When will you be free of everything inside?
You want to hold and touch
But your demons hold too much
And familiarity breeds contempt and lies
Why does freedom make you feel so afraid?
You always run and hide
Your demons satisfied
Sinking deeper into your comfort made
Where will it end, the cycle to be broken?
Your freedom won
Your demons gone
Just memories of a past life never to be spoken
18th Oct 2024 – I think that this was a message to myself. My life was heading towards another change and I was asking myself lots of questions which ultimately led me down a dark path for a while.
I know all the reasons
I know all the excuses
I know how to fix it
I know how it’s broken
I know I’m not stupid
I know I can beat this
I know about good
I know about right
I’m still learning about myself
Big chains cover me
Bind me to the ground
Wrapped up inside myself
Unaware of all around
Heavy weights labour me
Tapping without sound
Scratching in the dark
I’m waiting to be found
It is reason lost
A light diminished
Words evaporated
All hope expired
Where did it come from?
Why is it here now, stronger?
Growing each day
Overtaking our existence
Like soldiers, youth marches on
Some victories, some defeats
This life is a grand war
Drummed to many different beats
So look brightly to your future
Your days may end with this one
Don’t fear the many distractions
One day, they too, will be gone
I see her sometimes lost
Unclear, wandering, isolated
Searching for something far away
Blind to solutions near
Sometimes forceful and defiant
Determination found then forgotten
Slowly slips away and meanders
Back to new avenues for exploration
What’s in that head of yours
That pulls you apart so deeply
And stops you from finding
The light so obvious inside?
18th Oct 2024 – Written about Lorraine, an attractive co-worker who I pursued, eventually becoming on-again, off-again partners. I saw a kindred spirit of someone with mental health issues.
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