Tag: poem
*June Of 44 – Hopetoun Hotel, Sydney, Australia – 11th August 1999
For some reason, I had it in my mind that I saw June of 44 a couple of times at the Hopetoun but research seems to suggest that this is the only time they visited.
You remember standing next to the pool table with TLJ at the back of the room and chatting with Jeff Mueller about Ramona Lutz, who was briefly Squirrel Bait’s manager and a one-time pen pal, who hipped you to Rodan and other cool stuff going on in Louisville. At that time, you had just recently received a letter from Edward Lutz, that Ramona had passed away after a battle with cancer.
Great band on top form. You don’t recall the support bands but it may have been… a name you’re blanking on right now but can picture the cover of their album….
Access – 9th February 1999
Email with TLJ:
S: Hey TLJ!!!
Wanted to talk more to you last night – I hope you went to bed after talking to me but I bet you stayed up longer, didn’t you????
I read some more of Kid Eternity – excellent read – I wonder if you will ever try and read a good story in the comic book form? A good story is a good story right?
Anyway – still not sure if I’m coming down today – I can’t get in touch with anyone – it doesn’t look good for today I’m afraid.
Hope you are having a fabulous time – I think I’ll call you soon…..
I may have to go back to the podiatrist again as my knee is hurting again…..oh well.
Love to you angel boy
T: Oi, I’m having trouble running WebTrends on our NT Servers – it uses up 100% CPU most of the time, and doesn’t respond.
S: What were you doing just before this? Does it run at 100% as soon as you open it or did you kick off some process first?
T: I don’t know what the problem is – I don’t know whether it has to load log files which are held on another machine
S: Which machine? The Intranet Web Server? Is the file in use? Does the user who is logged on have permission to access the log files? You are definitely pointing to the right place?
T: – I’ve mapped a drive to a zip drive somewhere else, but i don’t see why this should be a problem.
S: Is the zip drive doing any I/O that you can see – if it is then it’s a reasonable assumption you have access to the files and it could just be taking a long time. Why are the files on a zip disk? Why not on a hard drive somewhere?
T: Any ideas? Should I try troubleshooting?????????????????
S: Yes! that’s what you will be doing…
T: Just trying to use that term that you taught me.
S: Very good – remember computers is 20% knowledge 80% bullshit. You’ll hear a lot about the 80/20 rule.
T: Don’t know what I should do.
S: Go to lunch of course!
T: Help. Also, I want to know whether open toe shoes or boots will be in this season.
S: I think open toes was last season and boots will be back briefly until it’s back to the very casual flip flops!
T: And whether I should ask out this girl I like.
S: Of course not – homosexuality is against the will of God!
T: Confused.
S: and Gorgeous!
Thank You – 3rd February 1999
Email with TLJ:
S: What’s up sweety? you sounded so sad
I could feel your bottom lip a-quiver
Have I done something real bad?
Maybe something I failed to deliver?
So this poem I will send
As a thank you for your effort
The time that you spent –
I will not forget it.
T: Tell me what it is with old guys called Shaun from the UK that go after L*** girls??????????????????????
N* was telling me about this guy at Pure Pop called Shaun from Scotland who’s 25 who was going after her at the nightclub on Saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S: Have you heard my Scottish accent?
L*** Girls are the best! But you are the tops!
Light – 12th January 1999
Email to TLJ:
Light……….
Moonlight
Sunlight
Falls from the sky
Caressing me
Angel in my eyes
Falls with me
She
*Burning Lotus- 30th August 1998
Email with TLJ
S: My heart aches for you
My heart yearns for you
My heart waits for you
My heart burns for you
My love
You have it all
My love
We have it all.
S: I feel like Albinocino at Milsons Point – let’s do it one day this week. Don’t forget Weds is Patti Smith.
Love to you
S: Was a beautiful night last night. Dropped the video back to Macquarie – the air was sharp and perfumed with warmth. Was great to be alive and despite the lateness of the evening, I was revitalised. Wished to share it with you. When I got home I sat on my balcony and read some and looked out into the darkness and felt safe, warm and happy. Thanks for being part of that (part of me).
T: K said “cool” when i gave her the jellybabies – they’re from Jack. she says thanks, and i’ve got a kiss to give you from her! she was really pleased with the jellybabies – didn’t even care she’s already got the sticker from the last pack.
anyway, how come you snubbed me by sending the What Is Music program to Notlih – behind my back? you guys do everything together now.
anyway, just had a shit time – i can’t find a partner for Distributed D/B and this guy i don’t think i could work with asked me to work with him. But i really don’t want to work with him – don’t think i’m being a bitch, but sue, di, and tu would say exactly the same thing – and the rest of BIT as well – but i really don’t think i could find another partner. so i’d
be really upset – i know you think i’m being a bitch, so i won’t say anymore.
anyway, got in early – so read a bit more of Fear and Loathing. had a real boring morning, cheer me up please baby.
had fun last night – thanks for everything. couldn’t have fun without you!
love ya babe, tlj
S: Hey babe. Just bin for a walk – not feeling 100% today. I saw Di was online last night but didn’t talk to her – hope she thinks you’re still OK. Do you think she was crying because of her and Trin (i hope it wasn’t because I knew). I hope you guys go OK today anyway.
I’m waiting for that kiss from K. I’ll send the program later – not sure if I still have a copy (did ANdrew forward it to you anyway?) I don’t think you’re being a bitch – why not just ask Chris – he’d drop any other partner to work with you I’m sure! Hope your morning is improving (din’t my mails cheer you up some?). Gotta get a bird feeder soon – i wanna clean up my balcony cos it was just beautiful out there last night.
Speak to me soon – I had the best time last night too – let’s do it again.
*Back and forth, between the good and the bad – 28th January 1998
Email to TLJ
My head is going crazy. I have a bad headache this morning. The thing I fear most is losing you. You are very special to me – I love everything we do and know we can work it out. I think about all the things we could do together and I want that more and more. I know people may be against us but I still think things can work. I wonder if you feel the same way though – if you have doubts about your lasting love and the c-word everyone else says you are afraid of – commitment. I don’t ask anything of you in that way – I know you are young and free and my love may choke you. I know you may not stay even after I may leave my wife. My decision on that part is not something I am taking lightly. There are many more factors involved than just those involving you and I. I really would like you to be around if my decision was to leave her – I would definitely need your help and love – I know you do not want to be involved in my decision and I understand that but you have to be involved in some part if that is what I decide. In reality, the decision does not involve you because I know you cannot give me any guarantees (remember I ask for none). It is between myself and her. Please please don’t leave me now. I want to share times with you at the beach, in the city, with your friends, with mine (if I still have any), at uni, with work and study, everywhere (but only when you want it!).
Dead thoughts
Ban the bomb
Or bring it on
I hope they drop one
On London
Time is running out
You’ve heard it before
About the threat
Of nuclear war
I hope they drop
A bomb on my head
It’ll be an advantage
Being dead
You came to see me this afternoon – man it was hot! I’m glad you got home OK afterwards – I hate watching you walk off into the distance! I was already missing you. I know I have said it before but you are the best! I had fun exploring today and hope we can go do it again next week – I really like to find my way around new places like that. I used to go explore my local suburb and find all the hidden paths next to houses and stuff like that – can be an advantage sometimes when you have to run away from the police or something! Sweet angel TLJ – you make my heart race and my head spin – all the poetry within me is for you. Hold me.
*Could I hold on, should I hold on to you – 27th January 1998
Email to TLJ
Honey. These past few days have been a terrible trial for me. All seems about to change. I feel a big wave coming towards me and I expect it to crash. I’m frustrated with having to hide you, to sneak out to call you, to plan carefully our movements and stories. I want to be able to call you and see you whenever we feel like it. Every day seems bleaker to me at home. I can’t stand to hear future plans knowing what I know, I can’t stand to touch or kiss – I’m sinking into a pit. You are there, I know you will hold my hand but how long will you stay around. I need to talk to you about this. I need to discuss my future. Baby, know that I love you deeply and want to have the right relationship with you that you so desire.
What’s going on?
Have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on?
Do people ever look at you like you’re doing something wrong?
Do people ever look at you and don’t like your face?
Have you ever felt really out of place?
Will some people not accept you for the things you do?
Will some people not understand ‘cos you are simply you?
Do you ever feel like crying ‘cos of what other people do?
If you’ve ever felt this way then I’m just like you
Paranoia? Persecuted? Listening to the jazz show now – things are getting better. I’m at work and will be able to talk to you soon – always cheers me up.
Swimming in a sea of content
No lifebelt here
No rescuers near
One by one dropping into the sea
A sea of perfect harmony
No crashing waves come to kill
No serpents to bid you ill
No need to save the fool
Cos I’m swimming in a swimming pool
Wish everything was this easy. Things didn’t go too well this morning – I understand everything you are saying. I know I’m a pain in the butt (no pun intended!) – I don’t want to lose you (not as a lover) – I know it’s hard to deal with and things may get scary. I need to know that you will stay with me – I don’t want anything else from you – have no expectations for anything else. So hard to write this all down, so hard to know what the future holds. “Could I hold on, should I hold on to you..”
*…do all the things that lovers do! – 23rd January 1998
Email to TLJ
Thank you very much for meeting me in the city yesterday. Your face is so beautiful I want to wake up next to it – kiss gently on the forehead and rise and make you breakfast while you slumber longer…we talked about fantasies..mine are no longer physical (ok I could think of some if you really wanted!) I want to be with you, baby.
I Feel
I feel rejected
I must be obsessed
Must be you
I want the best
I feel heartbroken
I must be annoyed
Must be you
I’m feeling paranoid
I feel in my head
I must be true
In my arms
I feel you
You’ll be in the mountains by now I guess. I wish you’d ring me – I want to talk with you for hours into the night, watch the moon rise and fall and do all the things that lovers do! Don’t want to go home tonight – I don’t like it there. I just found out I can’t go out tomorrow cos she doesn’t want me to – she thinks St Peters is a rough area (which it may be but who cares). Of course, I could say fuck it and go anyway and I know sooner or later it will come to that and one day I will go and I won’t come back. Jeez, I’m pissed off (maybe unfairly – but I can’t help the way I feel). Anyway, I’m thinking of you as always and wishing we were together (and wanting it more each day and the more I think about it the more it seems possible to me). Did you like the last poem?
It’s bigger than love – 22nd January 1998
Email to TLJ
Sweety. I’m gone. Lost. Don’t know what to say. I feel something really special between us – bigger than me. Lost in your love last night, never mind the s-word – the whole feeling of being with you.
Happen
At last it finally happened
It was too good to be true
I’ll never forget that moment
When I whispered ‘I love you’
And I had to stand back
To see the look on your face
And I was so relieved
That it wasn’t out of place
Well, interesting to read that one back. Not sure I had fallen in love at this stage or was just getting ideas off TV! It sure was hard to say goodbye to you this afternoon at Town Hall. I’m glad we have so much fun together even if sometimes we don’t have anything to say or just crap on about nothing. Everything feels so comfortable with you – like you say comfortable silences. Of course, we have a lot of deep stuff to talk about too and I know what you mean when you say you want to tell everything – that’s how I feel too. I am completely open to you – will tell you anything, everything etc etc blah blah. Crapping on now. My heart is with you – enjoy yr weekend in the mountains – I’m wishing I was there sweetheart.
