Month: May 2021

I’m a wimp – 11th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After writing all that yesterday, I went back in the house, and Amy was belligerently drunk, and talk soon gave way to raised voices and frustration. I really don’t enjoy talking with her when she is drunk like that, and my default mode is to cower away and avoid escalating further. I’m a wimp in that respect, I know.

Amy got very sad and unhappy, once again unable to see the good things in our life and only able to concentrate her thoughts around the negative things around – things which have very minimal impact on us. Amy used to be a happy drunk but now is ending up crying a lot more often and then drinking again because she feels sad.

Unfortunately, all this kept me awake at night, so I had very little sleep – whilst Amy had passed out by that time. In the morning, Amy was still very sad, remorseful and apologetic. We talked about things, and she realises that it is a problem that only she can fix and it’s in her head. She thought to stop drinking again for a while and to cut down on social media too.

It has become obvious to me that always looking at how terrible the world is, whilst something we would like to fix, just makes us feel more powerless and frustrated. This is why I stopped reading so much news many years ago, occasionally slipping back into that negative cycle but then catching myself and removing myself again.

4th Mar 2025 – As I add this entry to the blog, I decided to delete the two Telegram channels that I follow for news.

After all that, I struggled my way to work and actually had a productive and enjoyable day. When I got home, I was greeted by the neighbour’s dog, Tangmo, as often happens, and he brought more smiles to my face and cheered Amy a little too.

We got that attitude! – 10th May 2021

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I am so happy and grateful that I was able to watch the football on my iPad while swinging in a hammock under the shade of our trees yesterday. I’m also grateful Kim Chi was looking around cautiously and as I followed her eyes saw she was looking at a 2-metre cobra just a couple of feet away from where I was hanging. I chased it away.

After one day back at school on Friday – which I felt good about – we have Monday off for some public holiday or other. Thailand sure has a lot of holidays – can’t complain.

I’ve been busy working on this blog – where this hand-written entry will end up one day in the future (today is 3rd March 2025 as I transfer this from book to blog).

I’ve chatted briefly with other friends on chat apps and that has helped keep me a little grounded. Although nothing much in depth, it seems to help somewhat – just in knowing that there are people out there vaguely interested in my life.

I’m still a little unsettled at the moment, about the long term future and it’s effected me and my man cave – somehow, I don’t feel quite comfortable in here at the moment and I’m always wondering about moving things around to make them more like my teenage room – make it more like a pigsty – the pit, as such. Seems a stupid thing to be writing about, but it’s in my mind for some reason.

I think maybe I don’t feel quite relaxed – I’d like to be able to leave things outside, on the terrace, but the roof is still prone to leaks, and the wildlife here invades everything. We still have an idea to build a house in the city, next to Amy’s mum’s. I’m not that keen on the location, but it may solve some of these issues.

Haha – damn! Build a house to solve a trivial problem!

We got that attitude! – 7th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to be able to message my old friend Echo in L.A. It was good to catch up with her briefly and find out a little more about her life. I messaged her because I remembered her original online photo and wondered if she still had it.

13th June 2023 – She didn’t, unfortunately. In the photo, she was in an Asian squat, outdoors somewhere with her chin resting on the palm of her open hand and her elbow on her knee. We met originally through a website called Asia Friend Finder, where I made many contacts that helped me travel in China in 2001.

OK, back to school – and with nothing really to do, I did some research and preparation for teaching Maeve her IELTS class this evening. It felt good to be back into this routine, even though nothing exciting happened.

Even though I have less free time, I will value what I do have more. Why is it so difficult to do that when I have whole days and weeks free!?

We got that attitude! – 6th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to talk with Jochen for an hour and a half yesterday. It was great to catch up with him – someone who knows where I’m coming from. We talked about our lives since we last met which must be more than 3 years now (?). I should call some of my other friends sometimes too.

I just looked back to last year’s entries around this time and see that I am feeling much the same way now as I was then. I should be learning something form this!?

I’m looking forward to everything – once I get my head straight!

We got that attitude! – 5th May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful that I got another two days off school. Only found out in the morning, before leaving. Felt good.

My brain and body are fried. 3 or 4 weeks of constant weed brownies and binging on TV series. It was getting me down.

When I found out a couple of days ago that school starts again today, I got over the initial shock and started to prep myself mentally. Last night, I became very anxious and restless just thinking about it – especially as we would probably be at school for a whole month before any students return – meaning we would likely end up sitting around doing nothing the whole time. My negative brain was kicking in.

So it was with some delight that a message came through this morning that our return was delayed a couple more days until Friday. Now, I’m trying to straighten my brain out a little more and psyche myself up for things.

I remind myself that I was getting lots done when I was in a routine and even if I didn’t enjoy the actual routine of working, I did enjoy all the benefits of some regularity. I’m coming back together.

We got that attitude! – 3rd May 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the long month off work. I have been enjoyably lazy and caught up on some TV watching. It has made me realise that I enjoy having a routine of going to work and that I build other habits around it. It has also made me curious about us being able to start our own business here – I think it would be enjoyable to do a restaurant/diner on our land.