Tag: poem
On the back of the city they ride
Real Discipline – 19th October 1995
I wanted this to be the real thing
I wanted it to finally be the real discipline
The discipline
That I had been so well preparing myself for
I needed something to be real
I saw all things
I saw all people around me
Falling apart
Caving in
I needed the discipline
I asked myself how long
I was going to live this lie
How long was I going to let myself down
And blame someone else
Finally, I kicked through the wall
It was like a junky
Busting through the scar tissue
That keeps him from hitting
It was like slashing through the womb
With your teeth
Lies make me weak
It’s the lies that are killing me
The lack of discipline
I was killing myself and I didn’t even see it
I couldn’t even feel it
The dead painless days are over
10th Aug 2024 – I’m guessing that I had been reading a lot of Henry Rollins around this time and was struggling a little bit.
(Unfinished) Tragedy – 26th August 1995
Everyone’s life is tinged with tragedy
There’s no escape if you are alive
It comes in all different forms and faces
And the challenge is more than to survive
To face this fact with head held high
Continue forward, always striving
13th Oct 2024 – Not sure why this never got finished but what’s interesting about these words is that I knew then, the right way to live and be content but it still took me another 10-20 years to figure things out! Maybe I just wasn’t getting enough practice at the time.
Body – 12th July 1995
She is tinged with a strange madness
Her engine is a delicate balance
Hormones jump from one place to another
Now she is sad or frustrated or….you guess?
The Leaving – 15th April 1995
The body twinges and jumps
Twitches and shudders, gasping for breath
Heartbeats to
Heart
Beats
Until finally it gives up on life
(You are still alive)
Body useless now, soul departed
Memories left for the teary eyes
Reflecting On Sleep – 18th February 1995
The mirror reflected that tired face
Dark rings circle those dark cool eyes
Down-turned lips reflect the mood
The bite is waiting to be unleashed
Look inside that mind, reflecting
The thoughts have long since died
The body begs for merciful sleep
And hell to pay if not satisfied
One More Idea – 10th January 1995
The late-night quiet surrounds me
I hear echoes of the night’s conversations
Reverberating in my mind
So much to say, so much to live for
A million ideas to share
Still pouring forth, still formulating
Even now, in caffeine-induced insomnia
Catching up on life – 26th September 1994
About twelve hours, each of sixty minutes precisely, from now, we’ll (me, Broni, sweetheart, dream girl) be tapping toes at Heathrow waiting to get on that jet plane to take us away into golden sunsets (sunrises). And briefly the past.
Not had time to write – too busy catching up on life, so Broni’ll tell ya!
So we got back from Greek island ok to stay in Gatwick hotel with mad manager, then to Lisa’s in Chichester, on our way home to go out even-time with Rosemary and Mia for Thai (I told you all this, didn’t I?).
Then Wednesday fuckin’ madness trying to pack and organise and just going silly crazy, to Kerry in Verwood, her work, for lunch, back quickly before up to Southampton to Chrissie’s to see sweet Rebecca, mad Amanda and Chrissie too, of course. Sharon, Jon and Selina, Tina and Paul and Rob came over and fuck, Karl Barry and his pal too. Played Party Pictionary, mad raucous noise, drunken dancing, Broni crashed, people fell away, describe later.
Sleep, wake, say goodbye to Chrissie – miss her, may ring her now home again, breifly, pack (Oh, I sleep!). Rob comes down, we drive together to Newport, for final UK gig! Broni slept through it in car while Rob and I drink and fun about. Back to Simon’s (Simonless) Describe more later!
Morning time say bye bye’s there, drive to London, whizz cross M4, run around town, Portobello Road, here there, put Rob on train (another story!). Go to David and Louise’s. Sleep needed! Up into London Town, Harrods, Liberty’s, Hamley’s, shopping sprees, mad dash round! Back, food, drink, sleep, jeez – you keeping up with this – we’re knackered!
Sunday, drive back a.m., go to Sian and Robbie’s p.m. Mess around here, Kerry (Rob, Jon, Selina, Edwards come down) John turns up, bye byes. Broni’s at Rosemary’s (bye bye). Phew. All this and me, not nervous at all, don’t understand really. Just biding time till tomorrow a.m. Want to get away! Know I’ll miss people terribly but don’t feel it yet! Here, Monday to Salisbury with mum and to Jo’s p.m. and out mealtime p.m. with mum, Kerry and aunt Shirley.
Home here – so much to say. Get this. Today – to fuckin’ day – turns up a letter from Finland, from Bengt, eleventh hour. Songs from Deep Turtle! Wow-wow-wow! And I go and find Squirrelbait CD in London too! Later! Yeah, right? – gotta go! Gotta sleep! Gotta think, gotta wonder! I’m going tomorrow – do you understand!? Ha – not sure I do! Keep you informed.
Ripples – 17th September 1994
Chuga-chug-a, weee, neeeerrrr!
The noisy breath of our transport,
a bicycle made for two (but only just!),
tackling long straight roads
lined with eucalyptus and lime trees,
swishing in the wind of dusty old lorries,
up and around, twisting roadways,
over the next brief, brown, barren mountain,
at the crest and into the wow of the valley,
lays at our feet, begs our descent,
come see, come see!
But we know there’s nothing more than dried out dust,
white stones, sunwashed white
and yellow cactus plants a-plenty
though some valleys hold green groves of growth,
desperate for water – come flow from the seven springs,
the gift of life,
make your rocky way
so odd to see big tall trees
pointing to the sun with accusatory finger,
a hand in the air!
Look at me, I’m alive!
Onward we go, whirring along
til next top summited and wow!
Our life, miles view down to sea green bay, to our left,
such bright comparison to the rubble hills of dust and stone
but across this valley and up into the hills,
distant on the hazy horizon, up and then wow! again,
ancient acropolis stands ruined but magnificient
above white brick town,
populated by tourists of old Greek ladies,
witch-like by our cultural standards,
selling lace under trees, cutting up beans,
‘is cheap, is very good, you buy 5000, ok 4000!’
and from high place we spectate out
thousands of miles across blue ocean misty
where sky meets water,
waves crash far below our castle lookout
onto rocks, craggy, brown and black,
this ancient temple, time-battered, sun weary,
still majestic in it’s brown piles of stone,
sun beats down, never raising or waiting
for cool breath to dry sweat from eyes.
The town bustles busily on foot, no roads here,
park at the square and all buildings encroach,
small walkways like old English mazes back home.
Back again, and away from sad tourists (yes, I know!)
via old roads and real Greek villages
where dead cats lay strewn by the road,
bamboo grows along in the lime groves in the valley,
while rock tops look at us tony specks down below,
so, to the beach,
yes, that’s what we’re here for!
Heads down, dive in, cool and slow this beach,
a real paradise, soft sands under our feet,
calm waves lap our bodies as those mountain look still,
cliff top monastery proud white,
set against the deepest azure,
as lush green trees feed the black goats,
all up the side ’til here turns to sand
for our greatest of pleasures, flowing,
lost in time and space, water overwhelms our senses,
like a cool glove, fit tight on your fingers,
like the most gorgeous ice cream and cool draft beer
at a bar found in the desert, no illusion, but reality,
it hits us and we smile for no reason, broad beams,
inside ourselves,
we know.
We wash out the sun in the pool,
let darkness shroud over us
like a blanket of grey haze.
A half moon hangs half across the night,
a hole in the blanket,
almost yellow, the ferocity of the sun on its face.
It’s cool reflection here on Earth
touching tips of sea ripples directly below.
Imitating the sun, but on low power.
Each ripple, made of drops of water
that have played in the ocean since time began.
Each ripple sent from the other side of the Earth,
cause and effect, on an endless journey, gyroscope-like.
Each ripple a mind soothed, a heart stolen.
Each ripple aches and bows, wave forming,
charging towards the terra,
crashing in the silence when there’s no one to hear,
us asleep under thin white sheets
dreaming about brand new days
which soon come with the sun and the heat
invading each pore, each corner touched
by the light of the morning,
smacking that weary head,
‘Here I am, get up and face me if you dare!’
Now in full shimmer effect on the blue waters
made crystal, twinkle like diamonds
multi-fractured mirror
in God’s old kaleidoscope.
Back to snoozeville before breakfast – 15th September 1994
Lazy now, energy drain by day, by heat, take your siesta noontime,
come out and play on pebble beach, dip toes in cool blue Mediterranean waters,
jump in, watch those fishies sniff your digits, head back floating,
waves rocking your blind body, cradle motion, childlike pleasures,
float free, naked, wrapped in Gaia’s waters.
Ah, big time out from normal programmes,
from bed to pool to beach to pool to bed,
sleep under the stars on white verandahs
wake by cock crow and watch the sun rise
from its grey resting dreams
cast red yellow shadows across small breaking waves
turn up the oven a few degress
too much for us whiteys, back to bed
back to snoozeville before breakfast
before coffee and juice and um… a dip
well, hell, what’s to do but swim and play
learn new water tricks, cool blue blue
sit back, feet up, rest weary hangover heads
and love life, here on hot earth island
love life everywhere.