Beyond the paragraphs and stanzas Where stories start being told Round campfires, on verandahs Ideas – like origami – unfold
Within each sentence, there emerges Lines flowing skywards from the soul Where sunshine and saccharine diverges To tally what the parts withhold
Under the phrase, where the weight lightens Adjectives get detached from their nouns Order is loosened; or disorder tightens Dissected from their objects’ surrounds
Inside each word that’s to be announced Where every breath becomes considered Accents distort how it’s all pronounced Not always intended as delivered
Beneath every syllable assessed Meaning flickers in recognition Beyond one thing that’s being expressed The mastery of imprecision
Below the phoneme, perhaps that’s where to start Where the true heart of the story lies Put back together after being pulled apart Ambivalence is where the author dies
Shared with dVerse Poetics: “I Have No Word in English For”. Anyone familiar enough with Thailand will intimately know this phrase. A calm acceptance? There’s nothing to be done? Fuggedaboudit? I’ve left the phrase ‘nevermind’ like this as Google Translate also maintains it and it obviously references the slacker album from Nirvana.
Nevermind the goings on, nevermind the things done wrong; Say it with a smile, sing it with a sigh; Nevermind – maipenrai.
Nevermind, not Nirvana toking on more marijuana; Swing it up in style and never question why; Nevermind – maipenrai.
Nevermind the right or wrong, the contrarian does not belong; Sit down for a while, let the anger pass on by; Nevermind – maipenrai.
Nevermind the destination, nevermind your frustration; Sing your acceptance so everyone may comply; Nevermind – maipenrai.
It’s a splendid winter wood – On a chilly December morning – – The crunchy road straight – – Towards the gnarly wooden gate – Unhinged a snowy warning Where splendid walls once stood
It’s a splendid moss a-growing – To shade this dewy frost – – Ray’s barely breaking through – – Another turn remained true – At a further year’s cost Awaiting the splendid summer’s glowing
Ok, after a pretty good sleep. We had the aircon on again for a while last night and that seemed to improve both our sleep.
Today is Father’s Day, and so that means a holiday, though Amy has invited her family over for lunch, so she’s busy this morning. I will come back and vacuum after coffee.
No exercise this morning and an extra hour in bed. Not thinking about doing much today except reading.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Having a spare hard drive so that I can back up all my comic book files to it. There had been some power outages last week and the drive the files are on took a few days to re-index itself, so I got a little worried if I suddenly lost them all.
The best thing about today was:
Almost two hours of guitar playing. Although it was frustrating at times, I can feel myself slowly improving – so long as I don’t take too many days off between playing.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I felt ok in the morning, ready for family lunch but after eating, I just became overwhelmed with exhaustion.
Whilst everyone was chatting, I came into the living room and read for a few minutes before turning onto my side to sleep. The morning coffees kept my mind active for a little while but soon enough I was out for the count, perhaps for almost two hours.
Even on waking up, I felt like my brain wasn’t working yet. Amy came in and looked at me and asked if I was awake (despite the fact that I was reading) and I shook my head. She could see that I wasn’t quite with it.
Now it’s evening I feel quite good again and just hope that I can sleep ok tonight.
Something I learned today?
Out of 113 countries, Thailand ranks 101 for its general English language ability.
Being in the education system here, I can understand this position. I feel helpless and so sorry for all these lovely kids being so let down.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
After waking up in the afternoon and talking a little with Amy, she said that it was her friend’s birthday and she wanted to go and see her. She asked me if I would take her there and though I was still lethargic, I figured it would be good to get her out of the house so I could chill at home.
I got my haircut today and as usual, I gave the lady 100 baht even though she only charges 60.
I also took some watermelon to Baipad, which I bought at Kotchapol whilst looking for some food for myself. I bought some fresh buttered corn on the cob and pomelo – enough to keep me going without having another full meal.
A sermon for every sin A sin for every hour And all the dreams later Wishes to enter this tower
Just one more sin, one more sin This sermon the last Begging to be let in From the long nights past
inspired by Chapter 4(?) of Wuthering Heights
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good in the morning and Amy and I had a nice lunch at Nut and Bruno’s. We came back and had a nap but I felt not quite right after that and now I just feel like doing nothing. I’m in bed at 6.30 already.
Today I’m grateful for:
My grade 7 student messaging me saying that he wants to talk about his mental health problems. I will meet him tomorrow. I’m glad he is self-aware enough to reach out.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 8 students coming to help or just watch my grade 7s with their reading.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Run out of enthusiasm and my stomach is feeling a little wobbly. Hope to sleep early tonight.
I took this picture because I was surprised to see this reference to the Sex Pistols Bill Grundy interview on a student’s jumper! No one had really looked at it until I pointed it but when they did they knew that fuck was a bad word.
Every second that passes is paid for with your life Even the smallest moments await your attention You’re not getting back the time you waste each day Are you living for the photo or living with intention?
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more awake and inspired. Amy’s parents were here when I got back from coffee and I could feel the influence of them just being here had on me. It’s a good stress to have to interact with people otherwise I would keep losing that capability. I have to force myself out and confront my considered deficiencies. I am totally happy by myself but also mustn’t completely cut myself off from the world. This is one thing that makes the stress of being around Amy and her giving me tasks, as I mentioned yesterday, appreciate her even if they are things is rather do in my own time. I understand myself and I think Amy understands me too.
Today I’m grateful for:
The apps I mentioned yesterday, reminding me to practice more Thai. I’ve set myself a target to learn the months and hopefully impress Amy ( I know it won’t but it’s something to aim for anyway). The Duo Cards app is pretty good for this task.
The best thing about today was:
Watching the Swans game on the big tv whilst ironing. It looked like we were going to lose against North Melbourne who are one of the worst teams in the competition. It was only an interchange infringement in the last 30 seconds that helped us win by getting a free kick and kicking a goal. A win’s a win but that was a shit showing. Admittedly we are without about six of our top players due to injury. We won’t be playing finals this year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was due to have the back door fixed this morning after coming back from coffee but then Amy sent a message saying her dad was coming back to do it properly this time. I told her there was no need as I could do it but she insisted which frustrated me a little. I want to feel a little bit useful at least! Eventually, I resigned myself to letting it go and he did come and do a good job which also reminded me of myself as I considered why he didn’t do it properly in the first place and save himself time. But that is something I have done many times and have mostly learned to not make this mistake, depending on the task. As with everything any criticism projected outward should be considered through an inward filter first. We are very capable of highlighting the faults of others before highlighting our own.
Something I learned today?
I’ve been binge-watching the Bad Friends podcast and today I dug a little into Bobby Lee’s break-up with his long-time girlfriend. It is both fascinating gossip and celebrity promotion. They are all narcissistic to some degree (we all are really) and what I found interesting is how people comment on the videos as if they know exactly what is happening in these people’s lives. I sympathise with Bobby Lee somewhat as I think we share some personality traits. Thinking about that more I guess we sympathise with the similar traits we see in others and maybe I excuse or ignore those that we don’t like.
What am I thankful for today?
I’m thankful that Amy’s dad came back to fix the door and her mum did some morning watering. I’m thankful to Noey for doing her best at making me coffee and saying she would buy some milk to practice more, adding ‘just for you’ which made me feel good whether it’s true or not. I’m actually wondering if she might be a good choice for a cat sitter for us. I’ll find out more.
Anchan took this picture on Friday because she was taking a video in the auditorium where all the English Program students were gathered. I asked her if she had a picture of me and Ren together and she sent me the video that I took this capture from. He’s a character for sure and I want to find out more about him.
When evil enters the heart The mind speaks not plainly But would force charity out of others When desire was a brotherly fight The bowl was never divided And their love remained intact
Another Khalil Gibran parable.
Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.
Lu Xun
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to Nong Gratae who helped me learn a little more Thai and can also help Amy get clients in Australia.
I am so happy and grateful to have the time and inclination to try to learn a little more of a new language. When I had tried before I always gave up because it got too hard. It’s still hard and frustrating but I feel relaxed enough to take it slowly and enjoy it. I am so happy and grateful to wake up to another beautiful day with a healthy wife and semi-healthy cats. We are all alive. I am so happy and grateful to enjoy waking up this morning after an interrupted sleep of KimChi jumping on the fan and turning it on and off because she wanted to take her collar off and play and go outside. Eventually, she settled down and I slept until it got light and the village announcement came on and the music reminded me so much of waking up in KL at Kimi’s and listening to the call to prayer. I miss Kimi so much.
I am so happy and grateful that I’m learning to play the guitar and to speak Thai at the same time. I find they have similarities in learning and understanding.
1994ever 