Such a fragile thing Why do I want to break you? Touch your delicate face Afraid you’ll crumble to dust
I want to feel your warm breath In night-time clenches But afraid I’ll throw you away When you become too familiar
Maybe I should stay away But I feel a need to be saved A continual desire for a companion An ever-decreasing circle of self-fulfilling prophecy
18th Oct 2024 – Questioning myself about my pursuit of Lorraine as I was conscious of the deep love that I had felt for, firstly, Bronwyn and then for TLJ and what drama I had caused them. I had not been without a girlfriend for about ten years and TLJ noticed this as a weakness (particularly relevant to her, as I had transitioned my relationship from Bronwyn to her without a break). Although TLJ and I had broken up by this point I had been meeting Lorraine (outside of work) and we were figuring things out between us.
I’m pretty damn good at nothing Much at all Jack of all trades with no Trades to ever call
Everything must be in the right place Line it up, symmetrical and straight The sequence is so important too Each placement
Line it up, make it perfect Symmetrical and straight Dust it, dust it, dust it Now do you feel great?
Took you all day To make your muscles move Counting each one in sequence Got it wrong, start again Start again from the beginning
18th Oct 2024 – Feeling sorry for myself after a wild year in 2001. The crossed-out attempt at poetry was about my then-new (or soon-to-be) girlfriend, Lorraine, who suffered from severe OCD.
When will you be free of everything inside? You want to hold and touch But your demons hold too much And familiarity breeds contempt and lies
Why does freedom make you feel so afraid? You always run and hide Your demons satisfied Sinking deeper into your comfort made
Where will it end, the cycle to be broken? Your freedom won Your demons gone Just memories of a past life never to be spoken
18th Oct 2024 – I think that this was a message to myself. My life was heading towards another change and I was asking myself lots of questions which ultimately led me down a dark path for a while.
I know all the reasons I know all the excuses I know how to fix it I know how it’s broken I know I’m not stupid I know I can beat this I know about good I know about right I’m still learning about myself
I see her sometimes lost Unclear, wandering, isolated Searching for something far away Blind to solutions near
Sometimes forceful and defiant Determination found then forgotten Slowly slips away and meanders Back to new avenues for exploration
What’s in that head of yours That pulls you apart so deeply And stops you from finding The light so obvious inside?
18th Oct 2024 – Written about Lorraine, an attractive co-worker who I pursued, eventually becoming on-again, off-again partners. I saw a kindred spirit of someone with mental health issues.
So long since I held you Now I feel you again Gentle in my hands My very favourite pen
What words we’ve missed In all that time What memories lost In my lazy mind
Will you come forth again? Keep my juices flowing How long this desire burns I’ve no way of knowing
18th Oct 2024 – After a crazy four years of living life, rather than writing about it, I found myself returning to the comfort and safety of pen and paper.
