Tag: George

Your emotions make you a monster – 20th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to apply to a new school today. I’m hopeful I can make a good impression

Within that head of yours is all the reason and intelligence you need. Make sure your mind is in charge, not your emotions.

Daily Stoic Journal

To-do list

  • Print out the InFocus lesson plan content ✅
  • Listen and take notes at the interview ✅
  • Better prepare for Bruce’s lesson (30 mins) ✅
  • Check stoicism units on FB ✅
  • Write a blog post

I felt pretty good going into today and even getting thrown an extra class suddenly didn’t bother me too much.

The morning flew by enjoyably enough and the interview at CRPAO went well and then chatted with George for a couple of hours so by the time I got home I was feeling pretty good.

I still occasionally think about Kimi and it almost brings a tear to my eye (even as I write this now) but I understand that there is nothing I can do about this. I can acknowledge the feeling and carry on.

Whilst my mind has been a bit less scattered these last two days I still feel a little less clear and focussed. I think the possibilities of a new workplace can help me refocus and brush out some cobwebs.

I really want to pursue the meditation practice more fully as I believe that could have the biggest benefit for me. My mind is always full of things – I’d like there to be a little less going on in there.

Tomorrow, I think I will be happy and positive and looking forward to the weekend – as busy as it might be.

Have you got 10p? – 19th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to my aching feet. They suffer but are still going. My aching hips, just working. My dodgy knee, my crooked neck, my weak wrists. One day so these pains will be gone. So will I.

What decides whether a sum of money is good? The money is not going to tell you.

Epictetus, Discourses

To-do list

  • Finish Kru Noon’s card ½
  • Start picture for Tian
  • Start spreadsheet for WDS tour ✅
  • Listen to Donald Robertson lecture ½
  • Plan to take Amy to OK@Chiang Rai ✅

In a much more positive frame of mind today. The knowledge of no longer working in this school has taken the pressure off but it is making me wonder why I can’t just think like that all the time? I’m hoping that the move to a new school and position will give me the fresh approach I need. I tried to do that this semester and was only somewhat successful. Now I have a little more experience under my belt.

I will have a job interview tomorrow and hopefully, that will go well. I should take a notebook with me and make notes. I don’t think I’ll ask too many questions and will suggest some ideas I have based on some textbooks I found useful today too.

I chatted for about 20 minutes with Fred this morning and we discussed the failings of the schools in Thailand and our different methods of dealing with it. I am quite aware that my method is not the best way. I must learn the way that can keep me calm and happy and at the same time try to do my best for the students.

I’m giving myself another 12 months to see if I can turn things around for myself. I will try to do this by remembering how George deals with things and consciously putting them into practice. I feel like some of the pieces of the puzzle are coming together today. I feel strong enough to be able to deal with things. I just hope I can maintain this when difficult situations arise.

There’s nothin’ left to talk about unless it’s horizontally – 14th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Body swap story idea (unrealised)

Characters:
Donald Trump in the body of a sexy topless non-white siren
Rescuer – a full-blooded man with a strong desire for sex with the siren

Scenario:
A post-apocalyptic Earth with white people on the run from the rest of the planet’s people. Trump as President was shot and killed but a mind scan backup was quickly made and transferred to the siren by the rescuer. The rescuer chose the siren for obvious reasons. She was just a stupid chick before and now she is a stupid President chick.

28th Dec 2022 – I think the genesis of this idea is taken from stories in the 1994 comic anthology.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find my clothes washed and ironed each week

To-do list

  • Get down some notes about that body swap story ✅
  • Conscious of breathing, conscious in conversation ½
  • Study the TOEFL templates ✅
  • More printouts for Khawthang ✅
  • Finish casing CDs

Unfortunately yesterday I had a minor emotional setback as several things that had been bothering me came to a head. I felt sad and depressed and finding it difficult to overcome. The trigger was talking to Jimmy when he gave me my termination letter. He made pathetic excuses for my termination and it really made me mad.

Talking with George I thought would help me feel better but seemed to make it worse as I compare myself to him (which I know I shouldn’t). I don’t know how he can remain so calm and collected in the face of stupidity. I aspire to be like that too but I’m unable to control my emotions well enough. I feel like a failure, and feeling like that reminds me that I am.

Kill confusion by killing options – 4th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Most disputes are a waste of time even if you’re in the right….

– Haters blog post by Paul Graham

I can recall a thousand arguments I thought I’d won, “That showed them!” Only now to realise I had lost.

Some people start arguments for an unknown reason. Why do we bite at it? Sometimes it’s something we just know we can easily win. An opportunity to show intellectual superiority. What did that achieve in the end?

Sometimes people just sound argumentative perhaps not eloquent enough to express themselves any other way. Being able to defuse situations like that takes a special skill, worth practicing.

Some people don’t argue at all and start with a closed fist. They didn’t like the way you looked. The air sizzles with violence. Mostly recognised from younger days, too old to be a threat to anyone now surely.

Another option often chosen is to simply run away from it, waiting until calmer heads prevail. But what if it didn’t come?

I hate arguing, it’s a waste of time and energy. That doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for what I believe to be right and true but those opportunities rarely actually appear in life. Most arguments are petty and ultimately inconsequential. So the aim is not to win or lose but to just not waste time.

I’m sick of emotions always tearing me inside
Watching things crumble, letting all things slide
A very temporary waste of time
Is there really such a thing as a waste of time?

Gray Matter

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my medicine. I didn’t realise I didn’t take it yesterday and I felt pretty down most of that time. Only realised this morning when I found the tablet on the bench!

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Buddha

To-do list

  • Take some new photos to use on the blog ½
  • Gym after work ✅
  • Play the listen and don’t complain game ½
  • Clear some Pocket articles ✅

It was a little difficult to play the listen and don’t complain game as Kevin and Said weren’t in school today and apart from courtesies I only spoke to Fred for about 3 minutes. I was able to do it later though when Kru Tam was complaining about Kevin not being organised to send things for printing. I just asked her what she would like me to do.

Similarly, taking photos wasn’t really an easy task either. I’m either sitting at my desk or teaching – not many interesting photo opportunities arising.

I rode my pushbike to the gym and met KP along the way which was nice – she has such a good heart. She was in a hrry though so not much chat but I hope I can ask her to help bring some students for us sometime.

I learned a lot today about social connection and just talking to strangers. A little easier said than done with the language barrier here but George seems to manage to do it quite well. I need to practice those skills. I guess I missed a little opportunity to do this at the gym as there was a white guy there. the gym feels a bit weird to do that though. Though, now I’m thinking of it, it is where George meets and talks to a lot of people so I guess I just need to bite the bullet and try it.

It keeps us away from who we should be loving – 30th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?”

Excerpt From “The Daily Stoic” by Ryan Holiday

This is something I’ve been conscious of for about ten years, since first reading an article about how ‘the news’ is not good for us. In my lifetime the news and its delivery have changed considerably. Someone who read newspapers or watched BBC 2 news analysis shows was deemed to be knowledgeable and worldly.

These days news is everywhere and very little of it is actually news. A couple of decades ago Jello Biafra urged us to ‘become the media’ and technology has now allowed us that opportunity but we, as humans, have subverted this idea to push along our personal agendas.

So, I turned off the news, anywhere it could be found. If there’s something I really need to know I will find out about it. 99.9% of everything else has no real consequence in my life. That gives me a lot of free time to appreciate all the good things in life. It brings me closer to those I should be loving.

Another fantastic slow news day!

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sunrise each morning. With the temple as a pointer on the mountain, I can see how ancient man used this to measure time.

Our intentional, effortful activities have a powerful effect on how happy we are over and above the effects of our set points and the circumstances in which we find ourselves.

Sonya Lyubomirsky

To-do list

  • Finish gratitude letter for Maesara. ✅
  • Get some solid info from George about lesson plans. ½
  • Immigration, book shop, relax. ✅
  • More Coursera, transfer notes to book. ✅
  • Clean up cartoon drawing. ✅

Today was another easy day and I felt very happy with everything. I actually got a lot more done than I expected. I feel like things are coming together very well in my life. I feel fresher, livelier, motivated and committed.

I talked with George after work – a stimulating and positive conversation as usual. He thinks TLC will ask me to join CRPAO lesson planning before this semester ends which will be fine for me.

George has his way of dealing with ‘troublesome’ people at work that I really admire and something I could definitely learn and improve on in myself. It revolves around listening and thinking a lot more before speaking. My outspoken opinion on things seems to get me into trouble so I need to step back and think about the outcomes more.

Tomorrow I’ve had to suddenly rearrange my day so that I can renew my work permit. I dealt with this change of plan quite easily and shouldn’t cause any issues. Tonight I will savour my trip to Japan when I first met Limited Express (has gone?)

Oh, to be the cream – 22nd January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Miswanting – why do we miswant?

4 annoying features
1. we compare using reference points
2. wrong intuitions about what makes us happy
3. we get used to ‘stuff’
4. we don’t realise we get used to stuff
To overcome these we need to use intentional, effortful strategies

Reset your reference points
– a reference point is a salient (but irrelevant) standard against which subsequent info is compared. They affect our happiness judgments
a – concretely re-experience
physically go back to the place or in your mind back to that time – what was your reference point then?
b – concretely observe
go and see what other things are really like
c – avoid social comparisons
– use the ‘stop’ technique ie notice making comparisons and say ‘stop’
– show gratitude
– be conscious about what you see
– stop/reduce social media, be conscious when using it.
– interrupt your consumption, pause things you enjoy, they will give you a boost when you come back to them
– increase your variety, do difficult things each day, try different foods, different books, etc

For hedonic adaptation (getting used to stuff)
– ‘stuff’ doesn’t make us as happy as we think it will, ‘stuff’ sticks around so we get used to it
– invest in experiences, they go away but you have memories
– we don’t adapt to experiences, we don’t get used to them
– experiences are difficult to compare to material stuff

What if you already have awesome stuff?
– savouring
– negative visualisation
– make this day your last
– gratitude

Savouring – stepping outside of an experience to review and appreciate it
Activities that enhance savouring
– tell another person how good you felt
– look for someone to share with
– think about how lucky you are (gratitude)
– think about sharing it later
– physical expressions of energy
– laugh or giggle
– tell yourself how proud you were
– in the now, absorb the moment
Activities that hurt savouring
– focus on the future, after the event
– you remind yourself it will be over soon
– tell yourself it’s not as good as you hoped
– tell yourself nothing lasts forever
– tell yourself how it could be better
– tell yourself it will never be this good again
– tell yourself you didn’t deserve this good thing

Negative visualisation
– imagine you never had this

Make this day your last
– what if you lose this thing

Gratitude
– show thanks and appreciation for what you have and share it with other people

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet and chat with Diego, a teacher at the other Anuban school. He seems like a nice person and understands the situation here in Thailand.

In the morning when thou risest unwillingly, let this thought be present – I am rising to the work of a human being. Why then am I dissatisfied if I am going to do the things for which I exist and the things which I was brought into this world?

Marcus Aurelius

To-do list

  • Squats and meditate in the morning – try 7 mins. ✅
  • Think! If you do speak – do not complain! ½
  • Print docs for Amy. ✅
  • More lessons for Khawthang. ✅
  • More exam preparation. ✅

School was a slower, boring, repetitious day but still enjoyable. The children had better skills and we were better prepared too.

After school was dentist time and I now have a metal crown though it’s not visible. I had some time to spare so sat outside De Lanna with a coffee and laptop and watched the sunset over the river and mountains. It was wonderful.

I met up with George, Sean and Bruno and we talked and drank beer and I was happy to take the conversation into deeper meaning when we discussed our issues about teaching and the schools we work in. I was surprised at how uncomfortable Bruno became talking about this and when Sean asked me about George’s advice I said I thought that his way of thinking was correct, but it’s very difficult to accomplish.

21st Mar 2024 – In hindsight and with more experience, I can see that George’s situation was far different to everyone else’s and so he was easily able to rationalise situations from a position of comfort that the rest of us weren’t enjoying.

I see myself in between Bruno and George in character but I’d like to move towards the George end of the spectrum.

Well, maybe now you’re getting what you expected – 21st January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Eight rules for the school of life

1. Accept imperfection
– Perfection is beyond us.
2. Share vulnerability
– the bedrock of true friendship. Compassion for ourselves, generosity for others.
3. – Know your insanity
– warn others, contain our follies.
4. Accept your idiocy
– messing up is to be expected.
5. You are good enough
– ‘Ordinary’ isn’t a name for failure.
6. Overcome romanticism
– Love is patience and compassion for our natural weaknesses.
7. Despair cheerfully
– We’re not individually cursed and many small things should stand out: a sunny day, dawn and dusk, etc
8. Transcend yourself
– Cosmic humility is taught to us by nature, history, and the sky above us; delight in being humbled by it.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to know that I won’t be working at this school next semester. I’m sad in one way but excited in others. Knowing what will happen next semester is the best option.

You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realise how seldom they do.

David Foster Wallace

To-do list

  • Enjoy new activity with students. ✅
  • Think before speaking. Listen first. ½
  • Gym straight after work. ✅
  • After squats meditate for 5 minutes. ✅
  • Fill out dreams for dream decade challenge. ✅

Easy, perhaps somewhat boring, day. Being surrounded by the other foreign teachers it was a struggle not to complain and when I thought about it more I realised I’d left my bracelet at home so I’m giving myself a day of forgiveness. I’ll wear it tomorrow and try to be more conscious of not joining in the complaining.

21st Mar 2024 – I would wear a bracelet that I would have to swap hands every time that I complained. I would mostly forget to do this until later but it was an effort to become conscious of complaining. I think I only managed to do this for a month or two in the end.

Knowing I won’t be teaching here next semester has kind of lifted off any real burden to overperform. I do still feel like doing my best for the students though. Tomorrow will be more of the same at school. Afterwards is the dentist and then meet with George and Bruno. They have kind of opposite personalities but both with virtuous hearts – I think I sit somewhere in the middle so conversation should be interesting.

I hope to get some information from George on what to expect when teaching back at CRPAO.

Searching for Satori – 19th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unanswered questions

Where can I add more fun to my life?
What is the purpose of my life? (Why you do something or why something exists?)

SAY IT ALOUD

Gratitude – Thank you, thank you
Forgiveness – It’s OK, it’s OK
Curiosity – that’s interesting, that’s interesting

THE GOAL OF LIFE

The goal of life is virtue. Virtue is the only true good. ‘Excellence’ (arête) of character. What’s healthy/beneficial = what’s honourable/praiseworthy. “Living in agreement with Nature”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t give in to my impulses (all the time). Despite being tired this morning I will go to the gym as I challenged myself to yesterday.

I think sometimes people are afraid to be happy or to let go.

Lorraine Robertson

To-do list

  • Go to the gym in the morning ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie ✅
  • Start editing TCRAH #25
  • Draw one of our cats (find some videos on drawing cats)
  • Savour things for longer

Started off well by pushing through tiredness and going to the gym.

Came back and started finishing off my email to Chrissie which I put a bit of extra thought into and only ended up completing after lunch just before teaching, which then pretty much turned into being dinnertime. I did continue sorting things in my room though. I also remembered to call Hayden but he didn’t pick up.

This coming week should be very cruisy as for 4 days we are playing adjective bingo with different groups of students.

Tomorrow I’ll get a list of students who would like to do extra work so I should prepare that for the following week.

After school I will also go to TLC and have a chat with Nancy about different options for next semester. With George’s advice I’ll also tell her about what has happened with Jimmy.

A stagnant pool of bile… – 17th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If you could share one message with the world, what would it be?

I can’t decide an answer to this – maybe – learn to love to read?

I think as having visited many different places around the world there is not one message that is applicable to one and all.

Of course, we can say ‘love each other’ but it is a tired cliche that also begs many questions. Many religions posited this stance but they all became twisted by human interpretation.

I guess the ‘learn to love to read’ phrase is pertinent to never stop learning and growing because it can apply to anyone at any age.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have 3 happy playful cats in my life. I hope they remain healthy and don’t suffer any misfortune.

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.

Isaac Asimov

To-do list

  • Get photos taken for work permit ✅
  • Enjoy spending time with George and Bee ✅
  • Write to Chrissie ½
  • Think about how you can show Kru Noon your appreciation
  • Savour what you can, show thanks ½

School was good today. All my classes went well and the kids were happy. Not so much the teachers! Kru Noon was upset again because she had to fill classes for Said who didn’t show up and couldn’t be contacted. Kevin was also upset because Kru Tam had made him look bad in front of his kids.

The day went quickly for me as I drove into the city a couple of times to get photos for my work permit.

After work, I finished reading Anna Karenina – phew! One of the first books that I want to read again.

Then a quick shower and pick up George and Bee to go for Indian dinner. I enjoy meeting them very much and George suggested talking with Nancy about Jimmy so that she can hear about it from me rather than from him or someone else in the future. The option of going to CRPAO is good to have as a choice next semester. George is always trying to convince me to do it.

Amy and Bee had good long happy talks as we moved to the Library to hang out for a couple of hours, drinking sweet shots of unknown alcohol. They both think that George and I live in a ‘beautiful world’ – ie we see everything as good and positive. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy to try and look at life this way and feel much happier for it. I prefer this thinking style over my older negative and cynical one for sure.

For Saturday I have a couple of classes in the afternoon and Amy will go out again in the evening. I’ll be happy with another night at home. Our home is definitely a ‘beautiful world’ despite the snakes.

You’re just eighteen, you’re heading off to war – 16th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What characteristics do you wish you had?

I have all the characteristics I need but need to work harder at these: perspective, social intelligence (understanding others), spirituality, and kindness.

I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. I would like to deal better emotionally with difficult situations. Sometimes I can’t control my feelings well enough.

After some more consideration, social intelligence is the one I want to improve most. I can do this by going out and meeting more and different people – not just those within my own sphere of interest.

1st Jan 2023 – Three years later, and having been through much of that time with pandemic lockdowns and prohibitions I don’t think I consider social intelligence so highly anymore. It would be important if I was 20 years old again but over the last year or two, I’ve become much more comfortable with myself.

I can guess that George was the influence for me to try to engage more with other people in 2020, as I always saw him happy. However, I also discovered that trying to be like other people is not always the best approach, especially when feeling let down by them. What works for him doesn’t necessarily work for me.

I’m comfortable and happy with my tribe, I know who they are even though they are not close by. I can still work on improving social intelligence within that premise instead. I don’t need to spend time meeting new people just to practice this. I feel I have better ways to spend my time. I know other people enjoy doing it but it’s not for me.

How can you get those characteristics?

I already have these characteristics but just need to enhance them further. Bring them to the forefront of memory and practice them. Be conscious of them, In order to practice social intelligence, I need to stop pre-judging people and use come conversational techniques to find out more and quickly. This skill is something I have improved on but am not really comfortable with yet. Perhaps visualising and pretending beforehand would help? I could also read more about how to do this and watch some instructional videos.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to have a small sleep-in this morning as it is teachers’ day. I’m writing this from my bed and can look out of the bedroom window at the blue sky and jungle mountains in the distance.

It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; as soon as we are sober again we see that it is all a delusion, a stupid delusion.

Leo Tolstoy, My Confessions

To-do list

  • Practice RekordBox ✅
  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • If any appropriate time arises, tell Amy about what happened with Jimmy
  • Finish work permit tasks ½
  • Exercise at gym

Amy and I spent a long day around the city sorting things for my work permit, getting my laptop fixed and buying bits and pieces for teaching. We had a nice long lunch of sushi and I felt very happy.

I was hoping to go to the gym but it was already 4pm by the time we got home and I wanted to do some other things. Amy had a couple of drinks at lunch and was starting to get a little loud. Most of the time it was fun and funny but occasionally I got a bit annoyed (internally).

I know Amy is a little lonely here in Chiang Rai because her friends are not quite in the same position and way of thinking. We know we are lucky to be where we are and with everything that we have got and there is always some sort of trade-off.

Tomorrow, it’s back to school and I have to try and remember not to touch the students. I’m pretty sure that I will get told off again sometime.

I’m considering the option of going back to CRPAO next semester as I may be able to work with George and Tang. George keeps trying to sell the option to me but I’m a little conscious of working with someone that I consider a good friend and also about my ability to work in any school system.

15th Mar 2024 – Time certainly tells the tale. I was right to be concerned about working with a close friend though I ended up extremely happy.

Where I am now is quite easy in many ways and if it were a similar situation next semester then that seems like a good option. We never know what we’re going to end up with – all options could turn bad. I definitely don’t want to be working harder for other people.