Until we compare the good with the bad

What we need is a switching of scenes
And a reminder of what it’s like to feel sad
Remember that feeling from our teens
When our impulses forever drove us mad?

4th Apr 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Today I’m feeling:

A bit tired from late sleep last night and trying to get up early though I kind of failed with that. I got some shopping in this morning that was a bit of a struggle to push myself to do. Getting home at lunchtime meant the day felt like it has gone quickly but I got various bits and pieces done and so don’t feel like I’ve wasted time.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding the small packets of pickled chilli and chilli in fish sauce that most restaurants have, whilst at Makro. They are bulk buys and I don’t need them often but they were only 30 baht for each pack of 100. And they won’t go off either.

The best thing about today was:

Having both Cap and Tig wanting to be around with me in the living room. It’s unusual for Tigger but I think he really enjoys the attention I’ve been giving him with brushing him a lot.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Whilst I was out shopping I thought I might as well go to the bank to get a new bank book but if forgotten that today is another holiday so they were closed. I didn’t get upset despite it being time wasted. Just one of those things.

Something I learned today?

I finally found a solution for my iCloud problem I mentioned the other day. Unfortunately, it was a workaround rather than a fix and the workaround caused me a bunch of extra setting up of other things. At the end of the day though I’m glad I got it working because it was an annoying bug that didn’t make sense and was confusing me a lot!

What do I want to focus on this month?

This month I need to focus back on the classroom. Staying calm under pressure and being the best teacher I can be for my students. It’s been a long and difficult break for me and it takes me a while to get back up to speed. I need to remember the mistakes I made last year and be smart enough to know how to avoid them. Slow and steady. Remind myself that there is no rush.


I took this picture because Tigger hid his face in shame after I discovered he’d peed on the folding mattress again! Fucking fuck! He keeps coming for a complete body brush though and his coat feels fantastic.

No Path To Power – 22nd April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s just another Jarrow Crusade
Ignored by those in power
Backed by a whole class of people
Whose life has gone sour
The change will slowly come
Too late for those affected
The masses’ message manipulated
Ignored and rejected
The power is not with good people
Whose members swell the ranks
But held by the precious few
Who own the guns and tanks
As your protest heads down the street
Always remember your way home
Before that’s taken from you too
And you’re left to seethe alone
You’re either with us or against us
Left conquered when divided
Along the path of least resistance
Your own future will be decided

Today I’m feeling:

A little more positive today. I’m liking that I can’t remember what day it is but that will all change soon.

Today I’m grateful for:

Electricity. After 4 hours without it last night I thought it wasn’t too bad but then realised I was still able to use my phone and iPad as they still had charge. If they had run out I don’t think I would’ve been so happy.

The best thing about today was:

Almost finishing the flashcard sorting. I could’ve finished it but as I find this kind of task enjoyable I want to stretch it out one more day. Next, I have to integrate their use into my lessons and hopefully, the students find them useful.

(I couldn’t resist and finished them off so now the island in the dining room is relatively clear again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

First thing this morning I stepped on Amy’s thin folding mattress on the floor and under my foot was wet. Argh! It felt like a full bladder of piss had been dispensed. I picked it up and hung it outside in the sun, having to also take the rug too as it had seeped through to that as well. Good morning!

Something I learned today?

In some street interviews, many young Chinese people assumed America has high-speed rail because it’s America so they must have it.

Write about a memorable experience from this past week.

The coming of the rain and the destructive storms. The rain was good, the destruction not.

I took this picture because this was the result of the storm last night. I threw some more breeze blocks up there and climbed up and tried to get the sheet back in place but that wasn’t possible. Even though it was only 10 am everything up on the roof was already burning hot. I was also nervous up there as there was a lot of flex in the frame in the middle of the roof. I did my best and placed the six blocks strategically but I think it still may not be enough if the wind really whips through again.

Broken Mind – 12th March 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Giving in to the
Broken mind
You got me down here

Pinned to the floorboards
Can’t stand up
Falling down again

Every time I rise
With the sun
Comes the clouds and rain

Giving in to the
Medicine
What is normal now?

Today I’m feeling:

Some aching bones but relaxed and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

My blow-up neck stretcher. I don’t know if it really helps my neck but it does feel like it helps keep it stable and forces me to sit up rather than lie down to read or watch TV. I go through phases of using it and it has felt necessary for the last few days.

The best thing about today was:

Forcing myself out and enjoying sitting at Daytripper and putting together more lessons with Quizizz. It’s making me look a bit more at my lessons to see how to improve them. I don’t like to do work at the weekend but I’m spoiled with actually doing so little work whilst I’m at school during the week!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my ongoing attempts to counter the smell of cat pee in my mattress, I pulled off all my bedding, shoved it into the washing machine and headed off for my morning caffeine injection.

Waiting for that first cup I checked my phone and found a heavy rain warning for the whole day. Everyone is hoping for rain to crush the poisonous smoke in the air. But will it rain?

It was forecast yesterday too but with nothing eventuating. Just a smoky sky that even the power of the sun was unable to really penetrate.

Either way, today looks like more of the same. I’ll stick the bedding under cover and hope the humidity dries it out by bedtime.

(It’s 8 pm now and there’s been no rain and the hot humid air dried everything before lunchtime. Tomorrow’s forecast is a 90% chance of rain so let’s hope that that comes true!)

Something I learned today?

A piece brokered between Saudi Arabia and Iran by China. Could this be the start of lasting peace spreading around the world or will the USA inevitably stick its nose in to destabilise things for its own gain?

What is a simple delight I have been enjoying lately?

My two bottles of Curcumin C, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, activate my tastebuds in the best possible way.

Talking with Hayden has also been nice the last few times we’ve talked too. He seems a lot more open and not stuck in his head so much.

Yoghurt, muesli, strawberries and of course, coffee.

Our cats, despite the pee issue, make me smile every day somehow.

My students, despite frustrating me to no end, are all also delightful.

Life is pretty good.

I took this picture because I often see this furball sitting here in the beauty shop next door to Utopia. What a beauty but I’m glad I don’t have to deal with all that hair.

New Maps – 22nd February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I have the sky, you make the borders
I have a foot on the ground to stand
Watching those with their marching orders

I saw the trains roll by a-rattling
And engineers mapping new land
Over which young men were battling

As history changed it still stayed the same
New lines were drawn as planned
To remind us all of a deeper shame

Where you sit now is where you’re at
It was never special or even grand
But tall tales told will make it that

15th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – map

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and mellow

Today I’m grateful for:

Baking soda which seems to have reduced the smell of cat pee in my mattress considerably. I may need another 10 kilos to completely fix it but hopefully, the mattress will start smelling of me and my sweat again soon.

The best thing about today was:

Was talking with a lady I often see at House who usually says hello in English but we never talked beyond that. I could tell she was quite chatty by the way she talks with Gui and today we started talking as we waited for Gui to get out of the shower (as we were technically there before he was open). Her name is Poy and she has pretty good English skills.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My students blatantly copying work and just laughing when I point it out to them. What can I do? I just laughed with them too.

Something I learned today?

The New York Times ran an anti-China piece about how a top Chinese banker has been detained by police in China, trying to show that bad things happen there.

However, people from all around the world commented that it’s good to see a country not afraid to detain high-level officials especially if they actually have done something wrong because that rarely happens in so-called free societies as are believed to be in ‘the West’.

How have I experienced wonder or awe lately?

My life and feeling these days is quite steady and stable without the highs and lows that come with awe or negative thoughts. I was quite in awe as I did my bike ride last month as I found myself exploring new hills and valleys secreted away aroundabouts. A little bit of that was enhanced by a hit of acid but still, I was feeling awe and wonder.

I took this picture because the colour of the numerous flowers on this tree forced me to pull over as I was driving by. This is an acceptable drive-by shooting.

This Is Your Fuel – 20th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Suck up all the art
Fill yourself with beauty
Become a state of being
Admit yourself this duty
We need you here
You’re needed now
Your inquisition
Inspires somehow

Within enrichment’s search
Potential will be realised
Corrosive forces negated
Leaves creatives satisfied
This is your art
Your appreciation
Forever fuelling
Fires of inspiration

Today I’m feeling:

Surprisingly ok despite a lack of sleep last night.

Today I’m grateful for:

The traditional Thai brooms that I used this afternoon to sweep leaves off our paths and terrace. I’ve grown to like them over time. I used the prefer a hard sweeping brush but that wouldn’t be so useful for these leaves.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing my first class with about 30 minutes spare so I let the kids go and some invited me to play volleyball with them.

Later some of my students from my second class seemed in a jovial mood and happy to come to my lesson when usually they have other things on their minds.

Both classes were quite raucous but I was able to eventually guide them through and maybe even one or two of them actually learned something.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I’m still playing catch up on household chores and want to vacuum and mop the floors but I can’t get everything done. Or perhaps I’m just a little too lazy to knock it all off in one night.

Tomorrow afternoon I’ll have some extra time but I’m already thinking to go to Daytripper and chilling there!

When I’m thinking about things getting out of my control for this question I’m usually focused on emotional control and in general that has been quite stable recently.

Something I learned today?

I found out about a group of women called Codepink who have been protesting in the US against the war in Ukraine and against the sabre rattling and machinations of the war machine towards China. Good on them. Now they need to get the rest of the American people on board to convince their government against further escalations.

What am I thinking about right now?

The smell of cat pee! My students. Cat pee. Making the bed. Washing my hands. A snack? The smell. My own pee. My aching back. Today’s journal entries. A whole lot of thoughts about nothing in particular. My version of ignorance is bliss.

I took this picture because I’ve had to cover my mattress with Snake Brand Prickly Heat Cooling Powder in an attempt to cover up the smell of cat pee. I’m not sure how well it’s going to work or what side effects I might experience once laid down in bed.

The smell is overpowering. If there is a purgatory it is surely full of cat piss.
Sitting and making video presentations over the weekend was reasonably enjoyable as far as having to do extra school activities goes though the conditions to make them were less than favourable and it wasn’t exactly made clear that we had to do them and why we had to be doing them there and then.
In fact, it was my guess that it wasn’t necessary at all and by the end of the day nothing was said when neither David nor I had finished videos. I had already decided on what I wanted to do and that I would submit it later when conditions were more suitable.
What has all this got to do with cat piss? One of our bastard cats (otherwise lovely) pissed all over my bed and it sank into the mattress. No matter how much perfume I sprayed on it and had beautiful new clean sheets it meant that every time I rolled over and awoke slightly that terrible smell brought me around and I started thinking about perfecting this damn video! I’m not sure I’ll make it – I suppose I could be doing it now.
Well, that’s kinda my story for the weekend and despite only about five hours sleep I feel okay right now at 10 am. My first class was rowdy but okay. The kids were super happy to finish early and I went and played volleyball with them for a bit before their next class.
I’m trying to figure out if I’m imagining the smell of cat piss or if it is somehow on my skin or clothes or just particles of ammonia stuck in my nose. I’ll have to figure something out for the mattress before sleeping tonight – I’d like to put it in the sun but worried other cats will come along and add to the odour.

8th Nov 2023 – I never made any video in the end and typically, nothing was said. None of the foreign teachers have been doing it so far. Keep smiling.

Friendly Gangsters – 18th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It all started as a lark
Making fun of those deserving
It bites as much as a bark
A record worth preserving

Upsetting difficult targets
Crooks hiding in plain sight
Questioning illegal profits
Someone serving the people right

A freedom of expression
Something democracy holds dear
Suddenly under suppression
For making a crime more clear

Unafraid to twist the knife
Further for all to see
At this risk of his own life
And the right to remain free

A legacy built by crooks
Hiding behind shirts and ties
An ever-constant cooking of books
And truths in fuzzy disguise

Though when money starts tasting sour
A problem must be burned
Friendly gangsters hold the power
That the people want returned

A David and Goliath fight
When many Davids band together
And shank with all their might
To topple corruption forever

Inspired by the firebombing of investigative YouTuber Jordan Shank’s (friendlyjordies) house and the corruption within the New South Wales government.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired, possibly getting sick. After visiting the psych last week we decided to try cutting down on my sertraline. I did that on Wednesday, taking just half a tablet. Then on Thursday I forgot to take it at all and didn’t sleep well that night due to my student being killed.

On Friday, yesterday, I took half again but was so tired I got into bed at around 8pm.

This morning I took half and started to feel dizzy in the morning. I know dizziness is a withdrawal symptom but with the possibility of getting sick too and not being able to relax this weekend, I don’t think I can deal with it back at school on Monday.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lunch provided at the hotel today which was more delicious than expected. Usually, there’s nothing I can eat at these kinds of functions and I would’ve happily gone without food but luckily there were two fish dishes, both of which were spicy. One had a dressing of red onions, lemongrass, ginger and chilli and I hoped it would knock the potential of this sickness out of me.

The best thing about today was:

Learning some new programs and applications that I can use for presentations. Despite only Thai being spoken all day it was simple to follow and interesting enough for me. At points, I was also able to catch up with some online reading as I waited for others to catch up.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The main thing out of my control today is tiredness and the feeling of getting sick. I will handle it by going to sleep early again tonight.

Something I learned today?

Scientists have been able to splice genes in certain breeds of mosquitos so that they will become sterile and die out over a period of time. The question being asked now is whether to introduce it into the wild and what possible consequences could arise from it.

Where do I feel most at ease?

Despite smelling of cat pee right now I’m very obviously most at ease in my home. I love it.

I took this picture because I started using honey in my tea as we ran out of sugar. The honey I bought is pretty old and doesn’t quite dissolve properly anymore so this is what I find after leaving my mug in the sink overnight.

Terminal Diagnosis – 2nd December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s the one prophecy that never fails
To take the wind out of your sails
Forgotten by distraction, the world it passes by
There’s no escaping that you are gonna die

Every second that’ll never be repeated
This diagnosis cannot be defeated
Today is the day to stop pretending
And live your life because it’s ending

21st Jun 2024 – Submitted to FOWC with Fandango

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our washing machine that can fit a doona inside. Needed today as Tigger peed on Amy’s last night.

I was super tired last night and got into bed at about 6.30 pm. I read for a bit and then slept and slept very well, even when Amy woke up and turned the light on as Tigger peed on the doona right next to her head! I don’t know why he pees everywhere at random times. If there is something wrong, he doesn’t show it. He’s really happy most of the time, with us at least.

He fought with Kim Chi a few days ago and was having a go with Cap yesterday, too. Usually, if we see something starting, though, it seems to be Cap that starts it. He’s stupid like that! Tigger is much bigger and stronger.

Two good classes this morning and I will only do a little easy work tomorrow in preparation for a 3-day week next week. Thailand certainly enjoys its public holidays.

I’ve become involved in helping Champ with plans for the students to do a TED Talk video. I’m not sure what it involves just yet but I think it’s good to be asked to be involved. It’s a little bit of a show thing and I would prefer just to be encouraging all students to put in more effort day to day.

I’m feeling ok, though I may flake out again early tonight. I’ve been getting up a little earlier and I realise that my morning exercise has moved up to about 30 minutes from the ten minutes or so when I started doing this. I feel good after exercise and I’m definitely working off the weight but I will need to find a better balance and increase my food intake again.

Apart from breakfast, I generally only eat lunch and then snack on nuts in the evening. I’ve managed to push my lunch until 3 pm, so I have two long periods with no food intake. Just water and coffee between breakfast and late lunch.

The abs routine is getting tougher but I struggle my way through and don’t feel inclined to give up as I may have done in the past.