Category: 2022

Uncool – 15th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Oh hello, I’m not cool anymore
I’m not sure that I ever was
I tried my best to be myself
Because, because, because

It’s impossible to be cool at fifty
Forty and thirty too
Cool is just for the kids
I’ll never be as cool as you

The free spirit will be ‘a contradiction of his today.’

Scott Clifton, paraphrasing Nietzsche

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have contacts all around the world so that I can help people with information.

I talked with Hayden yesterday evening, and he was amused at my nightmare story, telling me his own in return. He was pretty chirpy, which is good to hear.

I did a little stretching exercise before bed, but despite sleeping well enough, I woke up before my alarm and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I’m feeling quite tired this morning.

A promised storm never eventuated last night, though it may make it today. The air and garden smell in the evenings is delicious, and I’m thinking what else I could do to add to the garden.

It’s easy to think about it while sitting in the air-conditioned cafe, but getting out into the scorching sun and humidity is a different thing altogether.

The Week That Was – 22nd April 1979

Me And You, Talking – 14th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It was something that you said
I took it to my heart
You don’t remember it
Insignificant on your part

Those words always guided me
As you moved further away
I repeated those words often
It became a thing that I would say

Now I no longer speak it
Just as you have too
The language is forgotten
That made me me and made you you

14th Mar 2022 – I’m not quite certain what, or more likely who, inspired this poem. I had a couple of candidates until I got to the last stanza. I like the wordplay in the last line but don’t think I wrote the poem just to use it!
As for the quote below, I can imagine using this in reference to many people I have met or know but every time I do that with words of wisdom I remind myself that I should be applying this to myself.

It is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.

Epictetus

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the delicious-smelling flowers and tasty fruit and veg in our garden.

It’s so quiet at school without the students here. It makes me wonder why we are here when there is little to do. However, I came and sat in the teacher’s room and read my book before coming next door for coffee. As I was leaving, I heard that two of the teachers, who’d been in that room last week, now have Covid.

I woke up in a nightmare this morning. I was trying to get Hayden home. He was about six years old, but had to leave him to go and find the key, which I couldn’t, and then the world was conspiring against me to get back to him, and I was awoken by my alarm and felt quite upset. I pushed through a little workout and meditation, but felt quite lonely this morning.

I’ll call Hayden a little later and see how he’s doing. 

Malfunction – 13th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Malfunctions are a means of education
You must learn from your mistakes
The flaws revealed only in the execution
It’s the schooling that mastery makes

Inspired by Robert Greene’s Daily Laws (March – Mastery)

13th Mar 2023 – I thought this poem had a familiar topic as I had read about this again today. This means I have been reading the Daily Laws for one whole year now. It’s become my habit so I’ll keep going, just as I do with the Daily Stoic, which I have in physical form now and read a page a day in the morning with breakfast.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Theodore Roosevelt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Dr Arnon’s staff for taking care of our cats. Tigger reports back in good health. Kim and Cap go next week.

In the morning, the trees offer a noisy hum as a collection of bees feed on the fresh pollen. For a moment I couldn’t work out what was making the sound, until looking up into the freshly shooting leaves, and busy buzzing, making a kaleidoscope above me. These are smaller bees, not like the monsters that come to feed on our other flowers. No sign of a hive.

A longer walk this morning, pleasant, enjoyable coffees, some brunch now, to reading again. 

Fill The Gaps – 12th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Take it twenty-four hours at a time
Meet your ego with hostility and contempt
Your genius admired far and wide
These laurels appear to rest and tempt
Knowing all the things you don’t know
There’s a lifetime left to fill the gaps
You must learn to find the way
By first learning to read the maps

On solitude: That’s just the kind of ‘suffering’ I’m most at home with.

Elizabeth Bishop

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to find my laptop power adapter at Le Paradis today. I left it there by accident on Thursday. I’m grateful to the staff who kept it safe for me.

Yesterday evening, I discovered I’d lost my MacBook Air power adapter. I was quite annoyed with myself because it was going to be costly to replace if I didn’t find it. I retraced my day and realised I hadn’t used it since Thursday, and I thought I’d probably left it at Le Paradis.

I was going to the city this morning to take Tigger for his yearly vaccine and check-up. Cap was supposed to go too, but had thrown up, and didn’t eat this morning, so thought it better he didn’t go today.

I was so relieved when they had the adaptor at the café. I was very thankful. I’m getting a little forgetful, mostly about inconsequential things. I forgot to close the gate last night. A few days ago I forgot to turn the water off after watering the garden. I just hope it’s not an early sign of dementia!

I need to pay more attention to the things that I’m doing, instead of being off with the fairies and thinking about what’s next.

I notice I put on a kilo in the last few weeks. This is mostly because I’ve been at home more often than usual, and can eat and snack at any time. My work routine would usually mean that I didn’t eat anything between 8am and 5pm, and that was keeping my weight under control. I have to work out a good system when I’m at home.

Anyway, I consciously decided last night that I must go and walk in the morning, after feeding the cats, and before it got too hot. So I woke up with that in my head, and walked up to the uni and back. Next time, maybe tomorrow, I’ll walk around the uni too. That should give me 10,000 steps before I even begin the day.

It was a pleasant walk, enjoyed with podcasts, and some pats of a friendly dog. Now I’m back at home, and the rest of the weekend is mine.

Tigger’s blood check is all good, and Cap seems to be feeling a bit better. Everyone is lazy, though, because of the heat.

I found some free online courses I want to do, and will get into them until the new semester starts. I still don’t know if I’m returning yet, though.

I’ve been chatting with one of my students who is having a very tough time at home, and has contemplated suicide. I see her make new friends and she clings on to them, looking for the love that she can’t find at home. Unfortunately, she overdoes it, and the friendships fall away.

She mentioned to me the other day that things were bad again, so I told her she could talk to me anytime. I will try to help her. The only thing I’m worried about is that she gets too attached to me. I will try to teach her to improve her self-esteem and self-confidence, so that she doesn’t need to rely on others for emotional support. 

The New Pleasure – 11th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s a devil on one shoulder
And an angel on the other
Whispering in opposites
Whether I should even bother
One looks upon this as virtue
The other as if it’s sin
I’ve got to brush them away
If I’m ever to begin

To assume you are below average is to admit you’re still learning. You focus on what you need to improve, not your past accomplishments.

Derek Sivers

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our overabundance of mulberries. I picked a whole bowl yesterday and they’ve only just started (fruiting).

I felt like changing things up this morning and came to 22 Grams to sit, read, and drink coffee. This is still my favourite coffee, so I had a couple, even after having one earlier at House.

I dropped into school first and said goodbye to the few kids who were there. There was nothing else for me to do there, and I don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing next week either. I should put some new lesson plans together.

I almost convinced myself to go for a massage today, but it’s already midday, and I’m good to go home instead. Talked with Amy last night, and she is so happy. I miss her being around, but I feel happy too that she is so happy. Who knows what direction we will go in the future, but we have many choices, and we’re grateful for that.

Picked the first bowl of mulberries yesterday, and there will be many bowls more. I should put down a sheet and just shake the tree. I might try that today. Need to do some weeding, and maybe the grass at the front.

Also, I have to take Cap and Tig for vaccinations tomorrow. Running out of money already this month. If I have to pay a lot for the cats, I might be in trouble. At the same time, I got a big payment through Bandcamp for all the sales last week. I could transfer that in, though I’d like to use some of it to buy some more CDs.

Buzzing on these coffees now. Time to go. 

Rocking All Over The World – 10th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Everyone must share the drink, from the poison well
To step back from the brink, falling into hell
When all around are mad, the mad are sane
Non-conformity is bad, let the status quo remain

Inspired by another Khalil Gibran parable.

Do not grow too fond of your ideas or too certain of their truth.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to everyone who helped me at the hospital yesterday. It was very smooth and easy.

Not much else happened yesterday but it disappeared pretty quickly. My time at home was interrupted by a psych appointment where the doctor commented that I seemed pretty good and it’s true, I was feeling good. I even saw another doctor to start the process of trying to fix up my left foot. I was hoping to get all that covered on insurance but found out it is only if I go to one of the city hospitals. Everyone was very helpful and I was shocked by how cheap it was even without insurance. They went to test for gout but I’m pretty sure it’s something else, mostly related to my flat feet. I guess that took up a chunk of time but I felt pretty chill about everything.

I didn’t get chance to do any reading but did do a lot of Thai study instead.

My alarm shocked me awake this morning and the urge to snooze an extra 30 minutes took over and though I spent a couple of minutes alert I quickly fell back into a deep sleep again – only to be shocked awake again by the new alarm. I want to spend time today catching up on reading articles.

Oh, yesterday I studied a little about The Crucible, which interested me and I’ve added it to my watch list on YouTube. I’m kinda amused by my seemingly sudden interest in more classical things like books and plays. I feel very happy.

Also talked with Amy last night and she is very excited about her job. It seems like she has landed perfectly. Another old friend contacted her to come and work for him, doing easier work and for more money! She had to turn him down, though, because she’s very happy with her current situation. She also got invited out on a date! I’m glad Amy still attracts people – it helps her move forward and opens up opportunities for success for her. Her attitude to life is what attracted me to her. Of course, my personality is not the same as hers at all. In the end, we complement each other well and we value and support each other.

The Dark Empath – 9th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

He understands me
Says the right words to care
He says he loves me
But hides something not to share

His true intentions
Are on cards held close to chest
He uses my feelings
To ensure he comes out best

He compliments me
Yet somehow his words feel fake
He always points out
My every little mistake

Always a people pleaser
To get everyone on his side
The power rises against me
I have nowhere left to hide

I meet his needs
Through his mental manipulation
And he walks away happy
From every situation

His use of guilt
Always bends toward his will
Once I am discarded
He’ll be doing it still

He uses humour
Everyone laughs at his jokes
But it’s me on the receiving end
Of his vicious little pokes

He whispers lies
In believable words of deceit
His crown never slips
He already has me beat

And it is no irony
I recognise myself in him
That’s how I spotted
The dark empath within

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

Franz Kafka

I almost snoozed on this morning but forced myself up and stretched my aching hips again. I’m not sure what I’m going to do today. I clocked in at school and came out for coffee. I’ll go back and walk around the school a bit and then, maybe today – massage!

I want to buy some light bulbs and maybe some new stationery too. I mowed the rest of the back of the lawn yesterday which was fun. Fun? Maybe not, but I was happy with the resulting chopped weeds. Should be good for about six months now I hope. My whole body was vibrating afterwards and I struggled to practice guitar later – but persevered for 10 minutes at least. I’m really not good at guitar but I do really enjoy practicing a little every day.

My neck is totally sore from holding the grass cutter so this may finally convince me to go for the massage today! Back to some English Lit study and article reading, crank out a poem and savour the morning.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to not lie in this morning, get up and see a fierce red sun in the sky.

Winning In The Attention Colosseum – 8th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You got there first
Tweeted it out
Smugly watching
Everyone shout

Follower explosion
You, the reliable source
Never involved
In meaningful intercourse

Keyboard warrior
Promoted to king
Yet an empty bag
Is all that you bring

If people remembered all of the Significant Events they had forgotten in recent years, they would perhaps realise that they were actually not that ‘signicant’ at all.

Mark Manosn

Finally finished the grading file this morning, after printing, re-printing, fix reprint, changing, re-printing. I think someone else must have fixed all the details last year because I don’t remember it being this difficult. Never mind. It’s done and I did it. With a smile, and potentially I have nothing else to do for the rest of the week.

We have two more weeks ‘at school’ after this, where we are usually doing lesson plans, though last semester we didn’t do any at all. Hopefully it’s the same this time too. I will probably do some new lessons anyway, just to mix it up for the students so they don’t become too bored.

I didn’t end up going for a massage yesterday and I’m contemplating going today but probably won’t. Why? I don’t know! It’s cheap, a couple fo hours. It’s relaxing…. I just like to be at home rather than here around the city. If I’m just at home, I’m actually more likely to go just to get out of there. It’s weird. It’s more convenient to do it now, it’s close by but when I’m not doing anything outside of home, basically kicking my heels, then I can’t wait to get home!

Moving my desk inside has improved my guitar practice productivity, which I’m happy about. I’m thinking about how to get all my CDs inside again too.

A nice cooling rain came last night, hopefully enough so I don’t need to water today. Even after only two or three days of super-humid heat, I’m longing for cooler weather. There are some beautiful floral scents in the air though and I savour catching a whiff of them. The power of smell seems to affect me much more these days.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the rain last night, saving me from watering today and cooling down the night for a good long deep sleep.

Ideal War – 7th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

An ideal war is one where
A third party is found to do your bidding
But the world is wising up
As nations respond with ‘Just who are you kidding?’

The ‘why’ is everything and without it, the very suggestion of human progress becomes a cosmic joke.

David Simon

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the man who sold me 4-stroke engine oil yesterday so that I could use our grass cutter again.

Yesterday was my first afternoon and evening of aircon for the year and I should’ve kept it on through the night as I woke up a few times, uncomfortable in the sticky heat – the fan not enough to help.

The power in the whole village went out for about 40 minutes too. It was fantastic to see total darkness everywhere, making the stars more able to penetrate the still smoky skies.

After a lazy day, I got a burst of energy after watering and cut part of the lawn at the back, covering my topless body in bits of grass. I stopped as soon as I lost bits of strim from the spinner. A little bit at a time – that’s fine. The grass isn’t really growing anyway. Mostly weeds growing through and mostly easy to pull when I feel motivated.

I notice a little weight gain with being home a lot. I can snack any time, which I can’t do (or don’t do) at school. I need to be careful of this during the holidays.

This morning has been good, fixing up the grading files to meet the nonsense requirements. Driving to work, I’m absorbed in the Trojan Horse Case podcast at the moment but will get back to music podcasts again soon.

Hoping to go for a massage or just go home this afternoon. Feeling quite lazy when there is little to attend to – too lazy to even get a massage! As usual – let’s see.

The Week That Was – 15th April 1979

Two Hermits – 6th March 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When evil enters the heart
The mind speaks not plainly
But would force charity out of others
When desire was a brotherly fight
The bowl was never divided
And their love remained intact

Another Khalil Gibran parable.

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.

Lu Xun

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Nong Gratae who helped me learn a little more Thai and can also help Amy get clients in Australia.