Month: May 2020

We got that attitude! – 21st May 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for opportunities and choices. Last night Takky asked again if I would be interested in teaching with him and Alan at Tessaban 6. It’s good to have options.

To-do list

  • Enjoy the day again – not much for me ✅
  • Meditate and exercise – get up early ✅
  • Can you do morning pages? The quiet voice?
  • Drink more water ½

I got up early and did some weights and stretching, as well as a quick meditation. I felt pretty good but was a bit down and subdued when I got to work. I was still thinking about last night and my worry about Amy drinking too much sometimes.

I was a bit snappy with George too. He has been so helpful for me and Dylan and introducing us to the school. Today I got a bit annoyed at him telling us the best way to do something and felt like I wanted to assert myself a little so I can show a little independence. That was all well and good but I’m not as good a subtle craftsman with words and expression as he is and I worry that I upset him a little.

I still struggle to think carefully about how my words come out and how they might be received. I’m not yet quick enough to work out a better way of expressing my assertions.

I also think that my grumpiness is caused by the discussion last night about the possibility of working with Takky and Alan. They make a good option for doing meaningful work in their school but it would mean working a lot harder than I do right now and my preference is to work less and less! It is nice to receive praise from them but I also still doubt my own abilities.

Ellen has also been talking about teaching online through students she finds for me and she talked about how competitive it is now. She asked me what my main skills were and I really wasn’t sure what to say! I don’t really know what they are!

I often feel like I can’t really do anything until I’m actually doing it and even then when I get praise, it’s still not enough to give me confidence.

I met Kru Tang this morning and she mentioned that Kru Boe missed me a lot and Tang said Boe cried about what happened with me at the school last year. One thing that has come out of that is that things seem to have improved there quite a lot and it seems to be a result of my efforts and sacrifice there.

I did feel good about that but it’s not the kind of situation I want to find myself in again and the offer to work with Takky and Alan could prove to end up the same (or is that just my anxiety speaking?).

George says I like to play mind games, implying that I think too much about some things. I don’t know. I guess I’ll think about that too.

Tomorrow I’ll try to think how to be assertive in a more gentle manner – and listen first, in full, before deciding what action I want to take.

We got that attitude! – 20th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the opportunity to work with George and Dylan at CRPAO this semester. I think we will have a lot of fun.

To-do list

  • Zoom with Ellen
  • Enjoy the role playing today ✅
  • Another article for Bruce
  • Some more Inner Engineering

The day at school actually went to plan and the evening at home didn’t at all! But that’s OK. These things happen and it’s nothing to get beat up over.

Amy and Takky and Amy’s dad were drunk by the time I got home and everyone was in a happy mood so I hung out and played with Ritchie (Takky’s dog).

I worry sometimes about Amy hurting herself when she’s drunk – she also gets a little maudlin and down. I like to drink too and have a good time but recently I just haven’t felt like it so much. We did on Friday and had a great time but it’s getting harder for me to do it on school nights.

We got that attitude! – 19th May 2020

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I am so happy and grateful to have our cat Tigger in our lives. He’s a tough cat and been through a lot of tough times and now he is happily with us here in Thailand. It’s great to see him happy.

To-do list

  • Install Zoom at home ✅
  • Offer help where you can ✅
  • Find more articles for Bruce ✅
  • More Coursera and Crash Course ✅

A strange day at school. When we arrived it seemed like we had an urgent request to check all the videos that the Thai teachers had made because the parents had complained about bad pronunciation by the teachers. We were happy to help but not really sure exactly what they wanted us to fix (or how?).

Despite the urgency, the teacher we were supposed to get the files from wasn’t there and no one told us where she was or if/when she would arrive.

After lunch we got another message that it wasn’t the videos that we had to check but the PowerPoints they had made. We had already noticed mistakes in some that we saw and when we pointed it out they said that it was too difficult to change in time.

By the end of the day we had only received one file to check, so it wasn’t so urgent, I guess!

We busied ourselves preparing our next videos which we will record over the next couple of days. I feel very relaxed about the whole situation but also want to be careful not to slip into laziness. I helped the uni students and first-year teachers to proofread their work. The all really want to talk with us so that they can practice speaking English. Some of the first-year teachers told me that they thought the whole Thai education system was messed up and I encouraged them to be the ones who can trigger the change.

When I got home Amy told me about many complaints around Thailand about the quality of the Thai teachers teaching English and videos had gone viral. With online teaching the parents are now seeing what their children have to work with and are understandably upset.

I will maintain my relaxed attitude – everything still feels so uncertain for everyone. No point to get upset or frustrated.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #38 – 16th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Curse Ov Dialect and Kaigen, Social Distortion, Bannlyst, The Fall, Unknown, Sun City Girls, The Misunderstood, The Crime, Rancid, Eddy Current Suppression Ring, The Slaves, Billy Childish and Dan Melchior, Itch, My Dad is Dead, Heavy Vegetable, Refused and The Rattles.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that the men came today to look at our roof which blew away a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully, they can fix it. I don’t envy them, having to work on the roof in the blazing sun today.

We got that attitude! – 15th May 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for my ankle straps. They can’t fix my feet problem but they are helping a little bit.

To-do list

  • Relax into your role (in the role-play game and as a teacher) ½
  • Greet everyone – can you say more to them? ½
  • Offer your help ½

I neglected to write here over the weekend and pushing myself to do it now on Monday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday and even today were all extremely breezy.

On Friday we found out all the work we had been doing that week wouldn’t be used and that we won’t even be teaching online – just the Thai teachers will do that. No problem – I’m not thinking about the time I wasted – I still learned a few things doing it so, whatever.

And then today we turned up at school with a message that the videos we were due to make today are pushed back to Wednesday so now we have nothing to do at all!

We went for coffee for a couple of hours. Nice.

Saturday, I listened to music most of the day and Sunday, we went to Mae Sai and the big Japanese second hand shop in the morning and our first lunch out for a couple of months, It was very nice to do that and Amy and I enjoyed ourselves.

In the afternoon I started on the jigsaw that Amy had finished whilst listening to the Inner Engineering audiobook.

Ellen in Nanning has suggested using Zoom and maybe working online together.

I’ll talk with her more about that tomorrow. I sat with the Uni student teachers for lunch today and talked a lot with them. The other Thai teachers are all nice and friendly and mostly keep to themselves. It’s definitely a better feeling than in the Primary departments I worked in before.

We got that attitude! – 14th May 2020

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I am so happy and grateful to my work team because they help and support me.

To-do list

  • If your words don’t improve the conversation then don’t say them ½
  • Find a dog picture to draw for Champ ✅
  • Smile under your mask – practice it ½

Today went ok. I had to record my video in the morning which was a good option in the end because some of the other teachers were taking forever. George and Dylan both helped me but I felt somewhat at a loss for ideas, so I’m glad they were there for support.

There was so much confusion and disorganization but I didn’t let it bother me. I tried to speak less and most of my talking in the afternoon was about tech stuff as we tried to get MS Teams working, which we did.

There seems to be way more attention being put on making these videos that on being ready to teach online on Monday. I’m ready, as such, but still waiting for a lot of the pieces to be put into place. If that can’t be done by Monday, it’s fine. I already built in some slack with my planning.

Looking at how MS Teams works made me realise how much more suitable my brain is towards strict and specific disciplines such as IT or organisation. I’m slow at art and flowery thinking now.

We got that attitude! – 13th May 2020

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I am so happy and grateful for the heat. I was sitting at home last night with no air con and really feeling the hot air against my body. It’s very hot, but it’s ok. It could be even hotter. It could be so cold that I would need lots of clothes. I think I prefer less clothes.

What can man do more? That is what seemed to me important to know. Is what man has hitherto said all that he could say? Is there nothing in himself he has overlooked? Can he do nothing but repeat himself?

from The Immoralist, André Gide

To-do list

  • Practice compliments to everyone/anyone ½
  • Gift for teachers ✅
  • Start considering next set of lessons

Ah, I need to remind myself about so many things. Today was thrown out first thing in the morning with some instructions to make a two-hour video by the end of the day (with no direction about purpose, reason or detail given).

We mulled it over and considered the idea and as the Thai teachers didn’t really have any more information they too were struggling with exactly what to do.

Later, we were given some topics and I was told I would film the next day. This meant having to figure something out that afternoon as we have training in the morning tomorrow. So I had to get on with it.

After a couple of hours, I had the outline and main ideas in place – though we couldn’t imagine how we could make it stretch to two hours – two hours in which we’re expected to be talking the whole time!?

At the end of the day, the Thai teachers returned and said that now the ideas had changed and it could be an hour or so and include breaks where you would expect the students to talk.

I certainly had the feeling that I had done that two hours of preparation under false pretences and now there was a new (and much easier) direction that my time could have been better used. However, I didn’t really feel that bothered or upset by it. But my mouth engaged before my brain and I complained about all the work I’d done and how I wouldn’t have time to re-do it.

The Thai teachers were somewhat sympathetic and George thought what I’d done could still be used anyway, so no harm done. I agreed and didn’t really think much about how I reacted might have been perceived differently by the Thai teachers (or even George and Dylan) because internally I wasn’t really passionate either way.

George told me as we were leaving that I shouldn’t say things like that and I realised how much more serious it must have seemed to them. I knew George was right and even though I had a chip on my shoulder fighting to protect my fragile ego, I also had an angel telling me I had made a mistake but that it was OK.

I thought about it on and off during the evening and eventually ended up sending a thank you message to George. Looking back I realise that I was just wanting to show my own superiority over them by making them feel bad about changing plans all the time. I’m sure they know already that it is annoying to foreigners and was there anything that I said that improved the situation? No – keeping my mouth shut would have been the best option. The sun will still come up tomorrow – so I don’t need to go to sleep in anger.

Today has been a valuable lesson – but will I remember it?

30th Jul 2024 – Thankfully I did remember it and I’m much better able to cope with situations like this. I’ve even become familiar with the Thai way of working and thinking that I can predict these kinds of things and at times just don’t bother with first instructions, knowing that they will change a little later. It was, indeed, a valuable lesson and I’m grateful to everyone who helped me grow through this time.

We got that attitude! – 12th May 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be working and getting paid but also having time to spend sitting by the river in the morning.

To-do list

  • Send card to Fern ✅
  • Speak even less today ½
  • Pick up a gift for the student teachers

At the intersection where I planned to pick up a gift, the lights were out so no one was out selling! I’ll try again tomorrow.

At times during today, I felt very tired and unable to think of things to add to conversations. At other times, I noticed when talking about my experiences in the school, then I think I was saying too much.