The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #30 – 21st March 2020

Music from Unknown Gender, Chaser, Vibrators, Soul Junk, They Might Be Giants, Pfaff, Bob Drake, The Dils, Y.U.P., King Crimson, The Monkees, Universal Totem Orchestra, Meat Puppets, The Who, Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, Great Plains, The Wipers and Etron Fou Leloublan.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that our house is a paradise that I can stay there all day, every day.

To-do list

  • Find more topics and lessons
  • Cancel anniversary booking ✅

Lazy and happy day again – but I have a weird feeling of dread and panic – not overpowering – I guess it is just the uncertainty of the current pandemic situation. In fact, if I did get sick it is unlikely to be a critical problem for me personally. It’s just the general hysteria around and I think it’s slowly seeping into me. It’s making me think twice about even working again next semester. That could just be my holiday mood and lack of motivation though.

We got that attitude! – 20th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful that we are financially stable and don’t have to worry about money so much.

A conversation between Col. Harvey G. Summers and a North Vietnamese colonel after the Vietnam war. Summers pointed out that the US was never beaten on the battlefield. The colonel replied “That is true. It is also irrelevant.”

To-do list

  • Continue planning outlines ½
  • Online refunds
  • Picture for Fern and Art

Didn’t even make it out to my room today. Used my laptop a little bit on the lounge – apart from that, a lazy, lazy day.

We got that attitude! – 19th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful for the fantastic books I’m reading.

The haunting fear that other people are having a wonderful time.

The School of Life

To-do list

  • Finish topics overview for Champ
  • AirAsia and Agoda refunds
  • Picture for Fern ½
  • Talk with Bruce about cutting back
  • Finish more Pocket articles

Feeling a little unmotivated at the moment. I think may be due to the uncertainty of the future because of the virus.

The air quality is also putting me off from even going to work in my room – just want to sit in the one room with the air purifier and watch TV or read books. So tired and lazy, I fell asleep at around 10pm. I should be doing the things listed above but I don’t feel the urgency.

Amy is also talking more about her inability to live in Thailand anymore so our longer-term plans may involved a big move back to Australia. I feel a little disappointed with this but don’t want to keep Amy here if she can’t be happy. Her positive attitude has been slowly dissolved by her experience here over the last two years – not just with society in general but also with her parents and family.

As I’m feeling older and less inclined to be working, Thailand, despite its faults, feels like a better option to me. Amy is younger and still has the energy to work hard but our finances will be back to survival levels in Australia. I can live anywhere though so it’s not as important for me.

Has the world gone mad or is it me? – 18th March 2020

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I can remain calm today despite the stupidity surrounding me. I have been asked to control myself emotionally and not get too worked up.

For everyone is pained by the thought of disappearing, unheard and unseen, into an indifferent universe, and because of that everyone wants, while there is still time, to turn himself into a universe of words.

Milan Kundera, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting

To-do list

  • Pictures for Fern and Chinese teacher
  • AirAsia refunds and Agoda
  • Fill out topic overview for Champ
  • Read some Pocket articles ✅
  • Just Dance!

What an interesting and fun day today was in the end. So, after thinking I had completed everything yesterday I went to school to clock in and Amy and I went around the city doing some shopping. At about 10 am I started getting messages that I am supposed to be at school even though there is nothing to do. So I head back and apparently, there were things that needed to be fixed in the grading files – even though I had followed all their instructions and they OK’d it the day before.

So, while I’m helping them fix these I get a message from TLC saying I won’t be getting paid. I was quite proud of my fairly calm reaction and luckily kept my mouth shut long enough, and to talk with Amy. We thought it best to offer TLC that I finish with the school and forget about the money. I found the whole stupid situation quite amusing and a sad reflection on these poor people.

I helped Kru Noon and did everything she asked of me. I like her – she has been very sympathetic and she lamented and apologised for what she knows is a terrible school. She’s stuck there so I consider myself quite lucky. I came home and forgot about my tasks and challenges today as I felt like I had lost my focus due to these events. Not to worry. I’ll get back onto it tomorrow, though do feel like I am on holiday now.

You relapse unconscious, you don’t remember – 17th March 2020

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the help my co-workers give me.

17th Mar 2023 – Fuck me, Shaun! What was this help!? Sometimes I just have to pretend that I am good with words. Still, at least I got something down for the day! Perhaps there’s more information hidden away in another book somewhere.

The paradox of the internet has always been that the thing that’s connecting us all also seems to be driving us apart.

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • Shut your mouth! I know you want to speak – but DON’T!!! ✅
  • Pictures for Fern and Chinese teacher
  • Figure out 6 daily life topics ✅
  • AirAsia refunds
  • Stay calm and stay chill – sabai sabai ✅

I stayed calm and clear today and believe that I successfully did what was asked of me, without complaint.

I rewarded myself by coming home early and relaxing with TV – almost forgetting about having to teach Bruce. That was a bit of a shock to the system but again, I dealt with it quite well.

Tomorrow I need to start planning for next semester – working for my new masters!

We got that attitude! – 16th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful to have a car so I can get places without having to suffer so much from the polluted air.

There is no great difference between novels and banana bread. They are both just something to do

Mark Manson

To-do list

  • Finish off AirAsia refunds
  • See if the Office downloads can work ✅
  • Enjoy your day, your work, your interactions ✅
  • Drawings for Fern and Chinese teacher
  • Go to book shop, drug store and buy Vitamins ✅

Well, today went well until the rabbits (the idiots) raised their paws and decided that things were not well with my grading. Rather than actually tell me what the problem was they deferred and advised me to ask someone else tomorrow.

The problem, I already know – because I graded accordingly – so many students did not pass. What is the point of grading if our grades are not permitted? It’s a waste of everyone’s time. Why even teach?

Anyway, it’s an easy fix – it just involves lying and deceit. Is this right? Is this moral? Of course not. It perpetuates the lie that everything is ok. It hurts to be part of this. Fight it or forget it? Of course, the best answer is to forget it but then nothing changes. I hate this time of year.

Tomorrow, no doubt, to pass the time quickly I will adjust the grades so that everyone will pass. And….hmmm….everyone will be happy….?

When I go for a stroll I always stay on the sidewalk, and I always wear a pair of nice warm boots – 15th March 2020

We wake up in the morning fresh and ready to go and by the end of the day, we are covered in dust. The dust of emotions, of work, of stress, of everything. 

– Daily Stoic email

Most days disappear too fast. I was busy – busy with what? I set myself small goals and challenges and cross them off at nightfall. The next day, do it again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I am a machine and the dust gets in. Wash it away, wash this out of my life.

Talking of dust, it hasn’t rained here for 6 months, the land is cracking, grass clings to life but the jungle can still prevail. It doesn’t matter what gets thrown at it.

The sight of a big rat running around hopefully means the snakes are gone for now. Our lazy cats bring us gifts of small lizards and small birds, blood trailed across the kitchen floor.

Each evening we water the plants and trees, the sun red over the mountains, barely penetrating the thick smoke blown down from Myanmar and Laos. This is still the Wild East – laws often meaningless, common moral duties not learned in the chaos of the education systems.

We live in dust, breathe it in, poison for the lungs. But, we live.

A wise man said that you can’t step in the same stream twice,
But I find that wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit, that’s very unpleasant, especially between the toes…..

nomeansno

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to go outside again. It was weird to be outside again after two weeks at home.

To-do list

  • Record another TCRAH and finish off upload details ✅
  • Express your gratitude and happiness to see people ½
  • Do not judge people ✅
  • Finish installing Powerpoint ½
  • Chinese drawing

My first day outside in 2 weeks. It felt a little strange as I was riding to Utopia and this feeling of freedom and being able to go anywhere. It was good to catch up with everyone there – I think I should try and talk more with everyone who works there, maybe they think that I am not that friendly.

Anyway, the air quality sucks so it was back home and indoors again. For some reason, I woke up and got up at six thirty so actually managed to do a few things before even going out for coffee.

At around 10.30 it’s usually too hot and sunny to be outside but with the smoke so thick there’s an apocalyptic colour to the sky and only a vague idea of where the sun is. It was still hot but I took the opportunity to water our suffering plants and trees.

A trip out for lunch and re-stocks at Makro and I got a lot more done in the afternoon.

Back to school tomorrow. I want to try and maintain this good feeling I’ve had for the last two weeks even if having to deal with difficult people. This is my test.

I would like to go and help George with some lesson planning but I have a feeling that the lack of communication last week will end up getting dumped back on me in the morning (I was originally told that I would be able to start preparations back at CRPAO at this time). Oh well – let’s see how it goes and I’ll attempt to think before I speak.

Remember – things you can control and things you can’t control.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #29 – 14th March 2020

Music from The Radwan Satellite, The Spielbergs, The Ex, Teenage Depression, The Dickies, Prince Francis, Nihilistics, The Ladies, Third Thumb, Mothboxer, Bare Grillz, Sakarin Boonpit, Blondie, Naked Raygun, The Satellites, Ambient Noise and the Sex Pistols.


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these masks that can help me breathe. Coronavirus and high AQI.

14th Mar 2023 – That looks like a pretty fine podcast. Sometimes I go and listen to them myself. I think they’re pretty good. The mix of music represents my madness.
After having Covid last year I decided to stop wearing masks but with the summer burning season here again I’m wearing them intermittently when I’m outside.

To-do list

  • Record and upload TCRAH ✅
  • Install Powerpoint on laptop ½
  • Sort more CDs ½
  • Try to move more

Started off the day well then fell back into reading and watching TV. I do, however, feel much better today and much happier too. With holidays coming up, ie. not really having to work, I feel like I have lots of free time at the moment so I’m enjoying watching TV, though I do notice that time goes too fast.

Same with reading. I’m reading a lot more these days and before I know it, a couple of hours have gone.

Tomorrow is the end of quarantine and I’ll go buy coffee in the morning and we’ll stock up on supplies again.

Just enough light filters in – 13th March 2020

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our purifier, giving us cleaner air to breathe.

13th Mar 2023 – Still in use and still necessary, unfortunately. As Amy says, we can’t get everything. I just hope that this poisoned air doesn’t kill me.

The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.

Gloria Steinem

To-do list

  • Record another TCRAH
  • Revise WOOT video
  • Continue drawing Chinese picture
  • Clear email and close tabs ✅
  • Sort more CDs ½

Time disappeared today – it seems to be fluid. I guess I read a lot and watched a lot of YouTube or TV but before knowing anything it was 7 pm.

I did try to sit and concentrate on some things but there is an overall feeling of dread – not just with the virus but also with the air quality. It’s starting to make me feel sick much like last year. Constant headache. It’s not helped that having to stay home means lots of sitting around or lying down so my body is feeling tired and unused.

We got that attitude! – 12th March 2020

I am so happy and grateful that I still have teeth, even though they hurt a lot of the time.

12th Mar 2023 – I haven’t been back to the dentist for over a year now. I still have a little pain but it’s not enough to make me go back for a fix. I wonder if I go to a dentist back in Australia what they are likely to say about the quality of work I’ve had done over the last few years here in Thailand. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t wish to afford the upgrade though.

Inner peace is the break between two thoughts. The moment of calm before the mind invades our serenity with another thought.

To-do list

  • Record TCRAH in the morning ✅
  • Just Dance ✅
  • Meditate to more Inner Eng. ½
  • Drink more water ½
  • Revise the WOOT video

Busy and fulfilling day today. I feel positive and energised. Tomorrow I hope to continue.