Tag: writing

At The Edge – 22nd February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

I’m running at the edge of their world
Pushed away and pulled back again
I don’t want to fall off the fence
And find myself having to explain

They’re criticising something they can’t understand
Never taking the time to lend a listening ear
On the fence, there’s air to breathe
Down below so clouded with fear

I’m living on the edge of their town
Itching to break free of the shackles
My feet only touch the ground to run
The touch paper lighted crackles

And I won’t be shot down
I won’t be pulled apart
There’s no compromise
At the edge of my heart

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge Edge

Inspired by the Stiff Little Fingers song ‘At The Edge’ from which each line of the chorus was taken as the first line of each stanza

And I’m running at the edge of their world
They’re criticising something they just can’t understand
Living on the edge of their town
And I won’t be shot down

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and happy.  The early birds crawing woke me up before my alarm, along with waking Tigger who then starting crawing too.  I slept pretty well otherwise and got back into exercise on this chilly morning. The evening temperatures are perfect but by early morning it’s still cold and then during the day we’re hitting 35 degrees or so.

Today I’m grateful for:

There being yet another event this morning and being able to accommodate the kids wishes to go to it instead of studying.  To achieve that  I set them a minor task of taking a photo at the event and describing it to me.  After sticking around for a few minutes I was able to duck out for coffee and keep up with the classes work as the submitted it to me online.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling good with the poems I was inspired to write today and clearing out some of the growing number of email prompts that I’ve been receiving.  I’ve gotten right into this little circle of writers and whilst I don’t enjoy much of what I read I can appreciate the time and effort that they are putting into it and occasionally something does grab my attention that hits the mark.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The morning event rolled over into the afternoon and so for the second week running my grade 10s were busy and only a few were in the classroom when I got there.  Well, that’s fine.  I’m not sure if I will get to teach them again this semester.  So with even more free time I took the opportunity to wander around the school and talk and play with whoever I found (which was almost everyone!)

Something I learned today?

The last letter added to the English alphabet was ‘J’. Before that, the letter ‘i’ was used for both the ‘i’ and ‘j’ sounds.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I left school at around 3pm and went to Big C and whilst there I suddenly heard ‘Teacher!’  It was Baibua and Khawhom.  They looked a little sheepish but also laughing at seeing me shopping.  I asked them what they were doing and they indicated that they were going to the movies.  But wait a minute!  Why aren’t they at school?  They said there was nothing to do.  Well, that is true.  I know and they know it.

With my grade 10 class not showing up I went to help Kru Ren again and offered my help to the different groups of students.  I was a little disappointed with Baipad because it turned out that she hadn’t done any work for class for the whole semester.  Jan and Apple had done some but not finished it.  I asked them why they weren’t doing it now and they just offered up excuses.  Sigh.  I told Baipad that I can help her catch up this evening if she wants me to but haven’t heard anything from her yet.

David hasn’t been at school for the last three days so I sent him a message asking if he was ok.

What tasks do I often avoid?

I don’t think there’s any task that I avoid completely but I have a different threshold of tolerance to certain things to Amy so in that sense I avoid mopping the floors or cleaning the toilets but if she wasn’t here I would do those things but only when I found it necessary.  

Asking Amy what tasks I often avoid might provide a clearer answer.

I took this picture because I wanted to show my students an example of what they were required to do for class (take a picture connected with the event and write a sentence about it). I was happy that almost all of them completed this simple task. I thought this student picture was quite nice and as I took the picture the student who made it was there and his friends were all in awe!

No More However – 4th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s no more debating
The words that you’re stating
Broke down my defence
Pushed me off the fence
There’s no more however
I’ll live this truth forever
No more other hand
A line in the sand
Fighting the good fight
Confirming I am right

Having said that though
No! Tell me it ain’t so!

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy though also a little saddened at some circumstances that arose last night when Amy’s brother and girlfriend came to visit.  Things are happening in the family space that are a little upsetting for Amy and she is quite bothered by them.  It feels like another thing to push her away from Thailand unfortunately.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai again as this morning she presented me with a big bag of almonds. 

One of her quirks tickles me in that when she doesn’t know the answer to a question she says ‘I don’t know’.  This may not sound odd when written down but it is sometimes quite difficult to get people here to admit that they don’t know something.  Often they will just give some bullshit answer. 

I’m glad Funfair happily admits not knowing things though.  To me, that shows a desire to learn, or an acceptance that it is ok not to know everything.

The best thing about today was:

Teaching this extra (grade 10) class.  I found out in the morning it is a pretty good class including many of my old students so it was good to have some familiar faces there because that made me feel comfortable, which in turn made the other students comfortable too. 

I’d put together a quick reading and writing lesson in the morning and wondered if we would have enough time to do it but they pretty much breezed through it and were happy to be corrected on pronunciation.  It’s a stark contrast to my grade 7 class in the morning which was like herding cats as usual.  I enjoyed both classes in different ways. 

I’m quite happy to have taken on this extra class despite it meaning extra work for me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I still didn’t get paid yet and had to beg money off Amy to put petrol in the car.  I’m down to 61 baht in the bank and 40 baht in my wallet.  I’m taking this as an opportunity to be frugal and make do with what I already have.  Except coffee.  That is on credit, thankfully, though I hate doing it.

Something I learned today?

In Switzerland, it’s illegal to own just one guinea pig because they’re social beings and get lonely.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

This morning Paen messaged me asking if she could come and join my class with the grade 7s.  The reason being that she is developing a friendship with Praew and wants to see if she will be her girlfriend. 

As I didn’t really have much planned for the class except some Quizizz and as I’d like to help Paen make a new friend or girlfriend I allowed her to come and sit and help a little too. 

Both Praew and Paen were happy to have this chance to be together.  Paen has struggled with friendships with her peers so I’m hopeful that making friends with a younger girl could work out for her.

Are you a doer, a maker or a leader?

Out of these three choices, I reckon I’m a doer.  I’ve always been an advocate for doing something, anything and I still follow that line of thinking.

My doing recently involves the challenge of presenting a poem every day.  I’m not sure how long I have been doing it now, maybe it’s two years already.

Also, trying to go back and add information to this blog about the past is a monumental and endless task which is the kind of stupid thing I like to get into.

Previously, in the absence of anyone else doing it, I started the record label, organised shows and tours and shared the information to help others to do the doing too.

Part of that crosses over to being a maker, as I made part of the Sydney/Australia/Asia music scene and am still involved in that, though not as relentlessly as before.

As a teacher, I hope that I am helping in making responsible adults and this also crosses over to being a leader.

I don’t play well with adults and have no desire to lead them, to lead a work team or the like but seem to have fallen into being a de facto leader for my students.


I took this picture because Nudee and her friends were trying to make TikTok videos after they’d finished my classwork. I was outside the classroom and this picture was actually taken through a highly tinted window (it’s very difficult to see inside with the naked eye) so I was surprised that the picture even came out so well. Ironically, the girls were all too embarrassed to have their picture taken and I grabbed this shot before they put their hands up in front of the camera. Nudee likes to wear colourful contact lenses which make her eyes look amazing. She also has a lip-piercing which is prohibited by the school rules (hence the mask) but I have seen many kids flouting it recently and I like it.

To The Beach We Enjoy – 20th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The pinnacle of freedom, sunning on the sand
It’s been worth it, all those working hours planned
How to make the day last longer than a minute?
How to enjoy the freedom when sunk deep within it?

A mind numb from routine, endless pointless tasks
Accumulating misery that the search for freedom masks
Another dollar, another day disappears again
It’s a low bar for freedom that dribbles down the drain

Today I’m feeling:

A little run down after these three days of double exercise.  I must push through though.  I can still feel the general improvement in my body and the tiredness is more through not enough sleep.  I wanted to get to bed earlier last night but was enjoying listening to Amy talking about this, that and the other.

Today I’m grateful for:

Leo being reasonably calm this morning when I took him for a walk so that I don’t need to wash my pants like I did last week.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing another writing book, this one for poems.  It’s always exciting because I look forward to a new book and it’s width will effect how I write in it.  However at the moment I have a couple of half used books that I want to fill up first rather than waste the paper.  Actually, if I think about it I have lots of half empty books that I could finish off too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was grumpy with me when I indicated that I wanted her to stop poking me whilst I was eating.  I know she was just having fun but I got a little annoyed.  I don’t like things happening while I’m eating.  I like to sit and watch TV without disturbance.  Anyway, Amy went off and I finished my food and tried to carry on as normal.

Something I learned today?

I saw an interview with RFK Jr where he said some pretty dumb things (in my mind) about the genocide in Palestine.  It them made me wonder (into conspiracy theory territory perhaps).  What if those who wish to be in control in the USA were getting worried that RFK Jr was looking likely to become president next year and, knowing that he would support Israel in any conflict with Palestine, gave the go ahead for Netanyahu to destroy Palestine with impunity so that when RFK Jr showed his support of Israel he would likely lose lots of votes from those who support his other policies.  I saw lots of comments online saying that those who once supported him would no longer.  USA politics is such a fucking shitshow that conspiracy is almost likely.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

In both my classes I encouraged and coached my students to guide them to the information they needed to complete my work so that almost no one was left behind.  The kids are in a relaxed mood due to sports events and Christmas.  I’m trying to relax with them but also pushing them along.

Some students were a little grumpy with me for penalising them for not doing my work yesterday but I soon managed to get them smiling again.  Mostly, anyway.

In the garden, I tied up a little of the pencil tree again as it is growing off in crazy directions and I watered the plants at the back whilst Tigger was sunning himself on the fresh-cut grass.

Which book did you read in college or school that was actually interesting enough that you still think or talk about it sometimes?

Going through my old diaries reminded me of some of the books that I read in my teenage years and surprised me that I was reading more than I ever remembered.  I always felt it was a struggle to read.  Some of the titles were familiar but not so much the stories.  I was proud of reading all 6 of the Thomas Covenant books and, again, whilst remembering little of the story now, the achievement still resonates with me and has removed the fear of reading long books.  War and Peace now sits waiting on my to-be-read shelf.

Tonaor took this picture because she likes to take selfies and so I gave her my phone because I can’t hold the phone in the professional manner that these kids can. So lots of face pulling and snaps later this is the one I like the best. Tonoar, myself, Namkhing.

Communion – 26th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A spark flies on wandering wings
Darting forth on invisible strings
Before coming to rest on the orange soil
Growing here a cluster of limes
By the river flowing since ancient times
And the field the poorest farmers toil

The leaves all fall and flow downstream
Watched by those that wish to dream
Of lands and opportunities far away
What is here and there is just the same
The seas and cities all wax and wane
Only the princes are happy to stay

Keeping butterflies within their cages
Whispered words on parchment pages
Tell legends of a joyful union
Setting fires ablaze, the whole world sings
Another spark flies on wandering wings
Ignites the story of our own communion

Today I’m feeling:

Good and happy. This morning I opted for a 7-minute chest workout because yesterday whilst students were talking to me one of them whispered ‘Teacher nom yai’ and I looked at her and grabbed my chest and gave a stern face and then a sad face, all the while we were all laughing. As my lower back was a bit sore this morning I decided to try and work off some boob fat!

Today I’m grateful for:

Goy and Bae for letting us share their Netflix until now. News is that they won’t be able to share anymore as Netflix is changing the options to only be able to share on the same wifi network. That’s ok for me. I enjoy watching things on there but I already have a whole host of other things I can spend time watching.

The best thing about today was:

Whilst sitting in House, watching a lecture on modern poetry and trying to find inspiration to write something myself, an attractive young couple came in and ordered coffees, and inspiration was found in the young ladies’ soft smooth tan skin, pretty feet and bare waist. So I wrote about temptation, how it can only lead to trouble and that it’s better just to enjoy the view.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had a plan to go to see Matt between my classes today and messaged him as he had asked before leaving school to drive there. I had contemplated cancelling as I’m pretty tired from the first full week of classes but figured it would help keep me going for the rest of the day rather than sitting around for the whole four-hour break between classes. Unfortunately, Matt replied that he was busy caring for his mother-in-law who had broken her ankle. Well, the change of plan was fine. I mean, I don’t need much convincing to sit around drinking coffee in a favourite cafe and doing bits and pieces of reading and writing.

Something I learned today?

Also at House, Gui offered me a new tea that he had in stock. He told me it was a famous Chiang Rai tea though I didn’t quite catch the name and when he presented it to me it was blue, made with butterfly pea flowers. It was sweet tasting without having any sugar added and refreshing with ice. He then offered more but this time with milk and a little syrup and that was delicious. Along with two coffees and two glasses of water, I was well slaked.

Where do I usually find inspiration?

Well, I guess thinking back on today’s poetic inspiration it would appear that pretty ladies are where I usually find it! In general though, I would say inspiration is found in beauty, wherever that may be seen. A river, a rainbow, a flower, a tree. Similarly, it can be found within the dark ugly shadows of desperation too. 

I took this picture about ten days ago and posting it today as I haven’t had much time or inspiration to take pictures these last couple of days.

Keep Blowing – 7th April 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Keep blowing, the wind
Blow away the aches
Blow away the pain
Of all of my mistakes

Keep blowing and skronking
Blow in the chance
To fill the empty spaces
With a feverful dance

Today I’m feeling:

Better today but still flat and unenthused. I was able to write out some words, write a lesson plan and bash about on guitar. This all helped a little.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Nut bringing me a bag of food for which I’m very appreciative. Check the picture for one item plus bagels, yoghurt and dried mango. I also felt a little better after our brief interaction so I’m glad she came to visit.

The best thing about today was:

Just feeling a little better in general. Little Kim is still on my mind particularly as it was this time last week I took her to the vet. Though I miss her I’m starting to feel happy when I think about her now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Tigger sat his fat body in amongst the stacks of flashcards that I’d been sorting through. Miraculously he was delicate enough getting up again that he didn’t disturb them. I have to finish sorting them out and packed away before he sits on them again or worse still, sprays on them.

Something I learned today?

I watched a video summarising The Infinite Jest and it reminded me how awesome it was to read and made me feel like reading it again but…. there are a couple of hundred other books begging me not to!

What are three qualities I appreciate about myself?

Perseverance, ability to be alone, caring.

Perseverance because I have learned to just keep going. I’ve learned the things that I am unable to do but if there is something I do but do not do well or easily then I will keep trying. Some of these things I get better at and others I just keep doing them. I used to give up a lot when I was young. Somehow along the way, I learned to enjoy the big challenges. I’m thinking about my first job working at an electrical wholesaler and we always had large quantities of different types of cable. Sometimes the reels would break and the cable would get into a terrible tangle. Everyone hated dealing with this, including me. But I would take the time and set myself the task to do the impossible and untangle it all, measure it and tidy it up. I got pleasure from the end result of this.

My ability to be alone is surely learned from being an only child to a single mum (after my father died before even knowing him). Even though there were always many people around in the places that I lived I knew I was alone and kept myself amused and entertained. Yes, I still don’t play well with others and never enjoy suffering their dramas but I’m at peace with myself this way. Sometimes I watch TV or videos and think how fun it would be to do this and that, to be surrounded by family, part of a gang, hanging with work colleagues etc but then I realise that that is not who I am. And that’s ok. I still feel all those things are possibilities that I may one day entertain and enjoy.

And caring. I know my personality has at times shown extremely uncaring attitudes but I have always felt an existential care for the disadvantaged and underdog. I tend to care more about those who are truly suffering than those who are complaining (knowing I can be just as much of a complainer).  I am a utopian dreamer and believe it is a government’s role and duty to provide care for all its citizens. I am only marginally philanthropic. I donate money where I can but don’t often donate my time. I often think about it but never take it further. I care about my close family immensely and I care about my student’s welfare, some would say more than I should.


I took this picture because Nut made this food for me and it was tasty and much appreciated. Middle Eastern and/or Indian inspired.

The Party – 14th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Temporary swarms buzz and circle
Conversations bend or disappear
Nests break and reconfigure
With new formations becoming clear
An idler on the roof above
Monitors the party in motion
Follows every dip and rise
As if floating on the ocean
Plans discussed, pleasantries exchanged
Jokes told to absurd laughter
Approaches made, compliments fired
And plans afoot for what comes after

a scene from Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake

To live is to war with trolls in heart and soul. To write is to sit in judgement on oneself.

Henrik Ibsen

Today I’m feeling:
Content and lazy
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to easily buy snacks and treats for myself at shops nearby and having the money to do it. I’m far away from any major commerce but through the effort of 1000s of people, I can buy yoghurt, blue cheese, chips and toilet paper at stores just a 10-minute drive away.
The best thing about today was:
Listening to Kurws. Great band making interesting music for a decade or so. Today has been a very lazy day after returning from shopping at 10am. I haven’t done much of what I normally do but I’m fine with it. I’m getting used to this quiet life and not having a frenzy in my head of having to do things out of obligation, though I do recognise and appreciate that driving force at times. I know I will get that feeling back in a week or two when school starts again so in the meantime I’m enjoying the freedom to listen to as much music as I can.

I took this picture because… come on, how cute is that! This is from a couple of months ago but I’ve been so lazy to go anywhere and take any interesting pictures today. Even in the garden. I suppose I could have found something beautiful at the shops… Pictures are not usually on my mind when shopping though, usually just want to get in and out as quick as possible.

Make It – 17th May 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Yeah, we’re gonna make it
But only by the skin of our teeth
Possibly we’ll break it
But somewhere we have to find belief
Maybe we’ll mistake it
For an eternity all too brief
Probably we’ll fake it
Wallowing in an illusion of relief

The more you have to lose, the more fragile you are.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for an extra day off school. I could get a lot of writing, reading and guitaring done. Bonus.

The Week That Was – 15th July 1979
The Week That Was – 22nd July 1979

Happy Weeds – 16th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In this garden of life
I’m a simple weed, underachieving
Yet I can grow anywhere
And I’ll never stop believing
Happily, I join in chorus
As fellow weeds, we will survive
Take whatever is thrown at us
We’re just glad to be alive

I refuse to grow younger. I came by my decreptitude the hard way and I propose to enjoy it.

Jubal, Stranger In A Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to read all the great stories that smart people took the trouble to write, whether it’s comics or books.

Fatman report

Sleep Alone – 22nd November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We can’t share this dream together
Each world, a darkness of our own
The waking world we have in common
Born to us after our sleep alone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Dave Drayton in Australia who sent me his book of poems. Today I will send him something in return.

Yesterday was a beautiful blue sky day, which Amy tuts at and means that people will start burning again now, and then we’ll be back to a smoky sky. What she says is true but I’d rather just take in the beautiful sky as it is, right then and there. She warned me that she was pre-menstrual, so I didn’t say anything!

We went to visit Bruno and Nut and had a good lunch through to dinner, chatting about everything and anything. Bruno and I did a quick dash into the city to meet an acquaintance of his who has just opened a coffee shop at their house. His name is Run and his English was pretty good.

Back at Bruno’s, I ate lots of hot pot food and took part in drinking all their ‘weed whiskey’, which didn’t taste like either and didn’t have much of either effect too, but it tasted nice. I had a good time even though I didn’t get a chance to practice guitar. I’ll make up for it tonight, hopefully. I’m starting to feel a little tired now.

This week is no-kids week for me, so I’m at House, marking their work as they send it and preparing for more weeks for 2/9. My ass is getting sore from sitting on these stools for too long.

At some point, I want to sit and listen to a CD and write about each song, to try and practice my writing and get down how those sounds make me feel. I really wanted to just listen to the Leopold CD I just bought. I heard it last week and really liked it and wanted to take the time to concentrate on it a bit more. I ran out of time though.

This Shirt – 6th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This shirt is too tight
Restricting my space
Sleeves too short
And collar around my face

Nice design and style
But not quite the right fit
It’s only 8 am
And I’ve got all day to wear it

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for a great massage yesterday. Combined with my working out recently I can feel my body and thinking changing for the better.

Is it post-massage hangover? Slept well, woke up happy enough but sitting this morning, reading and sipping my usual big cup of cappuccino, I was aching and uncomfortable. I’ve noticed that I really love lying down on my back – it’s about the only position I feel comfortable in. I don’t have to use many of my puny muscles to support myself.

However, I recognise that this is not anyway to thrive and is one of the reasons for soldiering through the Six-pack in 30 days course, which, when you look deeper, is actually Six-pack in 90 days but who is gonna buy into that? I’m pleasantly surprised by my sticking with this regime so far, two weeks or more, and notice a sense of overall well-being, despite the achy bits and let’s hope that strengthening these stomach muscles will be part of the solution to the random pain points throughout my body. Or at least, perhaps, I’ll be able to touch my toes.

24 Jun 2025 – Update to this is that whilst I still have a better feeling of well-being, I don’t have a six pack, my body continues to ache and I still can’t touch my toes.

I finished entering in my 1979 diary to the blog, which has been an interesting exercise in the memory-jerking reminiscence department, but I have to keep remembering so that I can actually write alongside the diary entries at some point.

The more I think about collecting my life history into one place, the more ideas come along or memories of things forgotten are prodded forward for evaluation. When I see all the shit in the world I can’t believe how I lucky I am. I think about this every day now.