No Aliens – 25th March 2023

*The era of degenerate freedom is over
We must retrieve the dignity of our race*
There’s something bigger than all of us
That will teach us exactly our place

Our distrust for each other destroys us
And easily manipulated by bad actors
Always a third party invites themselves
Divided we fell when they attacked us

There’s no alien or god to be blamed
Only for ourselves to be ashamed

*Text from, and poem inspired by, Death’s End by Liu Cixin


Today I’m feeling:

Contented, sleepy and positive.

Today I’m grateful for:

My tattooist who gave me a 500 baht discount today. I guess I should probably know her name. I’ll ask next time. Cos there will be a next time!

The best thing about today was:

Getting a new tattoo. Whilst I was in the chair I was closing my eyes and savouring the tickle of the needle and later with the colouring, the pain. I was thinking that as with most things, the anticipation and the journey to the goal are often better than the finish or the result.

Now I have this tattoo I will enjoy it of course but I’m already thinking about what might come next. I haven’t done much else today really!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I arrived at Kanom Tattoo Studio about 20 minutes early for my ten o’clock appointment as the girls prepared the room equipment and artwork. It felt like not long after and I was in the chair getting the outline work done.

I’d lost track of time as I closed my eyes and sent myself off on different tangents of thought until my butt got uncomfortable and I would adjust my position whilst trying to keep my right arm still and so on until it was time for a break before colouring.

I was shocked to see it was already 1.30. I didn’t really have any other plans for today anyway so I just accepted the situation and when I got home I ate and watched videos and TV until I’m here now in bed past midnight.

Tomorrow I have to take Tigger to the vet for one more vaccine but it doesn’t really matter what time so I’m sure to sleep in a bit.

Something I learned today?

When I woke up this morning I could already smell the air pollution from the smoke, even indoors. Outside looked abysmal too but I didn’t think too much about it as it’s kind of expected at this time of year and nothing ever gets done to try and remedy the situation.

In the afternoon Amy messaged me that the AQI was over 600! I thought that couldn’t be right. It was around 250 yesterday and today didn’t seem that much worse but I checked the app and sure enough, she was right. This was another reason for not doing much else today – just sitting in the living room with aircon and purifier trying not to develop lung cancer. I have headaches and bloody snot and do not feel 100%.

I took this picture because this is the lovely dog at the tattoo shop. He’s very soft and gentle.

Confirmation Bias – 19th March 2023

Stop looking at it
It’s all you’ll ever see
Your beliefs reinforced
Swinging from a tree

Stop picking at it
Or the wound will never heal
A rising of blood
Drowns out your appeal

Stop clicking on it
The addict and the fix
Knock your house down
It’s built on broken bricks


Today I’m feeling:

Quiet, low, not down but unenthusiastic and bored. Missing my little Amy at times like these.

Today I’m grateful for:

A little rain. It’s 8.30 pm and I just went to close the gate. Tigger was around and chatting with me. Light drops hit my skin every step or two and it felt like that would be it. I hung on the straps in the garage for a second enjoying the stretch in my arms, shoulders and back.

Then I came to sit outside our front door and write here. Slowly larger drops fell noisily on our assorted roofs and Tigger looked on bemused.

Then a flash and peal of thunder excited the air. A very slight breeze has made the temperature bearable again and I think even the mosquitoes are hiding. More rain, please.

The best thing about today was:

I think right now, listening to the rain. I knew today that I would watch the replay of the first Swans game of the season but the app didn’t work on the iPad so I checked the website on the laptop, which annoyingly doesn’t have the option to hide the scores. I obscured the screen as best I could but looking around to find the replay button, which wasn’t there yet, I accidentally saw the scores. We won but it still steals the pleasure of watching the game not knowing the outcome.

As I waited for the replay option to become available I played some more Xbox and started on a beer.

Today, I planned to have a beer or two whilst watching the game, as a kind of reminder of days past in Australia.

Amy video-called me as she was on a boat trip around the harbour. A beautiful hot day there, perfect to be on the water. Later she called again, a little drunk and happy but also teary because she wished I was there. And I wished I was too.

Finally, the replay was available to watch and we played well but I felt joyless. After a second beer, I decided not to have more as I was starting to nod off in the final quarter of the game. Enough so that after it finished I got into bed with the fan on me, waking up a couple of hours later in a 31-degree sweat. I felt a little better but still joyless and bored.

Now Tigger is sitting on me here in this chair, purring and observing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My mood is a little out of control again and I think I want to go back to my full tablet of sertraline again. I’m realising that the deep connection I feel with my students leaves a vacuum in the semester breaks. I need to give some love to myself but don’t feel quite capable.

Something I learned today?

I took a little detour when riding back from Utopia this morning, around the back of the village towards the hidden temple halfway up the mountain. Everything is changing so quickly out there. The temple is no longer hidden and new dirt roads are heading off deeper into the mountains. I’ll go check them out one day soon.

How can I continue to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone?

Although I fall into laziness quite easily I try to challenge myself into making my classes better for my students. That’s not particularly outside my comfort zone though. My comfort zone keeps me fairly content and I can mostly adjust to any boredom that arises from it. But I don’t want to get complacent either.

Somehow, usually in time, fresh challenges come forth and I’m ok just waiting for them to arrive. It feels like a balance that is usually maintained. It’s not often I need to find things to challenge myself.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m writing here. These thoughts feel very now. If asked this question on a different day I think my answers would be almost the opposite.

I took this picture because Cap wanted to watch the football too.

No Freedom – 15th March 2023

There’s no freedom without morality
Or institutions to provide education
For freedom to provide peaceful reality
Needs reassessment of this situation

We (a royal we, a royal we of the West) are obsessed with freedom but we’ve misunderstood its reality. Freedom does not mean freedom to just do as you please. It must have some moral guidelines and that part is being eroded and going missing in our modern Western societies. I don’t know so much about other societies in depth but I feel that they have a different relationship with ‘authority’. It’s a choice to make and to pick your battles.

18th Aug 2025 – Shared with Reena’s Xploration #394


Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed, happy

Today I’m grateful for:

The shampoo that helps clean up Tigger’s skin. It leaves his coat feeling good and hopefully, this is the last time I have to wash him for a while as the blisters have almost all gone now. Luckily he doesn’t mind me washing him too much now.

The best thing about today was:

Starting to read Death’s End. First at Daytripper and then in the cooler late afternoon in the hammock. Already thought-provoking in the first 40 pages. Awesome.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t resist an afternoon nap after reading and I spent an hour fluctuating between lucidity and what felt like deep sleep. As I was falling asleep waves of euphoria hit me dragging me down to dreamland. It was delicious, I love that feeling and tried to make it last longer but the pull was too strong. I handled the ‘waste of time’ with sixty jumping jacks when I woke up and after shaking out my head a little.

Something I learned today?

After China brokered a deal between Iran and Saudia Arabia last week there’s talk now about the possibility of negotiating peace between Russia and Ukraine. That would be the biggest diplomatic coup so far this century.

Pushing the world toward peace is the exact opposite of what the US has promoted for the last 70 years. I really hope China can pull it off.

How can I express my creativity today?

How? In any number of ways. Anything is possible. However, I didn’t really. The two photos I took were about it. I did get some students to test my online lesson though, but I created that yesterday and will update accordingly tomorrow. I guess I got some ideas. Not every day is creative, much as we might like it to be.

I took this picture because it’s time to start a new book and get back into a good story. The third part of the trilogy and it’s off with a bang and a twist. I got to Daytripper early so not many people around. I also started to feel sleepy as my body and brain winds down from the intensity of the classroom.

Peacemakers – 11th March 2023

There are words that form the world
And the response is the surest test
One way will lead to destruction
But it’s the peacemakers that are blessed

Investigating the phrase ‘Blessed are the peacemakers’ it feels that it is a deliberate attempt to subvert its actual intent of advocating peace for all. With the addition of ‘for they shall be called the sons of God’, the implication is that peace is only available for one religious belief. To hell with the rest!


Today I’m feeling:

Tired and reflective. More so than normal today whenever memories of the past pop into my head they feel like they belong to someone else.

We change as we age so we are not the same person as we were before. Sometimes I miss myself.

I’m nostalgic for the pain I had of growing up.

Today I’m grateful for:

Tigger being the strong cat he is. Taking him to the vet today for regular vaccines and blood check found everything normal. He has really found his place here and his diagnosis of having AIDS hasn’t affected him so far.

The best thing about today was:

After lunch, I took a nap in air-con, finally not able to stay without and woke up a little grumpy. Apart from my half sertraline tablet, I didn’t take anything else today so was a little dizzy and down again.

Somehow though, I forced myself to pick up the guitar and with a few breaks ended up playing along to some of my favourite songs with the Capo app for around three hours.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My emotional stability was a little off this afternoon. But only slightly and I was well aware of it. It makes me a little unenthusiastic to do things even though I know if I start then I will enjoy it.

Something I learned today?

Amy video-called me from Chatswood and our old apartment visiting Anna; as she walked around the suburb I caught glimpses of shops I remembered there and I initially thought it would be nice to go back and have a look again but at the same time, not much has changed there really.

Amy said she thought I didn’t really have any feelings for our old apartment but I do. It’s just that they are memories now, in the past and cannot be repeated.

I’m sitting here in Kim’s room writing this and thinking this would be a good space as a painter’s studio and how I could do that if I wanted but then think am I really settled here?

I’m perhaps holding back on what I could do here. I love this place and where it has brought my life and the satisfaction I have with that, but with Amy not happy here and wanting to be settled back in Australia it seems that even this place will not be quite home.

I can’t imagine us having a place of our own in Australia somehow.

Did I learn something? Maybe that nowhere is home.

What is this season of life teaching me?

Naps are good. Even though time is running out there is lots of time. There’s no rush.

I took this picture because I love potatoes!

Big Cat Meet – 10th March 2023

What is it? What is that?
It seems like an oversized cat
Sniffing and lurching as a pet
And yet….

Fear arose at eyes meeting
Ears pound with heart beating
Comes the rush of approach
I lay down my body, defeating
Please! No eating!

A sniff, a purr, a tentative pat
Mutual understanding of where we’re at
A roll and a push, off excited
I too, soon alighted

Whisper at your feral fears
Into the eyes, through the tears
Roll over as if to submit
Here where the big cats sit

inspired by a dream of meeting an unknown type of big cat in a park


Today I’m feeling:

Happy, relaxed, maybe even bored!

Today I’m grateful for:

Febreeze and its feeble attempts at masking the still-rank cat pee smell on my mattress. It’s doing its best.

The best thing about today was:

Testing out the Quizizz lesson I put together yesterday with Ploy and Praewa. They enjoyed it and I learned a few things from practising it with them. I need to add a little more detail and tweak a few things.

However, the concept may be good but I think the level is too high for my M1 classes. I will look for easier lessons to put together in the same way over the holidays.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Still dark, lost in a dream world, a thud and a scream sit me bolt upright as Cap and Tigger, a ball of furry yin and yang roll over me, their combined weight slamming down at my hip.

I grab the darker fury but cannot pull them apart, interlocked they are in a vicious grip. A second pull and a broken claw embeds itself in my finger and finally, they are separated and I fling the fuming ball across the bed but this doesn’t stop them and they reassume attack positions in the living room.

Good morning, Shaun, it’s a lovely day though there’s no daylight apparent.

Finally, the fighters back down and I return to my soft bed hot and awake. I check the time. 4 minutes until my alarm. I get up and shake the doona back into place and clumps of fur float through the still air.

Ok, let’s go.

Something I learned today?

Some private chats with a couple of my students helped me to learn a little more about their situations. With there being no classes and fewer kids around school everyone is a little more relaxed and open these last few days.

What is my favourite memory from childhood?

I’m going to say it was the common spirit we village kids had.

Forced together by location we went through all the usual ups and downs a group of teenagers would. Being out in the sticks with little street lighting, we entertained ourselves with endless hours of mischief, fire and explosions.

There’s not one specific memory that stands out but as I bring those thoughts to mind many more flood back and the joy of that childhood camaraderie remains special to me.

I took this picture because I was lazily reading in my hammock when these neighbours’ kids appeared and started blah blah blahing in Thai at me. They usually come in around this time every day adding our garden as part of their playground. If I’m watering I’ll spray them to hear their screams and laughter.

A Moment, Please – 9th March 2023

Take me to the perfect people party
A room full of fancied dress
Smoke and mirrors cooperate
To make meaning of this mess

This picture painted is a fake
Yet within, contains the essence
Deeper than those apparitions
Chasing love over lessons

The traveller lives in joy
Following rules of thirds
From friends to lovers to art
The meaning is within these words


Today I’m feeling:

Very relaxed! Not many kids were around at school and I told those who asked that we wouldn’t have classes which enabled me a lazy time at House before checking back in with students I could find and then heading home before midday. Chill chill.

Today I’m grateful for:

The girl I met playing cards at Daytripper about ten days ago remembering my name. I remembered her friend’s name and almost got hers right too – she is Panan and I remembered Panon.

I was busy with lesson planning so couldn’t join them this time but hopefully next time. I want to go there more as it feels to be more conducive to me working (blogging, writing, lesson planning) than home.

The best thing about today was:

Talking with Namkhing and Fah about study and what I’m trying to help them achieve. What was memorable was that they told me they prefer to study English more than Thai but then discovering the real reason is that they don’t like any of the Thai teachers because they complain all the time. But then I said that I complain all the time too and they laughed and indicated that that was ok because they didn’t understand what I was saying so much.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

There has been nothing to make me feel upset about anything today so the best I can manage, and is a generalisation, is the air quality today and temperature tonight. Handled with the air purifier and aircon. I’m grateful to have these available.

Something I learned today?

In preparation for an event that may occur in the next few years, I watched a video about Marcel Proust. The event will be me reading In Search Of Lost Time.

One of the points the video mentioned about the book was that we barely notice the 1000s of things happening around us each day and that things like art can connect us back to that.

This made me think of my last four years of keeping a gratitude journal and how at times I have to search for something to be grateful for but there is always something new to be found.

Also how my days are relatively uneventful but I am able to find happiness within them. I’m looking forward to reading those books but unsure when I can get to them.

What seems uncertain right now?

Isn’t everything? I don’t mean in a bad or negative way but nothing is certain. One day the sun won’t be coming up, just like yesterday there was no yoghurt at Makro. Everything that I think about is uncertain. It’s not that most things are likely to happen but they could.

I took this picture last month because all our cats enjoy Amy’s old bra box to sleep in. This time it’s Cap and then Kim will usually kick him out and then at other times Tig will steal this spot first.

Self Help – 8th March 2023

It’s a personal operation
I’m wielding the knife
Following my direction
Exorcising my life

Making deep cuts
Removing the clots
Tightening the nuts
Massaging the knots

Hacked and rebooted
Time to rise and shine
Finally, I’m suited
In this body of mine


Yesterday’s euphoria is not really present today perhaps because I was still feeling it last night as I bashed out guitar and wanted to read comics well past my normal sleep time.

So now I’m a little dopey and tired, which can be similar to euphoria until something niggly happens that can turn into a bad mood.

Waiting for 30 minutes at Immigration for a one-minute interaction could have done it but I kept my cool.

Now I’m with coffee so all is good.

I’ll go back to school and do a little more work, maybe go to Central and talk to the Mac repair people and see if there is any possibility of getting the beast fixed.

I’m already looking forward to sleeping tonight.

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, tired, relaxed.

Today I’m grateful for:

Having the fine comb/brush that I can use for Tigger to try and get his coat under control now that it is shedding everywhere as summer is trying to settle in during the daytime at least. The nights are still lovely and cool though, which may be confusing for the cats. The comb is full of Tigger’s hair with just a few brief sweeps. He’s a non-stop shedder!

The best thing about today was:

Figuring out I should be able to get my iMac fixed if I buy the correct components and take them to the shop at Central. Should be just a couple of hundred bucks as opposed to a couple of thousand or more for a new system.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I forgot how tired I was by this evening and now realising I probably didn’t need a weed gummy as it’s just knocked me out and I’m in bed at 8.30 catching up on last night already. Handled appropriately.

Something I learned today?

I spent a fair bit of time whizzing around Quizziz, building up my lessons for next year. I’m hoping that integrating with it more will be more engaging for the kids. I need to spend a bit more time finding others who have used it innovatively and then borrowing their ideas. No point in reinventing stuff.

What happened today that was significant?

Not really anything. Check out what I wrote was the best thing about today and that’s about as significant as it gets.

I took this picture because Kim Chi has found a new spot for herself. I was looking all around, inside and outside the house, until I found her here.

Big Time – 16th February 2023

Asleep on the grass forever
Amongst the trees, staring at the sky
Nothing within vision
The clouds keep drifting by

Oblivious to the tears
Or the dramas yet to come
No more sadness or joy
At the sight of the rising sun

A dot on the map
A blip on the radar, gone
A marker in the road
That we’re all travelling on

2nd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – blip


Today I’m feeling:

Happy, then shocked, then numb.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to spend another day on this earth. This week’s events bring life into a sharper focus.

The best thing about today was:

Working with 1/6 in the morning following up on the work they struggled with yesterday. My plan went well and slowly, slowly, most students got a better understanding of this minor grammar point I was teaching.

It made me happy to see the kid’s own pleasure at getting it and also made me realise I need to slow up on certain points and work out better ways to present them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After my first class going well I was ready to grab a coffee but as I was going to the stairs I saw a bunch of primary students coming down from the floor above so I stood and high-fived them as they went past. More and more came and some students who knew me were happy to see me, particularly Nana who always comes and gives me a big hug.

As they kept coming Gun from 2/7 came running around the corner and said ‘Teacher, you know about Big? He’s gone, he’s dead!’ and off he went running down the stairs past all the primary kids.

Now, Gun is a bad boy and likes it, so I was a little bit dubious though I thought something like telling a lie like that was even below him. The last of the primary kids came down and I started behind them. On the way up were Aum and Sunwa and when they saw me they just burst into tears and hugged me. I took them up to the classroom and soon other students followed all looking sad, shocked and teary.

Gun appeared again and wanted to show me his phone. I knew what was coming and sure enough, he showed me a picture of Big, who had been hit by a car on his motorbike, his body lying at a weird angle on the side of the road. I told Gun to stop showing this and not to share it but unfortunately, pictures like this are normal here and even on the front pages of newspapers and websites. I don’t even know where Gun got the pictures from.

More kids came, some only then finding out the news and it was a very sombre atmosphere. I hung around and comforted some or just sat quietly watching everyone. I could see one or two of the boys who were Big’s closest friends were particularly distraught.

Eventually, David came and I left for my own class with 1/7 and some of them already had seen RIP pictures shared on Facebook. I took the class slowly and the kids were good today as I promised they could go early if they listened and finished the work. I talked more with a few students outside and came home.

I wasn’t particularly close to Big as he often didn’t come to my class or would skulk in late without me even noticing him but he still occupied a small space in my brain that will no longer be filled.

I feel sad that someone so young is lost like that and sad at the grief of his friends and I feel in some way his co-students are sad because they know that it could just as easily be them. Big is not sad, but we all are.

Something I learned today?

I watched a wingsuit video today of people jumping from a plane over the Maldives. Looking at the islands below it seems to me that the generic photo used to advertise the sea houses over sparkling clear blue water is right next to the airport. You could just get off the plane and walk across the runway and into one of these houses. I would guess the airport is not that busy but it also shows that the idyllic picture is not quite what it seems if you could see the full 360-degree view!

23rd Feb 2023 – Looking at a map it seems like almost every island of the Maldives has an airport so I guess wherever you might be there would be the occasional rumble of planes going by.

What song takes me back to a specific memory?

Impossible! Too many songs, too many memories. This question is suitable for a casual music listener. I’m transported to so many different parts of my life depending on what I’m listening to.

I took this picture because Tigger loves our house so much. He can lie anywhere and feel good. I do have to double-check sometimes to make sure he’s still breathing!

And Then… – 10th February 2023

At the vanguard, the pinnacle
No longer an unknown fuzz
It doesn’t get better than this
And then it does

At the peak of the mountain
After setting the world on fire
Nowhere left to go after this
And then someone else goes higher

Supersonic humanitarian jets
Speed help to any disaster
Always first on the scene
Until someone else goes faster

Everything pushed to the limit
Achievement no longer a buzz
It doesn’t get better than this
And then it does


Today I’m feeling:

Rundown and a little bored and unenthused.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Mama noodles, egg, onion and dried protein from Oasis that formed my dinner. All the people involved in making, packaging, buying and selling and delivering these separate ingredients that made into my kitchen, my bowl and then my belly.

The best thing about today was:

I’m not in the best of moods today though purely due to tiredness. I did feel better after eating and did then enjoy reading another Anton Chekov story ‘Ariadne’ which at one point describes that deep emotional love of connection with another body that one must savour completely. I also got absorbed in another chapter of Affluenza in the evening too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I couldn’t force myself up and out of bed this morning. I ate a weed gummy a couple of hours before going to bed last night and was maybe feeling the lingering effects of that. Consequently, I was late to get to school, which shouldn’t really be a problem this week though.

I went for coffee and struggled through adding more blog entries before heading back home and lazily watching some videos and finally hopping into bed with all cats present. I quickly fell asleep but also quickly woke up again which surprised me. I was still tired but suddenly I was no longer sleepy.

I could feel myself getting grumpy during Amy’s calling at dinner time. She was a little emotional about missing our cats and was also a little drunk and talkative. She happily talked whilst I prepared my food and ate it and I’m glad I didn’t let my own emotions take over and cut our conversation short. I felt a little better by the time we said good night.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, cats get whisker stress if their food bowls are too deep and bend their whiskers whilst eating. I watched our cats eat this afternoon and our bowls are good for them. This was information in a video about things to do to keep your cats happy. We pretty much do them all and our cats exhibit the behaviour of happy cats.

What was the highlight of this week?

Undoubtedly it was walking up to Khun Korn waterfall and jumping into the water. This week has been relatively quiet so this was an easy choice.

I took this picture because Tigger is so happy in this house. He has so many spots he enjoys lying, sleeping or rolling around. Today I had to give him another shampoo clean to help with his skin problem and afterwards he went straight out into the sun but was already rolling around in the dust and leaves.

Balloon – 3rd February 2023

Let go and let fly
Gathering data from the sky
To understand a stormy why

Unsteered and set adrift
To heavens, the air will lift
Arriving as an unwanted gift

A drama begins to bloom
Gossipped hot air fills the room
Fills and refills the balloon

Tricked and deceived by lies
It comes to no one’s surprise
The balloon contained no spies


Debut album for Melbourne Noise Punks Ad Interim
now available for pre-order on vinyl with two bonus tracks unavailable elsewhere at adinterim.bandcamp.com/merch or stockrecordsperth.bandcamp.com/merch

A joint release by Tenzenmen and Stock Records

CD/digital originally released April 11, 2022

Guitar + Vocals – Max Ducker
Bass – Michael McQueen
Drums – Roger Newall
Guest vocals on “Sideways” – Prue Elyn

Recorded and Mixed at Cellar Sessions Studio by Max Ducker.
www.cellarsessionsstudio.com
Mastered By Alan Smith at Bergerk Studios


Today I’m feeling:

Tired and a little rundown. Reasonably happy though despite some of my annoying students.

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady who I bought the salted fish from as she gave me extra sauce. Not that I could use it today. One pack is sure to be burning my ass tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying my classes and students despite what I mention below. We had a playful time and enjoyed learning and carried on into the playground during lunchtime.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As usual, it was some of my students and their disrespectful attitudes and I handled it by kicking them out of my class. Other students asked if I was angry or upset but I wasn’t. I told them I was happy now that those students were gone. I think they were happy too.

Something I learned today?

I learned not to give Cap and Tig the special treats we have as it’s only for Kim. I found out when Amy watched me feeding them via video call. I thought I’d seen her giving it to them before but I was mistaken.

What word or phrase would I like to give this year?

2023 – The Year of…..

Maybe this question will be better answered at the end of the year.

I took this picture because Tigger just loves the dust and dirt of our garden. I don’t know if it’s ever going to be possible to clean up his skin without keeping him inside, which he would hate.