Tag: George

Mr Narcissist – 6th April 2026

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

He’s always wearing a smile
An open door into his world
As if a white flag is unfurled
He hopes that you’ll stay a while

His words come in perfect measure
Offers you the last biscuit of the pack
Yet he’ll whisper behind your back
That you only bring him displeasure

He’s a dark empath; it is clear
With two faces, only one is for show
A narcissist from head to toe
Every word uttered is insincere

Once uncovered, he mounts an attack
To satisfy his ego and to explain
To the few of his friends who remain
That he will never ever turn back

Once his last friend disappears
He’ll claim it’s everyone’s fault
Now there’s none left to hear the result
The mirror’s been cracked all these years

Shared with GloPoWriMo 2026 – Day 5:
write a poem in which you talk about disliking something

While the dislike of a narcissist is not surprising, it often is to others who haven’t yet seen through the facade.

Today’s Daily Stoic poem:

Prepare Yourself For Negativity

Busybodies, liars, ingrates and cranks
Are you ready for the negative jerk?
Be patient, forgive, even give thanks
Put your philosophy forward, to work

Laugh In Company – 16th February 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When I woke that morning
finding that I no longer had all the answers,

My life changed forever
and I could become a friend

I will follow your hand when you say ‘look’,
I will follow your eyes,
to laugh in the company
of a friend.

A thought after reading these lines from Mary Oliver here:

Let me keep my distance, always, from those who think they have the answers.
Let me keep company always with those who say
“Look!” and laugh in astonishment, and bow their heads.

And thinking about how I was always doubtful about my friendship with George, someone who seemed to have all the answers. But then I turned it around to my young arrogant self when I thought I, too, had all the answers. Realising that I didn’t have all the answers allowed me to be able to invite the kind of friends that I wanted into my life. And I wonder if this might be why the ‘wonderful, always smiling, wise’ George, who always professed to have all the answers, actually has few friends.

The Fool You Find – 12th January 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

It’s Not You

With the brightest smiles
and feined sincerity
that serves you so well
As the bee flits
from candied purple
to butterfly blue
You’re on your way
keeping all that honey
as stored ammunition

It’s Me

The facade crumbled
the honey on my lips
enlightened by my taste
Poison to my senses
the comfort of your nest
no longer warms
I’m on my way
I’ll make space
for the next fool you find

Shared with dVerse – MTB: New and Old in a Palinode and walking away from a friendship.

Distraction – 8th January 2025

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The media golden penny
Shared and liked by millions
More poisoned than many
And governed by reptilians!

The rabbit’s path is lit
To keep you keen and focus
Enjoying the wade-through shit
Until the shepherd woke us

When the golden penny dropped
Baring the true face of the media
That’s when the distraction stopped
To build your own encyclopedia

The following is a letter from January 8th, 2024, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

It’s now 30 years since leaving the UK. Now it seems like it doesn’t make much difference. After ten years it was still quite a novelty and being in Australia was still filled with wild emotions. But since then it felt like the UK was no longer something I understood or was a part of.

Though I count Thailand as my home now it is still a little tenuous to stay here and if I leave here in the future it definitely won’t be back to the UK but most likely Australia (unless Amy and I end up somewhere else).

You didn’t write much about this at the time but Amy and her family are going through a typical Thai-style drama at the moment and I wonder if it is all settled by the time of receiving this letter.

Amy’s man-child useless brother and his girlfriend are due to get married. Whilst that should be a cause for celebration we can see that this is not anything to do with love but purely circumstance. When quizzed on his reasons for marriage her brother purely said it was because he was getting old. He said this in front of his bride-to-be.

And so why has she agreed to this?

Part of the condition of marriage is that Amy’s mum will pay off their debts with her newly acquired money from selling her apartments. She will also have to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. So the bride and her family do get some benefit from this arrangement. And what the future might bring for them, who knows?

She now lives in Chiang Rai whilst he is in Bangkok. They don’t talk about anything they are doing and they have no plans for the future. Everything looks like it is just a short-term plan to get out of debt.

Amy’s brother contributes nothing to their family and is selfish beyond belief except for his one or two friends who he treats to food and drink every time they meet. Essentially, he is buying their friendship. His mum and dad treat him like a prince, forgiving him for any wrong he commits.

He’s drunk every day and can’t even piss in the bowl. If he comes to our house again I will instruct him to go piss in the garden.

Amy is obviously upset at the treatment he receives in comparison to the way she is expected to behave. It is a stereotypical patriarchal behaviour that is perpetuated by her parents but not something Amy will stand for. But she also has to bide her time and play the game, so to speak, to make sure that she gets her fair share of inheritance in the future. Otherwise, he is likely to receive everything and even so, he might already end up pissing away the inheritance money before they even expire. We’ve seen it happen in other aunties’ families.

It surely is a frustrating situation though it doesn’t impact me directly at this stage. I just have to be supportive of Amy and listen to her troubles when she needs me.

It’s the start of another year and I’m not much into resolutions or planning for the year, just taking it as it comes. I’m still very happy with my place in the world on an individual basis and hope it can stay that way for the foreseeable future.

I hope this letter finds me still happy and content and maybe even a little wiser.
Take it easy
PastMe

Today I’m feeling:

A little better than last night, after a long sleep. I don’t think I even made it to 10pm.

The medicine I took seems to be helping my sore throat but it could also just be transforming into a runny nose and cough. I’ll try to stay positive and maybe that will fight off the viral demons.

I woke up during the night to pee and then took a while to get back to sleep as I was thinking about teaching verb tenses in class. Far out, brain! Calm yourself down!

At school, there was the opening ceremony for the Lead Youth Conference and there was a lot of messages flying around because the room wasn’t full and so even though I wasn’t invited I was told to rush upstairs to help fill the seats.

George and Kru Tang were the announcers and this role is perfect for George as it requires sounding sincere when it isn’t! He’s an expert at this. Job well done!

It did make me think about times when I was working in a corporate environment and we had big dos like this. Then, as I was younger, I just found it all boring. Now it’s still boring but fascinating in its facade.

Around midday, I was talking with David about nothing in particular when George walked around the corner on his way out. He gave a big smile to David and started a banal conversation, so as I was standing there, I looked George straight in the face but he wouldn’t give me any eye contact. He soon left, without a word to me.

This started off a conversation with David, where I finally told him all about what had happened between George and me in the past and he was pretty shocked.

David also told me about some behaviours that he noticed himself with George and that, knowing what I told him, confirmed his suspicions about his character.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

The spare couple of hours at the end of the school day, which I used to fill up the car and buy some cheese at Makro before going back to sign out, though I ended up chatting with students past the sign-out time!

The best thing about today was:

Playing volleyball with the ‘naughty’ girls (Fah, Nicha, Namking, Tonaor) when I had an hour break between classes and wasn’t sure what to do during that time.

As we were playing, other students came and joined in, including some of the Japanese boys who are here for the conference.

I was surprised at myself at how good I felt when playing, after feeling less than stellar yesterday. My body is still feeling good about itself now that is evening.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Due to the conference this morning, most of my grade 12 class were absent. I knew this would happen and thought that I would just interview whoever was there about the topic that we are working on (sport).

At the class start time, there were no students at all and I stood chatting with David whilst waiting. Eventually, two students arrived so I thought perhaps more would come but the only others to come arrived about 15 minutes later and only came to the class room as they had nowhere else to go!

I told them it’s fine and that now that they were here, we could study. They all cried, ‘No – free time’, I said that if they stepped in the classroom, then we would have to study. Again, they cried ‘No’ and I laughed.

I think that in the end only 9 of the 46 students came and chilled in the classroom and I decided chatting with David was more interesting (as described above) and then some of the M3 students came to talk with us for about 20 minutes and by the end of all that the class time was finished anyway.

Chill, chill.

Something I learned today?

A boy in Baipad’s class was killed in a car crash two days ago. She told me that she had talked with him earlier that day. I think it made her feel numb as she didn’t really know what to say.

This morning, we talked about it a little bit and I asked her what she would say if it had happened to one of her friends sitting there with us. I told her that she had to prepare herself for this. She lost her father a few years ago, both her cats last year and now a classmate. It never stops!

Bombs And Bread – 23rd December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

Can you name even one of the dead?
Whilst dropping both bombs and bread
You defend these actions instead
And defiantly nodding your head

But killing kids is not self-defence
Spreading peace through violence
This is no place for indifference
This is no time for your silence

Since when has questioning charred corpses
Been more offensive than actual charred corpses?

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and dizzy, especially after exercise. I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up tired. At school now and feel a little out of it.

Amy woke up coughing and saying she is sick, so perhaps I have something coming on, too.

I felt a bit more with it by the afternoon but also with a blocked nose. I’m looking forward to getting home.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s idea of getting mala for dinner in an effort to blow away any potential lurgy. Not sure if it will work but it was deliciously hot and spicy anyway.

The best thing about today was:

There’s a good feeling around school as next week is a holiday. Students are happy and playful and don’t seem to mind doing some work too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Watching George turn up an hour late to his class today. Most of his students had already disappeared by then anyway.

It is annoying to watch but I’m trying to put it out of my mind.

Amy took this picture because our bovine visitor came back again today.

Demon Seeds – 16th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The enemies of fun
Gather in dim-lit halls
Conjuring up devils
Eager to answer the calls

The enemies of fun
Are sowing their demon seeds
Of doubt and despair
On which their evil feeds

The enemies of fun
Are quick to infect
Spread their disease
Unable to detect

The enemies of fun
Multiply within
Mind twisting scared
Unable to begin

Today I’m feeling:

Good so far, as I’m waiting for my first coffee. Getting up, exercising, and breakfast all part of the routine now. No cold shower this morning, though.

I remember in my dream complaining about a sore hip and then waking up uncomfortable with an aching hip! Is this what happens when we get old?

Aing was also in my dream and she needed to pee – am I having someone else’s pee dreams too now!?

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The different pairs of shows that I’ve found online recently. One of the pairs was causing me pain in my big toe again, so I switched to a different pair today and that has seemed to help.

I also came across the fact that there is a podiatrist at Bangkok Hospital and I will save up some money to go there and see if I can get some specific inserts made for me again.

22nd May 2026 – I still haven’t done this…

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Jet and Fah about a topic of debate that they had in a Thai language class about love and sex in school.

I was a little surprised to hear that they both thought that they should wait until they are 18 before having sex. I think it’s a good enough idea though, so long as they are all aware of protection and educated about it.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was annoyed to see George turn up 15 minutes late to class as I heard his students shout over the balcony, ‘Why are you late?’ and then after 45 minutes in class, he let them go an hour early!

I know that I shouldn’t get bothered by what other people do, but it’s hard for me not to get upset by it.

Held Back – 8th December 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The wise sage, somewhat cynical
Knows what to say and when
The optimist, still straight and clinical
Is in trouble with words again

Yet when the time came to inspire
The sage’s words fell short
Because one’s dreams also require
Revision to what has been taught

Maybe the fire inside was unseen
So the sage had to be let go
Not understanding what it would mean
To be held back by what one would know

Inspired by a newsletter from Daivd Elikwu about the dangers of role models and my own experience I am currently revisiting from 2020 with my then role model, George.

2024-12-08

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy, though a little tired.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Hangie successfully getting Amy home at 2.30 am this morning after a night out in the city.

The best thing about today was:

I got out to my room to play guitar at three different times today and I can see a little improvement. I also fiddled a little with Ableton, trying and failing to get it to do what I wanted. Need to find some tutorials.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I’m helping Baipad save up some money to go for a health check, I wanted her to come with me to the hospital to get the information on exactly what she needs, and at the same time, the information I need, as I want to do the same thing too.

This afternoon, I dropped by and though she was reluctant to come because she hates interaction with strangers, I convinced her after she asked if Namhom could come too.

We went around the back way to avoid the highway and they both seemed fairly chirpy.

When we got there, I asked Baipad to ask the security guard for information, but unfortunately, he told us that they are only open Monday to Friday (which surprised me a little).

Oh well, never mind. When we got back, I asked Baipad to find the information online and she duly did.

Even though this was just a little thing today, it is the kind of thing that will boost her confidence in the future.

We were both happy to discover that the price is not as high as we were expecting.

Something I learned today?

I started reading Persepolis this morning and immediately wanted to learn more about the history of Iran.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I rescued Piti when he dashed out of Utopua this morning.

Noey took this picture because this is her last day working at Utopia. She has exams next weekend before heading off to her internship but I will likely see her on those mornings as she’ll pick up coffee first.

Life Is Pain – 29th November 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 8 Comments

With my demons, I wrestle
While probing fingers point
Storm clouds gather undecided
In search of a swollen joint

Tickled tortures beyond pain
With needles under nails
Washed away on the tides
Of one-too-many fails

Without you, I would no longer exist

Shared with dVerse Quadrille #213 – with

Today I’m feeling:

Good once I got going. I woke up stiff but tried my best with some tough ab exercises (tough for me!).

Lin told me this morning that my tummy was smaller today but I think she was teasing me!

I continued with my grade 8 classes in the same style as yesterday and that all went well (for me at least!)

Finishing off with just half of the students in my grade 11 class – the HAP students, as last week I only taught the J-Biz students and I knew the J-Biz kids could go and do preparation work for the Japan Day next month.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Gui at House contacting me saying that he will open again but he’s starting again at a new location in the city, which is a shame as it will be too far for me to go each day.

It was nice of him to contact me, though and let me know what he’s up to. I think I will try and get out on Tuesdays when I have a four-hour gap between classes. I will go to his new shop and also try a couple of others to see if I can find a nice spot again.

The best thing about today was:

Today was another one of those all-around good days with nothing in particular standing out as better than anything else. I like days like this.

I also think that going back to a full tablet of sertraline has had an immediate effect on my mood. I’m told that it’s such a low dose that it’s not even likely to be doing anything and it’s supposed to take a couple of weeks to take effect and perhaps it’s the placebo effect and all but either way, after just two days back at 50mg, I don’t have any bad feelings or thoughts.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying to me to watch George just sitting in a classroom looking at his phone whilst his class were just playing games, doing make-up or messing around. I teach those students too, so I took the opportunity to help a couple of them whose work I didn’t have time to check during my class with them.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

David was getting frustrated with trying to print out his monthly report today and he asked me to help. I ribbed him about using a Windows laptop and even me trying to help didn’t fix the problem.

I asked him to send me the file so I could try it and, of course, it printed properly on the first try.

With my little windfall yesterday, I sent Anchan a little more money to support her.

I’m also trying to encourage Baipad to get back into drawing more, especially as it is something she shares in common with a boy she likes.

When I was coming back in from the cafe, some of my old grade 9 students were kicking a ball around, so I joined them. Next to us was another group of students also kicking a ball around.

Kru Ell was navigating her way between the two groups when the other group’s ball accidentally hit her on the head and hands, knocking her glasses off and spilling her drink to the ground.

The boys were super apologetic and I got the one boy who had kicked the ball to quickly go back into the cafe and get her another drink. Kru Ell’s glasses were ok and she was more shocked than anything – she didn’t blame the kids.

Toey took this picture of Baipad because they met after school tonight. I think she sent it to me to show how happy she was to meet him! Young romance.

Made For Us – 31st October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

How can you ever let me down?
We’re not made to be broken
Just like fools, we left so much unspoken
Now the future is a past that’s come back around
We were made to be broken
How could you ever let me down?

A biolet quadrille shared with dVerse – promises.
Highly inspired by The Buzzcocks – Promises

Today I’m feeling:

Not bad once I got going, it was a struggle to get up this morning and my right shoulder was a little achy from using the new silica scrubs I ordered from Temu in the shower last night. For some reason, I had a sudden urge to clean.

Amy came with me this morning as she had some things to do in the city and she’ll pick me up again at 2.30 for my only day of the week to be able to get home a little early.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

My old students, Ploy and Ozone, playfully begging me to teach them again. I’m not sure exactly what brought this on for them but it made me feel good.

I wish I could teach everyone who begs to be taught!

The best thing about today was:

Listening to my grade 8s attempting to read a reasonably difficult passage of text and doing way better than I expected.

They are no longer afraid to try and to fail or get things wrong. Though some still need to be pushed to work because they are not really interested, I can see that they do have the capabilities if they so desired. Unfortunately, they are too busy with distractions most of the time.

Something I learned today?

Today I learned something that has left me a little stunned.

When Amy picked me up, she told me that she had gone to Nut’s house to have lunch with her and Bee, as Bee was visiting the psych at MFU.

Bee then told the whole story about her and George and it is fucking amazing!

Firstly, Bee moved out of their house about 3 years ago and they have been separate ever since! All this time, we have been saying that George was holding her back and that she was stupid to stay and she had actually already left.

This got me thinking about why she never said anything before and it turns out that George is still trying to influence her and to keep things secret from other people.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We were all shocked to know that they were actually married! Neither of them had ever told any one of us so-called friends about this.

And why did she leave? She finally had enough of his vicious manipulation and control and had to get away from him. She said that he is totally self-absorbed and selfish. He has no friends and only cares about himself.

Well, those things I had figured out for myself and now I feel completely validated. He is indeed the dark empath, the smiling narcissist.

Bee said that he talks badly about everybody behind their backs. This is also a reminder for me to try and not to do the same thing but this one is going to be difficult, as I would love to put him in his place. I’d like to wipe that smirking smile off his face!

Interesting that Kru Mai said George no longer talks with him in the teachers’ room but that George has told others that it is Kru Mai who no longer talks to him!

My mind is blown by all these revelations and it makes me feel more confident in myself. All those times he tried to manipulate and control me, too and got upset when I refused to comply – it’s all making sense and falling into place.

I should never have doubted myself. I realise now that on quite a few occasions in my past, I have been a very good judge of character.

I learned a lot about myself today and that’s great!

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I bought an inspirational poster online and put it up in one of my classrooms today. I will refer to it at different times during my lessons.

I took this picture because today is Halloween and crazy little Winter wore this to school. He is fucking hilarious!

American Sentencing – 7th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Every accusation a confession;
peace through violent aggression

Manipulated media suppression,
leading to depression

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and positive. For some reason, I woke up well before my alarm and was hoping that I still had hours to sleep but I couldn’t calm my mind down enough or get stupid songs out of my head. Never mind.

I skipped exercise but did some dead hangs, which felt good. After breakfast, I picked up a decent coffee at Utopia and, upon arriving at school, set to printing out all my grading files, which involved a bit of dicking around to make them acceptable for the school, such as the girl who never came to class suddenly having 100% attendance. So it goes.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 8

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Mai, Jern and PP for helping me sort out the printing of this semester’s grading files.

The best thing about today was:

Writing poetry and reading comics. I also enjoyed playing the guitar today, more so than yesterday, for sure.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I was sitting in the teacher’s room this morning, at 9 am, all the Thai teachers went off for a meeting, so I was left by myself, busy updating my files to print.

About ten minutes later, George turns up and, on seeing me, just drops off his bag and leaves the room without saying a word. He was pacing up and down outside the room and making phone calls.

About ten minutes later, he comes back in and collects his bag and leaves again, without saying a word. I didn’t see him again, though I stayed around at the cafe until midday.