Turning a new leaf, yet I am free – 24th June 2020

Slept for more than a day – day off school – sleep sleep sleep. Last night – couldn’t sleep. Now tired but have to get things sorted for Visa.

Also now have work to do at school – feels much better. George goes overboard in happiness sometimes – it feels like he’s not sincere but that is he is doing it on purpose to make himself and everyone else happy – so what’s wrong with that? I guess it’s the lack of sincerity but so what? Maybe he’s doing it just to show me that this reaction is the best way. Actually, during the time I felt this from George I didn’t really feel negative about the request (of having to do work) from school anyway. Even the lack of clarity didn’t bother me too much, though I did start to feel annoyance with the lack of communication due to the language barrier – re: they couldn’t accurately explain what it was they wanted. But anyway – I think we got there in the end and I got to work which was good

G.I. – Beyond/Public Stage – hard to turn off my mental jukebox. Cool, refreshing temperature this morning. Starting to get humid now – creatures creating noise in our garden – what is it? Investigate.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I am well organised and can get everything done that needs to be done.

OK so he thinks he’s a human sometimes, I forgive everything when I look into his eyes – 17th June 2020

This lovely pup belongs to some workers at our school sometimes. He has a broken back and has to drag his back legs along the ground. He also can’t control his pee and poo. But he’s a happy dog still. The owner seemed to indicate it was himself who ran over the dog to cause its broken back though we may have missed something in translation. Either way, he seems to be taking reasonable care of him now. His coat is clean and healthy at least.

I would still like to buy him some wheels though.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these lovely plants in our teacher’s room. They give a great feeling of welcoming and sharing and comfort.

9th Aug 2022 – picture now lost to time (digital lack of care!)

Brain dump

Mid-June, mid-year already, all plans changed but life remains mostly the same. Hüsker Dü – I Will Never Forget You – I don’t know why. Why Hüsker Dü – why do I know all these obscure songs that no one is really interested in these days? Never mind – it’s my life.

Cooler days – wet days, rain. Sticky still – first mini exercise in days got blood flowing, heart rate up, under 80 kg. Can I stay? Get rid of belly fat – still too much. Get a belly like Bruno but that guy has so much nervous energy.

Yesterday was amusing. Life Of Brian reference into Life Of George. Critique of religion. Reluctant Messiah. What is the truth? Does it even matter? JFK. UFO. Three-letter acronyms describe our world. Stupid world? Maybe.

I like it when your eyes get big – 9th June 2020

Tuesday 7 am – no workers yet, cancelled two days running. Sabai sabai. Just do a good job – a long lasting job.

Hot Snakes in head today. Mild-mannered Froburg, last night podcast – couldn’t get to sleep from tension in my legs – eventually, did – XOX – all Hot Snakes songs are great but sound the same

Why am I comfortable to sit cross-legged? It fucks my back but feels better at the time. Bruce, work today, visit bookshop – I love books – take another for Bruno.

Evidence – I am a believer in what can be known – not so much what isn’t known. Will argue with George over this for sure – but keep it good-natured.

What did I dream? I don’t recall. Talk with Andrew on Sunday – what about? What method – work it out. A Dinosaur Jr. riff – always different always the same – my head is full of musical trivia – nonsense – but so it is.

Finished my jigsaw – meditate on that. Observe. Sounds and light.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the people I have met in my life, good and bad, they made me into who I am.

Oh no, it’s starting again and time will bend – 28th May 2020

image: making videos for students working from home

Sat at my desk in amongst the clutter to make it easier on my back and wrists. Reminds me of an old online friend who had a blog called ‘atmydesk’ – I think her name was Sara – some connection with Nomeansno – was thinking about my tattoo this morning for some reason or was it a dream “of a 6-foot woman”– listening to Heavy Vegetable and things on the weekend but now I wake up with the songs in my head. I’m bad at writing quickly these days and arm is sore from pen holding. Sweating on the clutter just a fan today no Aircon temp is perfect just sweat when moving. Neck is creaking after the very short workout – just warmup really but got my body out of slumber neck is really bad these days “6-foot woman” is stuck now. Amy rearranged plants around the house Tigger rolling around in the grass last night – all the cats seem really chilled these days – makes me so happy. Is my mind already empty? Just replaced with Rob Crow’s music. Don’t remember any dream – slept well – want to sleep more but energised now after warmup workout – don’t push it doesn’t matter – don’t stress about George telling you the best way to do something – it’s just his advice on his experience – it’s not a judgement on you and you can do it the way that you want. Going to offer more help to teachers today. Do they like me? Are they scared of me? Am I not approachable? If I’m thinking about it then – even if I am not these things I can still do something to be more those things right? Put thinking cap on today for video. Gonna be another good day today – just you see.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the cooler weather this morning. I felt more relaxed and happy.

We got that attitude! – 2nd December 2019

After a great start to the weekend, things got a little more sober after Amy fell and hurt her face and hands. We were very quiet and recovering on Sunday.

Looking forward to coming back to school on Monday was brought to a sudden halt by discussions with the school and my agent about withholding two days of my pay for not attending the weekend seminar. I feel particularly aggrieved at this as it was not made clear to me that this would happen and it is not fair to withhold money for not attending an unpaid weekend of work. My agent blames the school and the school blames the agent. This is a very typical scenario here in Thailand and exactly the situation Amy warned me about.

But what to do now? Should I just accept the situation, stand up for myself further, walk away to something else (which may just end up with similar problems) or walk away from everything?

My learning shows that I should remain professional and unaffected emotionally by these types of situations but I still struggle with these things.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have read some positive things today otherwise I might have felt completely terrible due to a situation that happened at school. I’ll catch up with George briefly as he often knows the right thing to say.

14th July 2022 – Looking for a photo to use for this post I found what seems to indicate that I went to the local hospital on the next day and got myself a medical certificate giving me a day off, as a fuck you to the school for not paying me!

We got that attitude! – 19th November 2019

Imagine your 10-year ‘future self’ has just been asked the previous task. He comes back and talks to you. What’d do you think he’d say?

I couldn’t quite answer this question until I asked these two questions of George and for this one he replied “Keep up the good work.” He asked me why I was struggling to answer and suggested the first thing that came into my head.

And that was to stay strong in my convictions because they often turn out for the best. Stay positive even through the tough times. Keep that confidence that I mostly feel because it has proved to work well for me. Remember also to live day by day as if it may be your last. Make it count. Try your best in everything you do. Give your sincere smile to everyone. Appreciate the time you have and make the best use of it. I’d like to think I can say the same thing as George – to keep up the good work.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I was able to sleep early yesterday and that Amy takes care of cooking, cleaning and washing up for me. I was starting to feel a little under the weather after a day of shouting in class and after coming home and dealing with a gecko I also had time to read a couple of chapters of my book. This made me quite sleepy though and I didn’t last much longer after dinner. I am grateful that I feel better this morning so far!

*Yes, no, you can’t, but you can if you know why – 15th November 2019

12 Questions

Who do you spend your time with?
Is this in my control?
What does your ideal day look like?
To be or to do?
If I am not for me, who is? If I am only for me, who am I?
What am I missing by choosing to worry or be afraid?
Am I doing my job?
What is the most important thing?
Who is this for?
Does this actually matter?
Will this be alive time or dead time?
Is this who I want to be?

21st Aug 2021 – As yet, still unanswered, although probably considered and written about since. I’ll get back to this.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet George and Bee yesterday even though I will meet them again tonight. They are interesting and offer stimulating conversation. I can smile a lot around them.