I am so happy and grateful that there is a local vet nearby where we can take our cats in the case of small emergencies. Last night we had to take Kim Chi to get some wounds cleaned up – looks like from fighting. She’s much better already
Just had another good class with Maeve in which she commented she feels much more fluent in her speech already. She did very well.
I then worked out my abs – which has made me feel good. And today at school I managed to work out a way to complete my 20 lessons plans, not just quickly and easily but also with a good method.
George is so off with me now that it is actually amusing. Dylan follows him around like a puppy but even he pushed back a little today too, light-heartedly commenting that George isn’t happy when Dylan doesn’t do what he wants.
Yufu, Maeve, nonsense in my head, breakfast ready, ache in neck, birds chirping, lesson plans, write, read, coffee, holidays, alcohol. Kim Chi, lazy Kim Chi, are you boy or girl and does it matter to a cat? Work those abs. What are you grateful for today? Get nonsense out of your head.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for this awesome breakfast Amy has prepared for me. Set me up for the day. Gotta start eating before it goes cold.
The best thing about today was when I was asked to attend a meeting with all teachers and the presenter was an hour and a half late and I dealt with it by meditation and thinking about other things that I wished to do.
Previously I would have been upset by situations like this and thought of them as a waste of time but now I can occupy my mind instead and let any frustration ease away. This is a sign of my growth.
I am so happy and grateful for my weak abs. Now I’m really testing them with exercises. Hopefully, it’s not too late to build them up. When I’m in old age I hope my muscles can hold on to my excretions.
Best thing about today was keeping myself busy and occupied whilst boring things were occurring around me.
In the morning, we had to attend a meeting where the director talked in Thai for an hour. I used that time to meditate. Later, no one had given any instructions on what to do so I read some things online and caught up with emails.
Tomorrow, I will have to do more serious work now that I’ve been given some direction on those requirements. That will provide some focus for the next few days til the end of the semester on Friday.
I am so happy and grateful for the big rain a couple of nights ago which meant we didn’t need to water the garden yesterday. Today I will be grateful for the 41-degree temperature and sunlight that will inspire our plants and trees to shoot up. Balance of nature – power for a long time – longer than I will be alive.
Sometimes, days off start with many possibilities but then by the end of the day, you wonder what you did. My morning and afternoon were happy – watching Sydney play well in the AFL, winning the game, working out in the morning, reading and drinking coffee, eating a beautiful buffet lunch at Le Meridien.
But I can tell Amy is in a feisty mood – inspired by the elections that are happening today. With her grandmum not well and her brother being a typical uncommunicative and uncaring person – all this makes the words out of her mouth in the negative – and even if they may not be, I am reading them that way because it has become the norm.
Some days I can deal – usually just by shutting up, but today, this evening, I just wanted to lock myself away. I picked up my guitar and after a few days with no practice played worse than before – got myself frustrated and into a funk of my own.
I did a bit more exercise and that brought me up a bit but now I’m going back inside the house and out of hiding here in my room. Let’s try to be positive.
I am so happy and grateful for our big washing machine – big enough for our king size doonas. I am grateful for the AFL app so even though I don’t want to afford to pay to watch the games live at least I can watch the full replays for free.
The best thing about today was looking through old diaries and poems – seems like I was always writing. Excited to look through it more, though sometimes it gets me down, knowing that I’m getting older and can’t take my existing knowledge back to those times and dealt with them better – or worse still, is looking back and seeing that I’m dealing with the same things as then!
This is about acceptance – accepting who I am. Loving myself the way I am. Fuck those people who don’t get me – that’s what I would’ve said back then – can I say it now?
I am so happy and grateful I bought that second-hand printer from Nu after he finished his studies. It has saved us lots of time running to the print shop and I can also scan lots and lots of things for my blog.
Amy’s grandmum was in hospital yesterday – she was pooing blood – not a good thing at any age but she’s hoping to make 90 this year. The good news today is that it seems it was just an abscess that burst and she should be fine. Amy’s grandmum has the best skin I’ve ever felt. It doesn’t look that great but is so soft and smooth. Amy is hoping that she has inherited it.
We went to visit her in hospital both yesterday and today and when we got home I had totally forgotten about my online class. I feel really bad about that – not just for my student but also that I didn’t remember!
Today is a holiday so it wasn’t a normal working day which may have made me feel like it was a weekend. I also banged my head this morning – old man going senile. I hope I make 90.
Best thing about today was finishing the last of the drawings for our anniversary. What to draw next?
I am so happy and grateful to have read Oscar Wilde’s Lady Windermere’s Fan yesterday. It was a really well-written dramatic short play and had me hooked to read it through despite tiredness. I love that feeling of being sucked into a good story.
Woke up today with huge indecision about the future. Last night Amy and I discussed what we might do in the future and whether we are happy where we are at this time.
Amy’s reverse culture shock has been getting her down a lot and she is itching to go back to Australia – whether just to visit or to make more long term plans. She says once her parents have passed that she has no compulsion to stay in Thailand.
Combined with news that our school’s budget has been cut and we will have to teach more classes, containing more students, it’s a somewhat depressing look ahead. I would be happy not to work at all. I can ‘be’ in any place or country and the advantage for me here is that I don’t necessarily have to work, whereas in Australia it would be a must just to survive.
The current plan is that Amy goes to Australia for 3 to 6 months once there are less travel restrictions and I carry on teaching (or perhaps stop – to be considered) and then when Amy returns we start doing some sort of business on our land and see how that goes. If that keeps us both happy, then we stay and if not then maybe we have to decide to pack up and think about our options in Australia.
I started this post with these pictures of the summer garden taken a couple of weeks ago, but bigger thoughts have taken over. Let’s see how our garden grows.
Our mulberries have gone mental this year – everyday I can pick a new bowlful.These tall branches reaching into the sky now have so much fruit that they are bending to touch the ground. I don’t know if this needs to be cut to grow differently or if it’s best to just leave it the way it is.This Jacaranda currently has more flowers than leaves. Our four Jacarandas all seem to flower at random times throughout the year. I just hope that they can live and survive a lot longer and grow as big as the ones in Australia. Love these trees.This is a weird bush, plant, tree (?) that reminds me of fractal theory – it looks like each ‘branch’ separates off into two and on and on.
24th Mar 2023 – The plan I discuss above is still in progress. Amy will have been in Australia on and off for almost two years by the end of this year and will come back then and again consider doing some business on our land. Things are a little more normalised after the 2 or 3 years of pandemic restrictions. The mulberries are going crazy again this year too. I wish the sky were as blue today as it is in these pictures. Today’s AQI is 224 (Very unhealthy).
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for our wheelbarrow. Yesterday I used it to move a whole heap of rocks to the other side of the garden. Without my wheelbarrow, this would’ve been a real pain. I’m also grateful for our big shovel too. this helped me get all the rocks into the barrow. They are both bright orange – like lots of garden equipment here in Thailand.
The best thing about today was getting a gift from Am and Tee. It’s just a mug but I liked Am’s explanation for choosing it.
I taught Maeve online again tonight and that was really a pleasure – she’s a bright and enthusiastic learner so time went quickly.
I tried to practice guitar after that but somehow my fingers and brain aren’t quite connecting. That happens sometimes. If it’s not coming together after ten minutes, put it down and try again tomorrow.
I have probably said it many times already but the time has come again to be so happy and grateful for the aircon in our house. It seemed to have come on late but suddenly this year. It gets so comfortable in an airconned room that there is a dread to leave, even if only to drink some water or go to the bathroom.
Today is First and JJ’s last day at school – although JJ may come back as a full-time teacher next year. I gave them, and Am and Tee, the cards that I had made for them as going away presents. I hope they got something out of them.
I completed a drawing for Mei at House which I think came out well and started another of Amy and Grace that should come out ok.
When I got home, after it cooled down a bit, I moved all the rocks that Amy wanted for her cactus garden at the front of the cafe/teaching room. We then both weeded the stalks of grass growing through the remaining rocks. It felt good to do this together.
I’m super tired now – mostly because I woke up in the middle of last night thinking too much about the way George has been treating me. I spend too much time, wasting too much time thinking about that stupid guy – why? I know that I cant control the way he acts so why do I let it bother me? Again, proximity plays a role as we have to sit next to each other every day for five days a week. I’ll get over it.
I am so happy and grateful that Amy had such a good time at the weekend. She came back very happy and a little drunk. I am grateful to Takky for taking care of her and doing all the driving too.
Well, Dylan didn’t make it on Saturday as he went out the night before. I can recall times when things like that would’ve upset me – especially as I was up and waiting for him at the meeting point. But now, I just brush it off and get on with other things and I spent an enjoyable day around the house and even treated myself to my first beers of the year – for which I paid for on the Sunday – but it was OK to remember what alcohol is like! It was also damn hot during the day and through the night now too. One thing I did notice is that my neck didn’t hurt in the morning like it usually does. Just the rest of my body suffering.
Anyway – the best thing that happened today was that I managed to get a lot of posts on to the blog as there is nothing much to do at school this week. Sadly, this morning George was really rude and abrupt with me, not even trying to be friendly with generic conversation, inviting others out for coffee to a different place than his usual DeLanna and not inviting me along or even looking at me. I can’t pinpoint anything in particular that I have done to upset him but he seems to have some problem with me again.
It’s sad to be posting up blogs from 2019 and how George helped me a lot and now he doesn’t even want to talk to me. I have my suspicions that it is something to do with his relationship with Bee and her friendship with Amy. I haven’t been the friend he wants me to be and that seems a little sad, selfish and egotistical on his behalf.
George likes his little troupe of followers to go along with him and everything he says and if you step out of line you are not allowed back in. Even Bee says he has problems with friends which is so odd because he is friendly and outgoing on the surface. But all that’s superficial.
Anyway, now is a test to see how I handle things because the environment at work is very uncomfortable because of this.
I’ve been reading Zen Mind, Zen Beginner and some of that calms me – but I can’t quite work out how. Other bits of it seem close to nonsense in a realistic world setting. I can understand it without thinking it’s something I should do – like bowing 9 times or something like that.
Anyway, reading, thinking, growing. It’s the same as it ever was.
1994ever 