Month: February 2021

Don’t want a life of lies and pretence – 18th February 2021

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Cat cries – wake up call – got a present for you, toss and turn – nice dreams again, forgotten or fading already.
Cranky neck, cricks and creaks.
Birds call – wake up, the sun is coming, left big toe throbs in pain.
Welcome to another day.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my weird independent personality. I prefer just to keep myself amused over trying to keep everyone around me engaged. It’s not that I’m cold but it’s just the way I am. I work hard for my students and other younger people – I offer them my advice and my point of view and expression are just as valid as any other teacher’s methods, I’m sure.

Amy’s alcoholic uncle got killed, being hit by two cars, so we’ve been running around a little bit sorting things out for his small funeral. He was not particularly well like so there wasn’t much to attend to in the end and everything was over within two days.

Someone mentioned that the size of the funeral is a reflection of the person’s life. Steve’s funeral was attended by so many people it was standing-room only. But, so what? Do either of them care? I think that they would both ask for a chance to do it all over again.

Amy wishes for a small funeral. Me too.

Both classes today were enjoyable as I watched kids trying a little more than usual to do and say the right things. Dylan and I both agreed it was weird how some days the students are all good and other days they can be a nightmare.

Yesterday I stopped to talk to some students in the canteen and a couple asked me to teach them more English so I’m trying to arrange to help them out once a week. They gave me the impression they were keen to study and that is what I am looking for in the students. Let’s see.

All in all, the working days have been good this week.

No other prisoner shall enter and get through – 16th February 2021

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Finish ab workout and yoga stretching – feels good, a little tired – less than seven hours sleep – dump thoughts and meditate.
What thoughts now? With pain in hand thoughts are difficult – when trying to meditate thoughts come easy.
Sat by the river with George yesterday – not much time tho but was pleasant, talked about how different countries have different cultures. When it comes to community, family and sharing things. I mostly recall the sunlight on the river.
Anyway highlighted some of our differences in behaviour which we all have to accept and understand – sometimes forgive.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to our neighbour’s dog Tangmo who came to visit yesterday morning before I went to work. He was running around full of energy and ran away from Tigger. I tried to get him to follow me out so I could close the gate but he kept running back inside. It made me smile for the whole day.

Yes, today was pretty good too. Spent a good morning at House – drinking coffee, sketching and reading. I feel like I’m on top of many things at the moment.

The best thing about today was helping students with some difficult L and R tongue twisters – it was fun and they didn’t give up.

Started reading Sartre’s Age of Reason and also completed another sketch.

We got that attitude! – 15th February 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for this book and pen – I can write down my thoughts, feelings and gratitude. Thank you to the shop I bought them from, the people who made them, the people who delivered them. I wonder how many miles they had to travel from start to finish and how many hands they touched around the world.

Weirdly happy today. Many things to do and I did them easily (maybe I’ve forgotten something) but everything just felt easy today. Is this what ‘normal’ feels like?

I did a few different random acts of kindness. I watched Infinitely Polar Bear yesterday and it was ok – interesting story – it made me think about my own mental health and how some days are good and others bad without any obvious reason.

Today was perhaps and up day but I want it to be a normal average day. Any difficulties that arose I could handle – I’m just confused about what it is I need to do to keep feeling good like this.

I finished my second run through Notes From Underground and really loved the last chapter of The Dream of a Ridiculous Man this time.

I think I forgot to mention yesterday reading an amazing chapter from The Infinite Jest – all about trying and failing to give up smoking pot. It seemed the author could tap into every single thought a person in this position might have. Paragraphs lasted whole pages – it looked intimidating but made perfect sense.

This morning started off with a smile as I tried and failed to shepherd the neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, out of our garden. That dog is so happy and playful.

I also managed to do a couple of sketches for my gratitude cards and whilst not perfect I’m pretty happy with them. All right – good!

To-do list

  • Carry on!

We got that attitude! – 14th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for all the food we have available. Amy’s mum and dad brought us lots even though we have enough already and we have out to eat too. It feels like we will never struggle to eat. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Yesterday was a tough day as Tigger had peed on Amy’s bed again, which she found when she woke up (and it was the second time this week).

Then, after having waited for 2 weeks or more for some garden stuff to arrive from China – the parcel arrived around 9 am and it was the wrong thing sent. This put Amy in a foul mood all day and I managed to be uninfluenced but by the afternoon I was as depressed as could be. I think about how privileged we are and I hate to complain about dumb things though I know I’m just as likely to get upset too sometimes.

Anyway, today is a much better day and I’ve really enjoyed reading and writing a lot. Now, to feed the cats and maybe play a little guitar.

We got that attitude! – 12th February 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for a day off work today. I was a bit tired yesterday – perhaps from working out too much and not enough protein – something I should fix. So I was beat when I got home and just watched TV and slept early – a nice long sleep.

I missed a day (of writing) because I didn’t come into my room yesterday evening – just lazed, watching TV and reading and then slept a lot – was even more tired.

I was fluctuating between happy and depressed depending on how I read into people’s reactions to me. I didn’t feel fully in control.

Today is a day off – now today has a day off for Chinese New Year and the urging to get people to go out and spend money again. There’s another long weekend in a couple of weeks too!

The best thing about today was meeting Aing and Manow again – it feels like a long time since we last saw them. Aing said she misses her old gang of boys (Nu, Gus and Mink) – her new gang is all girls and ladyboys. Nothing stays the same.

I enjoyed picking weeds our of the grass as the ground is still soft from the soaking earlier this week. My hands smell of green and dirt.

I’m also happily getting better at guitar – very slowly but I can see and hear the progress. I’m still enjoying the process. Slowly, slowly.

We got that attitude! – 10th February 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for all the free health apps on my phone that give me suggestions for different workouts each day so I can work off some of my alcohol belly fat. I feel much better these days and much happier.

Weirdly tired this afternoon. Maybe a reflection of the fact that I am at my lowest weight in about 15 years and have not eaten enough and/or exercised a little too much.

Anyway, I still had an enjoyable day – in the morning I wrote some fun and funny haikus about some of the teachers. I’m trying to do one for each. It’s a fun challenge and I’m enjoying the brevity of this poetry.

The best thing which happened today was talking with some of the students in my M1/10 (grade 7) class. I didn’t bother with a structured lesson and just sat round the table with a few students at a time and was able to have a few discussions with them – even finding out they could sing some songs in English, even if they didn’t really understand the words. Everyone was happy.

We got that attitude! – 9th February 2021

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I am so happy and grateful for my room where I can go in the morning and enjoy a little exercise. As I left in the morning I said to myself ‘Goodbye room – I look forward to seeing you tonight!’ It’s a reminder of days just hanging out by myself in my bedroom. I am still 15 inside.

The best thing that happened today was to quickly write haikus for First and JJ – now I want to do them for other people. It’s difficult but fun.