Tag: George

Shut Up And Shout – 25th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Letting others speak, even some nasty words
Tells you almost everything you need to know
Rather they, than you, put a foot in it
It’s a wonderful lesson for truth to grow

You can’t change what happened but what happens from here is up to you.

owner of Cerro Gordo

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to change up my first lesson today to start outside – give the kids and me something different to do.

After 3 busy, fun classes today, I can say that the kids are inspiring. In the morning, we did running dictation outside, which was a nice break from being in the classroom. Funny how some days the vibe is not quite right and other times everyone has a good time. So, it’s good to take it day by day and not stress when the bad ones happen.

After school yesterday, I went to Bruno’s and we went for our usual two circuit walk, to take me over 10,000 steps for the day. We talked about what happened with George last week and I feel OK with it and that it has told me more about him than he tried to imply about me. I also read about how some of us just prefer to be alone and are often criticised by those who are more social. I can accept George for the way he is – I can’t control it and it’s not my place to. It feels like he cannot do the same. So, whatever, as they say.

When I got home, I had a shower and a spoonful of kratom and felt awesome again, though I didn’t make it to my room to practice keyboard and guitar. Hopefully tonight.

What age-related adjustments have you recently made, style-wise, beauty-wise, health-wise?

The most obvious adjustment for me is health-wise, with cutting down on alcohol almost completely and doing more regular exercise. As a slow learner, I finally figured out to start small and build on the habit. Many of us are like that.

Beauty and style-wise, there’s not much of anything since bleaching my hair, giving up on trying to make my pepper hair black. I think I’ve been like this for 5 or more years already. It’s cool to have bleached hair in Thailand, as dark hair is pretty much the norm.

Maybe learning keyboard and guitar can be considered age-related adjustments; some things I now consider possible for me to learn, whereas I didn’t really have the opportunity before.

Not Wank – 23rd January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank
I’m not voting for you
‘Not wank’ gets my vote
My ballot paper is true

Inspired by this true election story
5th Nov 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – ballot

People aren’t looking for something to read – they’re looking for something they can share with their friends to make it seem like they really care about what’s happening in the world around them.

Nathaniel Malt

Gratitude Journal

I’m so happy and grateful for our grass-cutting machine which destroys our long grass and my small plants when I’m not careful! If I do a little cutting each day/week, then I can save money on getting a gardener to do it.

15th Aug 2023 – I have become lazy and just let the gardener do it unless it is really out of control and they can’t come for a few days. I’ll cut for about 20 minutes and then give up exhausted!

Amy and I went for a great meal last night at a new Japanese izakaya near the clock tower. The food was yummy, though it made me wish to go to Japan again. I drank a bottle of expensive sake, which had me dizzy after almost the first sip.

When I weighed myself this morning, I was 1.3kg up on yesterday! Back to exercise in the morning again tomorrow!

Trying to push the chattering thoughts about what was said to me on Friday out of my head as I try to defend myself internally from harm. Not easy to submit and let go. I liken George to a fire – warm and comforting yet easy to get burned if you get too close. I wonder about his being Lebanese, which he is always keen to hide, about being raised Christian yet unable to forgive or even understand others, and wonder about being from the Middle East and why it is so fucked up there.

And ultimately wonder about my own prejudices and faults. They are the only things I can change. The only things I can try and change. Stop killing myself.

Haunted Eye – 22nd January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

My left eye only sees the truth
My right eye only sees lies
Blinded by some realities
Caught out by surprise

I spy with my haunted eye
Ghostly memories floating past
A single blink lasts an hour
Whilst perceiving this life so fast

31st Mar 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Haunt

It cannot be stressed enough that we do not all struggle equally.

David Bauer

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that George finally got off his chest what his problem is with me. It was hurtful but meaningful. It helped me understand more about him as a person.

Been writing so much that all my pens are running out.

Arrived home yesterday feeling good and positive. Unfortunately, Amy wasn’t happy about what happened at school (see yesterday) and blamed it all on me. She thought that I liked hurting myself by continuing to try to talk with George. Perhaps there’s a subconscious element to that but I didn’t feel hurt after reflecting on it. What did not feel good was seeing how it made her feel. I learn slowly and deeply – Amy put doubt back in my mind, whereas I felt strength before. I feel that I can accept that everyone is different but that that feeling is not reciprocated by some. That’s ok too – we can’t expect to get along with everyone. What I must do is go back to basics and consider what I can control and what I can’t. Simple as that.

The more I think about it, the more I’m reminded of my mum and her strength and resolve. Amy asked me if I’m ok without many friends and I am. My friends may not be right here, or be few in number, and I am fine with that. Others are not good with a situation like that, I know. But, like my mum, I am.

The Struggle – 21st January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Heartbreak is an old friend
Let the constant struggle kill you
Advice you don’t want to hear
Will make your life’s meaning clear

This is a process, not an event
Never gain what you wish for
Make it clear in your mind
There’s no thing for you to find

The poverty that I should be concerned and is the hardest for me, is that of giving up my own plans, ideas, opinions and dreams.

Vivian Warren

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find the catch for my wallet. It was in the pocket of my purple pants.

We changed our beds around last night – another attempt to try and sleep without fucking up our necks. We flipped the mattresses to the hard side and my neck is pretty good but I woke up often having to switch sides as my down side armlost feeling. I switched a lot, though slept deeply in between.

Got up quickly and worked my legs – which was a little tougher than expected. Felt good afterwards though and threw in a quick meditation which I want to try and do every day again (school days anyway) but may mean getting up at 6 am and not 6.10 am.

Drove to school feeling good and grabbed coffee, listening to the No Means Nothing podcast where hosts analyse Nomeansno songs and it made me realise that they haven’t released an album in almost 20 years and that makes me consider what great music they have made as I still listen to it very often. I can feel more now that they don’t make me as depressed and negative as they used to, so perhaps it was the attitude that I was bringing to it. It made me think about how I have changed.

When I got back to school, George was by himself and I said good morning, to which he mumbled a reply. So I asked him why he doesn’t say good morning to me that set him off. Finally, he’s spat out his feelings, that he wasted his time with a friendship with me and that he has no need to be polite and communicate with me in anyway. He thinks I should be old enough to understand that no one likes me here and I should behave differently. He said he will not be polite with me as it would be fake and he is not fake. I almost choked when I heard that!

To be honest, I mostly just let him talk and just asked him to be polite to me but he continued to refuse. I said he can be polite with everyone else, so why not me? He believes that other teachers’ ‘good morning’s are somehow completely genuine with him. I can see his point of view but I won’t be rude to people, even if I don’t like them – that’s just disrespect.

He is arrogant (towards me at least) and I can feel that it wouldn’t take much for others to get on his wrong side. He’s not happy when people don’t do what he wants. It’s a conditional friendship in his favour, always. It really just confirms what his girlfriend, Bee, told us about him, and how he treated other people before too.

I’m thinking to move up to the Chinese teacher’s room if I’m welcome there – maybe no one likes me there too?

It was pretty exciting at the time all this happened but I didn’t feel upset and went off and had two great classes. Now, I’m in House, drinking coffee and just wanted to get this down. The dreaded Friday afternoon class with 2/10 looms – not sure what I will do with them today, yet. Hooray for the weekend!

Lower The Flags – 9th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Flights of fancy, a child always spoiled
Political wrangling, in scandals, embroiled
A name in history, now forever soiled

A handy harem, each night to select
Behaviour fitting one of total disrespect
A country mourning its own death from neglect

Ignorance is the most practised of skills
Run away to a mansion in the hills
Escaping judgement on who pays the bills

An era ending not soon enough for some
Time to reflect on what has become
Lower the flags, put flowers in the gun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to open the curtain this morning to thick fog, almost hiding the rice fields right outside our fence. It’s nice to wake up to cold air sometimes.

I lost it a little bit yesterday as I was saying goodbye to everyone in the teachers’ room and George refused to even acknowledge me. Dylan came outside and I asked him what was going on and he just said that George says I don’t talk to him anymore, so he’s not going to bother talking to me, even just to be polite.

I got pretty defensive at this but let it drop quickly and tried to forget about it. I just hope Dylan can see and understand George’s reactions for what they are but I feel that George will be able to persuade him whichever way he wants. It just feels so childish.

Even if I don’t like people I can still be polite. As I discussed with Bruno last week I’m not here to make friends and have a good time with everyone. I’m here to do a job and I want to do a good job – and I can have a good time doing that.

The opportunity arose to say hello to George today, so I gave him a cheerful ‘good morning’ and got a begrudging ‘hello’ in response. I just smiled under my mask and reminded myself of something I learned from George when he would say ‘I generate the atmosphere I wish to be in.’ Indeed.

I’m chilling in the cafe whilst preparing more work for the coming weeks. I hope these ‘off’ weeks can continue as it gives me lots of time to prepare.

Oh, last night I finished watching a short JTV series called The Queen’s Classroom in which a super tough teacher improves the students in similar ways to myself, though I am not as strict as she is. At the end of the story, the students agree that they will remember their teacher forever – in a good way. I hope that I can have the same influence on my students.

The work they are doing with me this semester will push them hard but I already get a feeling that they are very capable. I never want to underestimate their abilities and possibilities.

Reading the story of Aladdin. I’m only vaguely familiar with this story and I can see it not ending well for Aladdin. So, if I had a jinnee and unlimited wishes, from a lamp or ring, what would I do?

Out Of The Fire – 8th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Brother and sisters
Our differences are an illusion
To overcome our tribalism
Is the one correct conclusion
The madness of our tribe
Forbids us to belong
Our cooperation and spirit
Forge us together as one

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that my body had the strength to make it through my 30-day lose belly fat workout, even though I only did half of the last day as it has been two weeks since I was sick since I did day 29.

Once again, after a week of opening the school, 11 cases of Covid have been discovered in students. This time though, it appears that the school won’t return to fully online. Just the classes with the infected kids will study online for two weeks. That seems OK but I can’t imagine that there are not going to be more cases, identified or not. None of the classes I teach have a problem but both George and Dylan taught students last week who are now infected.

I sent a message to George as soon as I heard but he didn’t even reply. So weird. As Dylan and Amy have said, he must really hate me not to even respond when I show my concern. Whatever. I will just carry on as normal. I can’t control his actions so I’m not going to get upset by them.

This morning I clocked in and pretty much came straight to House to sit and drink coffee. As I have planned for my students to do work this week instead of having classes, I don’t need to worry myself with arrangements. The only thing I have to consider is that my students motivate themselves to do their work so I will probably spend a fair bit of time chasing them up.

So this morning I caught up on a backlog of emails, Thai study app and wrote a couple of poems. I’ll do a bit of reading today too – The Tale Of Alladin, who I only just learned is actually Chinese.

Tomorrow I can start work on preparing more lessons for future 2/9 classes. I just hope that my classes keep coming to school on alternate weeks and not go back to fully online. I can adapt easily enough but I think everyone, students and teachers, prefer face-to-face teaching.

The Week That Was – 28th January 1979

Growing Up In A House Of Cards – 15th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She grew up in the countryside
A daughter of farming folks
Nothing much expected of her
The butt of the villagers’ jokes

The poverty that surrounded her
Made no sense as she grew older
And she stopped believing
The things that her teachers told her

Revolution in the hearts and minds
Consciousness was being raised
And the young girl from the village
Was now the one being praised

She stood for what she believed
To bring her country change
And the people stood strong together
With a better system to arrange

She saw the source of the problem
Came directly from the top
Wild plans were being formulated
To bring them to stop

Bullets and brains were deployed
At times it seemed too hard
But soon the house would collapse
By removing a single card

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the farmer and his cows eating through the jungle on the other side of our fence.

Gui has got me onto a different he calls Dirty. Cold milk, a teaspoon of cream and an overextracted shot of coffee. I’ve taken to it. It’s a little more expensive but I think I will drink less. Let’s see!

In one of my classes (2/9 – the good class!) yesterday we were talking about democracy and dictatorships and I explained that our class was a dictatorship but then I started thinking about the Montessori schools and how their classes are often like a democracy.

I might try this with this class next semester – I think there are enough smart students in the class to make it work and it could be fun. I’ll try to read up on how teachers work in those classes.

Amy has been getting busier with her cake-making (cinnamon bun making) and I told her yesterday how proud I was of her skills and abilities.

We had also been talking about what happened with George last week and I had been thinking about why it upsets me. Amy keeps talking about when we invited him and Bee to stay at our house and Bee saying what a big deal it was for him so he obviously had some expectation for our friendship after that but I said, ‘That’s the thing. I feel like I trusted this person as sincere and honest and now I feel like I’ve been tricked and made a fool of.’ And we realise that this was exactly what had happened with Amy and Bebe all those years ago.

Bebe sucked Amy in with so many nice words but only to manipulate the friendship in her favour. I saw it easily and immediately with Bebe but I was fooled by George.

We live and learn and I’m happy enough with the friends in my life, whether they are close or not.

Safety First – 13th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s a dirty war where enemies become friends
And friends enemies to further their own ends
To the victor the spoils, to make up the rules
To put out the fires burning on hated fuels

Some will celebrate whilst others may flee
An order emerges to which most want to agree
Freedom for the ignorant, itself its own cage
Repeated ad infinitum on every history page

Better to be oppressed than constantly scared
It’s all relative when your life has been spared
Safety comes first, freedom a patient wait
Rebuilding lives, thankfully able to create

Stop running tired now passed that difficult test
Grateful once more, living again, amongst the blessed

29th May 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge

Cassette collecting all KLS releases from 2014-2021

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that in my dream last night I tried to protect the people I love – even though I woke up screaming, waking up the people I love!

I was not in the best of moods over the weekend but not terrible. I think I ran out of energy yesterday and just ended up reading and watching TV. Last week, on Monday, I gave George some ground coffee as a gift and to show that I’m OK with him even though he doesn’t interact with me anymore.

Then, on Friday, as I was listening to YouTube and just before writing my entry here, he came into my classroom, which was a bit of a surprise, and I smiled towards him as he approached. He came up to me with the coffee and said, ‘Why did you give me this?’ I said, ‘No reason – just a gift. You drink coffee, don’t you?’ He put it on the table and said, ‘I don’t accept gifts for no reason’, turned around and walked off. I was speechless.

I sat for a while, writing my entry and decided not to mention this and to think about it over the weekend first. This may have also affected my mood a little, but I realise I feel quite resilient to this kind of behaviour! It gets me curious about what makes people act in this way. Suspicion? Pride? Culture? Anyway, I will ignore this stupidity,

I talked a little with Amy and Bruno about it. Amy blames me for even trying to interact with him. Bruno agreed that it was strange behaviour but not so uncharacteristic from what he know of George. We all agreed that we all feel sorry for Bee, who knows what he is like and puts up with it, whatever her reasons.

Anyway, I gave the coffee to Champ this morning, who was really appreciative of it!

Curiouser – 10th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Are you curious about the world
Or is everything in its place?
Is every piece already set in stone
The winner chosen for every race?

Do you see what’s under your nose?
The dusty corners of darkened rooms
Comings and goings of all earthly creatures
The life and death that one presumes

When eyes open to let the light in
The world becomes majestic and grand
Life fills suddenly with meaning
And understanding begins to expand

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the folks who will service our car today. I hope they do a good job and are in good health and don’t catch Covid.

At Amy’s parents’ for lunch. It’s Mother’s Day this week, so it’s a family get-together. Amy said to teach up in the new room they built above the garage, and I thought, ‘why not?’, so I’m lying on their comfortable brand new sofa trying to stay awake before my class starts.

Today, George blanked me in the morning when I said hello and then again when I said goodbye at lunchtime. This annoyed me a little until I told myself to calm down and that I can’t control his actions, only my own. I let it go and feel much better.

I’m happy to have no more online classes after school and have that free time back again. It’s a great feeling, and I still wish I had all day, every day, free! Still, it’s not so bad. I’m really enjoying teaching at the moment, and it looks like it will be for the whole semester. The students and I are pretty locked in now.