All he wants to do is quietly breathe – 5th February 1994

This week has been fantastic.  I’m so in love with life.  I found a couple of Steve’s letters – one about Fuck Around and one about the time he and the guys all came down from Southampton.  In that one, he says something like – all these experiences waiting to be had, all these people waiting to be met.  He also says he is fed up with cynicism.  Exactly how I feel too.

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In these two short letters, he opened up to me more than anyone, he even thanks me for being there for him to write to.  He was very honest and that earned him my respect.

I’ve not heard from Fatty since our move and I’m not inclined to get in touch with him.  I don’t know exactly where he lives or his new phone number.  Rob thought he might get in touch about the disco tonight but I can’t really see it!  I wouldn’t mind taking him to Southampton but I don’t want to come under the effect of his black outlooks.  Maybe he’s changed but I think he may be upset with me and doesn’t want to get in touch.  He doesn’t want to sort things out and be my friend.  Ha!  It makes me wonder why he would think that I’d think he was my best friend?

While he stands still I want to move forward and I’m sorry if that means leaving you behind.  Take care mate, whatever you’re doing.

Sat here listening to Cardiacs and my life seems so full of joy!  Can’t wait for more.

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