Month: August 2021

Mo No Syll A Bic Man – 31st August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know what to say
A voice that sounds so dull
I sound like a wet rag
I speak with one syll-a-ble

Dead mouth and dead brain
Down and out, glass not full
Old man, though still young
Speaks in mo-no-syll-a-ble

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these rice biscuits that the locals make. I can add them to my muesli to give it a sweeter taste.

Cap woke me up in the middle of the night as he wanted to get out of the bedroom. It was difficult for me to get back to sleep properly, instead having wild dreams but also a deep sense of love for Amy. I am ever grateful to be with her.

Hayden is on my mind too. Any discussions we have online just receive a monosyllabic reply from him, often with ‘I don’t know’ as a response. I feel sorrow for him. I hope that under the weed fog, he does know and understand some things but it’s difficult to see him this way.

And after talking with Sharon about her struggles with Kim, I’m starting to think that there’s nothing much I can do. It has to come from himself. I will keep trying to push him in the direction where he can come to those conclusions.

I sometimes feel guilty about how much effort I put into teaching my students compared with the effort I put in with Hayden. I know they are different times but it still rubs. Am I trying to compensate by taking more care with my students? At their age, they are still malleable but Hayden is, unbelievably, 25 now.

My lower back is sore from too much sitting. Need to exercise more but due to a lack of sleep and a dark, grey, cloudy morning, I couldn’t motivate myself to do it. Motivation, motivation. It’s the same for everyone, old and young.

Today will be a good day. Cannot get that Smart Went Crazy song out of my head, which was something else that kept me awake last night!

Rockets For Profits – 30th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Part of the war machine, a forever battle

Promises of hope diverts money into pockets

Death reigns down upon the brown man’s cattle

To whom were sold the rockets for big profits

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have dropped by to visit Nut and Bruno on the weekend. They seem really happy with their lives together.

A pleasant weekend again. Never long enough. I think all the things I enjoy take longer periods of time than when I was younger and that’s why time disappears so fast. I guess sometimes I wish I couldn’t concentrate and focus on things so that I could do many things each day.

Amy and I dropped by Bruno and Nut’s house and we gassed and gossiped for a bit. Bruno was covered in dirt, oil and grease – he’s always busy with something on his land. They have some Burmese workers laying foundations on the piece of land they own opposite their house but despite being cheap labour they’re also understanding that the quality is low too.

It’s tough here to decide whether to pay some people extra for better work when most people still just employ cheap labourers anyway. Even the pretty new estate houses look shabby if you look closely. They tried to hide it with fancy furniture and carpet.

I’m so happy Amy designed and oversaw the building of our house. If there is anyone to blame, then it is mostly us.

A Thousand Sons – 29th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

*A man’s accusing finger always finds a woman
They are the blamed and the blessed
There is no way to change this status
And no way to pass the test
A controlling power deep within the head
Passive, self-censored and abjugated
A thousand years of venoms spat
At the devils that man created

* From “A Thousand Splendid Suns” by Khaled Hosseini

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to watch the football again this year and watch Sydney play well against the odds with a young team. Much better than the previous two seasons. We lost today and finished for this year but it has me pumped for watching again next year. Hopefully, I can.

The Fallen City – 27th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This forbidden love wasn’t designed to last
We both realise that now it’s gone
The savage betrayals, a reflection
As the threads of hope all come undone

It’s a timeless story, always repeated
Because passions cannot be denied
Dreams of forever just fall apart
Ever quicker the more it’s tried

The victims suffer the recognition
As their cities of dreams are burned
Eyes open to once blinding mistakes
A war from which much was learned

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to my mother who somehow managed to instil in me an interest in reading, which I fought against for many years – not on purpose but just interested in other things instead.

Starting writing in a fresh new book is a nice feeling. As was finishing up on the last page of the previous book.

Life feels somewhat in a holding pattern at the moment. Maybe time to get myself into doing something different in my spare time, which really just means adding more things to do and having less and less spare time, but that is my privileged status that I need to learn to enjoy.

It was great to see Amy happy, busy and productive yesterday as she has found a quiet niche for baking cinnamon scrolls that look and taste amazing. As soon as pictures went on Facebook, people started asking to order. I think it’s better for her to be concentrating on this whilst it’s fresh for people and can inspire her on to more for future cooking endeavours.

As we both always say, we are lucky to have many different options available to us.

Ants As One – 26th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

“There’s food in the distance, sir”
“Send some troops surveying
Send up the pheromone signal
Our army is obeying”

Through hell and high water
The march has begun
Survival of the greatest
An army that acts as one

Carrying the corpses
Of competing insect species
Food for the family nest
Of cockroaches and leeches

“Let’s move the camp inside
The rain is about to come”
No problem for the army
Of ants that act as one

The human sprays noxious
Chemicals to kill our eggs
“Gather together everyone
And bite him on the legs

Together we can take him down
That nasty human scum
We just got to stick together
Our army of ants as one”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my back roller/stretcher that helps me loosen up after a day of laying down or sitting at a desk.

Here we are at the end of this book. About 18 months. A lot has happened in that time, for sure. Looking back to a year ago though, even though much has happened, not so much has changed. People are still protesting the government and monarchy and are still hopeful for change.

The last few months have felt a little downward in trajectory in general but perhaps that is a result of me reading more news about Thailand and also US-China relations. It seems like everyone feels in a similar way – blow everyone else off the face of the earth so I can enjoy the world to myself.

In other ways I am generally feeling positive though, heartened by the fact of still having many options available for mine and Amy’s future. The population will be pacified once it can travel again, ourselves included.

A Visit from an Immigration Officer – 25th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Tensions rose as the visitor appeared
The worst could happen as I had feared
Anxious times as decisions neared
Until finally the air had been cleared

The happy officer seemed satisfied
That on the forms I hadn’t lied
All true, the information supplied
Hopefully, my visa won’t be denied

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the nice immigration officer that came to visit this morning. I remember him from last time. I think he knows my case is just routine and is very kind and understanding. He was only here for ten minutes.

Yesterday was my semi-regular write-off day. The low cycle of my possible bipolarity. I woke up in the night and couldn’t get back to sleep.. Not filled with any particularly anxious thoughts but just general brain wheels spinning.

When my alarm went off, I couldn’t get up and decided to stay home – sending a message to Champ and the students that I wouldn’t have a class but would set them work to do. This was semi-successful. 2/9 did well but 1/6 not so. An indication of maturity perhaps. It’s been a lesson for all of us.

And as I was dozing through most of yesterday, a call came at about 6 pm that the immigration officer would come at 10 am this morning, therefore meaning that I wouldn’t be able to come to school today until after they had been. Unfortunate timing but all good (so long as I still get paid).

So this morning he came and all was well – the same officer as last time – a soft friendly guy who seemed content just to be doing his job and being on his way. So, almost there with this new visa application, I felt some relief and scoffed some linguine, picked up a coffee and came to school.

The visa process is an annual ritual nightmare and it was getting me down. I’m starting to contemplate being in Australia again and considering what the future might hold. Yesterday I felt so uninspired and like giving up everything, but today I feel like I’m not done yet.

“I try to relax….but then again…..oh no!”

Sad Butterfly – 24th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

We are not so sentimental
– sort of desolate
Towards what we once had

It’s only people like us
– who are really happy
Who can enjoy being sad

Calling out to the pretty ones
– fluttering around us
Like butterflies of fad

No dignity in frivolity
– falling on the ice
Our balance so very bad

More Abe-inspired talk from Glenn Dakin.

18th Feb 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Desolate

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful I have a job where I can at least take time off to be sick or work at home – I don’t have to work every day just to survive.

Bad Neck – 23rd August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can’t turn my head unless I move my body
Years of abuse made the muscles shoddy
I need a year of massage, it’s so sore
I shouldn’t read books laying down anymore

Tried stretching, exercise, even alt-med
Nothing stops the pain when I get out of bed
More than a hundred doctors to whom I’ve spoken
Won’t tell me the truth, my neck is broken

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the trials of my visa application. It vexes me every year and teaches me again about patience and understanding. It takes me a couple of days to get over the annoyance. That’s today.

Another Monday here again. I’m happy to get back to my classes after missing Friday and enjoy making my students think hard. I feel a little in limbo with 4 or 5 weeks left of term and then dealing with all the usual end of term paperwork nonsense.

Despite enjoying being stuck at home (or school) constantly, I’m starting to feel a little cabin fever. Sometimes going somewhere else makes you appreciate home so much more. I have to learn to have that appreciation all the time, regardless.

We watched an amazing moon rise last night – the halo visible before the moon appearing.

I sent a provocative question to Hayden this morning – ‘six months from now, what will you wish you had spent time on today?’ I answered that I’m thinking that I should help Amy more around the house. Just the simple things that we can do together. Now I am a little lazy about these things and just do them when I feel like it and so I need to make myself feel like it.

I’m guessing Hayden won’t answer this question though. He isn’t comfortable dealing with things in the present and looking to the future. Let’s see – sometimes he surprises me.

Bad Moon – 22nd August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Your shroud appears from cover rising
The promise of night so tantalising
In the grip of madness paralysed
Venus and Jupiter both recognised

Silver hole, a mirror reflecting
The gods of day on earth inspecting
The sins of man in darkened hours
Drew a panoply of meteor showers

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see the beautiful glowing full moon last night and a bright Venus shining close by. And then a clear sunny morning today bringing some lightness to everything.

There was a beautiful haloed moon last night, and some misty atmospheric conditions allowed the bright silver disc to shine with a massive aura, dissipating into the thick black sky. Off to the left and closer to the horizon, Venus stood out as a single point on an unseen graph. No stars visible straight above, just a single beacon further on the opposite horizon over the mountains. A fine temperature too, though still somewhat humid indoors.

I slept early and remember interesting dreams, now of only vague specifics.

Another sweet coffee and football morning has me inspired, though this afternoon we’ll finish off watching Versailles, which has gotten me a little more interested in European history.

Amy is talking in big dreams of the future, and where we might relocate in Australia and her ideas of a Thai restaurant. I will follow her dreams happily as I have few dreams left of my own – satisfied I am with everything I’ve done.