You’d like to write a book but you’re not sure how to begin – 23rd February 2002

Something is wrong
Just so easy for me to get distressed – just some little thing
I hate it! Why?
Because I didn’t get enough sleep or enough to eat?
So I resort to drink – when I know it only makes it worse!
It’s just nothing but it changes the whole day.

I love my boy
But I can’t do enough. I really really don’t want him to end up like this part of me!
I know there is good inside me – how can I give this to him?

I’m drunk I’m gone – it’s just a waste of breath.

25th Feb 2022 – When I look back at this today I can see that I was obviously dejected and glum about my life as it was but it’s noticeable that I’m very aware of it. It was just that I didn’t have the tools to make the positive changes that I needed. It would be at some point in the next year or two that I sought out professional help again.

I was living just a short walk from Macquarie University and occasionally would go and check out the library to find interesting things to read. At some point, I also enrolled in Chinese Language 101 so was around the campus even more often. It was then I discovered that there was a Psychiatry Department and as part of final year student training was 60 hours of real-life consulting. The students got real-life experience and best of all, for patients, was heavily discounted rates. At the time I think it was $20 per hour, where the usual rate could be between $80 and $150 per hour. There was a limit of ten sessions but this was too good an opportunity for me to get some help.

Image is an AI interpretation of the first three lines of text – made at NightCafe

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